Krista

Well if this isn't predictable. Another deadline, another story started. Another deadline missed. Or... did I miss it? 🥸

I don't think your happy place in creative writing is romance though. I would joke and say filth. But you seem to operate effectively in a happy medium of a lot of themes. I struggle and want to place romance where there may not be room for it. So, I am firmly a romance writer, or a writer that relies on romantic elements to complete themes. If you just had them fondling one another for all these chapters, the rest of your story carried the weight. I'm not sure my stories could carry the weight without the romance. I'm not convinced. Me not being convinced is why I'm struggling with, "Ellis," as I do not see it as a romance, I want it to be a break from it anyway. I'm doing that with a different short story, that's now almost 15k in words.. so not so short anymore. To me it feels like the most.. 'do nothing' story I've written.

Samesies.

I'm glad you ended it where you did. A romance author probably would've ended it two chapters ago. You ended it where you needed it to, so that's the only way it should have. Now if you would've killed either one of them off, then mayyyyybeeee I would have disagreed.

I mean, you could take him on as a mini-series, to see if you can convince us that he's worthwhile. People can change, but convincing people is an entirely different set of obstacles. The way you treated Ethan in this story, is someone who is complex, but at a severity level that makes him feel untouchable, at least for me.

The last three chapters felt like an ending/conclusion sort of series. These two chapters we got to see action heavy, then consequence and aftermath from the action. The one before them, they romantically entangled themselves, committed themselves, and concluded their Romance arc entirely. As a romance writer and a romance reader, I felt that conclusion a lot more than this ending, where it was wrapping up the light-mystery elements, it was nice, but it was bloody and violent. I tried so hard to not be spoiled by comments before I could engage with these last two chapters. The mystery unraveled itself in the chapter prior to this one. The Aftermath packaged it into the ending. It was done with care and realism, it wasn't sugarcoated, and it wasn't filled with cheap unearned platitudes that weakened the story. You avoided pitfalls. The ending was strong and I liked the realistic consequences. I didn't see the hope in Percy's story in his ending. He is still functioning on 'loss,' a loss that will be carrying him for a really long time. That aftermath is not going to be pretty. The hope I have for him, is him being able to lean on the people who obviously love him. That he can find a redefining moment in his life and find pleasure, happiness, and value within it. Right now Percy doesn't feel valuable, as he placed his value on what he could get out of baseball. Five seems a lot more structurally sound in the ending, so there is where I feel more hope for them both. For me, I always held Percy as the character with more weight on his shoulders. The ending only added a different weight, it didn't alleviate any. It is real, but reality hurts. To me, the second and possibly more interesting story in Percy's life is beginning, which can be scary and hopeful all at once. I'm not sure what your plans are for Percy/Five or any of the rest of the Glacier Bay characters are, but the biggest unknown now is whether or not Percy can come out of this life altering event. It won't be pretty, but it could be beautiful or horrendously tragic. I'm wondering which route you'd take if you were to take this on further.

I went into Frosted Hearts after reading Jason's short story, that interested me in continuing with the lives of some of the characters involved in Glacier Bay. Although you don't need to read anything to dive into this one, this story and these characters stands alone as a slice of life not-so Christmas, Christmas story. This story we get more in-depth with Percy and Five's friendship that's lasted most of their lives. Competitive as they are with one another. They decided to blur lines and up the stakes. Silliness came along. Antics that made me roll my eyes, but keep reading, because I had to see what else they could possibly do. The backdrop being they were living in a guest house, waiting for a remodel and to get everything squared away for Percy's Grandfather to host their annual family Christmas celebrations. What should've been rather boring for two college aged guys, that month of preparing and house-sitting turned into a fast-paced, energetic story that kept my interest throughout. There is a lot of depth in this story, both characteristically, and nuanced that adds layers to the writing and lifts it. The Characters were so engaging. I do recommend this story.

No triple cross. It was almost set up so perfectly for Ethan to triple cross, that I was convinced it would happen. Then when the brain injury sentence entered through my eyeballs, I knew it wasn't going to be that. The reach his Grandfather had, seems legitimate, but a still a bit fishy. At least this contact had connections worthwhile. He sounds attractive by the way, this man in white. Back to what I said about their athletics, I think both of them are done, at least as far as collegiate competition for Five, the hearing loss would require retraining, then there's still lasting neurological issues at play that would require lasting therapy. He could still aim for next year, if he had more eligibility, and since swimming is a performance based individual sport - even in relay you're picked because you're individually excelling and have the space in your schedule for the training requirements. He could still have a future if he wanted one, I'm thinking. Percy though, will have to come to terms with the loss of his sporting career though. The elbow takes a lot of the wear and tear. A chronic blister on a finger can end a pitcher's career. A reconstructed elbow with tendon, muscle, and bone damage. That ROM restriction and constant motion would cause him a lot of pain, too much to be consistent enough for pitching. Logistically speaking, if that was his pitching arm, he is done at least at the majors. He might be able to handle situational pitching, but even those pitch counts can get high and wear/tear extensive. I know that's not the point of the story. But yes, I do wonder how Percy will find himself since he's always put so much weight into baseball and that's where he's put his heart for so many years and didn't want to provide space in it for much else. This is a very person defining thing he will be challenged with and he's showing signs of spiraling. Five will need to do a lot of heavy lifting... and up until the last... three-ish chapters, I didn't think that was at all possible. It may not be, it is difficult to see someone spiral, it takes a strong will and open to pain sort of person to stick with someone who has lost the willpower to save and/or sustain themselves until they can reach for higher than that. Five has shown evidence, or at least an emotional attachment strong enough to give it a go. Ira tried so hard at dying, that he did die. You would think both him and John would have given up and shown some self-preservation. Even if they all knew 'who' he was. You can't keep your stolen possessions if you're dead. Running seemed the more logical step, but the man just couldn't be bested, and his psychology in thinking he was thwarted by three 'cocksuckers' made him stick around long enough to end his life. Ethan got what he deserved as well. Realistically speaking. He'll also need a good surgeon to reconstruct that nose of his. Maybe this will teach him to pick up better dating and sexual habits in the future... one could hope. That sort of behavior won't get him any favors in prison, I don't think. I am glad you wrapped this story up with both physical and emotional consequences at play. It wasn't beautiful, and that works a lot better than if you bent and force fed us until it became more so.

So, Ethan is just a mentally unhinged weird little filthy perverted squatter with messed up family. The man would keep a therapist in business all by himself, my goodness. Good doesn't outweigh the bad with him, there's consequences that he will face despite being a helpful unhinged perverted squatter. I wonder how bad Ira and his homelife is that he risked all that to stay in the main house and stalk around the place like a horny ghost. All the kinky stuff is so off-putting, but we all saw it coming didn't we? I do wonder if there isn't a "triple cross..." at the end of all this. He wants rid of Ira, thinks Percy has a good chance of blowing his brains out for him. John seems to be a follower, the BDSM being more psychological than kink, he 'wants' to be a follower and those people are dangerous when they run into someone like Ira who is a psychopath that likes money, but apparently not working for it. If Ethan wanted Five, he could certainly abduct him now, he doesn't have Percy's protection anymore. Or, if he wanted Percy, then Five is weak and unarmed. The threat from Percy before they separated likely wouldn't have changed that trajectory of thought, since we've already seen Ethan as consistently forward thinking. I still don't know which one or possibly even both, Ethan wants as far as Percy and Five go though. I cannot escape the feeling that he so convincingly lied to Ira, his own brother well enough for him to consider trusting him enough to protect their backs. That's where you stick the person you trust the most, your blind spot. So, either Ira is a fool, or Ethan is a convincing liar. Could be both. Either way, a lot of information came out rapidly through the action. Even Gramps isn't all that innocent either, people with a lot of "reach," seldomly are. Percy and Five both will suffer in their athletics after this though, the series of injuries they both had are the types of injuries that in Percy's case can be career ending. Which would be a shame, I think he did enjoy baseball and had goals. He was too afraid that his sexuality and any sort of lasting romance where he had to try would be in the way of that. With Five, concussions and the mental anguish both of them would suffer after all this would be something not easily overcome. Sports are as much mental as physical. and yes, I know I am months late. If you thought you were rid of me, sorely mistaken.

Honestly, chapter fall-off from the first chapter is normal. The blurb, title, something drew the reader in enough to click on the story and then the first chapter. But it wasn't to their taste, so they didn't continue. It happens in every creative space. The first chapter is also like the front door, front doors get the the most traffic, right? They're older, so their chapter counts will average higher. It isn't a knock against anyone's writing, either. People have tastes and reading tendencies. Something about the blurb/title caught their attention, but the first chapter didn't fit their reading tastes so they don't move on to chapter two. In other media you see this as well. Short-form gets a lot of traffic, where as longer form media doesn't if the content is similar in nature. There are some outliers on some of my stories that doesn't make any sense, but they're older stories and I know that issue has been addressed, as there was bot traffic skewing the viewer numbers. You say it doesn't happen elsewhere, but I wouldn't know what that looks like as I only post here at GA. There's a lot of content to be had here, with a lot of members that may be more willing to browse stories. If the general membership numbers are the same with vastly different viewer counts, it may come down to something different with the demographics or what themes are popular on that platform. As far as views go, I only get concerned when the rate changes significantly. If it takes a lot longer to get to average, which averages are down for my stories significantly. It does make wonder if the content or progression of my story is an issue, but since I'm not prone to large sectional rewrites and story changes, it will be what it is and I'll have to accept that. Factors that may turn people away from your story: Taste A slower, less hooking first chapter. Inconsistent posting schedule. Themes. Adult romances and Coming of age Romances seem to be more popular than general dramas. Content Tags, some content tags may not keep readers if they don't exactly match the content on a significant level. Example: If you're expecting a story with "Sports Star," but the 'tag' that brought the reader isn't significantly featured, you may see a drop-off. That also may blanket hurt you as well, if people see a lot of tags and the stories don't necessarily represent those tags, you may lose reader trust. Lack of engagement from the author. Some people just come along and read, they might leave a reaction, but if you see someone leaving comments and you ignore them, then they might stop. Rating: It is a double-edged sword. Some people want mature content, others do not. POV: Some people like First, some people prefer Third. Some people hate when POVs are swapped and there's multiple narrative voices. The best we can do is write what we like, place it in the world and hope, but there are definitely some things you can do as an author to help keep readers engaged in your writing. Like I said though, the only thing that concerns me is when I post a chapter and it feels significantly slower at reaching average than prior chapters. Or, engagement falls off. We have a great group of readers that stretch themselves rather thin with all the content they're reading that actively engage with the authors. It should feel symbiotic. It should be 'more' than your writing that engages with them too.

My stories are wholesome, the comment section was filthy, tsk tsk tsk. He's the prince of filth.

The man really put the word 'looser' in quotations.

Told the story before: Nifty, found Dom's "Desert Dropping," saw the linkback. It took me a wee bit before I decided to become a member. Started posting my stories on a clunky little posting thing called: e-fiction. I stayed because people actually provided feedback, both constructive and praise on my stories. Then I progressed to being promoted. Twenty years. I've seen a lot of transitions and growth spurts. They all seemed to make sense and better the function. I complained about a few of them. I think the only thing that I haven't done here is become an Administrator, which shows that Myr does have at least some sense in never allowing me to have that much responsibility. The forums have always been the most active, which is another reason I stayed. People wanted to communicate with one another instead of being all inside their own little bubbles. Even more so than the Yahoo groups that were popular around the same time. oh and @wildone showed me a bit of grace when I needed it. I returned the favor by torturing him, of course.

I mean, that's up to the author to decide, right? Authors should champion their own stories, if they feel like cross-posting to different areas and has the will and attention span to do it, who are we to judge? The downside being that with multiple sites hosting your work, there's more you have to pay attention to as far as protecting your story from thieves who steal it and promote the writing as their own. I used to post to: Yahoo Groups, Nifty, GA. I have a story on Fanfiction.Net that I abandoned, and that same story cross-posted to Ao3. I've since had my stories completely removed from Nifty. They didn't protect me, or help when some of my stories were stolen and posted elsewhere without my permission. Some of those sites were very... bad, as far as what else was mingling with the story they stole. And some hosting platforms has rules about cross-posting one should be aware with, some places don't like to host/platform stories or authors that spread themselves all over the place.

I haven't heard of AdultFanfiction.org, I've heard of Ao3 and Fanfiction.net, Fanfiction if I'm remembering correctly is rather bloated as well, but has a cleaner look. I tried to look at AFF.org, and encountered a bug loop. I'll have to see if there's a way to get around it when I have more time, to determine if it is a clean UI and the levels of bloat. And by bloat, I don't mean there's "too much writing..." bloat to me, is the categories are extremely bloated, to where stories are mislabeled so their search functions are pointless. You will always have a difficult time finding specific genres, stories, characters that you want to read about. Far too many tags as well, which also adds to the search feature being difficult. I am a cleaner, less is more sort of person. Too many tags doesn't help me determine if I want to read a story.