I'm not one to talk about myself. I'm a listener, not a talker. But here it is.
This weekend I was talking with my mom (well she was talking and I was listening) and she said that during the week she had an "argument" with my dad translate by she asked something, he answered, she didn't like the answer.
So she asked my opinion. I knew my answer would hurt her, that she wouldn't like it but she insisted and I didn't feel like "stabling" my dad in the back (this sound dramatic but I don't know how to say this in another way) to somehow please her with something false.
She asked if, like my dad, I felt like she had abandonned us when my grandpa was sick.
To say grandpa was sick is a "nice" way to say he had Alzheimer.
Grandpa was dignosed with Al 3 years ago. We thought we had time, he would take some meds and Al would slow down. After all, his friend was dignose with Al 15 years ago so why not him.
Well not him. He died in the space of a year.
At first it was little things like losing track of the time, forgeting what he was doing, getting some of our names mix up (who wouldn't with 3 grand-daughters name Marion, Marine and Margot!) but quickly it became hallucinations, paranoia crises... My grandma tried to save the face for as long as she could but she wasnt sleeping anymore afraid of what he would do during the night, she just couldn't manage him on her own anymore. So in November grandpa start to go to a nursing home a few days per week until he had to be admitted there full time in December. At this point he only had a few moment of lucidity. His crises and hallutionnations became worst and worst until finally his heart got too tired in April 2 years ago.
Back to Mom. During this time she would go to my grandparents every weekends. I would come back home late friday afternoon and she would go friday evening or saturday early morning and come back late sunday when I was already gone back to my apartment.
I don't ressent her being present for her parents. She wouldn't be who she is if she hadn't done it. I love her even more for this.
But, yes, a part of me felt abandoned. For all those months I pretty much didn't see my mom when I was suffering too. A part of me is also angry. Angry she didn't put some distance to protect herself. It was always so heartbreaking seeing cry before going to see her dad and before taking the road to come home. Angry I was the one she came to talk to when she needed to cause her brothers were too busy with their lives or her sister was closing her eyes on the situation. Angry at myself cause all those times the only thing I wanted to tell her was to please not tell me all those things. I feel bad and egoistic for feeling this way.
But she asked and that's what I told her. She doesn't understand how I could feel abandoned when she was doing the right thing. I don't understand how I could fell abandoned when I know she was doing the right thing. I tried to make her understand but I'm not sure I understand it myself.