Friendships with GAY people

[AFriendlyFace]

Hi everyone!

 

Graeme's comment about my "straight guy friends" thread being biased toward people who had a lot of gay friends got me thinking, and I'm sure he's right.

 

For the last couple of years I've been very active in the GLBT community in my city, and I know alot of gay people. I almost exclusively go to gay bars and clubs, I belong to various equal rights and activism groups. Indeed, I think I want my long-term career to actively involve, if not be centered on gay rights, gay culture, and/or gay support. I also tend to hang out and go places in the "gay district" whenever possible, the parties I attend are usually hosted and attend by gay people, and of course all of my closest friends are either GLBT themselves, or actively supportive.

 

So yeah, I kinda forget sometimes, especially here at GA which I consider to be yet another part of the gay community I love, enjoy, and am actively involved in, that not everyone who is gay knows a lot of gay people. Of course I know this intellectually, but it's something I sorta forget.

 

Anyway, I guess the primary function of this poll/thread is actually to gage other people's level of involvement in the gay community, but of course mostly to gauge how many other gay people they know and what their degree of comfort and closeness with these people is.

 

My poll results were, I have tons of gay friends, my best friends are gay, and I'd like more gay friends (they're delightful! They're just like candy! They come in all sorts of delicious flavours and varieties and I could happily have them all day long if I weren't concerned about them going to my butt (kidding!) )

 

So what are your experiences and situations?

 

Take care all and have an awesome day!

-Kevin

Edited February 9, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[rknapp]

As I said before I don't have many gay friends and they're certainly not close friends at this point. The only advantage they have over my other friends is that they know about my sexuality, and one of them tried to strip me (zip ties FTW!!!!). Now, that isn't to say that they won't ever become close friends with me. They have one more semester to do that, and I might be going to a gay bar with them in a few weeks (I'll blog about it later). Of course, I certainly want to have more gay friends, platonic or otherwise. Otherwise after this semester I fear my ties to the gay community will be severed completely since they're all graduating and I'm transferring to another school.

[Tiger]

I don't have a lot of gay friends. I live in the boonies. I wish that were not the case, but there's nothing I can do about it right now. Hopefully I can fix that in the next year or so.

[S.L. Lewis]

I have a few close gay friends. Including my ex boyfriends (rest his soul), boyfriend. Me and Micheal are seriously close now, even if he lives on the other side of the US trying to get his masters degree. I think in forensics.

[rich_e]

I tend to form better friendships with straight girls than gay people. Although I've met a lot of gay guys in college, I can really only call one of them a friend. He's one of my best friends, though, even if we do have a history.

[BeaStKid]

Being an Indian and a teen nonetheless, it is quite difficult to have gay/bi friends in your peer group. I have stated this on numerous occasions that Indian gay rights activists are at the moment not concentrating on gay teens as some laws prevent intervention (read: professional help) w.r.t. gay/bi teens. Also the fact that gay sex in itself is a criminal offense, it is a deadly mixture!!

 

As far as my answers... No, I don't have gay/bi friends in my friendly circle (peer group) although I do know (acquaintance) a few gay rights activists in New Delhi as I did a project on the topic of Alternative Sexuality in India and needed their help.

 

Of course, I would love to have friends who are like me (who wouldn't?) and really look forward to the day I turn 18 and all those silly adolescent laws that prevent me and other activists from getting to know me don't hold good. Then i would be free to join the rights movement actively and be a part of the campaign against the Victorian Law that says gay sex is a crime.

 

Till then, I am afraid I think I will remain without gay/bi friends and without a boyfriend (unless the boy I am constantly flirting with gives me some positive reply... Sigh...for details read the How to flirt with straight guys thread).

 

It is nearly impossible for a teenager going to high school to be out.... Sigh!

[Graeme]

My only gay friends are all online, but I consider them close enough that I still said I had a few gay friends.

 

I also said I would like some more gay friends. I would like some real-life gay friends, but I won't be looking for any because I know that my wife wouldn't approve. She knows it is irrational, but she is paranoid that some gay guy is going to come along and steal her husband. Therefore, I make an effort to avoid going to places where I might meet gay guys. I still meet some (one of the customers I work with is gay and single ) but I'm not free to explore a real-life friendship with another gay guy. It's part of the price I'm paying to keep my marriage together. Before anyone comments, I'm happy to pay this price.

[Ieshwar]

I have few gay friends (read as two ) which I haven't yet met. We have chatted and talked. And they are cool. The really cool thing with these two is that we do know that we're gay but we also happen to talk (and argue in one case ) about other things- love, edu. money... They are great guys and we don't have much contact. I would love to know them more.

 

I don't think having gay friends is something extra-ordinary. Gay or straight, my definition of friend will be someone who I'm at ease with. Be it gay or straight.

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

[old bob]

As an old man, my friends are either "long time" friends, mostly in the same age category. or younger people I meet through business or "sport" activities (swimming, jogging). Some of them are openly gay, but my contacts today with the gay community come more from people around my gay son, who is more active as myself. Making new friends is fun, but I don't look if they are gay or not, even if my gaydar works very well (It's a question of experience ).

[Menzoberranzen]

I voted for 'I have a significant number of gay friends.'

 

I'm a fairly private person, but of the friends I do have, a significant portion of them are gay. I'm comfortable with things as they are now, and my best friend is gay.

 

I have no close lesbian friends, and only one or two casual ones. I've always found (and wondered why it is) that gay guys and lesbians do not get along particularly well. (Although, Kevin seems to, but I'm putting that down to the fact that I think Kevin gets along with everyone .)

 

Menzo

[AFriendlyFace]

(zip ties FTW!!!!)... Otherwise after this semester I fear my ties to the gay community will be severed completely since they're all graduating and I'm transferring to another school.

Is it appropriate for you to tell me what FTW stands for?

 

Don't worry about being "cut off" from the gay community. You may lose contact with your current friends (although if you really try I'm sure you can avoid that as well), but you can always re-establish contact at your new school in your new community

 

I don't have a lot of gay friends. I live in the boonies. I wish that were not the case, but there's nothing I can do about it right now. Hopefully I can fix that in the next year or so.

Good Luck

 

I have a few close gay friends. Including my ex boyfriends (rest his soul), boyfriend. Me and Micheal are seriously close now, even if he lives on the other side of the US trying to get his masters degree. I think in forensics.

I'm sorry to hear about your ex, it is great that you and Michael have formed a close friendship though

 

Of course, I would love to have friends who are like me (who wouldn't?) and really look forward to the day I turn 18 and all those silly adolescent laws that prevent me and other activists from getting to know me don't hold good. Then i would be free to join the rights movement actively and be a part of the campaign against the Victorian Law that says gay sex is a crime.

 

Till then, I am afraid I think I will remain without gay/bi friends and without a boyfriend (unless the boy I am constantly flirting with gives me some positive reply... Sigh...for details read the How to flirt with straight guys thread).

Beasty, I am so proud of you!

 

Good luck with the activism and stuff

 

Also, I just might go check out that thread. I hadn't really gotten around to reading it.

 

It's part of the price I'm paying to keep my marriage together. Before anyone comments, I'm happy to pay this price.

 

 

I have few gay friends (read as two ) which I haven't yet met. We have chatted and talked. And they are cool. The really cool thing with these two is that we do know that we're gay but we also happen to talk (and argue in one case ) about other things- love, edu. money... They are great guys and we don't have much contact. I would love to know them more.

That's awesome! You'll find that that's usually the case. I mean obviously the majority of conversations I have with my gay friends have absolutely nothing to do with being gay, or else being gay is simply an incidental part of that.

 

As an old man, my friends are either "long time" friends, mostly in the same age category. or younger people I meet through business or "sport" activities (swimming, jogging). Some of them are openly gay, but my contacts today with the gay community come more from people around my gay son, who is more active as myself. Making new friends is fun, but I don't look if they are gay or not, even if my gaydar works very well (It's a question of experience ).

That sounds wonderful!

 

I have no close lesbian friends, and only one or two casual ones. I've always found (and wondered why it is) that gay guys and lesbians do not get along particularly well. (Although, Kevin seems to, but I'm putting that down to the fact that I think Kevin gets along with everyone .)

LOL, thanks, Menzo

 

Actually I have a very positive bias toward lesbians (beyond just getting along with them I'd say). I think it's just life experiences. I've had quite a few very positive experiences with different lesbians, and they've always been there for me through rough times. As a result I automatically tend to trust them more and assume I'll like them when I first meet one. LOL, and coincidentally as I was replying to this thread I was sporadically texting back and forth with two of them

 

-Kevin

[colinian]

My partner is gay.

My adopted brother is gay.

My adopted brother's boyfriend is gay.

My best friend is gay.

My best friend's partner is gay.

I have five close friends here at college who are gay.

I have a lot of casual friends here at college who are gay.

I have three close friends I went to high school with who are gay, but only contact them by email now because they go to other universities.

I have a lot of online friends who are gay, but we've never met.

I have more straight friends than gay friends.

 

Colin

[Jack Frost]

Half of my MSN are gay friends.

 

I dunno, I don't care. I like having people who can relate with me, but I also have fun with non-gay people too. I don't do clubs or anything and I met them from school and the Internet.

[rknapp]

Is it appropriate for you to tell me what FTW stands for?

 

Don't worry about being "cut off" from the gay community. You may lose contact with your current friends (although if you really try I'm sure you can avoid that as well), but you can always re-establish contact at your new school in your new community

 

FTW = For The Win

FTL = For The Loss

 

It will be hard to maintain contact since two of them are very likely moving to California, and the other doesn't know what he's doing yet. I'm sure he'll stay in the state, though. As for Rutgers... it took me two years to find the GSA at this small-ass school, it simply won't happen when I go to a school that has four separate campus' within one city and stay there for two years while I finish my degrees... I won't be living there either. They couldn't pay me to live there.

[Krista]

I have three close gay male friends. They are now, considered as my best friends since the "girls" and my straight male friends are playing house most of the time and don't get time away from their jobs, school, and families. So, over the years, my gay friends and I have been the closest and we do talk and hang out a lot - not as much as we all used to - but I still ask their advice and such.

 

I also have an extremely close family member that is Bi. My Brother-in-law is one of my most valued relatives as he's the only person that doesn't stress out when the family gets together and he's a huge help when we're together.. and that means a lot.

 

Krista

[AFriendlyFace]

FTW = For The Win

FTL = For The Loss

 

Ahhh, thanks

 

As for Rutgers... it took me two years to find the GSA at this small-ass school, it simply won't happen when I go to a school that has four separate campus' within one city and stay there for two years while I finish my degrees... I won't be living there either. They couldn't pay me to live there.

Here you go, dude

 

I was originally going to just post all the info here, but in case you want it private I just PM-d you instead.

 

LOL, now you have no excuse.

 

-Kevin

[FrenchCanadian]

I have to say,, on all my IMs clients aside from my sister and 2-3 friends, all my contacts are gays. Currently all my best friends are gay (aside from 2)

 

It's mainly that I tend no to go out often so or to open up that easily. Of course I have good acquaintance at work and at school that aren't but I don't get friendly with them outside work. This makes that mainly gets my friends from online,, and for some reason they are gay. It's also easier for me to relates to them.

[scoopny]

One of my closest friends from high school is gay, we came out to each other more or less first (although he came out before me). I have a lot of gay friends (and a bunch of straight friends as well both guys and girls). But I seem to hang out with my gay friends more often. And ya, my contact list is very gay, lol, except for school friends and friends from home.

[Ieshwar]

You guys have sooo many gay friends.

 

I wonder if it is the 'ease' pf coming out. In your places, coming out is less dangerous and then, you have GSA and all that. Do you think it's because you guys have been to college? I mean, highschool is very different from college. Perhaps, that's why...

 

Just wondering...

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

[Tiger]

One of my closest friends from high school is gay, we came out to each other more or less first (although he came out before me). I have a lot of gay friends (and a bunch of straight friends as well both guys and girls). But I seem to hang out with my gay friends more often. And ya, my contact list is very gay, lol, except for school friends and friends from home.

Well, there's an advantage to having such a contact list. I wish I had more gay friends. I really need to move.

[corvus]

You guys have sooo many gay friends.

 

I wonder if it is the 'ease' pf coming out. In your places, coming out is less dangerous and then, you have GSA and all that. Do you think it's because you guys have been to college? I mean, highschool is very different from college. Perhaps, that's why...

 

Just wondering...

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

 

I'm in a liberal college, and I have almost no gay friends. It could be that I'm antisocial. I do want more, though. Nonetheless, college is certainly easier than high school for exploring this sort of thing. Less parental presence, more level-headed students. All the same, gay friends don't automatically surface.

[AFriendlyFace]

You guys have sooo many gay friends.

 

I wonder if it is the 'ease' pf coming out. In your places, coming out is less dangerous and then, you have GSA and all that. Do you think it's because you guys have been to college? I mean, highschool is very different from college. Perhaps, that's why...

 

Just wondering...

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

** 's Ieshwar**

 

I think it does get easier to meet other gay people in college. If you're still considering going to school in England or Europe I have little doubt that you'll meet a ton if you give it a try

[BeaStKid]

You guys have sooo many gay friends.

 

I wonder if it is the 'ease' pf coming out. In your places, coming out is less dangerous and then, you have GSA and all that. Do you think it's because you guys have been to college? I mean, highschool is very different from college. Perhaps, that's why...

 

Just wondering...

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

I guess it is the difference between the societies that is the main cause for this. I mean, I know I can get a GSA started in my school, but that would mean a straight ticket to Hell!! I am in no way ready for the insults, discrimination, jeers and alla that....Plus the number of friends that I'll lose (not that any of my close friends will...they kinda suspect already )

 

[colinian]

You guys have sooo many gay friends.

 

I wonder if it is the 'ease' pf coming out. In your places, coming out is less dangerous and then, you have GSA and all that. Do you think it's because you guys have been to college? I mean, highschool is very different from college. Perhaps, that's why...

 

Just wondering...

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

I live and go to college in the San Francisco Bay Area. This is a very gay-accepting part of the country, and my high school and school district made it easy by encouraging the GSA and having strong district policies against discrimination and abuse based on race, color, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, religion, etc. etc. and enforcing those rules. So I'm very lucky. Thinking about what it would be like if I lived in a non-accepting or antagonistic part of the U.S. or elsewhere in the world scares me. I'm just glad I was born and raised where I am. I feel for everyone who faces discrimination and danger, and hope things will get better for you.

 

Colin

[scoopny]

Short answer, depending on where you go to high school, college can definitely be better and if you have a choice, you should go to a gay friendly college. Both my undergraduate college and current graduate school are both ridiculously gay friendly.