The Box - a Reader's Critique and an Author's Answers

[Mark Arbour]

I received an e-mail from one of my readers, explaining why he didn't like "Bloodlines" and why he liked "The Box" even less. "The Box" is a departure from past stories, because we are flashing from 1999 to the 1940s. I wanted to go back and meet Steven, Stef's father, and to perhaps fill in some blanks about the characters and why they are the way they are. I knew it would be strange for some, but it seemed like it would be fun, and so far, it has been. Here's a key excerpt (note that the writer means "Steven" when he puts "Billy"):

 

I think the journal is not written the right way. Yes Billy is a teenager but he's also living in 1941. You make him sound like a stupid teenager of year 2009 when he's an upper-class young man from 70 years ago. I very, very highly doubt that an upper-class teen boy of that time would say "f**k" and "f**king" every two sentences, would be unable to write in an orderly manner and would be so very open about sex. People of the time had a very deep-seated shame about anything sexual. And teens had expressions that are different from the ones teens use nowadays. Unless your point is to portray Billy as some kind of really, really dumb character, I don't see any reason why he shouldn't express himself as any young man of his day and social class would. Besides, that would actually carry an interest for the reader as well - because honestly, reading about the thoughts of a particularly stupid papa's boy has no appeal to me. Also I'd like to point out that most upper class people don't feel the need to point out how big or nice their car / house is every two seconds because when someone is from "old money" they're so accustomed to it they don't even notice it. He sounds more like a nouveau riche than like the son of a long-standing well-heeled family.

 

 

I put these points out there in case some of the rest of you have similar thoughts or questions. The reason the box itself is so secure is so Steven could feel free to express himself and not worry about his diary being read by someone else. In that day and age, even more importantly than now, that would be vital. The point of that was to let him express what he was THINKING, not what he was SAYING. The reader who wrote the e-mail either didn't get that, or ignored it. It would be rare for a young man of his generation to swear in front of anyone in front of anyone but his friends, but in the intimacy and privacy of his diary, I think it would be expected. Something he could do to vent, to rebel in a mild way.

 

In the same way, he could express his sexual thoughts and experiences. I think it is unlikely that he would have written so detailed reports, even in such a safe diary, but if I didn't move beyond that implausibility, the story would be much more boring.

 

I've tried to put in some 1940's lingo where possible. I wrote one chapter that was rife with it, and it was difficult to understand. Hopefully I am giving you enough flavor without distracting you too much.

 

As for the "old money" issue, while he certainly wouldn't talk about such things, he would think them. A 16 year old guy is a 16 year old guy, and even if he doesn't talk about how cool his car is, he'll think it. All the time, most likely.

[Hermetically Sealed]

I thought about it at first, but then realized how I talked with my friends when I was that age. I would never have talked with my family, or in polite society with the same voice that I did with my friends. I was also far more likely to be vulgar if I thought no one was looking/listening. Hell, upper class men have always gone "slumming" so that they could be more uninhibited, so I doubt it would be unlikely that a teenage boy would be so in the privacy of his journal.

 

As it is I think the dichotomy of social life verses inner life are shown just fine. Now if he talked the way he did in the journal to his girlfriend, and even to Aaron, I might agree about the ill fit. Personally, people tend to build up the fantasy about the upper class and their life, forgetting that they are people. I've dealt with enough multimillionaires in my job over the last 15 years to know that, while they behave around each other in public, get them alone, or in a lower brow audience and they blend in fairly well.

[Nephylim]

1941 isn't that far away. There was a war going on. There were all sorts of issues to deal with economically and there was still enough repression to make it difficult to be a 16 year old anywhere.

 

Consider this... the Victorians were the most sexually and socially repressed people ever... yet in private they indulged in debauchery like you wouldn't believe. The point being that the more prim you are on the outside the more rebellious and creative you are on the inside... and that inside comes out in private.... what's more private than your journal.

 

As far as the 1940isms are concerned I have learned that if you write a story that goes too intensely into things that are difficult to read (in my case an irish accent in this case 1940's speak and detail) then it puts people off so what is needed is exactly what Mark was talking about above and what he has done... and that is to give a flavour of what you are trying to convey, enouh to make it different and understandably set where you want it to be, rather than being a slave to the detail.

 

As long as there are not any absolutely glaring anachronisms it's fine by me.

[Ivy]

I'm personally not finding any issues with Steven's language in his diary.

 

I think what we have to remember is that yes his family is wealthy, but at the same time this is a relatively small city/town in Ohio. Mark has not placed Steven among wealthy Chicago or New York society. Steven attends the local high school with not only his financial class, but all socioeconomic classes. He would be exposed to all forms of language, values, and attitudes.

 

I think in Ch 4, the scene in his bedroom does reflect on the moral values of the time. Put two older teens naked in a room in 2010 and chances are they are going all the way when it comes to sex. When Steven's girlfriends says she doesn't want to go all the way, he accepts that readily. While he may want more he totally respects that at that point, he's not getting it. He doesn't even try to talk her into it before they are interupted. Who knows if more will happen down the road, but I think Steven would respect her enough for it to be her choice.

 

I also feel the scene at the birthday dinner where he was not presented with a car as everyone expected was handled in a way very reminiscent of 'polite society'. Steven may be a tad spoiled, but a spoiled teen in 2010 would have thrown a fit, caused a scene, and made his feelings clearly known. This didn't happen. Dirty laundry was not aired in front of company regardless if they were family or not.

 

What I guess I'm trying to say is that I feel the story for me is a plausible (there's that word again) representation of 1940's small town America. The journal is a tool for us to see into Steven's head. I certainly have no idea what a teen in the 1940's sounded like in public or private. It would be interesting to see if some of the elder statesmen here on GA had an opinion.

 

JMHO,

Ivy

[Mark Arbour]

Well thanks to all of you for your support and validation. Like I said, I was trying to get into his mind through the diary (much as if he narrated the story). My biggest bitch about the story is that sometimes it doesn't sound like a diary, it just sounds like Steven is narrating. I've decided to live with that, because I enjoy writing it that way.

[rjo]

I remember a story which Paul Harvey told once about a parent talking about his rebellous teenager. It was from Greece 500 BC. Growing up has not gotten any easier. Was it not Mark Twain who said when he was 16 he thought his father was really dumb however five years later he thought his father had learned alot. Stef, Brad and JP really need to know Steven's thoughts and feelings almost as much as we do. Thanks again Mark. You are just making the guys more real to us.

[JamesSavik]

I very, very highly doubt that an upper-class teen boy of that time would say "f**k" and "f**king" every two sentences, would be unable to write in an orderly manner and would be so very open about sex.

 

Erm... sounds a lot like a Marine too me: Muscles Are Required Intelligence Not Essential

 

Marines were renowned for their profanity and libido.

 

Many war correspondents at the time were asked to clean up the quotes from the marines in their stories. One who sent in a story that described Tinian as "a f**king shithole" was asked to rewrite the story.

 

He said, "Why? I was there and it is a f**king shithole."

 

He was told that the American people didn't want to know that they had sacrificed 2200 men for a f**king shithole.