What Is Wrong With Promiscuity?

[PrivateTim]

I don't have a huge moral problem with promiscuity, but that doesn't mean I don't have problems with it.

 

There is the obvious disease issue. Promiscuity killed a lot of gay men in the 1980's and '90's and there are lots of nasty diseases out there still.

 

Then I think there is potential emotional damage in promiscuity too and it might be a symptom of a psychological disorder.

 

Here is a nice blurb about the book Psychotherapy and the Promiscuous Patient

 

Learn effective strategies for therapy with promiscuous patients from this in-depth exploration of the phenomenon of promiscuity in the lives and backgrounds of patients seeking psychotherapy. This unique book features insights about the pitfalls of patients who cannot bear commitment to any one person, or who jeopardize their commitments with a need to spark their lives with promiscuity. Psychotherapy and the Promiscuous Patient teaches psychotherapists to respond to their patients

[Tipdin]

This is interesting stuff. My partner is a therapist and has dealt extensively with this issue. When he owned his clinic, he had many gay therapists on staff to cater to gay clients, and this issue was VERY common. Promiscuity is more common that most people realize, regardless of orientation.

 

I have known a few people that, (IMHO) were well adjusted and who lead active sex lives. If the activity is not an addiction or symptom, I really don't see anything wrong with promiscuity. If I had had the heart of a lion rather than a mouse, I probably, ...no I WOULD have been more promiscuous. As the song says; so many men, so little time...

[Mari]

There is nothing wrong with being promiscuous as far as I'm concerned. I don't see it as a disease or really a problem. I do suggest condoms to prevent infection/disease.

 

Variety is the spice of life.

 

If you like sex and like it with different people, well, who can tell you it's wrong? Some people like commitment and others like adventure. I am really interested in what Psychologists have to say on the issue. Any more info?

[Mark Arbour]

There is nothing wrong with being promiscuous as far as I'm concerned. I don't see it as a disease or really a problem. I do suggest condoms to prevent infection/disease.

 

Variety is the spice of life.

 

If you like sex and like it with different people, well, who can tell you it's wrong? Some people like commitment and others like adventure. I am really interested in what Psychologists have to say on the issue. Any more info?

 

I think promiscuity is a personal choice, and not something that should be judged outside of the individual.

[Mark Arbour]

I don't have a huge moral problem with promiscuity, but that doesn't mean I don't have problems with it.

 

There is the obvious disease issue. Promiscuity killed a lot of gay men in the 1980's and '90's and there are lots of nasty diseases out there still.

 

Then I think there is potential emotional damage in promiscuity too and it might be a symptom of a psychological disorder.

 

Here is a nice blurb about the book Psychotherapy and the Promiscuous Patient

 

 

 

The last one is the problem of if you have been with a lot of people you don't love that satisfied you sexually and the one you do love can't satisfy you sexually, that is a recipe for disaster.

 

Bear in mind, I am not talking about common teen or guy horniness, but hypersexuality.

 

 

This is interesting stuff. My partner is a therapist and has dealt extensively with this issue. When he owned his clinic, he had many gay therapists on staff to cater to gay clients, and this issue was VERY common. Promiscuity is more common that most people realize, regardless of orientation.

 

I have known a few people that, (IMHO) were well adjusted and who lead active sex lives. If the activity is not an addiction or symptom, I really don't see anything wrong with promiscuity. If I had had the heart of a lion rather than a mouse, I probably, ...no I WOULD have been more promiscuous. As the song says; so many men, so little time...

 

I've just been researching another fascinating concept, specifically the concept of "Sensation Seeking." These are people who have a present time perspective and live for thrills. They're more likely to smoke pot, drink, play extreme sports, gamble, smoke, and have unprotected sex. They're probably also a lot of fun to have as friends.

[Nephylim]

There is nothing wrong with promiscuity as long as you stay safe

[mmike1969]

I am just going to say it...

 

condoms do not prevent crabs...

 

 

so yeah I have a problem with dating someone who's a slut...

Edited November 30, 2010 by mmike1969

[Hoskins]

I am just going to say it...

 

condoms do not prevent crabs...

 

 

so yeah I have a problem with dating someone who's a slut...

 

 

They don't prevent crazy either

 

NEVER STICK IT IN CRAZY

 

I was pretty busy in my 20's and 30's. Enjoyed myself quite a bit. I see nothing wrong with it, it's a lifestyle thing. There's a lot of sex in the CAP series. That's for my enjoyment, it's not a real world, and hey, it's quite fun to read.

[DragonFire]

There is nothing wrong with promiscuity as long as you stay safe

 

Agreed.

 

As someone who is constantly horny, I see nothing wrong in spreading a little love around.

[PrivateTim]

Agreed.

As someone who is constantly horny, I see nothing wrong in spreading a little love around.

 

But the question is, where do you draw the line between promiscuity and horniness? When does it turn to sex addiction and is unhealthy for you? What are the physical consequences and psychological consequences?

 

Is getting laid by three guys a day horniness, promiscuous or sex addiction?

 

Mark touched a little on the bath houses of the 1970's and the Hollywood sex parties of that era too. We have also seen the bathroom encounters in his stories too. All of them could be said to be a consequence of the times and society at that time, like when JP first found relief in the bathrooms at Princeton, because it was so hard in those days to meet other gays. You had to use code words like "friend of Dorothy" and "gay" and walk that fine line between getting some or maybe getting beaten up or possibly both.

 

How does gay marriage play into this? In straight marriage you generally pledge to "forsake all others". We know that doesn't happen, people cheat all the time, but the cheating is generally seen as a bad thing for the marriage and often destroys them.

 

In the blurb from the book on promiscuity, two phrases jumped out at me in regards to the CAP series that I bolded, "addiction to the sensation of

[Hoskins]

But the question is, where do you draw the line between promiscuity and horniness? When does it turn to sex addiction and is unhealthy for you? What are the physical consequences and psychological consequences?

 

Well, addiction specialists will tell you that when a behavior has a detrimental affect on you and those around you, and you do nothing about it, that's an addictive behavior. That's a pretty wide stance to take. I choose to narrow that down to "if what you are doing is screwing up your life or other people's lives, you might want to take a look at what you're doing."

 

 

Mark's characters, in general, exhibit (I think) three different reasons for their sexual behavior (which are by far the common ones for any person): pleasure, comfort-seeking, and, most disturbingly, anger/revenge.

 

Using sex for comfort-seeking is considered an addictive behavior. Using sex to get back at someone is generally seen as dysfunctional, but not part of an addiction, just pretty messed up. And sex for pleasure's sake is a given, I think (if it's not pleasurable, you're doing it wrong).

 

Does this mean that Mark's characters are messed up? Sure. Does it make them role models? No. Should the CAP series be held up as a model for a way to live a healthy life? Oh god no.

 

But it's a damn good read, yes?

Edited December 1, 2010 by Hoskins

[Tiger]

I don't see it as any of my concern if people sleep around. I personally don't mind a threesome every now and then, but I don't think the ability to sleep around is for me. I'm actually too jealous and too paranoid for that level of openness. However, if other people are into it, all I have to say is, "Don't be a fool. Wrap your tool."

[sat8997]

"No glove, no love"

[Mark Arbour]

But the question is, where do you draw the line between promiscuity and horniness? When does it turn to sex addiction and is unhealthy for you? What are the physical consequences and psychological consequences?

 

Is getting laid by three guys a day horniness, promiscuous or sex addiction?

 

Mark touched a little on the bath houses of the 1970's and the Hollywood sex parties of that era too. We have also seen the bathroom encounters in his stories too. All of them could be said to be a consequence of the times and society at that time, like when JP first found relief in the bathrooms at Princeton, because it was so hard in those days to meet other gays. You had to use code words like "friend of Dorothy" and "gay" and walk that fine line between getting some or maybe getting beaten up or possibly both.

 

How does gay marriage play into this? In straight marriage you generally pledge to "forsake all others". We know that doesn't happen, people cheat all the time, but the cheating is generally seen as a bad thing for the marriage and often destroys them.

 

In the blurb from the book on promiscuity, two phrases jumped out at me in regards to the CAP series that I bolded, "addiction to the sensation of "falling in love," "challenge readers to uncover the various emotional needs met by promiscuity in order to protect patients from their self-destructive behavior." It seems to me several of the CAP characters have exhibited self destructive behavior in their quests to get laid and maybe some are addicted to the sensation of not just falling in love but addicted to the sensation of conquest. I readily admit there is almost nothing else like that thrill you get when you first undo a guys belt and unsnap his pants, there is that sense of danger, will he or won't he stop me, what does "it" look like, the rapid beating of your heart.... it is all cool, not like when you've been with someone five years and getting laid by them might be fun still, but it isn't a challenge.

 

Mark's survey on Sensation heads down the same path, albeit on different sensations, not sexual ones. How does that play into the sexual world though when someone who is 38 out of 40 goes on a date with someone who is 18 out of 40? Is that a good combo or bad? If I am the 18, do I want to date a 38 when I want to be monogamous but think my partner might be hard wired to cheat?

 

You ask some really good questions here. Quite frankly, I'm not fit to answer them, at least not for other people. I really think that promiscuity and sex in general is a personal thing, and people or couples do what works for them.

 

I think your point about different sensation seekers linking up is really valid. It's kind of like the overall personality thing: either you work together, or you don't. Still, the 38/40 and the 18/40 may not be a good match, unless they compliment each other. If the 38 pushes the 18's envelope, getting the 18 to experience things he enjoys but may not have tried, that's probably a good thing. Conversely, maybe the 18 can keep the 38 more grounded.