Quarter after One by Kevin Caucher

[Graeme]

Quarter after One by Kevin Caucher

 

You always see him call Phil at 1:15.

 

:nuke: :nuke: Spoilers Below!!! :nuke: :nuke:

Edited December 14, 2010 by Graeme

[Rilbur]

What a twist... what a fascinating, interesting twist...

 

A perfect short story.

[Kev de Cauchery]

What a twist... what a fascinating, interesting twist...

 

A perfect short story.

 

Aw aw aw~ Thank you Rilbur.

 

I was so scared when I saw there was a reply in this thread and was afraid if anyone would like it.

 

Thank you Rilbur! Again!

 

 

[Graeme]

I found it intriguing. Cliff clearly has a history, but exactly what is unknown. Having the story written in second person somehow felt appropriate -- we're observing something without actually participating (the flaw in most second-person perspective story, where the narrator has you doing something you wouldn't do).

 

Now, it's always possible that the Phil on the phone list is not the one who he makes the call to. What the bartender should have done is hit the phone redial to get the last number dialled, which may or may not have been the Phil in the address book.

 

But that's being picky As I said, I found it intriguing. Thanks, Kevin!

[Kev de Cauchery]

Thank you Graeme!

 

 

What the bartender should have done is hit the phone redial to get the last number dialled, which may or may not have been the Phil in the address book.

 

 

 

Hmm, actually never thought of that.

 

 

 

[Toast]

We have three characters here. The narrator. The subject of the story. And a mystery man. A story based on observation. Like guessing and wondering about strangers. That is very human and interesting. Good premise and nicely done.

[Nephylim]

Thank you Graeme!

 

 

 

Hmm, actually never thought of that.

 

 

 

 

 

But that would have spoiled the story. How many times in our writing and watching tv have we said... oh COME ON... if only you had... or surely he would have... Don't get me started on horror movies. I mean if you lock yourself in a room/ cupboard to keep a monster/killer out who in their right mind would come out again as soon as it went quiet. EVERYONE knows the baddie is just waiting for you.

 

Anyway.... whatever.... I LOVED this story. It is so 'real' and told with such a delicate touch. Well done hun.... again

[Kev de Cauchery]

We have three characters here. The narrator. The subject of the story. And a mystery man. A story based on observation. Like guessing and wondering about strangers. That is very human and interesting. Good premise and nicely done.

 

Thank you Sam. I wrote this as a character study in some way. Also I labeled it 'The People Spotting Project', so yeah, it's really about watching people and guessing about them.

 

 

 

 

But that would have spoiled the story. How many times in our writing and watching tv have we said... oh COME ON... if only you had... or surely he would have... Don't get me started on horror movies. I mean if you lock yourself in a room/ cupboard to keep a monster/killer out who in their right mind would come out again as soon as it went quiet. EVERYONE knows the baddie is just waiting for you.

 

 

O well, that too. And the contact list was also part of the haunted signs.

 

 

Anyway.... whatever.... I LOVED this story. It is so 'real' and told with such a delicate touch. Well done hun.... again

Thank you Nephy! I should have known you like it. I remember you telling me before, no?

[Dolores Esteban]

I liked your story. The ending took me entirely by surprise. A very good twist. It added a creepy touch to the story. It makes me curious to learn more of the man and his story.

 

[Kev de Cauchery]

It added a creepy touch to the story. It makes me curious to learn more of the man and his story.

 

Thank you!

 

About that, I remember writing about Cliff in A Tug at... , but I'm not for sure.

 

 

And I'm also working on the story between Vince and Cliff.

[Stargazer]

The ending had a great creepiness factor. It makes me wonder if Cliff was just always calling a number that no longer existed or if Phil cut the line that evening after Cliff's call. The 'people watching' aspect was fantastic, especially with Cliff's moodiness. Again, makes me wonder if the mojito days were days he saw Phil ... if Phil really exists in a real way to him ... and if the whiskey nights were nights maybe he saw Phil with someone else. So many questions. I need to go read the other two now even if this was a stand alone.

 

Good writing!

[Kev de Cauchery]

Thank you Stargazer!

 

Obviously readers have much more on their mind reading this than I did when writing it.

 

 

[Johnathan Colourfield]

What an interesting twist well done

[Stargazer]

Thank you Stargazer!

 

Obviously readers have much more on their mind reading this than I did when writing it.

 

 

 

I find that to be true with my own writing, too when people review or give feedback.

[Kev de Cauchery]

What an interesting twist well done

Thank you Johnathan.

 

I find that to be true with my own writing, too when people review or give feedback.

Yeah, different interpretations.

 

 

[MikeL]

Excellent story, Kevin. The ending is quite a surprise...leaves a lot to the imagination.

[Kev de Cauchery]

Excellent story, Kevin. The ending is quite a surprise...leaves a lot to the imagination.

Thank you Mike!

 

 

 

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Kevin.

 

I can't add much to what the others already said, so let me say - nice job, it was a good read.

 

Andy

[Kev de Cauchery]

Thank you Andy.

[C James]

Second person voice is hard to do, but you did it well. Interesting twist at the end, as well. Thanks!

[Kev de Cauchery]

Thank you CJ.