HELP. =(

[xteeeeeeve]

My boyfriend has Seasonal Affective Disorder...and we're in a long distance relationship which makes things so difficult for us. he barely talks to me now...he used to be so energetic and talkative...now our conversations have become duller each day...he rarely shows some affection too. it's like he's no longer interested. and it hurts. idunno what to do...i try so hard to get him to cheer up..but nothing. i just had a conversation with him on AIM and...he just wasnt in the mood as always. there was a long pause in our conversation so i asked if he was busy or something and this was his only reply:

 

" no

 

i'm just

 

bleh

 

i don't really feel good

 

i'm going to sleep

 

goodnight. "

he didnt even give me chance to reply. he went off just like that. idunno what to do..it's affecting me too..it hurts so bad that i cant think of anything else to turn this around. i heard this SAD thing will stay with you until winter ends. please help me..i need advice

steve

[JamesSavik]

XteVen-

 

I don't have any great insights into what is going on.

 

All I can say is that you are a real cutie and I have no idea why any boyfriend of yours would be SAD other than the separation that goes with long distance relationships.

 

Don't panic or get dramatic. Just be cool and it will probably work itself out.

 

Who knows- he might have a virus or something and really isn't feeling well.

 

 

Take it easy,

 

JS

[thatboyChase]

several issues

 

1) long distance relationship

 

2) long distance relationship

 

3) long distance relationship

 

4) kinda sounds like he doesn't care

 

5) break up with him

 

6) its the holiday's, go look somewhere else

 

7) long distance relationship

 

8) don't

 

9) long distance

 

10) don't

 

11) long distance don't work~

 

12) SAD whatever that is, doesn't exist

 

13) You are also creating some false issue he has to justify the fact he is being shady.

 

14) Refer to all of the above

[xteeeeeeve]

XteVen-

 

I don't have any great insights into what is going on.

 

All I can say is that you are a real cutie and I have no idea why any boyfriend of yours would be SAD other than the separation that goes with long distance relationships.

 

Don't panic or get dramatic. Just be cool and it will probably work itself out.

 

Who knows- he might have a virus or something and really isn't feeling well.

 

 

Take it easy,

 

JS

 

thanx...

 

it's not the physical distance but the emotional distance that hurts...i miss the old him...i dont understand why this is happening. this has been going on for more than a couple of weeks now... i really care about him... i dont wanna lose him.

 

 

 

[xteeeeeeve]

several issues

 

1) long distance relationship

 

2) long distance relationship

 

3) long distance relationship

 

4) kinda sounds like he doesn't care

 

5) break up with him

 

6) its the holiday's, go look somewhere else

 

7) long distance relationship

 

8) don't

 

9) long distance

 

10) don't

 

11) long distance don't work~

 

12) SAD whatever that is, doesn't exist

 

13) You are also creating some false issue he has to justify the fact he is being shady.

 

14) Refer to all of the above

 

 

great. now im getting paranoid..

 

 

[Cia]

People with SAD can get help. The short story of the disorder is that it affects the hormone levels in the body. Some antidepressants can help as well as the sun lamps. Unfortunately this isn't something that will just go away on it's own for a while. You are the only one who can decide if his disaffection with you is something that indicates more. Sometimes we just have to weather our partner's lows because you can't make them all better. He has to want to get help and be able to. You can support him as best you can but don't forget to take care of yourself. Putting yourself into a state not much different from his by allowing his disorder to cause you depression would not be healthy.

 

While I hate to play devils advocate I do also have to somewhat agree with Chase. I don't know how long you have been with him but what you describe, if not caused by SAD, would make me suspicious that he is not committed to your relationship. Long distance is especially hard to deal with when one person is distant emotionally as well. This is one of the biggest pitfalls that tend to be the main reason that couples that only have online relationships break up. Only you can really figure out if this is going on or if he is really suffering from SAD and only you can decide if the relationship is worth the struggle. If your partner won't meet you halfway or at least try to it will most likely not work out. Whatever it turns out to be, I wish you the best.

[xteeeeeeve]

People with SAD can get help. The short story of the disorder is that it affects the hormone levels in the body. Some antidepressants can help as well as the sun lamps. Unfortunately this isn't something that will just go away on it's own for a while. You are the only one who can decide if his disaffection with you is something that indicates more. Sometimes we just have to weather our partner's lows because you can't make them all better. He has to want to get help and be able to. You can support him as best you can but don't forget to take care of yourself. Putting yourself into a state not much different from his by allowing his disorder to cause you depression would not be healthy.

 

While I hate to play devils advocate I do also have to somewhat agree with Chase. I don't know how long you have been with him but what you describe, if not caused by SAD, would make me suspicious that he is not committed to your relationship. Long distance is especially hard to deal with when one person is distant emotionally as well. This is one of the biggest pitfalls that tend to be the main reason that couples that only have online relationships break up. Only you can really figure out if this is going on or if he is really suffering from SAD and only you can decide if the relationship is worth the struggle. If your partner won't meet you halfway or at least try to it will most likely not work out. Whatever it turns out to be, I wish you the best.

 

thank you so much

..we've only been together for about 3 months...this problem started when he kept complaining about winter starting and having to adjust to daylight saving and all that. since then, his mood suddenly dropped. my bf's kinda introverted as well..so idunno if it's a commitment issue really. he says he loves me a lot. and he just doesnt know what going on with him. idunno. now im all confused..

 

i have a lot of thinking to do..and this is the part that i really hate the most. hmph ><

 

 

 

[Stargazer]

Tanning. Or a light box. Have him ask his doctor about it.

[Myk]

CIA is exactly right.

 

I've been with someone in a long distance relationship, where he did have SAD. Its rough, and there is months of hard times every winter. Its very difficult to tell if it is the SAD, the long distance or an emotionally unavailable partner...or all.

 

Ultimately you have to decide how much you can handle. You should talk it over with him and let him know how you feel. Should help you decide what to do...

 

G

[hh5]

Well part of the solution for SAD is a artificial sunlight device ... you program it to turn on a light bulb ... and the other part is to have natural lighting ... after awhile having enough of the need for natural light one does feel better

 

I've tried this ... when I lived in NY ... It does make a difference ...

 

This should be an easier thing to deal with and then see if the long distance and other factors affecting the relationship later

 

that will have to be dealt with over time

[PlugInMatty]

several issues

 

1) long distance relationship

 

2) long distance relationship

 

3) long distance relationship

 

4) kinda sounds like he doesn't care

 

5) break up with him

 

6) its the holiday's, go look somewhere else

 

7) long distance relationship

 

8) don't

 

9) long distance

 

10) don't

 

11) long distance don't work~

 

12) SAD whatever that is, doesn't exist

 

13) You are also creating some false issue he has to justify the fact he is being shady.

 

14) Refer to all of the above

 

 

you're terrible, Muriel.

[Menorain]

My aunt has that! I think the best thing to do is to just do whatever they ask. That's my philosophy anyway.

 

<div><br></div><div>EDDDDDDDIT: I am clearly going to need to give you better advice.</div><div><br></div><div>OK, I'd like to preface by saying that I don't know how long you've been with this guy and or if you've proclaimed your love for each other etc. BUT, if he says he has SAD then HONESTLY, things could be worse. My aunt has had it for years and she is damn crazy to be around when the sun goes away. However, she's fantastic for the rest of the year. It's a shame really because for one half of the year she's amazing and great, and then dreadful to be around for the other half. I think you should try to ride it out. Don't go giving him ultimatums like "HEY, YOU, I'll be here when you start feeling better again and blah blah blah. I'M AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN". You'll just regret that shit. Send him an e-mail or something and basically remind him that you're there for him to talk to if he wants to. You can't push people into being nice. It just drives them further away from you. Just be patient. If you think he's worth sticking around for, then do just that.</div><div><br></div><div>HOPE I'VE HELPED </div>

Edited December 13, 2010 by Menorain

[DragonFire]

I’m sorry but Chase does raise a very valid point about long distance relationships. I’ll be honest, they rarely ever work. Been there done that, have the t-shirt, mugs etc.

 

Couple that with him having SAD & you’re asking for trouble. Let’s put it this way, I’m guessing you’d like to be around him most of the time, and I imagine he feels the same way. Now that winter has reared its head, he’s probably feeling a multitude of emotions, probably 10 fold than in the summer months. Not only is he dealing with SAD & its effects, but also likely is that the distance between you is bringing him down as well. Perhaps his detachment is his way of coping with it, that would make perfect sense.

 

I can only explain this from my own experience though, everyone is different. When I was involved with a guy in a LDR the emotional turmoil was profound. I’d want to see him every other day, not just for sex…though that was good, but for the emotional aspect as well. To not see him for months on end just about drained me. I need that closeness to someone I love, & not to have it was both emotionally exhausting but affected me physically as well. Not everyone is the same, but if your guy is feeling even half of what I did, then his actions are perfectly understandable given his condition.

 

There is no magic wand here, all you can do is give him the space he needs and let him work through this in his own time. If you push too hard then expect a nasty backlash, give him time and he may surprise you.

 

[TetRefine]

People who say long distance relationships don't work are wrong, mostly. It takes a special kind of person to make long distance relationships work, and I'm sure that you can make it work too. Having been in a LDR for 9 months, I know what its like. One thing that is a key to making LDRs work is setting a date in the future where you know you'll be able to go from long distance to being in a normal, close relationship. My boyfriend and I both decided that if we couldn't be close to each other sometime soon, we would end it. We were lucky and were able to be close. So, that is a very important aspect in a serious LDR. If you can't eventually be close to each other, then chances are it won't work out unfortunately. But hopefully you can make it work.

 

As for the Seasonal disorder, I have no idea about that, so sorry.

[paya]

People who say long distance relationships don't work are wrong, mostly. It takes a special kind of person to make long distance relationships work, and I'm sure that you can make it work too. Having been in a LDR for 9 months, I know what its like. One thing that is a key to making LDRs work is setting a date in the future where you know you'll be able to go from long distance to being in a normal, close relationship. My boyfriend and I both decided that if we couldn't be close to each other sometime soon, we would end it. We were lucky and were able to be close. So, that is a very important aspect in a serious LDR. If you can't eventually be close to each other, then chances are it won't work out unfortunately. But hopefully you can make it work.

 

As for the Seasonal disorder, I have no idea about that, so sorry.

 

Matt is right with the LDR. Me and West are some 1100 miles apart - so even driving to meet each other isn't possible. But we see each other on a daily basis - or almost daily - on the instant messenger and we fly over to meet once in 30-45 days. Sometimes it's very hard but so far it's worked. And we have a date in the future where we are going to be together. It's not a concrete date yet but it's real and close enough to hold on. The other thing is, LDR need willingness on both sides - but I guess that's necessary for any long-term relationship to work.

 

 

As for SAD, I think he should seek professional help - but if he doesn't want to, I don't see many positive prospects... 

 

 

[John Galaor]

Well part of the solution for SAD is a artificial sunlight device ... you program it to turn on a light bulb ... and the other part is to have natural lighting ... after awhile having enough of the need for natural light one does feel better

 

I've tried this ... when I lived in NY ... It does make a difference ...

 

This should be an easier thing to deal with and then see if the long distance and other factors affecting the relationship later

 

that will have to be dealt with over time

 

it could involve more problems that having little time exposed to natural light. In winter we tend to live more time indoors and the physical exercise can be almost non-existent. Then, if you couple a working time indoors with staying indoors at home later, we had not time for physical exercise. This could depress anyone also. All the depressive person I had known were not much involved with exercise. It is the typical problem of who was first the hen or the egg. People do not walk outside or go to a gym because is depressed, or he gets depressed because he do not exercise enough. Then, either way, short daylight hours and cold conditions, can keep you hidden at home, doing nothing more than watch TV. Too much time watching TV and not walking outside can also beget depression. I had a relative that enclosed himself at home watching TV all the time, and he ended up with a horse size depression.

[John Galaor]

People who say long distance relationships don't work are wrong, mostly. It takes a special kind of person to make long distance relationships work, and I'm sure that you can make it work too. Having been in a LDR for 9 months, I know what its like. One thing that is a key to making LDRs work is setting a date in the future where you know you'll be able to go from long distance to being in a normal, close relationship. My boyfriend and I both decided that if we couldn't be close to each other sometime soon, we would end it. We were lucky and were able to be close. So, that is a very important aspect in a serious LDR. If you can't eventually be close to each other, then chances are it won't work out unfortunately. But hopefully you can make it work.

 

As for the Seasonal disorder, I have no idea about that, so sorry.

 

This could be a sound reasoning. the purpose of love is sexual gratification. Then, even if one can get some pleasure in a virtual context of long distance, by chatting in typing mode, or by phone, the prospects of a future pleasure can fade, unless one puts some date for the realization of the dream.

 

Other reason to the failure of LDR could be, that one member of the couple, would find a suitor to love nearer him.

Then if you had real flex to enjoy, you do not need the virtual one.