What do you do when you are upset?

[comicfan]

I am in the process of writing my story when I had my character do something to relieve stress. For me it is what I normally do but was told it wasn't believable when I allowed someone to read it early. So I put this out there to see the responses so I can judge for myself. When you are mad, upset, and trying to work through it what is it you do to refocus yourself? (I don't want to say what I do because I don't want to color anyone's response. And please don't make it sexual, because of how I have my character it wouldn't make sense at this point.) Thank you.

[Sara Alva]

Hm I suppose if I were trying to alleviate the stress, I'd write or read. But sadly my usual go-to is to complain first, not that that helps any

 

Now, as for the story, if this is something that you actually do, *you* know it can happen in real life and therefore I'd suggest you write it with conviction. Sure, you may have people telling you that it's unrealistic, but that may only be because they've never seen/experienced something similar. You'll know better, and perhaps be broadening peoples' horizons. If they still disagree . . . well, oh well, ya can't please everyone all of the time.

[AntonEckhoff]

It probably seems really daft; but what I do when I am upset is listen to Melissa Etheridge's album 'Breakdown' which is pretty much what it says on the tin. It is about your whole world falling apart (in her case because of a breakup). For me, the songs are really emotional and I completely feel what she is talking about. Then, I put on her next album 'Skin' which is about her getting over her breakdown. It is all about moving on, even though what happened was painful. Listening to the two in succession helps me put things into prospective – and genuinely makes me feel better about whatever is going on in my life.

 

I think you will find that whatever it is people do when something bad happens to them will seem daft to other people, but it doesn’t matter what other people think. Everyone deals with pain and frustration differently, and that's what makes us unique. I think you should do whatever you think your character would naturally; It doesn’t matter if other people thing it's strange, or unrealistic, because someone everyone is a bit strange.

 

 

[Cyhort]

Generally I just sulk and internally whine/rage about whatever's upsetting me before either reading something or just aimlessly wandering around the internet. Not very helpful for a story though.

[JamesSavik]

There are a number of ways that people deal with stress. Most of them are probably unhealthy. For dramatic purposes, the unhealthy behaviors are probably the most interesting.

 

Drinking and drugs are a classic stress response. Again people given to drinking and drugs don't need much provocation.

 

Sex can be a stress response. Many a sex addict will go out a get busy with the first like minded person they can find when they encounter stress. Statistics show that in times of widespread stress like war and economic depressions, birth rates tend to go up.

 

Stress can also act as a trigger for some people that have underlying mental problems. We often hear about the nice, quiet type that snaps and kills eighty people.

 

There's are a lot of stress response behaviors that one might not think of off hand. Over eating, masturbation, bullying, child abuse, obsessive-compulsive behaviors, cutting and so forth.

 

Stress can cause physical illness in some cases- headaches, stomach distress, body aches, weight loss.

 

It doesn't take much imagination to make a character perfectly miserable from stress.

[Frostina]

I talk -- Out loud... Most of the times, i dont find people to listen to me... BUT i dont let that bother me.. i just talk.. how i feel abt it.. what i would do if i had the chance, etc. etc.

Some times i even write the thoughts down, as i am speaking them..( i generally do this when there's no one around...)

 

Sometimes, if i need a distraction, i try and do something i am NOT very skilled at, and try to better it... takes up a LOT of concentration and gives me little chance to think of what was originally bothering me ( like cook a difficult dish, or paint something). (AND i play really loud music when i am doing this)

 

Hope it helps

 

It's interesting to know how diff people deal with situations

[Breeze]

When I get upset and just cant get it together I start saying the serenity prayer over and over and over. Its short, easy and by saying it repeatedly I get calmed down and empty my head and then Im usually able to think a little more clearly. Thats what works for me, anyway.

[Krista]

When I'm upset, it depends on what.. if someone has upset me or made me mad, I have to leave and not be around them. If I stay around them I'll eventually say something to them that I will regret later or say something to make it worse.. lol. So... If I don't have anything to do, like a chore or something, I go somewhere and get ice cream or I go shopping. Just something to distract me.. sometimes just a drive through town or down a country road is enough to calm myself.

 

If I'm not angry, but sad or something I take a nap.. or go to bed. If I don't do that, I cry.. I cry easy though.

[Tipdin]

I have many option from which to choose when I am upset, it just depends on how upset I am and what I think are my chances of putting things right.

 

I often write. I'll explain the situation. Putting my thoughts on paper forces me to put them into some sort of context and order.

 

If all hell has broken loose and I really REALLY need to defuse, I'll go away someplace, maybe for a long car drive, and sing my lungs out. Or maybe I'll dance until the alarm goes off on my pacemaker.

[comicfan]

Thanks for the replies people. Both my character and myself are the sort that need to do something. We internalize a bit but the more upset you become the more you do. In this case my character cooks or more precisely bakes. Doing it helps give him time to work things out and be away from people while it happens. Just needed to make sure it made sense and after reading it fits as a coping mechanism. Thanks for the help.

[Ramon]

That's not that unbelievable. I've actually done that before. haha

[Marzipan]

When things get really really bad, I hide, shut the world out and pretend the bad stuff doesn't excist. Then I read. Sleep over it. Cry. In the moring things usually get better.

 

These days I have friends to chat too so I feel they won't let me sulk that much.

[Nephylim]

Cooking is an awesome way to relive stress. I think it is all down to 'doing' something.

 

I tend to write out my stress.... as you can probably tell from the type of things i often write. I also walk. I feel I have to 'do' something and it really doesn#t matter what i do

[Zolia Lily]

Cooking is a cool idea! Keep yourself busy and focussed on something...

i tend to cry, bite all my fingernails off, procrastinate and hide, make myself ill stressing...

 

cooking sounds much much much healthier.

Maybe i should try this next time! lol...

[rustle]

Cooking is totally believable. I've done that - usually baking something totally new and different if I'm just ill-at-ease.

 

Like several people have mentioned, DOING SOMETHING seems to work best. If it's anger, I find hard physical actiivty helps most. Splitting firewood, bicycling, a 20-mile hike...

 

An acting coach told me once that we had to demonstrate what we wanted to convey, make it visible. With the written word, maybe that means describing the intense control required/being used when we just want to throw the pots and pans across the room and cry.

[Tipdin]

Baking as a coping mechanism is actually quite practical. The conscious mind is focused while the subconscious grapples with the problem. Very sensible.

[Y_B]

I usually take a baseball bat and savagedly beat the shit outta everything in my room and tear everything up like it's 28 Weeks Later. Like clockwork, my roommates will call the cops on me and after being tased into submission, I'll pass out but always wake up refreshed and calm.

 

....I'm kidding. I just drink water and walk it off.

[comicfan]

I usually take a baseball bat and savagedly beat the shit outta everything in my room and tear everything up like it's 28 Weeks Later. Like clockwork, my roommates will call the cops on me and after being tased into submission, I'll pass out but always wake up refreshed and calm.

 

....I'm kidding. I just drink water and walk it off.

 

If you weren't kidding I would be wondering where someone in college can afford to keep replacing his stuff. lol. Even out of college, still paying back those loans, I can't afford to do that.

[Frostina]

I usually take a baseball bat and savagedly beat the shit outta everything in my room and tear everything up like it's 28 Weeks Later. Like clockwork, my roommates will call the cops on me and after being tased into submission, I'll pass out but always wake up refreshed and calm.

 

....I'm kidding. I just drink water and walk it off.

 

[hh5]

I guess I don't have a good coping mechanism these days ... perhaps a meltdown ... can't wait for another chernobal!!

[Percivial]

I try to lie down and go to sleep if I'm home or listen to music if I'm not lol. Most times when I'm upset, I really don't want to think(at that moment) about what's making me upset because it'd only get worse, so most times I just have a lie down, fall asleep and I usually have a clearer head and cope better when I wake up.

[JamesSavik]

I say:

 

God. Grant me the serenity to avoid murdering the next mutt that gets in my face, the strength to murder the ones that really need killin' and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

[comicfan]

I say:

 

 

 

and here I thought stress was the overwhelming desire to choke some idiot who desperately needed it but knowing it would be wrong and send you to jail.

[Michael9344]

I listen to music. I listen to music and daydream.

 

I listen to music. I listen to music and daydream.

[Tomas]

What I do depends on the severity of what I'm stressing over. Sometimes. just going into a room, closing the door and screaming relieves it. At other times, losing myself in a good book does the trick. Then there is going for a walk or a run, the length of which depends on how much I'm stressing.

 

Of course everyone being different, each has to find their own way to relieve the stress. Hopefully, one that is not harmful in other ways. It wouldn't do to relieve the stress and find out that you have harmed yourself, or worse yet someone else, thereby causing even more and even greater stress.

 

Take Care

Tomas

 

 

Edited April 14, 2011 by Tomas