Biggest regret of your life...

[John Galaor]

I've been recasting my undergraduate experience in terms of penance done for not trying hard in high school. They were, and I suspect will remain, the worst years of my life.

 

I could have gone to a great university if I had worked hard. I got A's on anything I tried on, but instead of trying played video games and sulked (and masturbated).

 

The single thing every one of the friends I envy have in common is that they've been working very hard for at least the least few years, and as far as I can tell, they worked hard without measuring themselves up against others to see if they were getting dealt a good hand or not. Unflinchingly they pressed forward until they amassed talents and money and a comfortable future, and now they're reaping the benefits.

 

I try to think of them when I'm having regrets or feel I'm having an unlucky spell. One of the only clichés I tolerate: hard work beats hard luck.

 

Do not feel bad for that. Being a hard worker and bright student comes early in life. If the parents reinforce well the joys of studying, any child can become a great student. But if they try to become a great student later in life they are gonna fail. It is rather difficult to become a good student later on life. I mean when one is an adolescent. It is only possible, if you are a monster student early on life. Well before you are ten or so. If you are forward like a grade or two, when you are six years old, this difference would accompany you the rest of your life.

 

I had not the opportunity to study, but I loved books for I was not doing well socially. I had to start working early in life, but as the books were more friendly to me than people, I continued learning alone in the evenings. I had not reasons to being social. And little by little, I was studying all the matters that are taught in high school and college. Then, I had not any tittle, but I feel very happy with all my knowledge I have piled up.

 

I had been a good father and taught nicely my children. They made all the studies I could not do. My daughter studied physics with honors in Edinburgh and my son did electronic engineering in Germany. So, their lives had been a lot better than mine. And I feel good for being able to be loving father. I never punished them, not even a harsh word, not any scolding, etc. They were wonderful kids. I cannot yet believe how good they were. The only sadness I feel is that they had not breed any children yet. But I did not tell to them any word about this topic. I believe in their freedom. They have to decide if they would make any children or not. I would like to have a few grandchildren. One or two.

[John Galaor]

While I was in High School, there was one guy that was so attractive I fell in love with the sight of him on the first day of my soph' year, and he still looks like he did his Senior year (I saw him a year ago and he didn't recognize me)....and the sight of him still makes my heart skip a couple of beats. I have two regrets, one: Not telling him I thought he was attractive (a big chance 'cause of the stigma in the late 70's), and two: I was in the HS Orchestra (String Bass), and one of the freshman percussion (drums) boys needed to borrow my shirt (he didn't have one) for the holiday concerts during my junior year (78-79)...I let him borrow for the first concert, but not for the second two days later...(that one is my single biggest regret)...both of these could have resulted in lifelong friendships (or not)...but regrets are for chances lost.

 

I was impressed with these tender memories. I have not any comparable regret.

[West Coast Dude]

This summer I planned to come out in person to the guy I've liked for years. I already knew he was gay, but I wanted to tell him face to face I loved him. This past week I found out he has a bf. I wish I had done it sooner, I was just waiting for that right moment. The right moment never comes around I learned, you should just go for it.

[Caedus]

I would like to understand why being closeted could be such a misery.

My life had always been always inside a closet. But I did not feel any need to be open about my sexual life. Neither I was fearing to be discovered and exposed in public for my sex life was not very active. Only occasional acts, when things looked like a sure bet.

 

 

User experience will tend to vary widely, and in yours and other peoples cases being outted might not have as big a negative consequence as it would for others. Also how one views sexuality at 14-17 and the environment you live in can make a difference to how you handle accepting (or even acknowledging) your orientation. There are probably tons of threads on the subject from other users experiences being closeted and this is kinda getting .

 

 

 

I regret not doing better grade wise in HS and not taking advantage of some of the opportunities to gain skills that would of made things a bit easier right now. I don't regret the experiences and the people I've met, since they've made me an overall better person now. I may have other regrets, but that ones kinda iffy because, again, I wouldn't want to give up the experiences I've had up to this point.

Edited May 12, 2011 by Caedus

[Cyhort]

Honestly, I'm not sure if I'd choose to do anything differently. There's always one event that pops right into my mind whenever I see something like this. I won't get into it because that'd be a novel in it's own right but it ended up with me trying to kill myself and getting out on a bunch of meds that had some f**ked up side effects. The problem is that shaped so much of who I am now and my views on life, love, relationships and, in a roundabout way, led to me taking the first steps that eventually got me with my boyfriend. I dunno how much of the person I am today I'd be if I undid that and I'm not sure undoing the bad stuff that happened as a result would be worth it.

[Riley Jericho]

Why can't you? 'Who am you?'

 

"Who am you?"

 

Excellent!

 

Riley

[Skyline]

I pretty much just figured out my biggest regret now (Like 2 minutes ago) lol.

 

Basically I regret not trying harder/focusing properly in my first two years of my undergraduate degree. It's beginning to settle in how far up shit creek I am because of all this shenanigans Because of this I don't know how difficult the rest of my years are going to be. Probably more so than ever lol. I don't really feel sorry for myself, or even expect others too. I put myself through this, so its only fair I suffer the consequences. We all make our own decisions. Just sucks that I made such awful ones

[trackstar195]

Turning down Harvard.

[Y_B]

User experience will tend to vary widely, and in yours and other peoples cases being outted might not have as big a negative consequence as it would for others. Also how one views sexuality at 14-17 and the environment you live in can make a difference to how you handle accepting (or even acknowledging) your orientation. There are probably tons of threads on the subject from other users experiences being closeted and this is kinda getting

 

 

I kinda see where he is coming from though and if I'm correct, what JG was wondering was not so much why coming out is so hard for some people but why more people are not able to turn an unfortunate circumstance into a better one in perspective. Different people will have different circumstances in their lives that can make coming out more difficult, dangerous or just impossible but this isn't about coming out, it's about having made the decision to stay closeted and how one feels about it. As someone who has both felt miserable and content being closeted, it seems to me the key to a smooth transition is perspective. Since this is off topic for this thread, I won't get too much into it but it just seems like when people are stuck in bad situations that cannot be helped, sometimes applying a change internally can help tremendously. Like the lemon/lemonade suggestion right?

 

Anyways, I have many deep rooted regrets as well but it seems to heavy to talk about it so I'll share something light.

When my straight friend in high school asked me to blow him one night when he was apparently horny enough to not mind who he was getting head from....I said no because that was gross and I'm not gay. He ended up jerking off in his room while I was there. So yea, it didn't come to my senses until much later that he was actually really hot and I regret not having developed my taste for cock sooner because he never offered again despite all the subtle hints I tried to drop later. Damn it........LOL

Edited May 9, 2011 by Yang Bang

[D_of_Hazzard]

I regret not having developed my taste for cock sooner because he never offered again despite all the subtle hints I tried to drop later.

 

Hahahahahahhaahhahaha

You would

[Collan]

Wow. Very mixed feelings about this, because on the one hand there a number of things I regret about my life that I would like to have been different, and yet if I changed things who knows what things I have now and value that I wouldn't in that other life? And who knows really whether things would have turned out better or worse in the long run? I'll say this though: career-wise my biggest regret is quitting piano lessons in 6th grade in favor of band.

[sucre]

Should I...? Well, here goes. This is kind of a doozy, so bear with me if I skip the pretty details. >.> One of my biggest regrets comes from when I was much younger. I didn't know much about sex then and the risks that came with it, and I was a pretty overall irresponsible person with issues, so I fooled around with some random mook in my class after much harassment from him. We didn't do it or anything, but it later led to rumors about me being a slut (which, unfortunately, wasn't so much a rumor at all), a short pregnancy scare when I skipped my period soon after the experience (it was because of the meds I was on, actually), and I ended up hating his guts later on. Annnddddd... he was a guy. The crap I had to put up with before I transferred schools really messed me up, and nowadays I even have to have counseling because I'm too anxious to talk to members of my own age group head-on. However, it did make me a more conscientious person overall, tougher, and I discovered that boys were really kind of gross and that I'd rather be with a girl. So, there ya' have it. Although the whole fiasco brought me a lot of grief, it made me into a more grown-up individual. And nowadays I know that I can always punch someone even after I say "no" to get the point across.

[Mark92]

My life has been one endless line of crap, but if it had been different I wouldn't be the young man I am now.

Only just learning that i'm actually not that bad as a person , and beginning to find the real me.

So in all reality no regrets.

[phana14]

alcohol

[intune]

I regret drifting apart from friends and people I was close with. But I think that it might be less about regret then just general sadness due to the passing of time.

[TrevorTime]

I would have to say hooking up with my second boyfriend, Brian. It was more or less a rebound thing, and thinking back, we really didn't have "feelings" for each other (we were friends, but not soulmates, if that makes any sense).

[reess1]

I've made many many bad decisions. But so far nothing that I hugely regret. I just hope that in life I will always try hard and have fun. Carpe diem

[Percivial]

Listening to my parents too much. Looking back on my so far short life, there were some times where I had some conflicting decisions I had to make and it involved listening to the folks or not. If I could do it again, I'd hvae grown a pair and just done what I had wanted, though it would have pissed off my parents a bit, but I'd have been happier in the long term.

Edited May 13, 2011 by Percivial

[John Galaor]

I had been wondering, do I have a regret of something I did not do, or had I done?

Then, I had been several days remembering, and could not retrieve any memory of a regret in my life.

So, I asked me next, how is it?

I have done many silly things in my life as anybody else. I am very far from being a winner on anything.

Then, I had the idea that I was always reacting to my own circumstances, within the state of my mind in each moment.

 

I never had plans to do this or that, or to follow a determined path towards a goal. Put it in other words, I was doing what it pleased me at each precise moment in my life. I never had plans. I was living by the circumstances of each day. Then I was sort of impulsive.

 

A few times I had been forced to... I was submitted to the will and lust of others. And I had to do something others ordered me to do. But I have avoided most occasions of being trapped and enslaved to the will or lust of others.

In other cases, I could not avoid it, for I was like trapped. In these cases I had take it with calm and endured anything as well as I could. I suppose I was not different to others in this way. Then, the weird thing was that "it was not such a bad thing" being abused. It triggered some unknown switch in my brain that made me feel well. Perhaps, being subjected to a sexual pounding, my mind reacted by showering my brain with endorphines and other pleasant neurotransmitters.

 

In general, I had been lucky, later in life. I had not to endure as much shit as in childhood. My infancy was sort of Dickensian one, but it was not a choice I had made. As a young man and as an adult I was mostly reacting to the circumstances I met. I was trying to find a balance between my inner urges and what others wanted around me.

If I had been living through different circumstances, I would had been acting different. So, I do not see any reason to regret anything. I had never been choosing my own path in life. Whenever I saw an opportunity, I grabbed it.

 

Perhaps, I can say this because I was a docile boy or more precisely a totally tamed one and adolescent. Even as an adult I was mostly a tamed one. At least on the outside.

 

Even if I was often a rebel, this attitude most mostly hidden within myself.

So, I was a few times punished as a boy. Once I was slapped for I had being writing a novel. The none, a "sister of Mercy", was sure I had been copying this story from a novel I have hidden anywhere. And novels were forbidden in that religious school, for novels were suspicious of being obscene or heretical. She was sure I got a forbidden novel hidden and started like crazy to looked for it in my desk and in the desk of the other boys. She asked other boys where was the novel, and nobody knew it for there was not any novel. Then, she asked me with a severe face where I hid the novel. I told her, there was not any novel. That all was and had come out of head. Then she slapped me hard for not confessing where the novel was hidden.

 

In other occasion, I was slapped twice for telling her that she had done wrong a math's problem of geometry. She was really wrong and find it offensive that I had told her so. She was trying to find out why we had different solutions for the same problem. I was the number one in school at doing maths problems. She knew it. Most of the boys in the classroom were copying the problems after me.

Then, the none supposed that I had made some mistakes in the operations of the problem. She check that out, and I had not made any mistakes. Then, she called me to check this problem and I saw the way she did it. I saw at once she was wrong and I told her, this way to solve the problem is wrong. I felt sort of proud as I told her and I had a faint sneer in my face. That made her mad at me and ordered all children to get out of the classroom. Then she made me to kneel down and she slapped me hard twice. Some boy was hearing on the key hole and told the other boys, "she has slapped him twice". Since that day I was a sort of hero with the boys, and had an aura of being a crazy sort of clever boy. Since that day boys called me Doc Sivana, from the comic books of Superman. Wicked Doc Sivana invented crazy machines of massive destruction to conquer the world and Superman came swiftly flying to destroy those powerful machines.

[John Galaor]

Listening to my parents too much. Looking back on my so far short life, there were some times where I had some conflicting decisions I had to make and it involved listening to the folks or not. If I could do it again, I'd hvae grown a pair and just done what I had wanted, though it would have pissed off my parents a bit, but I'd have been happier in the long term.

 

I do not understand what you mean by "I'd have grown a pair". Is it "i had been go to live with my bf" or something?

[John Galaor]

I would have to say hooking up with my second boyfriend, Brian. It was more or less a rebound thing, and thinking back, we really didn't have "feelings" for each other (we were friends, but not soulmates, if that makes any sense).

 

Being so young, as you were, you could not figure it out yet how difficult is to live day by day with another person.

 

It is quite different to go with a friend a couple of times a week, or a few hours a day.

Being with someone on a daily bases can be quite taxing. We can not imagine how much shit can we cause each other, if we had not been there for a time to know it.

[John Galaor]

My life has been one endless line of crap, but if it had been different I wouldn't be the young man I am now.

Only just learning that i'm actually not that bad as a person , and beginning to find the real me.

So in all reality no regrets.

 

we are lucky for we learn from own mistakes. So this `"endless line of crap" you said, impressed me.

So young you are and you had learned all this so fast.

[John Galaor]

Should I...? Well, here goes. This is kind of a doozy, so bear with me if I skip the pretty details. >.> One of my biggest regrets comes from when I was much younger. I didn't know much about sex then and the risks that came with it, and I was a pretty overall irresponsible person with issues, so I fooled around with some random mook in my class after much harassment from him. We didn't do it or anything, but it later led to rumors about me being a slut (which, unfortunately, wasn't so much a rumor at all), a short pregnancy scare when I skipped my period soon after the experience (it was because of the meds I was on, actually), and I ended up hating his guts later on. Annnddddd... he was a guy. The crap I had to put up with before I transferred schools really messed me up, and nowadays I even have to have counseling because I'm too anxious to talk to members of my own age group head-on. However, it did make me a more conscientious person overall, tougher, and I discovered that boys were really kind of gross and that I'd rather be with a girl. So, there ya' have it. Although the whole fiasco brought me a lot of grief, it made me into a more grown-up individual. And nowadays I know that I can always punch someone even after I say "no" to get the point across.

 

in this story there is not only a bad guy.

All those that spread the notion that you were a slut were probably other girls.

For females are ready to punish any others girls that do not behave as the social conventions determine.

 

Boys are also similarly nasty bullying the boys that become suspicious of not behaving as the official stereotype for boys.

 

There is also the probability that the sexually frustrated boy said another female that he had intercourse with you "as a vengeance" being feeling sexually frustrated. In this case there are more culprits than one, the frustrated boy on a hand and the girls that spread the rumor on the other.

 

A sexually rejected boy can become a nasty beast. This is another fact of life.

[Percivial]

I do not understand what you mean by "I'd have grown a pair". Is it "i had been go to live with my bf" or something?

 

"Grown a pair" as in I should have been braver and did some things the way I wanted rather than putting the fact whether or not my parents would have been pissed first. Had nothing to do with a bf.

[John Galaor]

"Grown a pair" as in I should have been braver and did some things the way I wanted rather than putting the fact whether or not my parents would have been pissed first. Had nothing to do with a bf.

 

So you meant "a pair" of balls. Perhaps it was not such a bad thing after all to shut up for a time. You cannot imagine how difficult is to fend off by himself when you are under 18. To have a work and to earn enough to pay the rent for a small flat or trailer room, and all that. Even going to live under the roof of someone older than you could be also a risky business. Then it was not such bad thing you did, considering how many things could go wrong. To leave home early in life, a thing I did, could be comparable to buying an old car and hoping you could go very far on it.

In the end, all your social status depends much on the money you have, or you can earn. The rest in life is mostly secondary. We are slaves to feed our bodies, for they need food almost daily. That means money. Then, to feed yourself you had to sell yourself to others. That could be a job, or that could be "other services" you have to perform to please others. Then to live with the parents means to be enslaved to their rules. Then, one never is a true master of himself. Not even as an adult. We are never free. We have to be slaves to others as a mean to take care of your own body. Even if we are living as hunter gatherers, we depend much on the help of others to survive. For sometimes you can pass four or five days in a row without hunting any thing at all.

 

I put myself again in a philosophical pose. Well, I beg your pardon.