dear departed

[rustle]

I've lost a lot of people over the years. Family, friends, acquaintances. Finding out about Roan got me thinking.

 

I found myself drifting, thinking about Roan, and started having a one-sided conversation, out loud, telling him all kinds of things. I knew he wasn't there, but I just kept talking, as if he could hear. I realize I've done this for years - talking with those who are no longer with us. Sometimes in a the cementary, sometimes not.

 

I read this described as an Irish trait.

 

It gives me some comfort, kinda like a pressure release valve.

 

Long way around to a question, but, do any of you find yourself talking to people you've known who have died, or have you heard of this before?

 

[Daddydavek]

Yeah, I do.   My dad was killed in a car accident in 1963 when I was still 15 years old.  I was sitting next to him in the front seat when it happened.  As a teenager, I would be in bed at night thinking about my problems and and would make an imaginary phone call to dad to run my thoughts past him.   I knew him well enough to imagine what he would say.   I am now 65 years old.  I still call my dad sometimes.   The senseless killing at Newtown was one such time.  I will never forget my dad, or that I sometimes need to run my problems past him for his wisdom and advice.   Sometimes he is as befuddled as I am, but I still feel better having at least aired my problems.   My heritage is of German ancestry on both my mother's and father's sides of the family tree.   

[Tomas]

 Yup! But then again, I'm of "Irish ancestry". 

 

[Breeze]

Yeah I do as well. For years it was a Great Uncle of mine. He was a great source of strength when I was in my teens and my world was in tatters. I was about 32 when he died. I still miss him. Lately it's been my husband, he passed away 2 years ago. 

[comicfan]

You aren't alone in that one Russ. Then again I am from an Irish ancestry. Sometimes you just need to grieve in your own way and talking to them is the way to do it.

[Michael9344]

No, I don't. It's weird cos we believe in the afterlife and how our dead loved ones fight our battles in the underworld, but I've never done this. I've (imaginarily) seen my dead uncle but that's the most of it. I just tend to leave them alone...

P.S It's called Apostrophe (in literature), I think.

[Bumblebee]

I speak to my horse that was put down in 2011, seems stupid but I would have conversations with him when he was alive, so it helped somewhat when I would speak to him in my head.

I speak to Karl, I find it soothing in a way speaking to him, even though I don't believe in an afterlife, it just makes me feel like he's still a part of me, helping me and answering my questions, or at least helping me to come to my own conclusions about problems.

It's worse in some ways though because there are things I want to share with him that I know he would have been interested in, but it gives me some peace of mind that it doesn't worry me so much that he's never going to actually reply, just as long as I keep speaking to him.

 

I don't speak out loud to either of them.. My mother would probably have me committed.. And I feel like these are private conversations anyways so I wouldn't want anyone alive to know what I was saying. And even though I sometimes end up crying after speaking to them both, I don't wish to stop anytime soon.

[harcallard]

I feel that each person deals with death and the loss of someone dear to them in different  ways. I for one, never say it out loud, but I talk to them in m head.. I know wierd but that i show I deal with it. So to answer the question, I don't think that there is anything wrong with it,

[podga]

I've heard of it, but I never do it myself. I remember friends and family who've passed, I still smile at old memories, I turn to my photo albums time and again, but I've said my goodbyes. They had to move on, and so must I.

[CassieQ]

Yeah, I talk to Roan.  When he was really sick, I took his picture and some quotes from him and anything that made me think of him and put it on a poster board.  I would sometimes look at it, and look at his picture and start talking to him.  I'm glad that I'm not the only one who does that.  

[Bill W]

I do this as well.  I find I do it most when there are things I don't understand or don't feel I can talk to others about.  I also do it when I visit the gravesites of loved ones that have passed.  My family background is primarily Welsh, but there is some Irish in there as well, but I don't remember anyone discussing this as I was growing up, although I did notice close relatives doing it as well. 

[K.C.]

I've done this for years with my grandfather who was killed in an accident while he was at work when I was 15.  I talked to him all during my teens and 20's and even today.  It was always comforting since he was the person I went to for advice when I was young, it was like he was still directing me. My heritage is a little mixed up. He was Czech.

 

Since my grandmother passed away last year and my mom this year, I haven't tried talking to them much.  It hurts too much and I just break down sobbing.  I told a friend that I was going to try writing a letter to my mom, to see if I could express myself any better with my writing since I suck at verbal conversations in real life.  My grandmother was from Poland.  Even though I claim to have nothing from dad but his name (which isn't true, I have his eyes...and I hate that) he is German.

[joann414]

I talk to my dad and an uncle that I was close to.  Most of the time it is when I am sitting outside at night and have a lot of troubled thoughts in mind.  After sharing with one of them, I seem to feel more at peace.

[Mark92]

I haven't lost any person dear to me. But I talk to my animals if that counts? I still don't have a pig in Cher's old sty. I find myself stopping at the door and just looking in to it.

Every animal I've lost I still think about, and there are markers here and there about the farm, with names and dates from when and to, they were with me. Hundreds of wild animals too over the years.

I don't think it's a bad thing, just another coping mechanism.

[Yettie One]

My mom does it all the time and has done for ages. Not just with dead people, but people that she is distant from or misses a lot.

 

My elder brother used to do what we all called Ranting and Raving when he'd argue with himself in his younger days, sometimes in really intense arguments.

 

I think for these two reasons I don't actually talk aloud to anyone that I can't see, but I sure do have mental conversations with them. When dad first died, I found it really hard to deal with, and used to go down to the cliffs at Rhossilli in Wales and sit there and listen to the waves and talk to him.

 

It's strange though. When I get angry with myself, I do tell myself off verbally.

I guess I'm just strange that way! 

[Celethiel]

I go and talk to my grandmother's grave every so often since her burial this last May.

[Former Member]

It's not the same thing, but I was in a very very dark place one time and I did something most people would think is unthinkable. Anyway, I have very vivid memories of that cold night in March, those memories haunt me every day. I saw my late God Father and had a long conversation with him that night. I remember every word that was spoken. He asked me why I did what I did - I truly believe that, because of him, I am alive today although there is, quite frankly, no medical reason for it.

 

So, yeah, I do still talk to my dead God Father whenever I feel down (which has been often lately.)

[Ashi]

I don't do it, but if it gives you comfort, then you should do it.  Everyone has their own grieving system.  I usually just stay in bed and think about them, and quietly cry to myself if needed, so I won't surprise people (crying is not something people connect me with).  If people judge you by your grieving system, then it's very narrow minded of them, and they should have more feeling.