poetry Poetry Prompt 1 - !TANKA!

[AC Benus]

Herewith my pedantic efforts. At least I had a bit of fun doing it.

https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/story/jaro-423/poetryprompt1-tanka

Jaro, something happened...not only does this link not work, but when i go to your profile and click on stories, none of them come up ;(  

Edited September 4, 2014 by AC Benus

[AC Benus]

 

Okay, I tried one

No idea what "I" is

 

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/foster/poetryprompts/1

 

'A stranger lost and found' - is that a puppy i am picturing?

[AC Benus]

Thank you so much for the great idea. I know mine's funny, hope it's not too bad

It almost sounds like it's the poet who is red and juicy and sitting on the plate, LOL! I like it, it did have me chuckling

[AC Benus]

I don't know how to create a link as some of you have done, but here's my attempt at arranging some words:

 

 

I see blossoms bud,

 

heralding the Maiden fair.

 

Snow forms rivulets,

 

skylarks singing joyously...

 

The Old Man has gone to sleep.

Intriguing...the maiden fair is springtime..? Oh yes, i guess so! The old man is winter...Somehow i think this poem translated into Japanese would turn out very Japanese indeed, lol! 

[Rano]

Intriguing...the maiden fair is springtime..? Oh yes, i guess so! The old man is winter...Somehow i think this poem translated into Japanese would turn out very Japanese indeed, lol! 

 

I'm chaffed that you've identified both metaphors correctly

[AC Benus]

On 9/4/2014 at 12:49 PM, Dolores Esteban said:

Great idea!

 

I gave it a try.

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/dolores-esteban/gawritingprompts/50

Very, very nice! I usually do not do this, but may I offer a suggestion..?  Consider replacing the word 'The' in the third line with 'My.' IMO, this would complete both the thought and flow of the five lines as a unit.

As a person, I can be with you as you experienced this quiet and introspective moment; that feeling is right at the heart of Tanka as an art form.  

Edited April 17, 2023 by AC Benus

[AC Benus]

I'm chaffed that you've identified both metaphors correctly

YEY!!!

[Andy78]

Jaro, something happened...not only does this link not work, but when i go to your profile and click on stories, none of them come up ;(  

 

For everyone interested in Jaro's prompt here is the correct link https://www.gayauthors.org/story/jaro-423/mypoetryprompts/1

 

Please also keep in mind that some members will be in the mod queue and although they can post links to their chapters immediately, the story/chapter will not actually be available to the GA public until it has been approved.

Edited September 4, 2014 by Andy78

[AC Benus]

For everyone interested in Jaro's prompt here is the correct link https://www.gayauthors.org/story/jaro-423/mypoetryprompts/1

 

Please also keep in mind that some members will be in the mod queue and although they can post links to their chapters immediately, the story/chapter will not actually be available to the GA public until it has been approved.

Thank you Andy, i did not think of that.

[AC Benus]

Herewith my pedantic efforts. At least I had a bit of fun doing it.

https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/story/jaro-423/poetryprompt1-tanka

Jaro, you really took the form and ran. I would have to do some research, but you may be the first person to treat a string of Tanka as stanza in a broader work. I really like that, and may have to 'borrow' it in the near future   [For 'hibernation,' which has one extra-pesky syllable, you might consider substituting 'winter sleep.'] 

Edited September 5, 2014 by AC Benus

[Aditus]

I like it, but think of it this way, where is the poet in this..? I mean, what is the poet feeling - not just what is he seeing.

Has it to be the poet's 'I' ? Can't it be an 'I' the poet describes? Just a thought.

 

Anyway, someone explained it to me like this. Usually a Tanka is divided in two parts: The first part - the 5-7-5 part- can be a description of an image, an idea, like a Haiku. The second part - the 7-7 is the prospect of the idea/image. It hasn't necessarily to be personal but can be, for a prospect is sometimes very personal.

 

As for my first try: I tried to describe an erupting volcano. The prospect is that the volcanic earth becomes fertile earth, even if it takes years and if you want to push it, and I wanted to push  it, out of destruction can come new life in nature and for the person/poet. I'll try to make this clearer. And my ever present question: Did this make sense?

[AC Benus]

On 9/4/2014 at 11:26 PM, aditus said:

Has it to be the poet's 'I' ? Can't it be an 'I' the poet describes? Just a thought.

Anyway, someone explained it to me like this. Usually a Tanka is divided in two parts: The first part - the 5-7-5 part- can be a description of an image, an idea, like a Haiku. The second part - the 7-7 is the prospect of the idea/image. It hasn't necessarily to be personal but can be, for a prospect is sometimes very personal.

As for my first try: I tried to describe an erupting volcano. The prospect is that the volcanic earth becomes fertile earth, even if it takes years and if you want to push it, and I wanted to push  it, out of destruction can come new life in nature and for the person/poet. I'll try to make this clearer. And my ever present question: Did this make sense?

I like your poem! It's just that with the Tanka, there is more opportunity for you to place yourself in it. As far as the difference between the Tanka and Haiku, think of it as the difference between two perspectives: subjective versus objective. Tanka (as per the form established hundreds of years ago) are supremely subjective, and seek to connect poet to reader via a personal experience and the emotions its generates. 

Thanks for your feedback, and I look forward to more Tanka!

Edited April 17, 2023 by AC Benus

[Percy]

AC and Irritable- great idea.  Very interesting reading what a Tanka is.  I've been off this site for a week and it was a real treat to come back and find this going on.

[AC Benus]

AC and Irritable- great idea.  Very interesting reading what a Tanka is.  I've been off this site for a week and it was a real treat to come back and find this going on.

Thank you, Percy. I'll be hoping to see your Tanka coming shortly

[Percy]

A Tanka tryout.

[AC Benus]

A Tanka tryout.

Loved it. You take that moment seen, and then relate it to how it made you feel. That is ideal for a Tanka (IMO). Thanks for taking my none-too-sublte hint to heart and trying out the form. 

Edited September 7, 2014 by AC Benus

[totallyy]

Another late submission  https://www.gayauthors.org/story/totallyy/rhymes/7

[Lost In Thought]

Just joined recently and came across this. I did follow the 5-7-5-7-7 format but I don't know...

[Irritable1]

Just joined recently and came across this. I did follow the 5-7-5-7-7 format but I don't know...

 

New poets always welcome did you post your tanka?

[Lost In Thought]

New poets always welcome did you post your tanka?

I did but how long will it take until it is approved? And can you see it before then or no?

 

Edit: never mind some one told me, I'll edit this post tomorrow with a URL

 

As promised here's the link to my poem- https://www.gayauthors.org/story/lost-in-thought/lostinthoughtspoetrypromptcollection/1

Edited January 15, 2015 by Lost In Thought

[PBax]

_{After reading the introduction for this prompt I almost felt like I had to acknowledge your efforts to teach me something. And I mean that in a good way. That said, I'm sure the "masters" are rolling in their graves at my efforts (especially since I know they watched me mouth lines as I counted syllables on my fingers). Anyway, here's where I went with it.}

 

_{https://www.gayauthors.org/story/pbax/pbaxspromptwork/2}

 

_{The pond ice settles}

_{Pops and pings reverberate}

_{Frozen reeds take heed}

_{Yearning for spring is pointless}

_{Pause heavily for rebirth}

 

_{The walnut tree creaks}

_{Another limb drops to death}

_{Needs of fruit denied}

_{What remains feeds more deeply}

_{The root does its job blindly}

 

_{Coyotes howl clear}

_{Trysts of heat in bitter cold}

_{Loud cries of yearning}

_{Sparks of life not yet a pack}

_{The womb holds fast till April}

 

_{Fire takes me aside}

_{Dancing with my shivering}

_{No time to stagnate}

_{Rest prune germinate it calls}

_{Your cycles here are not done}

 

 

_{Post edited to include the link to my prompt folder.}

Edited January 16, 2015 by PBax

[Irritable1]

Holy moly, this cycle is amazing!   You've got some really terrific "In the bleak midwinter" going on... Are you going to post this cycle? it deserves an audience...

[PBax]

Thanks Irritable1! It's been solidly cold here for awhile. The sights and sounds of deep winter make me pensive.

 

I took your suggestion and posted this in my Prompt folder (my only folder at this point). If it gets approved, do I edit my post above and put in a link or do I leave things as they are--want to make sure I'm following protocol.

[AC Benus]

Thanks Irritable1! It's been solidly cold here for awhile. The sights and sounds of deep winter make me pensive.

 

I took your suggestion and posted this in my Prompt folder (my only folder at this point). If it gets approved, do I edit my post above and put in a link or do I leave things as they are--want to make sure I'm following protocol.

PBax, links are always appreciated in the postings! Often times Renee Stevens will highlight poets and their work in her wonderful weekly wrap-ups, so it makes it easier her her to showcase your work if you are selected. Also, please be sure to check out her postings. Here is the latest one in case you have not bumped into it already.  https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/blog/258/entry-15138-prompt-me/ 

[AC Benus]

_{After reading the introduction for this prompt I almost felt like I had to acknowledge your efforts to teach me something. And I mean that in a good way. That said, I'm sure the "masters" are rolling in their graves at my efforts (especially since I know they watched me mouth lines as I counted syllables on my fingers). Anyway, here's where I went with it.}

 

_{https://www.gayauthors.org/story/pbax/pbaxspromptwork/2}

 

_{The pond ice settles}

_{Pops and pings reverberate}

_{Frozen reeds take heed}

_{Yearning for spring is pointless}

_{Pause heavily for rebirth}

 

_{The walnut tree creaks}

_{Another limb drops to death}

_{Needs of fruit denied}

_{What remains feeds more deeply}

_{The root does its job blindly}

 

_{Coyotes howl clear}

_{Trysts of heat in bitter cold}

_{Loud cries of yearning}

_{Sparks of life not yet a pack}

_{The womb holds fast till April}

 

_{Fire takes me aside}

_{Dancing with my shivering}

_{No time to stagnate}

_{Rest prune germinate it calls}

_{Your cycles here are not done}

 

 

_{Post edited to include the link to my prompt folder.}

Thanks for reading the prompt and for trying it out - i agree with Irri that these are really an amazing (mini anthology!!!!) all on their own, and yet they hang together was a cohesive poem too. I hope you can check out the other poetry prompts as well