Writers Confessions

[Pmsingtiger]

So I figured I'd confess the things I struggle writing about most and see what you guys struggle with or if you share my own struggles. I hate writing sex scenes, and no not because I don't like them because I think they are the most connection characters can get between each other. For me, I think it's hard to come up with stuff to say because I'm limited in my knowledge of sexual exploration and also because I just blank. I get writer's block majority of the time on sex scenes and I don't know why. I've been reading romance of all kinds since I was 11 years old. Sometimes I just need to read another authors take and see where I'm going wrong, and hope it doesn't sound too stilted when I write it. 

 

What about you?

[FindThySky]

I agree with you there. If I can avoid writing sex scenes I avoid it. Sure, I can describe and understand how it's meant to work, but with limited actual experience that knowledge is always second-hand, gained from other stories. I can try to keep it in tune to how other writers do it, but that is done in the basis of having no knowledge of if it's truly like how it is described.

 

My biggest problem isn't part of what I'm trying to write down. It's part of being motivated to write down what I want to write down. I can be fairly confident in saying that some of the inspirations I've thought up of over the years are of good quality, but I tend to lose interest. Generally, what happens is as follows. I think of an idea and how a story may be constructed, receiving a spike of motivation. I put finger to keyboard but as the story progresses I realise that a plot point pops up I have not considered and there is no real way to resolve the problem without a character being out of character or something in general having to made lesser than what it used to be. That's when I tend to lose motivation. So this time, I'm going to plan out the entire story before writing it to avoid a repeat of this issue. Planning also helps to identify problems in the plot I have not considered when the ideas were in my head and I can make adjustments according in the draft before the real thing.

 

When it comes to the actual content of the stories, I struggle most with realism. I suppose I've just not experienced enough to describe it effectively. As an example, I cannot write a story set on a boat because I've never been on a boat for an extended period of time and do not trust myself to describe it from mere imagination and what others say. My horizons need broadening. This problem isn't just related to the setting; it's also related to the characters. I struggle with characterisation and how they should act and speak. This again stems from the fact that I'm someone with few words and do not fare well with people-to-people interactions. I think one of the most important tools for a writer is their own life. If I want to write better, being able to meet more people and do more things is definitely something I need to work on.

[Myr]

Writing sex scenes is like Nietzsche's quote on the abyss " And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee.. ".  He was talking about fighting monsters and not becoming one yourself...  but in this sense, when you write a sex scene, you are putting out there what you think about sex and people see that.  I did some experiments in writing sex scenes, and some of those stories are posted here.  I've come to the conclusion, that I can probably do a better job with a fade to black and letting the reader fill in their thoughts on the matter than I can giving details.

 

But, that's me.

[CassieQ]

I'd personally like to hear from someone who doesn't struggle with writing sex scenes.  I think those, and humor, are some of the hardest things to write.  I'll write sex scenes in stories where I think it is important, on other stories, I'll fade to black, and I much prefer to fade to black.  

[Mikiesboy]

i write sex scenes when i think they help the story. And every time my characters are in the mood, doesnt mean i'm going to describe each thrust and moan.  I think some is good, too much is boring. I have written full scenes from the first unbuckling of a belt to the final orgasm, with descriptions of what a male orgasm actually feels like.. but often i just give you a taste. I just do what is right for the story.  

 

I never used to like writing sex scenes. The only way i got better was by doing it.

 

I discovered i love to write comedy .. you will normally find some humourous moments in everything i write.  The Faris and James  stories are comedies. And they are very in love and enjoy their sex life, however while they are hot and you know it,  i will never describe their lovemaking ... because it will change them in my eyes and i think my reader's eyes too. 

[BigBen]

Sex scenes are my bête noire.  For me, it's a case of less is more.  If I like the story, I will usually skip the graphic sex scenes but keep on reading.  I will stop reading altogether, however, if the sex is the only thing going on, or if the sex is not accurate.

I came here from Archive of Our Own, where almost all the stories appear to be written by young women writing for other young women.  I may be doing the authors a disservice, but this is my distinct impression.  In any case, it's very clear that whoever they are, and for whomever they are writing, they are not writing for me.  Their idea of sex between two men is just too unlike my lived experience of sex with other men (and I've had my share, believe me).

One thing that particularly irritates me about the sex in the stories I have read on that site is the amount of anal fingering that goes on, given that it is (a) hardly ever necessary as a prelude to anal sex, and (b) isn't particularly fun for either party, unless you are into fisting.  While it is true that there are a few guys here and there who really like being fingered, most gay guys I know don't enjoy it.  I conclude from the omnipresence of such scenes in works there that this is a fetish for the writers and their readers; unfortunately it's not mine.  Equally unfortunately, the site appears to have a rule requiring  six paragraphs about fingering for every paragraph about penetration by tongue or penis (which are both a lot more enjoyable, in my experience), whenever sex between two men is described.

The other problem I have is with anal sex scenes between men that are written by someone who has no idea what a prostate is or what it does.  If you don't have one of your own, go find a friend who does and get some background.  If you do have one, do some experimenting.  Here is one case where your fingers will come in handy, and so will any number of other objects.  And if you can find someone to do your research with, so much the better.

Lastly, I would strongly avoid relying too much on the works of other writers.  This is because tropes get established that can alienate readers, and you don't want to do that.  Especially avoid the conventions of porn:  ridiculously large male members, excessive amounts of ejaculate (it's never more than can be wiped up with at most two tissues, no matter how horny the guys are), ridiculously large numbers of orgasms and ridiculously frequent sex, and the assumption that the only "real sex" or "making love" is anal sex.  A lot of gay couples don't really like anal sex at all, so they express their love in other ways.  Shared orgasms is what makes for sexual intercourse, to say nothing of love-making.  However those orgasms are achieved, I assure you they are just as much "real sex" and "making love" as anal sex is.

Edited January 30, 2021 by BigBen