Gay Dude & Bi-Guy

[Bobby]

I am considering moving back to Tennessee, just wanting to run something by you all, and see what your thoughts are. I got a call a month or so ago from a friend in TN., He wanted me to know his older brother was getting a divorce. Jeff proceeded to tell me how unhappy David was and asked if I would run by and see him next time I was down that way. Jeff told me how he had noticed I could always cheer David up & he had asked about me last time Jeff had talked to him. I guess I should fill you all in on a little history, David and I had a "fling" many years ago, He was in High School and I in College, it lasted a couple of years. We just kind of drifted apart, David always said he was "straight", I was wanting more. I moved away after college, and only saw David at family functions and such, He met a girl & moved in with her. I really started avoiding him, not mad or anything like that, It just hurt to see him doing things with her that I used to enjoy. Now that I look back, I never really got over David, I just put him to the back of my mind, kind of like my "forbidden fruit". Now 20 years later we are talking about him moving in with me or vice-versa. I just don't know what to think, this is all I ever wanted, Can dreams really come true ??? Can this really work?? David says I'm the only guy he has ever been with and is not even sure the Bi label fits him but also admits "feelings" for me. My biggest worry is a couple of years down the road David will meet another girl and want to go "mainstream" again.

 

 

 

 

Bobby

[NaperVic]

Just my opinion...

 

You should certainly take the opportunity to explore whether you and David can have a relationship. He really could have changed and maybe you are 'right' for each other and it's taken him all this time to realize it.

 

But moving in together is a HUGE step. It might be more prudent to take baby steps first. Hang out together, go on dates. Mess around a little if that's what you both want. But moving in together adds soooo many other complications that you really aren't both ready for...yet.

 

If it's been 20+years, then you both have changed. You both need to rediscover each other. Who knows what your relationship will end up like ('just friends', 'friends with benefits', or soulmates). But don't move in together this early.

 

Take Care and hope it works out.

 

Vic

Edited June 15, 2006 by naper_vic

[Bao]

people change, things change. were a different person than we were yesterday, but thats life for ya, and life is really short lol. if you really want it then i suggest you go for it.

[Xandra Kitee]

(...) It might be more prudent to take baby steps first.

 

(...) But don't move in together this early.

I second that.

 

If it took him 20 years to figure out where he stands, he can grant you a couple more to know where you two stand.

 

 

Like Vic, I think that if you want to try you should (doubts and regrets are a plague) but that doesn't mean that you should do it carelessly and risk more than necessary.

 

But don't move in together this early.

Emphasis. O_o

[old bob]

Hey Bobby....

I'm thinking loud....

The main question : what do YOU want to do ?

Think short term before long term.

It seems to me that if you ask,it is that you are afraid of your own answer...

Let him come and see from the facts what he wants....Than decide for yourself and dont ask too much.

Good luck

Old Bob (with 70 years of experiences...)

[AFriendlyFace]

I agree with the others. I definitely think this is worth exploring, but it probably is best to take it slowly....of course I know I'd personally have a tough time doing that as I tend to leap into things. Slow is probably still the way to go though.

 

Good luck and take care!

 

Kevin

[glomph]

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."

[redlightfeeling]

I'd say take it slow, but put all your thoughts out there. Don't lie. Don't put on a facade. And don't do things to make him happy. Keep yourself your first priority. Hopefully cautious but honest behavior will keep the doubts and regrets to a minimum.

 

but then again I'm only 16

[Bobby]

Thanks for all the input everyone. Couple of things to add to this, It wasn't what I would call a long term marriage, just short of 3 years, no kids involved, They both agree "it just wasn't working". He is in way over his head on his house payments, They were doing OK with the 2 incomes, but I don't see anyway for him to keep it with just his. It's really a shame, He had just about paid for the land (15 years), Then got caught up in one of those Zero-down IF you own the land home deals. He is really neutral about trying to save his place, I offered to loan him the money to bring it current, He said he wouldn't feel right about it. He's really in a funk over all this.

 

 

Now for the other side, I was over at his place this weekend helping him box things up. I ran across his high school yearbook, I told him, he really shouldn't keep so much "crap" stuffed between the pages, it will ruin the book. When I got to looking, all that "crap" was letters I'd written him, tickets stubs from things we did together, all kinds of stuff like that. I can't even start to describe how that made me feel, he has hung on to this stuff for so long. I really was touched, it was neat to read things I'd wrote 20 years ago. To know, I meant enough to him, that he saved all this. I was overwhelmed.

 

 

Bobby

[Matthew]

Now for the other side, I was over at his place this weekend helping him box things up. I ran across his high school yearbook, I told him, he really shouldn't keep so much "crap" stuffed between the pages, it will ruin the book. When I got to looking, all that "crap" was letters I'd written him, tickets stubs from things we did together, all kinds of stuff like that. I can't even start to describe how that made me feel, he has hung on to this stuff for so long. I really was touched, it was neat to read things I'd wrote 20 years ago. To know, I meant enough to him, that he saved all this. I was overwhelmed.

 

I'm not saying one way or another about moving in together, but....

 

That's the sweetest thing EVER

[Xandra Kitee]

hum I don't want to trivialize anything but I still have 3 love letters (love "drawings" really) that a certain Sebastien gave to me in 3rd grade. I only remember his first name because it's written on them.

 

My point is that it was a long time ago and I still advise not to throw cautiousness away for the sake of fond memories.

 

But that's sweet anyway. ^^

 

You may be "only 16", red, but that's just about the wisest thing anyone's posted here, and some of it has been pretty darn wise.

Kitty

I thought exactly the same thing.

[redlightfeeling]

Now for the other side, I was over at his place this weekend helping him box things up. I ran across his high school yearbook, I told him, he really shouldn't keep so much "crap" stuffed between the pages, it will ruin the book. When I got to looking, all that "crap" was letters I'd written him, tickets stubs from things we did together, all kinds of stuff like that. I can't even start to describe how that made me feel, he has hung on to this stuff for so long. I really was touched, it was neat to read things I'd wrote 20 years ago. To know, I meant enough to him, that he saved all this. I was overwhelmed.

Bobby

 

Ok, I'll say this for everyone,

 

AWWWWW!!!!

 

heh, now you HAVE to keep us posted. Make a blog or something.

 

 

OR, even better, MAKE IT INTO A STORY!!! or journal type thing!

or, you don't have to, maybe you're not the type to kiss and tell

 

 

ps. thanks kitty, and kittee, ha

pss. btw, this is the first time I've used the quote thing! I've never known how to do it before(I know, sad)

[JamesSavik]

Harsh Reality Check

 

I am a gay guy. I don't LOOK like a gay guy- i.e. I'm not stereotypically effeminate or catty. A lot of "bi" or "questioning" guys have seen me as "safe". As a result, I acquired the nickname LabRat in college because so many str8, bi or questioning guys experimented on me.

 

Most people thought that LabRat meant that I stayed wasted all the time. That wasn't it at all but yeah, I stayed wasted most of the time.

 

You see- to them it's an experiment. To you, it's your heart.

 

Do it over and over again and see if you don't end up wasted all the time. Been there, done that, don't want a part-timer.

 

This is why when someone crawfishes about their sexuality, I don't care how cute they are, a relationship just ain't going to happen.

[Bobby]

James you've hit the nail on the head, sounds like you have walked more than a few miles in my shoes. I still feel I need to give this a shot, win, lose or draw, it will be a learning experience. We are going to go at this as roommates for now. David has hit on some rough times, I have a spare bedroom, and this is no more than what I'd do for ANY of my friends that fell on similar circumstances. I am headed back down there the first of next week. I inherited the place from my parents after Mom died last year, going to spend the next few weeks trying to decide what I want to keep and what needs to be sold or just tossed. David's Mom has offered to help me sort through everything (my parents were packrats) I have put that off for long enough, It's time to turn "their" place into "my" place, IF that is even possible. It's going to be a very interesting second half of 2006, I kind of feel like I'm at a fork in the road, I see advantages and disadvantages down both paths.

 

 

 

Bobby :wacko:

[hh5]

What about two BI guys? That be four guys and two girls

Could they all get along?

[methodwriter85]

Damn. That's some kinda of bump. I didn't realize this was from 2006 until Bobby said something about the second half of 2006- I was like, "What?" Geez.

 

In my case, I'd probably approach the guy like a friend. I just don't think I'd try to rekindle any romance.

 

 

[methodwriter85]

Harsh Reality Check

 

I am a gay guy. I don't LOOK like a gay guy- i.e. I'm not stereotypically effeminate or catty. A lot of "bi" or "questioning" guys have seen me as "safe". As a result, I acquired the nickname LabRat in college because so many str8, bi or questioning guys experimented on me.

 

Most people thought that LabRat meant that I stayed wasted all the time. That wasn't it at all but yeah, I stayed wasted most of the time.

 

You see- to them it's an experiment. To you, it's your heart.

 

Do it over and over again and see if you don't end up wasted all the time. Been there, done that, don't want a part-timer.

 

This is why when someone crawfishes about their sexuality, I don't care how cute they are, a relationship just ain't going to happen.

 

I honestly hope that in the four intervening years, you've had some positive experiences with bisexual men that have changed this viewpoint a little. I'm not saying you don't have a right to have it, but I think for a lot of bisexual men, the confusion of dealing with being attracted to both sexes causes them to do things that might be hurtful. But not all bi guys are like that, trust me.

[StormyParis]

I'm very leery of Bis for 2 reasons:

 

1- When I was younger and not at ease with my homosexuality, it was kind of a cop out for me, to avoid facing the truth. Is that guy really ready to fully accept his gay side and commit to a long term gay relationship ?

 

2- Twice the competition. It's already hard to keep a fully guy gay in our clutches, if we've got to fight against the dark side on top of that... ^^

 

Plus I wonder, when you like both, can you do without one in the long run ?

 

I'd tread very cautiously.

[Mark Arbour]

I'm very leery of Bis for 2 reasons:

 

1- When I was younger and not at ease with my homosexuality, it was kind of a cop out for me, to avoid facing the truth. Is that guy really ready to fully accept his gay side and commit to a long term gay relationship ?

 

2- Twice the competition. It's already hard to keep a fully guy gay in our clutches, if we've got to fight against the dark side on top of that... ^^

 

Plus I wonder, when you like both, can you do without one in the long run ?

 

I'd tread very cautiously.

 

 

 

I'd be careful about projecting what happened to you onto other guys. I'm not saying that bisexuality can't be a phase for some guys, but that's not the case for true bisexuals. And we're out there.

[Nephylim]

I think a lot of crap has been thrown at people and at ourselves because of labels. Why can't we just look at people? And why do bi's get seen as people who can't make up their mind. I'm not unsure whether I like girls or boys I'm sure that I like both. I would never turn away love no matter how it presents itself and the question is not... would my bi lover change his/her mind and go back to the sex they were with before but would my lover change their mind about me and go off with someone else? If someone is happy in a relationship they won't go off with anyone whatever the orientation. If they are not happy in a relationship they will go off with someone else and who cares about the orientation

Edited June 30, 2010 by Nephylim

[Aeroplane]

I didn't realise this was 2006 either! LabRat, eh.

 

I wonder what happened to the OP. They've not been active for almost 2 years so we'll probably never find out.. perhaps someone could write an ending .

[methodwriter85]

My ending would be that they realized they had changed two much from the school boys that had fallen in love for there to be a viable adult romance, but they became good friends and Bobby managed too help his old friend get back on his feet. I imagine Bobby visits his friend's new place every once in awhile, and they sit back on the porch in their rocking chairs and reminisce about their youth.

[Mark Arbour]

I think a lot of crap has been thrown at people and at ourselves because of labels. Why can't we just look at people? And why do bi's get seen as people who can't make up their mind. I'm not unsure whether I like girls or boys I'm sure that I like both. I would never turn away love no matter how it presents itself and the question is not... would my bi lover change his/her mind and go back to the sex they were with before but would my lover change their mind about me and go off with someone else? If someone is happy in a relationship they won't go off with anyone whatever the orientation. If they are not happy in a relationship they will go off with someone else and who cares about the orientation

 

 

There's another thing...not every relationship has to be this monogamous, cookie cutter thing we all idolize. It is possible to love more than one person, at least for me.

[Nephylim]

Good point.