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[dkstories] Feedback on The Bully

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dkstories Master Scribe

dkstories

Posted
Posted

So, tell me what y'all thought about The Bully...posted in the Sneak Peak section. The damn story bit me when I woke up from a dream and hasn't let go...fortunately it's fairly short...just a few chapters long...

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C James Master Scribe

C James

Posted
Posted
So, tell me what y'all thought about The Bully...posted in the Sneak Peak section. The damn story bit me when I woke up from a dream and hasn't let go...fortunately it's fairly short...just a few chapters long...

 

Not just the genre, but the style seems different too. Very interesting! I liked the way you captured the mode of speech.

 

Silver Springs, Nevada? Very interesting!

 

I'm guessing that it's a story about Eddie changing? I can't wait to see what happens next! :great:

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  • 3 weeks later...
Battleaxe Initiate Scribe

Battleaxe

Posted
Posted
So, tell me what y'all thought about The Bully...posted in the Sneak Peak section. The damn story bit me when I woke up from a dream and hasn't let go...fortunately it's fairly short...just a few chapters long...

 

 

Its Good :2thumbs:

I like it

 

Geoff

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wildone Master Scribe

wildone

Posted
  • Site Administrator
Posted

Caught my interest on the first page!!

 

I'm interested in where you are going to go with this story.It is a refreshing change that both characters are not the typical perfect hair, face, body, and personality.

 

Looking forward to more!

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Rigel Apprentice Scribe

Rigel

Posted
Posted

Great start to a tale. Thanks to your previous chapters set in Nevada, I even have an inkling of the sort of rural setting you've got in mind. Looking forward to further developments, and you've devised a couple of great complex characters to interact with.

 

--Rigel

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C James Master Scribe

C James

Posted
Posted

OK, this story now has me intrigued!

 

I think I can also guess who the preacher's kid, Danny, is based on! DK! :great:

 

I love the chemistry between the two. Very well done. I'm guessing Silver Springs, Nevada, for the setting?

I found the rural/urban dichotomy very well done, especially the surprise that a 15 yr old can't drive. The method for teaching Danny to drive was hilarious, and probably quite effective as well.

 

Thanks, DK!

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zlenk Initiate Scribe

zlenk

Posted
Posted

hi,

 

like the story very much on the first reading...

 

after i had some time to think about it...

 

it kinda reminds me of dom's writing... plot wise, i mean...

nonetheless, a good read...

 

 

hope to see more chapters soon!

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dkstories Master Scribe

dkstories

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hrmm, ya know that's one of the reasons I kind of hesitated to write this story...comparisons to Dom! Don't get me wrong, Dom's great, I love the guy's work, and I like him a lot personally. Heck we even co-write a story together...but do I want my writing compared to his?

 

Well, it's a compliment because he's damn good when it comes to inter-personal relationship/coming out type of stories. Plus he's extremely popular so it can't be a bad thing. As long as he doesn't think I'm treading on his territory I think it's okay. :)

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Dio Apprentice Scribe

Dio

Posted
Posted
hrmm, ya know that's one of the reasons I kind of hesitated to write this story...comparisons to Dom! Don't get me wrong, Dom's great, I love the guy's work, and I like him a lot personally. Heck we even co-write a story together...but do I want my writing compared to his?

 

Well, it's a compliment because he's damn good when it comes to inter-personal relationship/coming out type of stories. Plus he's extremely popular so it can't be a bad thing. As long as he doesn't think I'm treading on his territory I think it's okay. :)

 

I think it's just that everyone (or most) of the people who like Dom's stuff will like this. Personally I don't think you write anything like him, but that's just imho.

 

Great flow, great characterization...a little cheezy with the whole sitting in the lap thing...but I got over that. Great story so far DK. I'll be on the lookout for more!

 

-db-

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Lucy Kemnitzer Apprentice Scribe

Lucy Kemnitzer

Posted
Posted
hrmm, ya know that's one of the reasons I kind of hesitated to write this story...comparisons to Dom! Don't get me wrong, Dom's great, I love the guy's work, and I like him a lot personally. Heck we even co-write a story together...but do I want my writing compared to his?

 

Well, it's a compliment because he's damn good when it comes to inter-personal relationship/coming out type of stories. Plus he's extremely popular so it can't be a bad thing. As long as he doesn't think I'm treading on his territory I think it's okay. :)

 

I don't think it's a problem. Dom's not the only one writing these stories about young men and their relationships, where the stories are thoroughly embedded in communities and kinship/friendship networks. I think, actually, that a whole genre is being defined right here in front of our noses, and it's a good thing, too (I'd like to see the same kind of story in an urban setting sometime too, just for completeness' sake)

 

Honestly, so far, this is my favorite of your stories. It's pretty clear you're really into this community and the people in it, and that the protagonist's back story and forward development are living breathing things, if I'm making sense.

 

(I had only one problem, which is that at first I thought it was taking place in the northern Central Valley, and it was confusing when the pastor was said to come from California. Also that anybody would call a hundred-thousand people town "small" -- which I guessed the pastor or his wife must have done -- but maybe they said "a rural town" not a "small town" -- that would work for me: Salinas is what, 90K? and you could still call it rural for some purposes, though urban for others)

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KaraC Initiate Scribe

KaraC

Posted
Posted

I love it! :wub:

 

As for being compared to dom, I don't think you have to worry about that at all. While I was reading your new story, I never thought "hey, this reminds me of dom". Sure, the concept (coming out) is sorta the same but your writing styles are vastly different.

 

One more thing, I love the fact that Danny is not afraid of Eddie, and that Eddie can't do anything about it!

:lmao:

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Charlies long lost twin Initiate Scribe

Charlies long lost twin

Posted
Posted

:read: NOT FAIR NOT FAIR It cant just hang there now I am suffering the need and anguish. Those boys are gonna play naughty. :D . You are a wonderful writer and I wish I did it as well as you. But I am so jealous of your tallent and then you tease us as well. "How did I do" Spectacular Wonderful Tantilising Don't Stop

 

Now the rant is over and please continue.

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C James Master Scribe

C James

Posted
Posted
:read: NOT FAIR NOT FAIR It cant just hang there now I am suffering the need and anguish. Those boys are gonna play naughty. :D . You are a wonderful writer and I wish I did it as well as you. But I am so jealous of your tallent and then you tease us as well. "How did I do" Spectacular Wonderful Tantilising Don't Stop

 

Now the rant is over and please continue.

 

Congratulations on your first post!!!

I share your pain: The only thing I dislike about DK's chapters is that they end!

 

Chapter three was great! I loved the authenticity regarding the farm equipment, and the interplay between Danny and Eddie.

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NaperVic Journeyman Scribe

NaperVic

Posted
Posted (edited)
The damn story bit me when I woke up from a dream and hasn't let go

 

Can we capture and breed what bit you? Cause I'd like to have a few of those around when we need to motivate you and some other authors. :D

 

I really like this story Dan :2thumbs: As others have noted, it's different from your usual fair, but the details on the equipment (farm equipment pervs :P ) and scenary are classic Dan.

 

Thanks for sharing this one.

 

Vic

Edited by naper_vic
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