"The Muse" by C James

[AFriendlyFace]

The Muse by C James

 

 

C James' Fall Anthology story

 

 



***possible spoilers***

 

In this short horror story Joel is confronted with the mixed blessing of getting what he wanted. As he struggles to tell his tale he beseeches his muse to come. When at last it does he is all but prepared.

 

Joel begins by trying to tell his story for a 3rd person perspective; in this detached voice the creature, the muse, is still a distant, far away entity. As he gives up the 3rd person perspective he takes on the slightly more personal 2nd person voice. The creature, his muse, moves closer then, becomes a little more real. Finally he curses his muse and once again attempts to tell his story, this time in the very personal 1st person. As his tale gets more and more personal he

[Graeme]

Wow!

 

Well done, CJ!

 

** Possible spoilers ahead ***

 

 

 

A very, very well done little tale. I wondered at first where it was heading, but it didn't take me long to work out that the author and his story were one and the same. It was then just a case of how it would all tie together in the end. It's almost a case of being careful what you wish for

 

Graeme

[C James]

Wow!

 

Well done, CJ!

 

** Possible spoilers ahead ***

A very, very well done little tale. I wondered at first where it was heading, but it didn't take me long to work out that the author and his story were one and the same. It was then just a case of how it would all tie together in the end. It's almost a case of being careful what you wish for

 

Graeme

 

Thank you Graeme!

This was tricky to write, but it was fun, and I had a blast doing it.

At least Joel is no longer a frustrated writer, now that his Muse has finally headed his call.

[NickolasJames8]

Man, that was something else......good story, CJames I thnk Kevin makes a good point about the Muse....maybe if he'd have been writing about a sorrid gay love affair with two over sexed characters, he might have gotten a pleasent surprise (well, unless he was straight )

[DarkShadow]

Awesome!

 

Each page he wrote read like a piece of a spell he didn't know he was casting until finally he got what he asked for. I LOVED IT!

 

The imagry and gore at the end ate me up (and the character too it seems). Do you have more stuff out there somewhere hidden away that I've missed?

 

Top drawer!

[C James]

I really enjoyed this story! It

[shadowgod]

 

Fisrt and formeost, joels muse is a @#*%$ !

 

I realy like the way cj thumbs his nose at the 'rules of writing' and had doen it in a very convincing way. I give my permision Cj, tell those 'experts' they dont know what they are talking about. I even more enjoy the spice he adds to the story by way of dashing archaic words in here and there... I cant recall the last time I read nay... It let me as a reader know just what kind of masterpiece poor Joel was seeking to achieve.

Now for the over all metaphore the runs serpentine through the whole tale. Simply put, Authors, often are consumed by their own goal of perfection. What author out there hadn't scrapped something because it wasn't good enough, it wasn't perfect. I know I sure have!

 

Makes you wonder what would have happened if poor Joel followed the KISS acronym...

 

Kudos again CJ well written, superbly delivered, and most definately original!

 

Steve

[Krista]

Extremely creative story, Cj! When I read it I liked the style and the changing POV's worked well and you made it flow. Definitely an original story that kept me guessing until the ending. I knew something scary would be happening... lol, shew...

 

Anyway, I can't wait to read more fictions you come up with in the next few years.

 

Krista

[DarkShadow]

Thank you Kevin!

 

Well, if Joel had been writing a romance, maybe the Muse would have just had a second course?

Yes, that would have been a bit of a problem for Joel if he was straight!

Thanks Nick!!!

 

Does this mean I get a reprieve from your recipe book? :

Thank you!!

 

Yep, the pages helped bring the Muse, though it had been "calling" to him.

 

I don't have anything else online except you summer anthology entry (No Shirt? No problem!) BUT,

I plan on launching a multi-chapter story in E-fiction by next weekend. I still need to think of a title, though!

 

You know me... I'll be sucking it up! I can't wait to see it.

[C James]

 

Fisrt and formeost, joels muse is a @#*%$ !

 

What? You didn't like the cute little beastie? And here I went to such trouble to write him as sweet and lovable. He even came when Joel called, and even joined him for dinner!

 

I realy like the way cj thumbs his nose at the 'rules of writing' and had doen it in a very convincing way. I give my permision Cj, tell those 'experts' they dont know what they are talking about. I even more enjoy the spice he adds to the story by way of dashing archaic words in here and there... I cant recall the last time I read nay... It let me as a reader know just what kind of masterpiece poor Joel was seeking to achieve.

 

Thank you!!

 

What I was trying for was to make the narration quite different in style to Joel's writing style. I started out the narration in an archaic style, and then after Joel had written his parts (in a slightly similar style

) I shifted over to a more normal style. I was trying to portray a shift, Joel becoming one with his story as his story came to life.

 

Now for my confession regarding the "rules of writing". I came up against this recently, when i wanted the "feel" of both a third person and first person perspective. I had heard that you just can't do that, and, like Joel, it frustrated me. In resolving the issue (I needed both for another story, and found a way to do it, but not quite the same method I used in this one) I figured why not go whole hog, and use all three voices, plus past and present tenses, but without breaking an actual "rules".

 

Now for the over all metaphore the runs serpentine through the whole tale. Simply put, Authors, often are consumed by their own goal of perfection. What author out there hadn't scrapped something because it wasn't good enough, it wasn't perfect. I know I sure have!

 

Bingo! That was exactly what I was going for. Another metaphor was that sometimes, the best way to go is sideways. (can anyone figure out what I mean by that? )

 

Extremely creative story, Cj! When I read it I liked the style and the changing POV's worked well and you made it flow. Definitely an original story that kept me guessing until the ending. I knew something scary would be happening... lol, shew...

 

Anyway, I can't wait to read more fictions you come up with in the next few years.

 

Thank you Krista!!!

 

BTW, so far you have been right in your prediction that no one would ask for a sequel to this one. I do have an outline in mind, but I think Joel's character might be a little too stiff to play the protagonist again.

 

You know me... I'll be sucking it up! I can't wait to see it.

 

Thank you! So far, it is only lacking a title.

[EMoe57]

At least Joel is no longer a frustrated writer, now that his Muse has finally headed his call.

edit alert! :ranger: gotcha!

[Luc]

*shivers* I will NEVER ask for my muse--not even in my head. Great story! That "voice" dilemma is classic. For the record, the "second person" version of Joel's story had me tense as hell.

[old bob]

Hey James

"Shivers possess me, the subtle harbingers of foreboding and fear.".....

We are Joel, we are in the forest, we live in the night...

Well done, and what I like is the picture of the forest, so you can "immerse" in it.

Im just sorry that you waited so long before beginning to write your stories

Old bob

[C James]

At least Joel is no longer a frustrated writer, now that his Muse has finally headed his call.

edit alert! :ranger: gotcha!

 

ROFL!

YEp! And I would like to point out for everyone that, if not for Emoe, Joel would have been hearing noses instead of noises!

 

Many thanks to Emoe, my Editor and friend, for editing this story (and my other stories too!), and making it so much better.

 

*shivers* I will NEVER ask for my muse--not even in my head. Great story! That "voice" dilemma is classic. For the record, the "second person" version of Joel's story had me tense as hell.

 

Thanks Luc!

 

Hey James

"Shivers possess me, the subtle harbingers of foreboding and fear.".....

We are Joel, we are in the forest, we live in the night...

Well done, and what I like is the picture of the forest, so you can "immerse" in it.

Im just sorry that you waited so long before beginning to write your stories

Old bob

 

Thank you!

I couldn't find a workable picture of a forest at night, so I made that graphic from one of a sunlit forest and changed the lighting, then added the eyes and title.

[AFriendlyFace]

edit alert! :ranger: gotcha!

ROFL!

YEp! And I would like to point out for everyone that, if not for Emoe, Joel would have been hearing noses instead of noises!

LOL, nothing worse than a murderous muse with a head cold!

 

I can't wait to read the continuation of "No Shirt? No Problem!"

 

Awesome job, CJ!!

 

Kevin

[C James]

LOL, nothing worse than a murderous muse with a head cold!

 

 

Yep, that might make him cranky and irritable, which would not be good; if there is one thing worse than a murderous Muse, it is an irritable murderous muse.

 

I can't wait to read the continuation of "No Shirt? No Problem!"

 

Awesome job, CJ!!

Kevin

 

Thank you Kevin, and thank you for the great review!

 

BTW, the continuation of "No shirt?, No problem!" Isn't what I will start posting in a few days. The continuation is coming, though, in a few weeks, and will be called "No Shirt? Still no problem!".

 

Edit to add:

I'd just like to offer an open invitation to any critical reviews; please feel free to post them here or PM me if you prefer. I love constructive criticism!

Edited November 1, 2006 by C James

[knotme]

Joel set forth to bring his vision to life

Ah, the author as sorcerer, witch, conjuror; the dreamer whose dreams turn fatal; the writer engulfed by his own creation. A fertile field for the Halloween theme!

What I was trying for was to make the narration quite different in style to Joel's writing style. I started out the narration in an archaic style, and then after Joel had written his parts (in a slightly similar style) I shifted over to a more normal style. I was trying to portray a shift, Joel becoming one with his story as his story came to life.

I would say formal or perhaps stilted. Some of Edgar Alan Poe's stories open in this way: cool, formal, and officious, providing a contrast to the breathless, emotional terror to come. An excellent technique, quite apart from CJ's stated purpose, which also makes sense.

 

Because the story within the story is one with the story itself, CJ did indeed violate the rules, inflicting 1st, 2nd, and 3rd person narratives on us! The middle one grated on me like nails on a blackboard. A small voice in my head said "Joel has it coming to him!" Alas Joel by this theme is CJ.

Earnestly, as any young writer might, Joel had wrestled with this dilemma, often crying out for his Muse to strike

OK, now he's really asking for it!

 

The notion in this thread, that writers should not let the perfect be the enemy of the good, flows just under the surface of the story. If Joel had stopped at the awful 2nd person, might he have been spared? This time perhaps, but

Yet, the story would not let go. It haunted him, lately to the point of obsession.

so Joel would seem to be doomed. If not tonight, then some other night.

I'd just like to offer an open invitation to any critical reviews; please feel free to post them here or PM me if you prefer. I love constructive criticism!

Well, since you're begging us ...

 

Nitpicks:

1. The italicized are redundant:
   • now-leafless trees
     
   • now-broken ankle
     
   • sage wisdom (Are we poking fun at the sages here? If so, never mind. )
     
   • The sudden crackle of a breaking twig impelled Joel to leap to his feet
     
   • In panic, now, Joel leapt to his feet (besides, once is enough for "leap/leapt to his feet". )
     

[*]Don't reuse "scudded". It weakens the image.

[*]I would have dropped "..." and "-Finis" from the end.

Patterns perhaps to avoid:

• making explicit a contrast that we readers can form by ourselves
  
• repeating a strong phrase or image using the same words, unless the repetition serves a specific purpose and is carefully timed, as in ML King's "I have a dream" or EA Poe's "The Raven". In this story, I think a strong phrase should be allowed to resonate without risking destructive interference with another instance of it.
  

General comment: This is a campfire story for sure. Read it aloud for cadence. I think you'll shorten and rearrange a few sentences.

Edited November 1, 2006 by knotme

[Graeme]

Well, since you begged us ...

 

Nitpicks:

1. The italicized are redundant:
   • now-leafless trees
     
   • now-broken ankle
     
   • sage wisdom (Are we poking fun at the sages here? If so, never mind. )
     
   • The sudden crackle of a breaking twig impelled Joel to leap to his feet
     
   • In panic, now, Joel leapt to his feet (besides, once is enough for "leap/leapt to his feet". )
     

[*]Don't reuse "scudded". It weakens the image.

[*]I would have dropped "..." and "-Finis" from the end.

Patterns perhaps to avoid:

• making explicit a contrast that we readers can form by ourselves
  
• repeating a strong phrase or image using the same words, unless the repetition serves a specific purpose and is carefully timed, as in ML King's "I have a dream" or EA Poe's "The Raven". In this story, I think a strong phrase should be allowed to resonate without risking destructive interference with another instance of it.
  

WOW!

 

Can I stick my hand up and ask for the same treatment to one of my recent stories? This is the sort of thing I keep looking for -- the outside eye to help guide places where my writing can improved. Don't bother doing it for my anthology entry because I didn't really spend enough time on it to refine it properly. My Black Swans short story would be good, as I think it's one of the best things I've written.

[C James]

WOW!

 

Can I stick my hand up and ask for the same treatment to one of my recent stories? This is the sort of thing I keep looking for -- the outside eye to help guide places where my writing can improved. Don't bother doing it for my anthology entry because I didn't really spend enough time on it to refine it properly. My Black Swans short story would be good, as I think it's one of the best things I've written.

 

I'll give it a try with Black Swans, but I'm not as good at it as Knotme is.

I'll start a thread in the Story Cafe when I've read it.

 

Ah, the author as sorcerer, witch, conjuror; the dreamer whose dreams turn fatal; the writer engulfed by his own creation. A fertile field for the Halloween theme!I would say formal or perhaps stilted. Some of Edgar Alan Poe's stories open in this way: cool, formal, and officious, providing a contrast to the breathless, emotional terror to come. An excellent technique, quite apart from CJ's stated purpose, which also makes sense.

 

Thank you!!

 

Because the story within the story is one with the story itself, CJ did indeed violate the rules, inflicting 1st, 2nd, and 3rd person narratives on us! The middle one grated on me like nails on a blackboard. A small voice in my head said "Joel has it coming to him!" Alas Joel by this theme is CJ.OK, now he's really asking for it!

 

But, but, but... Joel wrote the second and first-person parts, so don't blame me...

 

The second-person part was my attempt at a bit of verse as well, and it was supposed to sputter and fail so that Joel would discard it. Second-person voice is somehow disquieting to a lot of modern readers, and is difficult to use, which is why it so seldom is.

 

Nitpicks:

1. The italicized are redundant:
   • now-leafless trees
     
   • now-broken ankle
     
   • sage wisdom (Are we poking fun at the sages here? If so, never mind. )
     
   • The sudden crackle of a breaking twig impelled Joel to leap to his feet
     
   • In panic, now, Joel leapt to his feet (besides, once is enough for "leap/leapt to his feet". )
     

[*]Don't reuse "scudded". It weakens the image.

[*]I would have dropped "..." and "-Finis" from the end.

Patterns perhaps to avoid:

• making explicit a contrast that we readers can form by ourselves
  
• repeating a strong phrase or image using the same words, unless the repetition serves a specific purpose and is carefully timed, as in ML King's "I have a dream" or EA Poe's "The Raven". In this story, I think a strong phrase should be allowed to resonate without risking destructive interference with another instance of it.
  

General comment: This is a campfire story for sure. Read it aloud for cadence. I think you'll shorten and rearrange a few sentences.

 

Agreed on the "nows".

The "sage" bit was indeed tongue-in-cheek.

I liked the "leap" because it portrayed something different than him just standing up, but I did use it twice, my bad! (same with the re-use of scudding, oops!).

 

THANK YOU Knotme, I REALLY appreciate this!!

[knotme]

WOW!

 

Can I stick my hand up and ask for the same treatment to one of my recent stories? This is the sort of thing I keep looking for -- the outside eye to help guide places where my writing can improved. Don't bother doing it for my anthology entry because I didn't really spend enough time on it to refine it properly. My Black Swans short story would be good, as I think it's one of the best things I've written.

I'll give it a try with Black Swans ... [garbage removed] ... I'll start a thread in the Story Cafe when I've read it.

Works for me! You hit Graeme first, then I'll come in and kick him while he's down--that is, unless someone else gets to him before me!

[C James]

Works for me! You hit Graeme first, then I'll come in and kick him while he's down--that is, unless someone else gets to him before me!

 

Done!! The thread is here...

 

And thank you again for the critique of mine, that was indeed helpful!!!

 

So, what does everyone think: Should I write a sequel to "the Muse"?

 

Whoa!!!! I was just writing a joke title for the "sequel", and it suddenly occurred to me that it would make a perfect title for the multi-chapter story I that want to start posting in a few days!! The Muse did indeed strike!

[kitten]

Okayyyyyy, CJ....

Well I know that the story was written quite some time ago and it took me ages to find this thread. My excuse is that I discovered GA only about 4-5 months ago and I have a lot of catching up to do. Anyway, here goes...

 

I really enjoyed the story and your use of language. The fact that as a teenager I read everything I could find by H P Lovecraft might possibly have enhanced that enjoyment.

 

The way you used all three POVs was very clever and it worked well, though I have a sneaky feeling that you evaded the 'rules' rather than actually breaking them!

Also clever was the way you used the voices to become more personal as they lead to Joel's demise. The twist at the end was effective, though I could see it coming (but then I almost always solve detective stories long before the final denouement).

 

As soon as I started reading the story it made me smile. I thought it was funny and almost satirical in its attitude not just toward those 'sages' who promulgate the rules but also toward other writers of the horror genre. My amusement at the twist in the end was not diminished by the fact that I'd expected it.

 

I found that the story began as an amusing satire, at the end I still felt that it was intended to be such. However, after reading some of the comments in your forum it seemed to me that they implied that the ending was intended a 'serious horror' story. Was that your intention? To me it seemed to be satirical right up to the end.

 

Of course, I could be totally wrong in my whole interpretation. However, the way you poked fun both at the genre and the writing 'sages' in the first half (or more?) of the story was so amusing that I had a big grin on my face as read it.

 

Anyway, whatever your intention with the ending, the whole story was well written and gave me pleasure. What more can a reader ask for?

 

Kit

[C James]

Okayyyyyy, CJ....

Well I know that the story was written quite some time ago and it took me ages to find this thread. My excuse is that I discovered GA only about 4-5 months ago and I have a lot of catching up to do. Anyway, here goes...

 

I really enjoyed the story and your use of language. The fact that as a teenager I read everything I could find by H P Lovecraft might possibly have enhanced that enjoyment.

 

The way you used all three POVs was very clever and it worked well, though I have a sneaky feeling that you evaded the 'rules' rather than actually breaking them!

Also clever was the way you used the voices to become more personal as they lead to Joel's demise. The twist at the end was effective, though I could see it coming (but then I almost always solve detective stories long before the final denouement).

 

As soon as I started reading the story it made me smile. I thought it was funny and almost satirical in its attitude not just toward those 'sages' who promulgate the rules but also toward other writers of the horror genre. My amusement at the twist in the end was not diminished by the fact that I'd expected it.

 

I found that the story began as an amusing satire, at the end I still felt that it was intended to be such. However, after reading some of the comments in your forum it seemed to me that they implied that the ending was intended a 'serious horror' story. Was that your intention? To me it seemed to be satirical right up to the end.

 

Of course, I could be totally wrong in my whole interpretation. However, the way you poked fun both at the genre and the writing 'sages' in the first half (or more?) of the story was so amusing that I had a big grin on my face as read it.

 

Anyway, whatever your intention with the ending, the whole story was well written and gave me pleasure. What more can a reader ask for?

 

Kit

 

 

Hi Kit!!

 

Thanks!!!

 

The ending was supposed to follow the satire theme as well as the horror theme; I was going for irony; he'd been

wanting his Muse to strike... and so it did. It also went for the satire theme; break the rules of writing and bad things can happen. (or your Muse might be displeased...)

 

I did make quite a few goofs with that story; previously I'd only written one short story, and I'd never used third-person before. However, it was fun.

 

The repetitions in the early part were to make the narration sound more "Edwardian". My intent was to slowly change the narrative style as the story progressed, to change the mood and increase tension.

 

Thanks!!!

CJ