Because you're trying to win me over by giving me one of my favorite snacks. How nice of you.
You shall retain what? Water? There's pills for that, ya know.
The last dream I remember involved a tiger, a wolf, and a doberman pinscher following me through the woods. I fed the tiger and wolf my lunch so they'd leave me alone, but the doberman was a jerk and bit me.
I'm comfortable writing in either first or third person POV and generally use past tense. As far as reading, I prefer first or third person and have no preference for tense, as long as it's well-written. I'm not a fan of second person POV. It's extremely difficult to write well and I've only come across one story in second person written well enough for me to actually finish reading it.