The Hidden Ones: Resurrection - 2. Another Patient

---Teddy---

As I let my little brother go I couldn’t help but take a longer look at him. I’m pretty sure that’s the first time we’ve hugged one another in, forever. It’s so weird to me how into Messiah he is. It’s so completely and utterly bizarre. But at the same time what did dad think was going to happen? This is his way of showing our father he’s found his own big metal band, and the fact it gets a rise out of me, it only makes it better.

“I’m sorry I said no one wants you here.” He exhaled, still nervously standing off to my side.

“It’s alright,” I dismissed, pushing the envelope further into a pile of papers. “I shouldn’t’ve lost my temper in front of you like that.”

“Are you that mad at him?” Oli asked, trying to wrap his head around it. For his age Oli is so incredibly naïve. He doesn’t understand what heartbreak is like, or how badly it can mess someone up. He’s seen the millions of videos and pictures of me with Ryder, and yet I don’t think it’s ever connected in his head that we were real. Then again, he’s only thirteen, and my parents have been coddling him, too terrified to let him go. After all, look what happened when I chased my heart.

“I don’t know,” I exhaled, taking another long look at him. “Have you ever seen the video of me and him in Atlanta?” I asked, as he thought it over. “Back on Messiah’s first tour?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, trying to put it all together in his head. Once more I saw that roadblock go up in his eyes, but this time instead of letting it go I’ll explain it. For the first time in his life I’ll tell him my true experience with Ryder Sullivan, and not the one my parents try and waive off to save everyone the pain.

“Do you remember what he said?” I pressured, as he thought it over before nodding his head.

“He said you saved him.” He answered, but instead of putting the pieces together his eyes stayed fixated on me. “So then why did you give up on him?”

I let out a long sigh as he braced for some screaming. “I didn’t give up on him,” I let out, staying calm. “Where did you hear that?” He shrugged his shoulders but didn’t speak. “It’s okay, I won’t yell.”

“It’s just, if you liked him that much, how come you broke up?” He forced out, letting his youth show once more. “How could you save someone, and then leave them?”

“I never left him.” I replied, trying my hardest to see where he was coming from. “He left me. After his grandma died,” I hesitated, thinking back to the old woman who always used to make me smile. “he started shutting me out. He forced his way back on tour then cheated on me.”

“But mom and dad fight.” He interrupted, finally speaking freely. “They fight all the time, and if-if you were willing to save him, then why’d you leave after he messed up once? It’s like you saved his life just to quit on him.”

“You think I broke up with him?” I asked, as he slowly nodded his head.

“That’s what mom and dad always said.” He shook his head as confusion entered his eyes. “They told me he cheated on you so you threw him to the curb.”

For the time I finally understand where he’s been coming from this whole time. He was just a baby when it happened, he never actually saw the pain I was in. After all, what was I going to do, sulk every day for thirteen years? But he can always find the interviews of young Ryder; the interviews where he spoke about the tragic loss of his grandma, and the heartbreaking end to his relationship. He sees Ryder as the victim, and me, well as the dickhead who quit. “That’s not what happened.” I finally replied, taking a long look at him. “I, after he cheated on me I gave him a choice. Come home or we’re through.” I shook my head, beginning to feel the pain from that day. “As much as he hurt me, I-I never wanted to end it.”

“Well what’d he say?” Oli quickly asked, trying his hardest to finally tie everything together.

“He told me he’d see me around, then hung up.” I shrugged as my brother’s eyes fell to the floor. “The store was the first time I spoke to him in fourteen years.” Silence filled the air as he tried to figure out what to say next. What to do next. “The cheating is just the start of why I’ve been so mad at him.” I shook my head, unsure why I was even explaining this much. “He left me Oli. He blocked me on everything. I went from talking to him every single day to nothing. And sure, time heals, but that, it sucked.”

“Oh.” He finally exhaled, looking over to the window. “You guys never told me that much.”

As any type of happiness fell from his face I couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty. “Why do you like him so much?” I finally asked, taking an interest in him for the first time since I was in medical school.

He hesitated but as he saw I was being serious shrugged his shoulders. “He’s just cool.” He forced out. “Next year I go to the same high school he went to, and he-he turned his life around.” This time as he spoke he looked up into my eyes. “One day he was going to kill himself, and the next he’s the king of music. I know he’s not perfect but, one day I want to do that.”

“You want to be a rock star?” I asked, slightly tilting my head.

“No, well, maybe.” He answered, still thinking it all over. “I want to be like Uncle Martin. I want to produce music the way he produced Messiah. And I don’t know. If Ryder can go from zero to hero, then maybe I can too.” I exhaled another deep breath as I heard his words. Oliver isn’t the only kid Ryder’s inspired. All over the country kids have come out saying nearly the same thing as Oli just did. They all want to be famous. They all want to be the next Ryder Sullivan.

I could see in his eyes that there was something else there, another reason why he identified with Ryder so much but I didn’t push him. I didn’t want to risk him shutting down on me. “Oliver,” I spoke up, forcing his eyes to dart back to mine. “If you want to produce music, or even make music, you go after it with everything you have, okay?” He nodded his head, but grew quiet once more. “And I’m going to try my hardest to help Ryder but, but I’ll need you to give me some space about it all. So no asking me a million things about it, okay?”

“Yeah.” He quickly nodded, as a small smile resurfaced on his face. “I mean, maybe this can help you scare him straight! Accidentally almost overdosing must be so scary!”

I went to say something, but as I realized the news hadn’t yet fully broke I bit my tongue. “Yeah,” I nervously let out. “It’s a really scary thing.”

I watched him carefully as he turned back out my door and down to his own room. I honestly don’t know what to make of him, or our relationship. He’s so young and innocent, and that, it annoys me. I just wish he would get it already, that he would grow up and fully act his age. But then again what am I asking for? Am I asking for him to be miserable like the rest of us? Am I jealous because he gets to be so carefree and relaxed?

The fog of questions seemed to lead right into my shift that evening. I just couldn’t clear my head from it all. There were moments when I was performing procedures that I was able to find a flow, but at the end my mind was just, hazy. That is, until I found myself approaching the door Mike was guarding.

“Still out here?” I politely asked, as he moved aside.

“For another hour.” He shrugged, forcing a smile. “Then I’ll be back here tomorrow afternoon.”

“Well don’t worry, the fun never stops around here.” I teased, opening the door and slowly backing into it.

Mike nodded his head as I closed it behind me and turned to a sleeping man under sheets. Only as I grew closer I realized he wasn’t sleeping at all. Instead he was staring off at the wall next to him.

“Ryder,” I snapped my fingers, trying to get his attention. “Ryder, I need you to look at me.” He stayed quiet and kept his focus, just like he used to when we were young. “If something hurts you have to tell me.”

“Everything.” He forced out, still looking at the wall. “Everything fucking hurts.”

“Alright, well I need you to be more specific.” I explained, beginning to look over his chart.

“My head, my heart, my stomach.” He shook his head, just saying whatever he could to shut me up.

“Ryder.” I repeated, pulling a seat next to his bed. “I really need you to be specific. We’re not kids playing doctor. If you want my help then I need you to go into detail.”

“Fine.” He grumbled, turning his head towards me. “My head hasn’t stopped pounding since I woke up. My stomach is on fucking fire and every time I take a shit there’s blood. The upper right side of my chest just hurts, and the cut near it sucks. Oh, and my dick hurts because you shoved a god damn tube up it!” His eyes were full of a fire and anger I had never seen before.

I went to back down, but as he finished I stepped up to him. “Let me explain something to you Ryder. I understand you’re heavily depressed, and I know you’re probably confused, angry, and irritable from not being high, but you’re in the ICU.” I began, forcing eye contact with him. “The doctors and nurses here are overworked and underappreciated, if you talk to anyone on my staff the way you just spoke to me, I will have you tossed onto the street. Do you understand that?”

“Whatever.” He muttered, turning his head away from me.

“It’s not whatever Ryder.” I continued, standing over him. “These people saved your life, and despite how ungrateful you’re being, they’d do it again in a moment’s notice.” He shook his head and ignored my words. “Fine, have it your way.” I sighed with a roll of my eyes.

I walked towards the cabinets on the far side of the room but as I pulled out a long needle I noticed his eyes return to me. “What’s that?” He asked, slightly moving away from where I was approaching.

“I need to examine you.” I exhaled, putting the needle into a tray and throwing on gloves. “And to do that I need to untie you, but I don’t really feel safe around you right now, so this will sedate you for a little bit.”

“You don’t need that.” He quickly shook his head, taking a look at the long needle. “I’ll be fine, I promise I will, and you have a cop outside the room for help if you,”

“Are you seriously afraid of needles?” I chuckled with a shake of my head. “You won’t even feel anything.”

“I’m not afraid. I’ve just been poked with enough stuff today okay?” He asked, clinging to one side of the bed. “Just please, put that down.”

“You’re a grown man.” I exhaled, turning around and putting the needle back in its original spot. “Man up and deal with your fear.”

“I’m not scared!” he insisted, easing back into the middle of the bed.

“You better not be, because I’m giving you an I.V. before I leave.” I shook my head, noticing his face slightly cringe. “Let me explain something else to you.” I exhaled, pulling keys out of my pocket. “We put metal chains on you because we’re worried about your violence during withdrawal. If you can behave yourself until tomorrow I’ll have them switched out for the Velcro belts.” He nodded his head and extended his hand to me, desperate to be set free. “If you swing at me or try and escape I’ll lock you up and ship you to a crazy house.”

“I won’t.” He insisted, still holding out his wrist. “I swear.”

I exhaled a deep breath as I slowly un-cuffed one of his hands, then the other. “Alright, lower your gown to your waste.” I instructed as he carefully sat up.

“You first,” he teased slowly pulling the top part of his hospital gown down into his lap. “And if you want me to show you how to use those chains,”

“Do you need another doctor?” I asked, refusing to play along with his games. “Because if you’re going to be immature I can walk out that door, and,”

“No, no, no.” He let out, falling back onto his bed, too tired to stay sitting up. “I’m just playing around.”

“I don’t play with my patients.” I warned, throwing on an even newer pair of gloves and taking a long look at the incision on his chest.

“I’m not just any other patient, I,”

“To me you are.” I interrupted, not wanting to hear what else he had to say. “Does this hurt?” I asked, putting my hand near where I had cut. He winced in pain, but not more than anyone else would’ve. “And you say your stool has blood?”

“Like my poop?” He asked, as I lightly felt his stomach. I let out a sigh and nodded my head. “Yeah, not a lot, but its there.”

“Well that’s not surprising considering the amount of pills and alcohol you consumed.” I concluded happy with what I was seeing. “If it continues into the next few days I’ll sign you up for a colonoscopy. Your skins still slightly yellow, but other than replacing your liver there’s nothing I can do about that for now.” I exhaled, picking up his chart once more and looking at the blood test they had ran while I was gone. “Hmm.” I let out, taking my stethoscope and placing it on his chest.

“What’s hmm?” He asked, but I waived him quiet as I tried to listen to his heart.

“Do you have any type of heart defect?” I asked, picking my head up and running through his charts once more.

“No,” he let out, staring me down. “Why?”

“No trouble breathing?” I asked, taking a seat next to him.

“No.” He repeated, still staring at me. “Teddy. Why?”

“Just not a fan of what I heard or what I’m seeing.” I exhaled, looking back up at him. “I’ll keep you here for another couple of days.”

He let out another long groan and tried to turn away but the pain from his chest was too much. “I just want to go home.”

“Go home?” I asked, trying to look into his eyes. “If you’re going to get better you’ll transfer to the psych ward after this.”

“That’s not happening.” He quickly dismissed, still not looking at me. “The second you can sign me out, I’m gone.”

“What else is new?” I rolled my eyes, putting the chart down and going to stand up.

“Don’t act like you want me to stay.” He shook his head in a sigh. “Like you said, I’m just another one of your patients.”

“I don’t want you to stay.” I confessed, looking over at the door. “But I don’t want you to leave either. And if you kill yourself, I will blame myself.” I exhaled, reminding him about the letter he had written. “Don’t do that to me.”

He grew quiet for a few seconds before turning back towards me. “When I said I didn’t cheat on you I meant it.”

I shook my head, and slowly walked over to the cart at the far end of the room. “Your dick was in that guy’s mouth. That cheating enough for me.” I grumbled, putting more focus on finding an I.V. bag than the words I was saying.

“But it wasn’t real.” He pleaded, as I carried the bag over to its stand and started hooking it up. “It was just for the video, nothing else happened. I swear to god.”

“You swear to as many gods as you want.” I instructed, reaching over and cuffing him back up. “Who knows, maybe one of these days one will forgive you.”

“What do I have to do Teddy?” He asked, watching me carefully. “I’m sorry, alright?”

“I know you are.” I nodded, pulling his arm towards me. “But that doesn’t mean things go back to the way they were. I-I have a life of my own now.”

“Oh,” He exhaled, watching as I put the needle at the end of the tube. “I, maybe you shouldn’t do this while you’re all worked up. I mean, don’t the nurses usually,”

“Not my nurses.” I interrupted, forcing his arm straight. “I have two hands. I can do stuff like this myself.” I held the top of his arm tightly for a few seconds before finally finding the vein and stuffing the needle right into it. He winced a little, but stayed quiet as I taped it in. “All done.”

“Wait.” He called out as I walked towards the door. “I-I don’t want you to leave angry.”

“I’m not angry.” I lied with a shrug of my shoulders. “I read your note. I came in here and examined you. I’m not sure what else you want.”

“If you stay with me, I’ll stay.” He finally exhaled, as I reached the door way.

I let out a deep breath before turning back towards him. “I have other patients I need to go,”

“Not right now.” He shook his head, trying his hardest to look into my eyes. “Just in general. If you, if you keep visiting me I’ll stay and go to the psych ward and all. I’ll go through all twelve steps if I need to.”

I leaned against the door and kept my eyes on him for a few seconds. “I can’t date you.”

“I know.” He softly nodded. “I just, I need a friend right now.”

I gathered all the inner strength I had left and nodded my head. “Okay, I can do that.” He let out a sigh and relaxed into his bed as he heard my words. “Don’t get too comfortable. When the bag empties I’ll have a nurse change out your catheter.”

“Wait! I thought you had two hands!” He yelped as I opened the door.

“Not for that stuff.” I raised my eyes brows and quickly shut it behind me. “Just twenty more minutes Mike.” I nodded, as he moved to the side. “Then you’re free.”

“Yeah,” he nervously laughed. “You, you two seem pretty comfortable in there, not that I was listening I just hear things from time to time.”

“Comfortable is a strong word.” I let out with a shrug of my shoulders.

“Dr. Haner just has amazing bed side manners.” A nurse let out, overhearing our conversation. “He could have a conversation with a brick wall.”

“He always could.” Mike smiled, looking over at the nurse.

“Oh, you two grew up together?” She asked, walking to the nearby desk and grabbing a clipboard. “That’s cool. It feels like Dr. Haner knows everyone around here.”

“Tell me about it.” I rolled my eyes, heading back towards the desk. “Think you can do me a favor and monitor R.S.’s heart over the next two days? I don’t like what I’m seeing.”

“No problem.” She nodded, taking his chart from me and adding it onto her stack. “You know Dr. Price wants you to run a press conference about him in the morning?”

“If Dr. Price wants a press conference Dr. Price can do it himself.” I sarcastically smiled, pulling another patient’s clipboard from behind the desk.

“He wasn’t the surgeon.” She shrugged, beginning to walk away. “Sorry Dr. Haner, this falls on you.”

“What do you care?” Mike shrugged, noticing the nurse was gone. “You love being in the spotlight.”

“Not when it comes to him I don’t.” I groaned, motioning towards Ryder’s room. Mike nodded his head but stayed quiet, too scared to say the wrong thing. “I’ll see you tomorrow man.” I waved off, heading down the hall and to another patient’s room.

“See you.” He let out, turning back and looking into the window of Ryder’s room.

When will the universe just leave me alone? I just want to be Dr. Teddy Haner for a while. I don’t need Mike coming in here and trying to be friends again, or Ryder waltzing in and throwing my head back into a loop. I was just starting to get everything back together, and now, now it feels the most broken and confusing it has in a long time.