The Hidden Ones: Resurrection - 13. The Pen

---Teddy---

I’ve come to realize something these past few weeks. Life’s thrown me a lot of curveballs, and all I’ve done about them is bitch and moan. I never swung at one. I never took the chance and lived in the moment. Well I’m done playing things right. I’m done following the book on everything I do. It’s about time I take more chances, it’s about time I have more fun in my life.

“Already going to bed?” I asked, quietly wheeling a chair into Ryder’s room.

“I, didn’t you go home?” Ryder asked, quickly looking over to me.

“No.” I replied, shooting him a cautious look. “I’ve been in surgery all night, remember I promised I’d say goodbye before I left?”

“Yeah, Yeah,” He quietly exhaled. “I didn’t believe it though.”

“Well I promise that no matter how crazy days get I’ll always say goodbye to you at the end of them.” I nodded my head. “Not that you have too many days left here. Pretty soon I’ll be coming home to you.”

“Are we moving too fast?” He forced out, slowly beginning to stare a hole in me.

“Maybe, but we don’t really have a choice.” I shrugged, starting to look into his eyes. “Why, do you think we are?”

“No.” He slowly shook his head. “Just thought you would.”

“We’re doing what we need to.” I muttered, standing up and taking a closer look at him. “Who’s your nurse?”

“Uh, um,” He let out. “Why?”

I let out a deep breath and fell hard onto my seat as I pulled out his clipboard. “Did you get your pills tonight?”

“Yeah.” He quickly nodded his heads.

“You’re damn right you did.” I couldn’t help but laugh, seeing his sporadic movements. “You’re pretty high right now.”

“No, I’m not.” He childishly defended. “I-I swear I’m not. I just,”

“It’s not your fault.” I shook my head. “Someone gave you too much of one of your pills, or they gave them to you all at once.” I exhaled, having seen it a few times before. “Just lay back and relax, it’s won’t be a euphoric high since it’s antidepressants but you’ll be out of it for a little bit before you fall asleep.” I explained, flipping through his charts. “I’ll stay with you for a little while to make sure you’re safe, but this probably happened because you’re in withdrawal and your systems looking for anything and everything.” I yawned, feeling myself starting to grow a little loopy. “Nate’s you’re nurse too, so that checks out.” I exhaled. “And he forgot to check off that he gave you the pills.” I complained checking the box.

“He’s bad.” Ryder forced out, looking up at me.

“Yup.” I nodded my head. “I suspend him from the E.R., so the psych ward goes ahead and calls him in. Gotta love bureaucracy.”

“Did you date him?” Ryder asked, still staring at the same spot on my face.

“No.” I shook my head, but saw his stare grow more intense. “I’m serious, I didn’t.” He let out a deep sigh and finally looked away. “You don’t believe me?” I asked but got no response. “Okay, we went on one date three years ago, but I freakin hated it. I have no idea how he made it through college. The man’s as smart as a boulder.”

“Did you date much after me?” He asked, lying back onto the bed.

“You mean before you?” I teased, as he shot me a confused look. “We’re dating again, so at this point it’s before you. No need to think about when we were kid’s anymore.”

“Oh.” He exhaled as he tried to make sense of my words. “Yeah, before.”

“But no I didn’t date much.” I shook my head. “Maybe like two or three real relationships, and a few dates thrown in here and there.”

“Oh.” He exhaled, looking back at the ceiling.

“Oh please.” I let out, dropping his clipboard back into its bin. “I’ve seen the videos of you flying all over the damn world. Like you didn’t date other men.”

“I didn’t.” He quickly shook his head. “Only you.”

I let out a sigh, and took a closer look at him. “It’s okay, you don’t have to lie,”

“Only you.” He repeated, in a strict voice.

“You’re crazy.” I shook my head in disbelief. “There’s no way you didn’t try.”

“I tried a few one night stands, but it never worked.” He explained, reminding me of the earlier conversations we’ve had. “Messiah was my life.”

“Why’d you end it then?” I asked, seeing how much information I could draw out of him while he was high.

He shrugged his shoulders but kept his eyes on the ceiling. “Story was over. Music wasn’t fun anymore.”

“But didn’t you use it to get through hard times?” I couldn’t help but ask. “I mean, why abandon it when you’re fighting the hardest battle of your life?”

“I think that’s how I got here.” He shrugged, silencing me. I was worried that’s the case. So then how do I get him to start writing again? How do I make the music fun for him?

Before I could say anything else I heard the door open and shut behind me. “Oh, Dr. Haner.” Nate let out, slowly walking towards Ryder. “I was just going to check on him, I-I thought you went home.”

“No, I was just in surgery.” I forced out, turning towards the nurse. “You know you overdosed him right?” I asked as my stare grew serious.

“Did I?” He nervously let out. “I-I’ll get him an I.V. bag to help keep him hydrated.”

“Make sure to file that against the hospitals insurance, not Ryder’s.” I saw Nate freeze up as he heard my words. “That’s right. It’s not fair if he gets charged for your mistake.”

“But then,” Nate began but froze himself.

“Then what? You’ll be following protocol?” I asked, starting to get more and more frustrated. “Or then the other doctors will see you made a mistake? You’re on extremely thin ice, so I recommend following rules to a T right now.”

“I, um, yes Dr. Haner.” He nodded, quickly making his way out of the room.

I let out a deep sigh and stood back up. “I better drive home while I still can. If anything else happens you get the front desk to call me, understood?”

“I, you don’t need that, I,”

“Ryder, this isn’t me talking as a doctor, this is me talking as your boyfriend.” I forced out freezing us both slightly. “I don’t want incompetency leaving you messed up for any longer than you need to be.” I exhaled. “I don’t mind it taking a while, but I, I’m really excited for the day you’re healthy again.”

He grew quiet as I laid a kiss on his forehead and slowly made my way to the door. “Me too.” He finally spoke, as I looked back to him and smiled.

I think I’ve figured it out. I think I figured out how to help Ryder get better. I have to keep pulling him into the moment. He, he’s too focused on thinking about the past. On trying to live in it. Right now he needs to see that the future is bright and exciting. That I’m here with him, and I mean it when I say we’re dating.

*************************************************************************************

That night I fell asleep before I could even fully get changed. Sure, part of me was worried about Ryder, but I knew he’d be fine. He’ll sleep it off and be back to his normal cranky, moody self in the morning. The next morning seemed to come by in a flash, and exhaustion, well it could barely describe how I felt.

“Dr. Haner! Dr. Haner!” Cait yelped in my ear. “Are you even awake this morning?”

“I, barely.” I shook my head, looking over at her. “Can you do me a favor and,”

“Make sure the other surgeons know not to call you in?” She asked, taking a long look at me.

“Yeah.” I yawned. “Are you sure you don’t want to come work in the E.R.?”

“Positive.” She quickly nodded, walking over to the reception desk.

I smiled and slowly made my way past Mike and into Ryder’s room. “How are you feeling this morning? Sober?”

“Yeah.” He forced out, barely looking at me.

“Sorry about last night.” I nodded, slowly dragging a chair into the room. “I know that can’t make withdrawal any easier.”

“It’s fine.” He shrugged, eyes focused on a white wall in front of him.

“You okay?” I asked, noticing how reflective he seemed.

“Yeah.” He forced out, not even bothering to look over. “Why was I such a dick to Brandon yesterday?”

“I don’t know.” I shook my head, trying to get him to look over. “I wasn’t there.”

“He was trying to be there for me, and I picked a fight about Messiah.” He groaned in a low voice. “They just, it pisses me off that they wanted to replace me.” He began, opening up voluntarily for the first time since he had gotten here.

“Why does that piss you off?” I asked, borrowing a page out of Dr. Pierre’s book.

“I don’t know.” He shook his head. “Maybe it doesn’t, maybe it just pisses me off that I can be replaced.”

“Maybe.” I let out, standing up. “Why don’t you come for a walk, there’s something I want to show you.”

“Teddy, I don’t want,”

“Come on.” I waived, not giving him a choice. Slowly but surely he stood up and followed me outside of the room. “Cait.” I called out as we passed her. “I’m borrowing Ryder for an hour, and going on break.”

“You just got here.” She exhaled, shooting me a surprised look. “And wait a minute! I’m not your secretary! Why the hell do you have me doing all your,

“You’re the best.” I interrupted with a smile as the elevator door dinged open then shut.

“Where are you taking me?” Ryder groaned, as he, Mike and I all stood in the small box.

“You’ll see.” I smiled as the door dinged open again. This time I grabbed him by the hand and quickly took him around the corner to a large window which overlooked the entire front of the building. “See that.” I exhaled, pointing to a large crowd. “That’s been happening every day since you got here. Hell, they’ve even built a little shrine thing for you.”

“I-I don’t understand.” He exhaled, taking a long look at the crowd.

“They’re all Messiah fans.” I explained, looking over at him. “You were just talking about how you’re replaceable, but they don’t see it that way.” I shrugged, seeing surprise enter his eyes. “I’m willing to bet most of that crowd has never met you before, and yet there they are, worried about you.”

“This, this is crazy.” He shook his head. “I’ve never seen anything like it before.”

“Oh come on, this had to happen at hotels and all.” I skeptically let out, but could tell by the look in his eyes he really was moved.

“I, sure, but not like this, not this big.” He exhaled. “And it’s been a week and a half, they’ve been coming every day?”

“Yup, nearly all day too.” I explained. “They get chased away at midnight then come back as soon as they can the next morning. You can’t be replaced Ryder Sullivan.” Ryder slowly nodded his head understanding the message, but couldn’t take his eyes off the crowd. “So Mike, what do you think of that?”

“I-I think that I need another cop here with me.” He exhaled, desperately trying to count the crowd. “I, that’s terrifying.”

I couldn’t help but smile at his words. “It’s been worse. I think you’ve got it covered.”

“I-I hope so.” He shrugged, unable to remove his eyes from it.

“Why don’t you take a break?” I let out in a laugh. “I’m going to take Ryder for some breakfast.”

“With a crowd like this out there?” He asked in shock. “Did you hit your damn head on your way in?”

“It’s fine.” I giggled. “If something was going to happen it would’ve happened by now.”

“Yeah, that’s what you think.” He muttered. “I’ll give you guys space, but I’ll be down in the food court too.”

“Sounds fair.” I agreed, pulling Ryder away from the window.

“And no trying to lose me.” Mike warned as we entered the elevator. “This isn’t a game.”

“I understand.” I smiled, seeing him paranoid about work for the first time in, well, for the first time.

The second we reached the food court I saw him take a position by the door, so he could watch us and still react to something quickly. “Try and stay somewhere I can see.” He warned once more as we quickly departed from him.

“He always this intense?” I asked, causing Ryder to quietly shrug. I watched him carefully as he scanned the food court, looking for something. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” He slowly nodded his head. “Just first time around a lot of people in weeks.”

“Oh.” I exhaled, remembering what fragile condition he was in. “Well if you need, we can take the food up to your room.”

“It’s okay.” He sighed. “I should get used to it anyway, right?”

“Yeah.” I smiled. “Now come on, what do you want for breakfast? It’s my treat.”

“No, can’t we just put it on my room?” He whined. “I don’t want you wasting money.”

“It’s not wasting money, it’s going out for breakfast with my boyfriend.” I corrected drawing a faint smile from his face.

“So then does this make it our first date?” As he asked the question I saw regret enter his eyes. As though he was ashamed of where we were.

“Sure.” I happily let out. “And I’d say it’s the perfect first date.”

As I dragged him on line I saw him escape into his own head. “Was our other first date at the barn?”

“I think so.” I nodded my head. “We didn’t really do much back then though.”

“No, we didn’t.” He recalled with a shake of his head. “But we both barely had cars that ran, and neither of us worked.”

“God, what lives we lived back then.” I giggled. “I had no idea what an easy life I had back then.”

“Me neither.” He agreed, leaving me stunned.

He was hesitant at first, only taking what I took, but slowly I watched him break away and pick out some food he actually wanted to eat. “So is this food better than the stuff upstairs?” He asked, as we picked out a table.

“Nope.” I sighed, taking a seat. “But you get used to it.”

“Do you?” He asked, poking at it with a plastic fork.

“No, but I’m allowed to lie to myself sometimes aren’t I?” I asked, drawing another faint laugh from him.

“What’s up with you lately?” He asked, finally digging in. “Why do you seem, happier?”

“Just am.” I shrugged, not sure how to take the question. “I finally decided to go along with life instead of trying to fight it.” He nodded his head but stayed quiet. “And having you around helps.”

“Even when I’m quiet?” He forced out.

“Even when you’re quiet.” I repeated with a smile. He began to slowly poke his food around a little more as he thought it over.

“Stop playing with your food Ry.” I let out, watching him overthink things once more. “Just eat.” He nodded, but didn’t bother to change anything. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” He forced out. “I-I don’t want to ruin breakfast.”

“If you tell me I’ll take you out for dinner tomorrow.” I tempted, but he didn’t budge. “And I’ll bring you McDonald’s.” He stayed quiet, and let his eyes fall to the table. Maybe I just need to back off a bit, he’ll tell me, I know he will.

A few more minutes of silence went by until Ryder was finally ready to speak again. “So you know last night?” He finally let out. “When you found me kind of high?”

“Yeah.” I nodded my head. “I swear to god Nate’s going to kill someone around here. But it’s cheaper to keep him than fire him and hire someone else, so I don’t think the hospital will let me change something until he finally pisses me off enough or actually kills someone.”

“So you can’t fire him right now?” He asked, slowly looking up at me.

“I could but then the boards going to want to know what happened, and I’ll have to debate them on it.” I shrugged. “Not that that’s a problem.” I quickly recovered seeing the concern in his eyes. “It’s okay,” I tried to comfort. “You can tell me what happened. I won’t be mad.”

“Promise?” He forced out.

“Promise.” I nodded trying to hide my gulp. Did he ask for more medicine? Did he save up his medicine throughout the day and take it all at once? Did Nate force him to take something?

“I-I wasn’t high on pills.” He nervously forced out. “I, Nate gave me a pen* with cannabis oil in it.”

“Oh.” I exhaled, feeling my heart freeze in my chest. “Can you give me the pen?”

“I don’t have it.” He shook his head. “I took a few hits from it then he took it back.

“Oh.” I repeated, feeling my eyes bulge as I tried to hide my anger.

“I didn’t want to.” He exhaled. “I told him no, but then as he left, I just needed it. Something in me, it just pulled for it. Weeds not even addictive, I don’t get it.”

“I know it’s not.” I nodded my head, beginning to nervously bite on my lip. “But you have an addictive personality. Anything to you is addictive.”

He slowly nodded his head understanding where I was coming from. “I’m sorry.” He let out. “I-I mean it, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.” I nodded my head. “You’re still recovering, I expect some bumps in the road.” I forced out, knowing that if I yelled at him he would never be honest with me again. “The important thing is you keep telling me when you slip up, that’s how we form trust. The second you start lying to me, that’s the second this ends.”

“So we’re okay?” He gulped in a nervous breath.

“Yeah.” I exhaled. “I’m not thrilled with you right now, but we’re fine. Just no more drugs, understand?”

“Okay.” He nervously nodded his head.

“Do you remember if the pen had the hospital’s name on it?” I couldn’t help but ask, wondering how hard I could screw Nate over with this.

“I don’t know it was dark in my room.” He shook his head. “The hospital has its own vapes?”

“Of course.” I nodded my head. “They’re a god send for epileptic or cancer patients. They stop seizures and nausea and make you hungry. But that doesn’t make it a toy. Those patients don’t get to smoke it like it’s a cigarette. It’s medicinal.” He nodded his head and finally began to eat again. “So when you asked if I dated him, was that something he told you?”

Once more Ryder nodded his head. “He apologized for acting jealously, and said he wasn’t over you.”

“Huh.” I angrily exhaled, biting down on my lip harder.

“He said you take risks, and that you date doctors, nurses and patients.” Ryder exhaled, looking up at me for the truth.

“He’s the only person here that I’ve dated!” I yelped in anger. “Well besides you now, but I’ve never actually dated a nurse or doctor! And you’re not even my patient anymore! And even then, we were already, well,”

“Complicated?” Ryder offered causing me to nod my head. “So what happens now?”

“Cait talks me out of killing nate.” I calmly shrugged. “Then I go fire his ass and start looking for a new nurse.”

“And you can do that?” Ryder asked, surprise filling his eyes.

“I can do that as a doctor, or I can do that as the boyfriend of a patient.” I explained in a strict tone. “Or I can threaten to take this story to the press. They’re already looking for a story about you.”

“I, let’s avoid that one.” He let out, drawing a laugh from me.

“I figured.” I smiled. “I’ll just fire him myself.” I nodded.

“Don’t go over the top though.” Ryder exhaled, as I shot him a curious look. “Like don’t black list him from other hospitals.” He continued. “I, he, people can change, you know?”

“I guess so.” I nodded my head.

Nate, you’ve done a lot of wrong in your time here. You’ve fucked up dosages, sloppily filled out charts, brought the wrong medicine to the wrong people, hell even brought the wrong tools to the wrong doctors! But now you’ve really done it. You messed with the wrong doctor this time, and I won’t let that pass.

*Pen- Pen is another word for a Vape, or better known as a Vaporizer. They’re e-cigarettes that can be used to smoke flavored oils, or even cannabis oil that gets a user high. They’re applauded for their ability to be discrete and powerful.