Translation Trashbin - 12. Majime gao

.

I’m breaking the mold here This collection is headed as my attempts to translate other people’s work, but now I will translate something of my own.

I’ve been working my way through my old notebooks and typing up poetry from the past. A few of these poems are in Japanese, as I lived and worked there for four years. In typing this one up, I discovered I had jotted down two differing translations of it; both equally valid views on the original. While organizing it for Word, a third variation came to mind, so I wrote that one down as well.

Curious to see what she thought, I sent the four to Lyssa. She became so inspired by my variations, she set out to do her own translations on my three – so, my original has spawned 6 versions and counting. I’ll provide her translations and a link to her blog posting below. Please let her know what you think on her page  

I hope you enjoy.

-------------------

短歌:

真面目 顔

心はどうかな

咲き出すに

若い花は

ただ 浅い かな

Tanka:

Majime gao,

kokoro wa do ka na

sakidasu ni

wakai no hana wa

tada sai ka na

Tanka version 1:

Serious faces,

But yet, what about the heart –

Do not young blossoms,

When first they begin to bloom,

Act a tad bit frivolous?

Tanka version 2:

Serious faces,

Is this where they keep their hearts;

If so at such times

Even the blossoms of spring

Are only perhaps shallow.

Tanka version 3:

Studious faces –

How about the hidden heart?

When they come to bloom,

Do you see the young flowers

Appearing just as shallow?

Lyssa’s German translations

Tanka Variation Nr. 1

Ernste Gesichter,

was sprechen ihre Herzen –

ist es nicht so, dass

junge Blüten erblühen,

indem sie keck poussieren?

Tanka Variation Nr. 2

Ernste Gesichter

Wenn dort ihre Herzen wohnen,

in solchen Zeiten

sind so gar Frühlingsblüten

einzig schier oberflächlich.

Tanka Variation Nr. 3

Eifrige Gesichter

Was ist mit dem scheuen Herz?

Wenn sie aufblühen,

wirken die frischen Blumen

in deinen Augen nur seicht?

https://gedichtart.wordpress.com/2018/06/06/not-lost-in-translation/