Translation Trashbin - 14. Il Pleure dans Mon Coeur

i'm partial to variation 1 and 3.   In one the word rain to me, works better than squall.  Squall seems such and intense harsh word.   Three is just different altogether, warmer and more enveloping.  I do not know how you do these translations, AC, but they are brilliant!  Thank you!

On 7/14/2018 at 10:07 AM, Mikiesboy said:

i'm partial to variation 1 and 3.   In one the word rain to me, works better than squall.  Squall seems such and intense harsh word.   Three is just different altogether, warmer and more enveloping.  I do not know how you do these translations, AC, but they are brilliant!  Thank you!

Verlaine's poetics on "pleure" and "pleut" in lines one and two are the challenge to render in another language. Most translations of this poem treat the first word as if it means rains and uses that word; but it means wailing; crying; sobbing -- all very vehement verbs for producing the tears which he compares to raindrops in the second line. So, "pleure" equals squalls as a storm-like event of emotions, and "pleut" means rain. That's the best equivocation I could come up with in English. 

Yes, this is all a challenge. There is another one too that others may mark right away. The usual translation of this poem starts with "It" not "He," but my reading is possible too. By making it personable, it brings the rest of the piece into focus for what it is, a love poem. Resisting the "He" may simply be more than a hundred years' worth of not wanting to see this love in the first place, but I could be wrong, as this poem in French is arguably the one known the best. Maybe it's like our Frost's Snowing Evening poem; it's that famous.   

Thanks for reading and commenting, Tim  

Wow! I'm thankful you are able to translate this poem. It's written so well, I never would've had the chance to enjoy it had it not been English (maybe I should try to understand French a bit more haha). This was nice to read, thank you :).

On 7/15/2018 at 6:20 AM, BDANR said:

Wow! I'm thankful you are able to translate this poem. It's written so well, I never would've had the chance to enjoy it had it not been English (maybe I should try to understand French a bit more haha). This was nice to read, thank you :).

You are most welcome, Bryant. I think I have a few sketches on the only joint poem Verlaine and Rimbaud did together...it's called Sonnet to the A**hole. LOL, and yes, it's about the piece of anatomy. Seems it was a bit of a joke, as another poet had recently had success with a dreck-ridden (dare I say, Victorian) collection of Sonnets to various body parts of the beloved: lips, face, hands, arms, etc. Our bad boys of poetry said "Hey now, wait a minute! There's one part you forgot to ovate." Thus, their poem was born. 

I could finish it, but to be honest, one part of the French is beyond me. Chanaan féminin means something like "feminine land of Canaan" -- a milk and honey allusion -- but why the adjective "feminine" is attached to it is over my pay-grade (other than the country being perhaps masculine in the language was modified, but even then, the 'why' of doing it escapes me). 

Perhaps some kind native French-speaker could share their opinions of Chanaan féminin with me    

Thanks for reading and leaving comments. I really appreciate it.

I am not good at reviewing poetry. However, that said, these are amazing. To think they all come from the same poem, just translated a different way, is amazing.

4 hours ago, BHopper2 said:

I am not good at reviewing poetry. However, that said, these are amazing. To think they all come from the same poem, just translated a different way, is amazing.

Thanks for reading, A. I didn't set out to do three, it's just my old was good for capturing the content of the poem, but I tried again to see if I could mimic the rhyme scheme as well. Ultimately, this left me a bit flat, so I threw caution to the wind and tried for a third version more focused on capturing the feel of the poem first and foremost. 

Thanks again for reading. I really appreciate it. 

I do so love your translations, AC. I am drawn especially to the third. 

Beautifully done, as always.  

5 minutes ago, Defiance19 said:

I do so love your translations, AC. I am drawn especially to the third. 

Beautifully done, as always.  

Thank you, Def. I always appreciate hearing from you.

I will definitely print this out to be able to read it more properly.

Thank you for sharing all of your versions - it's quite rare to find different translations by the same person so easily.

1 hour ago, Zenobia said:

I will definitely print this out to be able to read it more properly.

Thank you for sharing all of your versions - it's quite rare to find different translations by the same person so easily.

 

A print-out is a great compliment And like I said above, I did not set out to do three versions of this poem, but since I did, I have no problems posting them all. Thanks again. 

8 hours ago, AC Benus said:

And like I said above, I did not set out to do three versions of this poem (...).

 

Of course you didn't but that makes it all the more interesting