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    AC Benus
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
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Translation Trashbin - 10. Ein alter Tibetteppich

I posted this a while ago in the Poetry Writers' club, under the poems in a different language thread. I still like this though :)  The colors of the original are what I was trying to capture; that and the sense of being rooted and flying free at the same time.   

 

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Ein alter Tibetteppich

von Else Lasker-Schüler

 

Deine Seele, die die meine liebet,

Ist verwirkt mit ihr im Teppichtibet.

 

Strahl in Strahl, verliebte Farben,

Sterne, die sich himmellang umwarben.

 

Unsere Füße ruhen auf der Kostbarkeit,

Maschentausendabertausendweit.

 

Süßer Lamasohn auf Moschuspflanzenthron,

Wie lange küßt dein Mund den meinen wohl

Und Wang die Wange buntgeknüpfte Zeiten schon?

 

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An old Tibetan rug

by Else Lasker-Schüler

 

Your soul, the one that loves mine,

Is entwined with it in the Tibetan rug.

 

Warp and woof, color-fast with affection,

Like stars, who’ve mated the length of heaven.

 

Our heels supported by the interred sumptuousness,

Span a thousand thousand stitches there.

 

Sweet child of Dharma, upon your jatamansi throne,

How long has your mouth already placed kisses on mine,

And cheek to cheek bound us to all the colors underneath?

 

_

Copyright © 2018 AC Benus; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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this is truly beautiful ... it is warm, full of love.  a rug, thick with feeling and i want to wrap it around me and the one i love

 

thank you, AC xoxxo

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What a wonderful poem! Don't think I can add much to what tim said, AC. It's I don't know. ..sumptuous?

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i was talking to Lyssa the other day, and to you as well, about just how difficult it is to translate well, anything to English, but poetry has to be even harder. Poets use words in so many different ways and meanings, i think it takes someone with special talent to translate.  Frankly, i don't think it's something i could ever do well. So hats off to you, AC, because you do! xo

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On 4/29/2018 at 6:38 PM, Mikiesboy said:

this is truly beautiful ... it is warm, full of love.  a rug, thick with feeling and i want to wrap it around me and the one i love

 

thank you, AC xoxxo

I really appreciate you leaving me comments and support. You and Mike are the best. :hug:

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On 4/29/2018 at 7:45 PM, MichaelS36 said:

What a wonderful poem! Don't think I can add much to what tim said, AC. It's I don't know. ..sumptuous?

I'll take sumptuous any day of the year! Thank you. Actually, I think Else was going for just that type of sunny afternoon, afternoon delight luxury in her original poem. At least that's how I've always seen it. 

 

Thank you, Mike. You and Tim are the absolute best. :hug:

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On 4/30/2018 at 4:06 AM, Mikiesboy said:

i was talking to Lyssa the other day, and to you as well, about just how difficult it is to translate well, anything to English, but poetry has to be even harder. Poets use words in so many different ways and meanings, i think it takes someone with special talent to translate.  Frankly, i don't think it's something i could ever do well. So hats off to you, AC, because you do! xo

Yes, she did me the incredible honor of translating one of my poems about spring into German. Her translation must be a lovely and dignified thing too, because when I plugged it into Google Translate just to hear the German in audio form, I glanced over at the translation back into English and thought: "Wow, that's more refined that the original!" lol

 

As for doing translations, it's always risky. A person's interaction with a poem is personal, and yet to translate it, decisions must be made. Lyssa also shared with me a few more of her favorite Else Lasker-Schüler poems, and I'm about ready to post a second translation. 

 

We'll see what Lyssa thinks about it first.

 

Thanks again, Tim. Muah    

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AC this is wonderful!
i'm so glad @Mikiesboy shared this!

i can't imagine how hard it is to translate poetry.  prose is hard enough, but poets use words like paints

shading a little here, mixing some here to color the meaning JUST so

and the poem itself is wonderful

thank you for this!

(adding Translation Trashbin to my reading list)

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5 minutes ago, mollyhousemouse said:

AC this is wonderful!
i'm so glad @Mikiesboy shared this!

i can't imagine how hard it is to translate poetry.  prose is hard enough, but poets use words like paints

shading a little here, mixing some here to color the meaning JUST so

and the poem itself is wonderful

thank you for this!

(adding Translation Trashbin to my reading list)

Thanks for the read, Molly. I really appreciate it

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1 minute ago, AC Benus said:

Thanks for the read, Molly. I really appreciate it

well i appreciate all the work you put into your submissions

it's a labor of love for you and it shows

:hug:

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This is gorgeous, beautifully metaphoric and yet completely real. Your work to bring this to us lesser mortals is much appreciated. 

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15 hours ago, mollyhousemouse said:

well i appreciate all the work you put into your submissions

it's a labor of love for you and it shows

:hug:

Thanks, Molly. The most controversial word in the poem turned out to be 'heel.' The German term can mean heel, but is most commonly thought of as 'foot.'  

 

To my mind, I just cannot see the poet and her lover standing on the rug, so I chose to make it "Our heels supported...."

 

Lyssa and I were talking about it yesterday, and to make a translation, a poet must give a personal take on the original. That means he must decide on some things if he wants to convey the spirit in the poem as well as the literal translations of terms.   

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31 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

This is gorgeous, beautifully metaphoric and yet completely real. Your work to bring this to us lesser mortals is much appreciated. 

Thank you, Parker. I'm working on bringing another Lasker-Schüler poem to completion. She was remarkably sensual, and as poets, I think she and I connect on that theme. 

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