Translation Trashbin - 16. David und Jonathan (2)

BTW, here's a drop of fig sap, in case you are unfamiliar with what it looks like  

Compliments on how you managed to even bring rhyme into your translation of this complex poem.

I know I'll have to think especially about the third stanza some more because it seems so obscure to me, I guess i'll have to sleep on it at least one night

I didn't read Lasker-Schüler before (perhaps one or two poems at school but I don't remember) and you make me wonder how I could have missed her, so to speak, and her poems make me wonder how I could have thought my knowledge of my mother language is comprehensive enough 😉

On 7/31/2018 at 1:58 PM, Zenobia said:

Compliments on how you managed to even bring rhyme into your translation of this complex poem.

I know I'll have to think especially about the third stanza some more because it seems so obscure to me, I guess i'll have to sleep on it at least one night

I didn't read Lasker-Schüler before (perhaps one or two poems at school but I don't remember) and you make me wonder how I could have missed her, so to speak, and her poems make me wonder how I could have thought my knowledge of my mother language is comprehensive enough 😉

I had the most difficulty with the second stanza. The reference to manliness and the waters of a brook had me scratching my head for a long time. Lyssa helped me make my way to seeing what the poet was saying. Same thing goes for the 3rd and 4th stanzas. They are challenges, but the dots only connect in one way, and creates one of the most erotically charged poems I have ever seen.  

I have read that Lasker-Schüler's ability to craft new words and terms was bottomless, and she shows it with every poem she wrote. She was also quite an interesting visual artist. I think I have the link showing a sketch she made of David and Jonathan's parting....let me look for it.

Thanks for the comments, Zenobia. I appreciate them.

Okay, I don't know why it's not letting me paste as an image, but here the link to the artwork mentioned above.

 https://recherche.smb.museum/detail/1419852/david-und-jonathan?language=de&question=Else+Lasker-Schüler&limit=15&sort=relevance&controls=none&objIdx=0

I know nothing about poetry, so I won't pretend to.  

I thought this was a woman talking about a man until I saw the picture, then read between the lines.

This poet new her game. Applause for the translation and the sharing.

On 7/31/2018 at 10:51 PM, Twisted_Dreemz said:

I know nothing about poetry, so I won't pretend to.  

 

I thought this was a woman talking about a man until I saw the picture, then read between the lines.

 

This poet new her game. Applause for the translation and the sharing.

Else was very interested in love between men. She wrote about it a lot, lucky for us

Thanks for reading and commenting, Twisted. I appreciate it. 

Beautiful, truly exceptional. 

1 hour ago, deville said:

Beautiful, truly exceptional. 

Thanks for the praise, deville! Muah 

16 hours ago, AC Benus said:

Okay, I don't know why it's not letting me paste as an image, but here the link to the artwork mentioned above.   http://www.smb-digital.de/eMuseumPlus?service=DynamicAsset&sp=SU5mxm4Yx%2FVbg9LVP7MZLDqo6z5lhONBxez%2FYx5EhVSCZjU0bcvvsnPxkoLiFJnF9QzRY98OZwV1b fnOjhdzPJCrGy%2BOIZxfXys9Yi8S8yOIqPHJTWvfQxIVDQXx3HK8%2F&sp=Simage%2Fjpeg

Thank you - I didn't know about it but this is a fine addition to the poem itself 

So many images tumble over one another, yet the love of David for his Jonathan is constant. You manage this subtle feat in your translation, in addition to the even more taxing art holding to a rhyme scheme in your work. This is a poem to be loved and a translation to be admired. 

I've read this poem a few times now, and I still have a bit of trouble putting into words what I think of it. It's fantastic in my opinion, and the skill you have to be able to read and translate an author's intent along with their words astounds me. Great job!

On 8/1/2018 at 8:38 AM, Zenobia said:

Thank you - I didn't know about it but this is a fine addition to the poem itself 

Her artwork is very interesting. There is one sketch of a man on a camel, and the animal is rendered with such mastery -- every part and proportion of its body is amazingly accurate. At the same time, the man is shown with fascinating distortions to his limbs.

Anyway, thanks for reading my work and leaving me encouragement. I truly appreciate it!  

http://www.full-stop.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/kamel.jpg

On 8/3/2018 at 12:25 PM, Parker Owens said:

So many images tumble over one another, yet the love of David for his Jonathan is constant. You manage this subtle feat in your translation, in addition to the even more taxing art holding to a rhyme scheme in your work. This is a poem to be loved and a translation to be admired. 

Almost with a bit of embarrassment I'll "confess" that there is something in Else's work that makes me respond in a more formal way for translation. In her work, she's fairly free and does what I did as a younger poet, which is start off with a rhyme scheme and a set stanza size, and then proceed to not pay much attention as inspiration takes her on a journey.

When translating her work, I like to take her original rhyme scheme and continue it on throughout. Why....? I don't really know. It just feels it will be the best that way to convey her message/mood completely in English.

Thanks for reading, Parker. I always appreciate it.    

On 8/3/2018 at 3:10 PM, BHopper2 said:

I've read this poem a few times now, and I still have a bit of trouble putting into words what I think of it. It's fantastic in my opinion, and the skill you have to be able to read and translate an author's intent along with their words astounds me. Great job!

Thank you, A, for reading and commenting. Lyssa introduced me to the poetry of Else, and at this point, I guess I'm hooked. The woman had a deep admiration for love among men, and it came out again and again in her poetry and art. I have more to dig and get inspired.

Thanks again!