Aria Graice - 40. Chapter 40

After three cups of coffee, some tears, some laughter and a whole lot of hugging, Jay decided they were ready to go back inside. Drew assured them they didn’t have to tell anyone anything, and that Drew would stop the twins asking questions if Jay didn’t want them to. He’d also offered to speak to Lady Jane. Jay made him promise not to, but it was one promise he had no intention of keeping.

Jay stalled at the front door, but before Drew could say anything, they squared their shoulders and tilted up their chin. Taking a breath, they stepped over the threshold and Drew followed. If he’d seen anyone in the hall things would not have gone well, but they made it to the flat without coming across a soul. Once again, Jay paused, staring at the door as if it would open into a prison cell.

“You don’t have to,” Drew murmured. “You can sleep on the bus. I’ll sleep out there with you, or I’ll send Ceriann out.”

Jay glanced at him, and the bright flare of hope took his breath. It died fast, a light going out somewhere deep inside that hurt Drew. “I don’t want her to win,” Jay said softly. “I-I don’t think I can tell them, but… I want to be…”

“You know the boys better than I do, and I don’t think they’ll press you for something you’re not ready to give. Ceriann, on the other hand, will probably hound you. Would you object if I took her outside and beat the shit…er…have a word with her?”

Jay flashed a brief smile that faded fast. They took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You can tell her,” he said. “I don’t mind her knowing. I trust her.”

A wave of emotion that he couldn’t quite name washed over Drew and he squeezed Jay’s shoulder. “This is all down to you,” he said. “It’s your pace, your decision.”

Jay nodded once, then opened the door.

Every eye swivelled to them as soon as the door opened.

“Where have you been?” Aria demanded. “I wanted to look for you, but Jeff wouldn’t let me. What happened? Oh no! She made you cry. What happened? Please tell us.”

Aria threw his arms around Jay, and Jay broke again, clinging to their friend.

“What the fuck…” Amara struggled a little to get up, but he was quickly at his brother’s side. He glared at Drew as if it was Drew’s fault Jay was upset. “What happened?” he demanded.

“Jay got upset. It’s not for me to tell you why and I promised Jay you wouldn’t press them for an explanation. Can we just leave it that Jay’s upset and they need your support? You don’t really need to know why.”

“Like hell we don’t. This was her. This is something she’s done. She’s always hated Jay and I should have made her tell us why when she was a bitch to them earlier. I’m sick of it. I understand what happened with her and our mother, and I can forgive a lot, but no one ever told her she couldn’t be nice to Jay and she’s always treated them badly. “He straightened to his full height, only wincing slightly. “If she wants any chance of us trusting her or making a relationship with her she has to realise she can’t treat our friends like this. What the hell did she say?”

Amara was so angry he was shaking. Drew was surprised by the strength of his reaction, but the thought was quickly followed by another—why was he surprised? Aria and Amara had always been fiercely protective of their friends, and Jay in particular. He wondered for a moment whether they actually knew.

“You’d better spit it out, Drew,” Ceriann said, coming to stand beside him, “because if you don’t, I’m going to track that bitch down and beat it out of her. This is my Jay she’s fucking with and that means she’s fucking with me, too.”

That caught Jay’s attention and they pushed Aria away gently. “Don’t. Please. It would just make it worse. I can’t… I…”

“Jay?”

Aria ducked his head to look up into Jay’s face. He put one hand against Jay’s cheek. “You know you can tell us, whatever it is. We’ll help you. We’ll make it better. If she’s horrible to you, we’ll leave. We’ll never come back. I won’t be friends with someone who treats you like this. I won’t.”

Jay shook their head. “You don’t understand.”

“No, we don’t,” Amara said, hands on hips. “We don’t understand at all. Why does she hate you so much? Is she going to be like this with all our friends?”

“Not Alice,” Aria said, his voice strangely tight. “She likes Alice because she’s important.”

“Jay’s important too,” Amara came back instantly.

“I know that, but she clearly doesn’t.”

“Then we should tell her.”

The twins exchanged their twin stare, then both nodded.

“Agreed.”

Amara headed for the door, with Aria close behind.

“I’m coming too,” Ceriann said.

“Hang on there.” Jeff, as usual stopped everyone in their tracks. “I think this is one of those situations where we all need to take a breath. Jay, you look like you’re going to pass out on your feet. Come sit down here. Drew, put the kettle on. Ceriann, get that blanket and tuck Jay in, they’re bloody freezing. Aria and Amara, plant your arses. You’re going nowhere until we know what we’re dealing with. Wading in with two feet at this point isn’t going to help anyone.”

Drew smiled with relief as he headed for the kitchen, leaving Jeff issuing orders. As he walked, he slipped out his phone and texted Ceriann to meet him in the kitchen. He was still searching for the kettle when he heard Ceriann telling Jeff she was going to help Drew.

“Look at him. He’s so bloody useless. I partly blame you. You told him to put the kettle on. Has he never heard of a coffee maker or a tea maker? See that thing that looks like an unexploded bomb?” She clattered around the kitchen flicking switches on some weird looking machines. “All mod cons here,” she said cheerfully.

After a few minutes, when the others’ attention had moved on, Ceriann glanced at Drew, while still going through the motions of making hot drinks. “So, what’s going on, little brother?”

“What I’m going to tell you can’t go further than us. Jay asked me to talk to you because you’re the only person they feel they can trust right now. They don’t want the boys to know.”

“Why the hell not? Not that I’m not chuffed to bits that they trust me but Christ, the twins are their best friends and I’m just some crazy old woman they’ve just met.”

“God knows why, but they seem to like you.”

“Cheeky.” She cuffed him and he ducked, grinning. He sobered fast though and explained as quickly as he could what he’d seen and what Jay had told him.

“Fucking hell,” she said. “That goddamn fucking bitch. I’m telling you now, Drew, I don’t know I can control myself if I see her. I want to rip her hair out at the roots. Jesus, that poor kid. No wonder they seem so…sad. Even when they’re laughing their eyes are….”

“Haunted.”

“Yeah. Not surprising, huh?”

“Not at all.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I can’t tell the boys because Jay asked me not to. I really hope they’ll tell them themselves because it’s a hell of a burden to keep a secret like that, especially now when the boys know something’s up.”

“Yeah, but you can understand why they don’t want to.”

“Absolutely. I wouldn’t want to tell them either, if it was me.”

“What are you going to do about her? You’re not going to let her get away with it?”

“God no. I thought I’d take Jeff with me a bit later, when everything’s settled down, and have a quiet word.”

“Why Jeff and not me? I want to come.”

“You’ve just eloquently told me exactly why you shouldn’t come.”

“Eh, what’s a bit of hair here and there?”

“That’s it. No fucking way.”

Drew’s attention was jerked back to Amara, who was on his feet heading for the door.

“Wait,” he called. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to talk to her, of course. Look at them. They’re a mess. Jay won’t tell me what’s she done, so I’m going to find out for myself. Don’t look like that, Drew. Don’t even try to talk me out of it. I know what you’re going to say and maybe it won’t solve anything, and maybe it will make things worse, but hey… we’ve got nothing to lose. She’s the one who’s going to lose her grandchildren again, and if we’re as important as she says we are she’ll get her head out of her arse and realize that she can’t treat our friends like this. Hell, she can’t treat anyone like this. Look at them?” Amara motioned to where Jay was still weeping in Aria’s arms. “I’m not putting up with it, Drew. No one no one, not even my own grandmother treats my friends like this. No one treats Jay like that. Jay’s not just a friend, and you know that. Jay’s our adopted brother.”

It wasn’t the first time Drew had heard Aria and Amara refer to Jay as their brother. Never had it been so clear to Drew how deeply that went. From the expression on their face, it had never been as clear to Jay either.

“Please don’t,” Jay said. “I love that you want to, but it really wouldn’t help.”

“What can she do? Throw us out?”

“No. She could… She could… Please don’t talk to her. Please.”

Amara narrowed his eyes, focussing on Jay now. His voice was curiously soft when he spoke. “What did she say to you, Jay? What are you afraid she’s going to say to us?”

Damn Amara and his perceptiveness. That look flashed between the twins again. This time, Drew could read it clearly enough. I told you so.

“Amara, please don’t push this,” Drew said. “If you want to help Jay, let it drop because this is hurting them. Can’t you see that?”

Amara glared at him. “Yeah, I can see that. We’ve known for a long time that something’s wrong. We’ve talked about it so many times. Jay’s hurting. Jay’s not alright. Jay’s hiding something. We know something’s horribly wrong and we love Jay so much that it’s hurting us too. I’m not going to make Jay talk to us. I’m not going to make them tell us what’s wrong, even though it hurts that they don’t trust us, but I won’t let this go, and if Grandmother tells us something Jay doesn’t want us to hear well sorry, so be it. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind huh?” He glared at Jay. “Sometimes you’ve got to let it go and trust that the people who care for you will pick up the pieces after.”

“Please don’t ‘Mara,” Jay croaked.

“Why?”

“Amara.” Amara shook off Drew’s hand.

“I know your business is your business, Jay, but how many more times are we going to get to this point? You’re breaking our hearts and we can’t take it anymore. What the hell are you so scared of? That we’re not going to like you anymore? That we’re going to throw you to the lions?”

“No. You know I don’t.”

“Then you don’t trust us?”

“No. It’s not that. I swear.”

“Then what is it, Jay? What the hell is it that turns you into a fucking wreck and is taking our best friend away from us. Don’t think we haven’t noticed it’s been getting worse. And it always gets worse when you’re here.”

“I-I didn’t think…. I didn’t know.”

“What? That we care about you? That we love the fuck out of you? That we can see you fading away in front of our fucking eyes? We’re scared to death Jay. Don’t you know that? Can’t you see that?”

“’Mara, maybe we shouldn’t—”

Not even Aria was able to cut through Amara’s anger. Drew had never seen him like this, and to be honest, he was a little bit scary and a little bit magnificent and whole lot bloody sexy.

“Shut up, Aria.” Still glaring at Jay, Amara sighed and his anger dropped away. “Do you have any idea how fucking awful it is to lie in bed wondering if this is the night you’ll get a call to tell you the person you love more than anyone else in the world, except Aria, has done something bloody stupid because they’re too damn stubborn to ask for help?”

Jay shook their head, stunned into silence.

“Do you know how many times we’ve talked about it? About what we can do, what we’d do if anything happened, how we could stop it happening?”

“I’d never do anything like that Amara. I’m not suicidal.”

“You sit there looking like that and I’m sorry but I don’t fucking believe you.”

“Trust me, if I was suicidal, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

“You did it once,” Aria said, his voice trembling

Jay’s head jerked down. “That was different.”

“That’s what you keep saying, but you’ve never told us why it was different.”

“Because…. Because…”

“That’s enough, Mara,” Drew said firmly. “I understand how you feel but if you really do care for Jay you won’t put them through any more of this. You’re putting unfair pressure on them to tell you something they’re not ready to share.”

“But they shared with you.” Amara turned his blazing eyes on Drew who actually took a step back.

“It’s their choice, not yours.”

“Fuck you. You know nothing about us, about Jay and us. If you want to stay in our lives don’t even try to get in between us.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, but please think about this. It’s you who are hurting Jay right now.”

“No, Drew, it’s not. It’s the big fucking secret, whatever it is. That’s what’s hurting them and it’s going to keep on hurting them, over and over and over, and if we don’t ask and don’t talk and don’t push then it’s never going to change.”

“How do you think Aria would have felt if someone was trying to force him to talk about his sexuality?”

Amara stopped as if Drew had slapped him in the face. “How could you even say that?” he gasped.

“It’s the same thing.”

“It’s not the same thing. It’s not anything like the same thing.”

“Trust me, it is. More than you know.”

Amara turned to stare at Jay. Then he narrowed his eyes. “If it is then it needs to come out like Aria did. Aria suffered for years for nothing. We can hardly believe how much better it is now it’s out in the open. Aria might never have done what he did if Mother hadn’t practically forced him to.”

“That doesn’t mean you have the right to force someone else into doing what Aria did. It’s not your choice. I know you’re not stupid, so you have to see that.”

Amara sagged. “I know it’s not my choice, but it’s hard to see Jay like this when I know it would be so much better if they’d just talk about it.”

“How do you know? You don’t know the facts. You don’t know the implications. You don’t know what it would mean for Jay or for you if they talked about it.”

“Okay, you know. You can tell us. What are the implications? What would it mean for Jay or for us if they told us?”

“Don’t Amara, please. Please just leave it. Please.”

Amara sighed and returned to the sofa. He sat and took Jay’s hand. “I’m angry, Jay. I’m so bloody angry because I hate to see you like this. I want to smash something, to hit someone. I want to smash her fucking face in for doing this to you. I don’t want to hurt you. I really don’t. I’m only angry because I love you.”

“I love you too,” Aria said. “And I want to hurt someone too, but gentler than Amara. Maybe I can wire up her television to explode or something. Or mess up all the books in the office.”

Jay smiled and relaxed a little. “I love you both, too, but I just can’t talk about it. I can’t. It was hard enough talking to Drew and he was…”

“He was what?” Amara asked, a definite edge to his voice.

“A stranger. It didn’t matter so much if he hated me after.”

“Hated you?” Aria said, his face showing shock and outrage. “Drew would never hate you. We would never hate you. You don’t hate them, do you Drew?”

“Not even the tiniest bit.”

“See. Drew doesn’t hate you and we wouldn’t either. There’s nothing you could say that would make us hate you, Jay.”

Jay snorted. “Right. You don’t know how wrong you are.”

“Really?” Amara had gone very still and Drew thought it must be because he was in pain. His voice was tight, but Drew recognised something else apart from physical pain. “I’ve worked at the safe houses. You know I don’t like it, but I’ve still done it. I’ve talked to the kids, watched them, learned about them. I’ve read files and talked to people who know what they’re talking about. One thing that always really freaked me out was this look they had, kind of a darkness behind their eyes like even when they were smiling, part of them was screaming. One of the reasons it freaked me out so much was because I can see the same thing in you.

“Do you think I don’t see those moments when the screen falls, that I don’t catch you looking like you’re about to cry, or run, or scream, or whatever? Then you chew on your lip ring, sniff and pull the mask on again. I see more than you think, and I know you’ve done things in the past that you’re not proud of. I’ve jumped to my own conclusions and I don’t think anything you tell us can be much worse. I don’t care if you were an addict, or if you lived on the streets, or sold yourself. I don’t care if you sold drugs to buy food or acted as a fucking mule. I don’t care, do you understand? I don’t care what you did or who you were because I know who you are now and I know what you do now.”

By the time he’d finished speaking Amara had tears running down his face. Drew felt awkward, as if he was intruding on an intensely personal moment. Ceriann and Jeff had slipped off to the kitchen and Drew was pretty sure she’d be telling Jeff what had happened.

“But it…” Jay’s breath hitched. “It would…It was worse… I did… I can’t…. It would ruin you.”

“It would what? Ruin us? What the fuck does that mean? It wouldn’t ruin anything, whatever it was.”

“No one would…No one would listen to your music. No one would watch…”

“Shut up Jay,” Aria said, shocking everyone. “You have to stop worrying about us. If we think there’s a problem we can work it out ourselves.”

Drew smiled, bursting with pride because this, more than anything else brought home to him that the twins could deal with things themselves and the last shreds of his concerns about taking advantage of the them went flying right out of the window. There was no way anyone would take advantage of these two. They were far shrewder and more astute than he had, even now, given them credit for. They were truly a force to be reckoned with in every way. He had no doubt Jay would tell them everything, or that they would deal with the situation and handle it in the right way when they did, Drew was the one who needed to stay out of the way and not mess things up.

“No, you can’t. It…it’s too much. She said…”

“Don’t even go there. I don’t give a shit what she said. She knows nothing about us.”

“Well, she does,” Aria cut in. “I mean, to be fair she’s had Alicia telling her everything, so she does know something.”

“Alicia?”

Jay sniffed and frowned. Drew had almost forgotten they hadn’t been privy to the discussion.

“Yeah, apparently she’s a plant.”

“A spy working for Grandma.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, and she’s going to find out just exactly what we think about that next time we see her.”

Jay gave a thin smile, then they shuddered, covered their face with their hands and blurted—“I was a whore and I killed someone.”

Everyone froze and there was absolute silence, then Amara huffed. “I figured it was something like that, but I would never have guessed you killed someone. Did they deserve it?”

Jay nodded. It appeared they were too stunned to speak, which didn’t surprise Drew at all because he was pretty shocked himself.

“Was it someone who hurt you?” Aria asked, stroking Jay’s hair. Jay nodded again. “Then I’m glad they’re dead, because if they weren’t we’d get Drew to talk to his friends and have them assassinated.”

“Hey, hang on a minute. I’m not in the mafia, you know.”

“Yeah, we know.” Aria waved a hand as if technicalities didn’t matter, and Drew inwardly groaned.