A Promise To Protect - 11. Danger to Himself

“Tyler! It’s me, I’m home.” Zeke calls out, knowing exactly where to check first, his pace is quick but he was exhibiting a controlled calmness as he approaches the bathroom. “Tyler, are you alright?” Zeke asks with a gentle knock on the door. To his surprise, Tyler opens the door immediately. “Hey, I’m sorry you went through that.” Zeke apologizes, moving towards Tyler to give him a comforting hug.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” Tyler shouts in a panic, pushing Zeke’s hands away and falling to the ground sobbing, as if he didn't believe or trust that Zeke was really the person in front of him. Zeke couldn't help but wonder what kind of horror went on in Tyler's head given the recent hallucinations, after the phone call, it was no surprise that he was suspicious like this.

“Tyler, I know how it seems, I really do. I just need you to take a breath and listen to me ok. I promise you, we are safe here ok? We are safe here.” Zeke repeats, crouching in front of Tyler on the floor, he felt lost on how to handle this, he wanted to give comfort and reassurance but Tyler would need to calm down before it would be any use trying to talk logically about what was going on.

“How, how can you say we are safe? After last night? After this phone call?” Tyler asks through his sobs.

“Last night was a hallucination Tyler, you said so yourself.” Zeke frowns at him.

“Was it? Or was I really seeing someone and we just couldn’t find him?” Tyler asks terrified.

“That photo you saw on my desk, you said that’s who you had seen right?” Zeke asks.

“Yes.”

“Well good, that guy is dead, so it can’t be him. If that’s who you saw then you didn’t see anyone here. He use to be an accomplice, but he betrayed the guy that attacked your family and was killed a few weeks ago.” Zeke assures him.

“Really? Or is he dead in the same way I am dead? Is it just a cover story so he can look for me without being suspected? To make you think I’m crazy, that I’m seeing things. To undermine me?” Tyler asks, completely paranoid.

“Tyler I promise...”

“No, I can’t do this anymore, not here. Zeke please I am not safe, I need to go somewhere else. Can we just go to your work?” Tyler asks desperately.

“Please listen to me.” Zeke reaches for Tyler’s hand which he’s surprised Tyler allows him to hold. Zeke gives it a squeeze and looks into Tyler’s eyes, holding eye contact to know that Tyler was paying him his full attention. “The call wasn’t traced here, my phone was the one traced. Where I work is currently undergoing a complete reboot of security systems. We are safer here, than we are there. In any case, the person that called isn’t actually interested in you. He wants me. You are just someone he was lucky enough to scare in the process. The threat is not to you, it’s entirely to me.”

“Is that supposed to be reassuring? Someone wants you dead!”

“It's no different to any other day of my life honestly. I can live with it. Plus my track record for not being killed is so far, flawless. Not dying it basically why I got hired. Trust me I’m good at surviving.” Zeke laughs it off.

“Wait who helped you track the call?” Tyler asks.

“Colleagues of mine.” Zeke shrugs.

“So people at your work know about me then? Aren’t you in trouble?” Tyler asks concerned.

“No, it’s fine. I said you were my boyfriend.” Zeke answers.

“How did that go?” Tyler was so surprised by Zeke’s cover story he almost forgot about the situation.

“Well, the good thing about working in a place like this, is that people don’t wanna ask your personal details. Tell someone you’re in a relationship and that’s the end of the conversation. They also won’t spread it around. It’s basic courtesy not to ask just because if there is somebody being interrogated for information about somebody else and they aren’t strong enough to stay quiet then at least they won’t have information to give up that jeopardizes anyone else. Keeps everyone’s personal life safe. We consented to putting our lives on the line, people around us didn’t. You didn’t.” Zeke says sadly, rubbing Tyler’s hand. “I’m so sorry you were on that call. I can assure you, the danger is entirely on me. In fact it might be better for us to arrange somewhere else for you to stay while we sort this out.”

“No, Zeke I don’t want to be away from you.” Tyler tells him quickly and in the moment of panic, it’s as though the wave of fear washes over him again. “I can’t Zeke, I can’t be anywhere else. I want to be with you. You said you would keep me safe and I trust you ok. I believe you. I want to stay with you.” He pleads.

“I don’t know.” Zeke sighs. “I’m trying to do what’s best for you, but I don’t really know what that is right now. You’re just not safe anywhere...”

“Can’t we go to the place where you work?” Tyler asks.

“To a top secret location? Sure, that’d be fine.” Zeke answers sarcastically. “Like I said, the call was traced to the location of my work, that’s where the threat is at the moment, we are better off laying low here. In fact I’m off work for the rest of the week until they are sure it’s safe to return.”

“Do you think it’s the guy that killed my family.”

“I wouldn’t expect him to be the one making the phone calls and threats himself. I mean if he is, then he’s got a cocky amount of confidence that we’re not going to find him and end him. He would have known we had time to track him too. He might have found my location but I found his too.” Zeke shrugs, Tyler found it fascinating how Zeke's focus kicked in when he was asked about anything work related, it felt as though Zeke tuned out on everything else and spoke as though he was alone in the room, talking out loud to help himself understand what was happening. Zeke is silent in thought for a moment then he turns to Tyler with a smile. “Are you hungry?” He asks.

“Not really.” Tyler replies.

“You spent the day in here, come on, I’m sure you’re starving and lets be honest, you can’t afford to lose any weight, you’re already a twig.” Zeke jokes, standing up and pulling Tyler up with him, standing close to one another, Tyler finds himself staring into Zeke’s kind dark eyes. Zeke takes a half step back, noticing the closeness. “How about I order us some dinner?” Zeke suggests.

“How about a kiss?” Tyler was embarrassed the moment he said it, he’d not intended on saying it out loud but now the suggestion was hanging in the air and he didn’t know whether to laugh it off or deny he meant it.

“I feel like, Chinese.” Zeke chooses to ignore the comment, even though he’d clearly heard it because he had looked just as surprised as Tyler that the words had come out of Tyler’s mouth. Zeke lets go of Tyler’s hands and starts walking out of the bedroom. “You like Chinese, right?” Zeke asks, looking over his shoulder at Tyler briefly.

“Yeah.” Tyler replies, following Zeke out slowly, he hadn’t expected no reaction to be the one he got. There was something that seemed so pathetic about the fact he was now hung up on what Zeke was thinking, when he’d just finished having the longest afternoon, locked in the bathroom waiting for death to come, but Zeke hadn’t indulged or rejected his comment and that felt like it meant something. Tyler stands in the lounge room and listens to Zeke placing an order over the phone.

“Ok, that will be here in 20 minutes.” Zeke says as he hangs up the phone, turns and puts the TV on then sits down on the couch. “Time to relax.” He sighs contently. Tyler nervously joins him on the couch, his heart racing as he knew he had to bring up the kiss comment.

“Zeke.” He starts, his mouth immediately feeling dry as a desert. “What I said before...”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. It’s been a really intense day for you. Lets just forget it.” Zeke states. Tyler gets up from the couch wiping tears from his eyes and walking out of the room quickly. “Tyler?” Zeke frowns and gets up to follow him.

“I’m not hungry.” Tyler calls out as he walks down the hallway feeling himself crumble more and more with every step. There was something about the hopelessness of everything that had broken him over and over again yet Zeke minimizing his feelings as him just having an intense day managed to be the one that pushed him over the edge. As if he couldn’t trust his own feelings, as if his mind was just playing more tricks on him and Tyler didn’t know himself as well as Zeke did. Zeke knew nothing, considering how observant he had to be for his job. If he couldn’t see what was really happening with Tyler then Tyler felt as though he wasn’t trying hard enough. Though he was ashamed of how he looked, disgusted by his own sickly thin physique, he wanted to look as ill outside as he felt inside and he wanted to be noticed. He hid it for shame but he also wanted to sympathy and the compassion of someone finally realizing just how far from ok he had fallen, it was a cry for help that he was just covering up because it had gotten so out of hand. It was a habit now and he knew he couldn’t break it on his own even though the lack of food and the purging had been leading to his hallucinations and his heightened anxieties and god, when he cut himself even his blood seemed slower and thinner. He needed Zeke to stop pushing aside how he felt, but he didn’t know how to just show him what he’d been doing, it felt anti-climactic to have to confess this to Zeke, he had wanted to be discovered and nurtured. Zeke leans against the door frame in the bedroom, watching as Tyler nervously paces the room, clearly on the verge of yet another panic attack.

“What can I say, just tell me what you want me to say to help you right now.” Zeke sighs.

“You don’t like me do you.” Tyler states, he looks at Zeke.

“I like you.” Zeke replies clearly setting up to say ‘but’.

“You know what I mean.” Tyler scoffs then looks away again. “Can you leave me alone for a while?” Tyler asks, though he was hoping Zeke would insist upon staying with him. His thoughts and his actions were all so confused, as the moment Zeke does exactly what Tyler was hoping he’d do, steps forward and tries to comfort Tyler, Tyler pulls away and attempts to lock himself in the bathroom.

“Oh for Christ sake Tyler. You can’t just lock yourself in here every time something happens.” Zeke says and wedges his foot in the doorway, stopping Tyler from closing the door.

“What does it matter to you anyway?” Tyler argues and struggles against the door kicking at Zeke’s feet to try and get him to move his foot. “I hate you!” Tyler yells, knowing he was powerless.

“No you don’t.” Zeke says and pushes the door open then looks at Tyler. “I’m trying to help you Tyler, I care about you a lot, if I didn’t care I wouldn’t worry about you so much. Please don’t make me the problem. It doesn’t have to be anything more to prove how much I care about you.” Zeke tells him.

“I know. I’m sorry.” Tyler sobs and wipes his tears on his sleeve.

“Wow, you change moods quickly.” Zeke breathes, surprised at how easily Tyler had conceded to him.

“Zeke?” Why did you let me think I had a chance with you?” Tyler sighs and hugs himself, he knew how he must look, like some kind of weak damsel in distress but he couldn’t help it, not tonight.

“I’m sorry. I thought I was just being friendly. I really didn’t mean to lead you on. You have to understand though, I would feel completely like I was taking advantage of you if anything were to happen between us. You’re here under my protection and you are going through so much that your emotions are being heavily swayed. I can’t in good conscious, act on anything in these conditions. You deserve to be respected and helped through this stage, I don’t think we should be complicating things between us.” Zeke’s answer was a gentle combination of letting Tyler down in a positive way. It made sense to Tyler, it hurt, but it made sense. Tyler didn’t have anything else to say, so was thankful to hear a knock on the door. “That will be dinner.” Zeke shrugs.

“I am sorry I made things awkward.” Tyler apologizes quickly.

“You didn’t, it’s fine.” Zeke states and fakes a smile then heads out to collect dinner. Tyler starts following then pauses in front of the mirror, as the smell of food wafts down the hallway he feels like he just can’t go through with dinner as though nothing was wrong. Now that Zeke had reminded him where the line was in their relationship, there didn’t feel like there was anything to lose in showing Zeke what had really been going on. He takes a deep breath and steps back until he can feel the bed behind him, then he sinks onto it and waits. It’s only a few minutes later that Zeke calls out for Tyler, and with no response he comes back to the bedroom to find him.

“I need to show you something.” Tyler says nervously standing up when Zeke walks back in the room, before Zeke had the chance to even speak.

“Ok.” Zeke crosses his arms and looks at Tyler, waiting patiently. Tyler shakes his head and runs his hands through his hair and turns away. “Hey, what’s going on?” Zeke starts walking over to comfort Tyler.

“I need you to know I’m not proud of this and I hate myself for it, I just, I can’t stop on my own. I thought I could but I can’t and I hate doing this but I wanted to look as sick as I feel in my head.” Tyler admits, his hands grabbing at the bottom on his shirt and wringing the material. “Please don’t hate me.” Tyler begs as tears once again fill his eyes.

“Whatever is going on, I’m not going to judge you, I just want to help.” Zeke assures him. Tyler lifts his shirt all the way up to his neck and closes his eyes, not wanting to see Zeke’s disgust at the sight of his concave body. He feels Zeke’s hand gently touch his, taking his shirt and pulling it down again. Tyler opens his eyes and finds himself looking into the pure compassion of Zeke’s eyes. “What kind of help do you need?” Zeke asks gently.

“I don’t know.” Tyler admits through tears. Zeke takes Tyler in his arms and hugs him tight, rubbing his back.

“It’s ok. We’ll work it out together alright? I’m going to help you get better, no matter what it takes.” Zeke promises, though he was back to feeling completely inadequately prepared to deal with this new turn in his task of taking care of Tyler. “Will you come and eat with me now?” Zeke asks, stepping back but keeping his hands on Tyler’s shoulders. He was sure that he knew exactly what was wrong and planned on doing everything he could to make Tyler healthy again.