As They Say - (Revised) - 14. Entry 21 & 22

17th May 1991:

Thank god I got to see a blue sky today. Yeah, it was a little chilly, but at least we all got to go out for the most part. I called in for Ross and asked if he wanted to tag along with the lads and me. Do you want to know the best part about it?

Ross said, "Yes."

I still haven't invited Ross to the sleepover, but I did manage to talk to Carl about the sleepover. I suggested to him, actually kind of dropped the bomb on him about bringing Ross. I'm glad that Carl didn't really care.

Carl said, "If you want to bring him… bring him."

The news was good to hear.

On top of it all, the sun didn't exactly come out. It was overcast with patches of blue sky all day. So, we decided to head over to Eli's house because he has the Super NES console. All of us went over there to play a couple of games for a little bit, and it was kinda cool.

We all challenged each other to see who could get the highest score in Star Fox. It was kinda fun; Eli usually wins all the games, but he made it a mission to compete with Ross. The two of them were really close in scores, and I was betting for Ross. They played another two rounds of the game, and eventually, Ross won the game. I must say, Eli took the defeat coolly.

Eli gave Ross a handshake and said, "Good game." He even smiled.

I know that if I was an outsider and it was my first time playing against him, he would have probably walked out of the room in a huff, but no— not on Ross. I have known Carl for a long time now, so I can only assume that he would treat a defeat the same with me as he would with Ross. Everyone was in attendance today—me, Ross, Eli, Carl, even the nerdy kid Thomas and Eli's sister. Conor chooses when he wants to hangout now. Emma kept touching my shoulder and cheek, which became annoying after the first two or three times in a row.

Emma kept saying, "Oh, Adam, you're really good at getting the high scores."

The lads would tease me lightly, "High score is right."

I think the embarrassment of the moment wore off because she was annoying, and I wasn't interested. Maybe Emma was, but I didn't really care. It was getting to the point that I'd call her clingy. And secondly, she clearly had no clue about the game. I was like the third highest from the top concerning the score. I didn’t even come close to Ross or Eli’s head to head numbers.

Girls can be so dumb. They like you, and then they hate you. They want to know you, and then they don’t want to know you. They are so aggravating. Sometimes, I just wish I could understand them properly. I feel like I'm doing something wrong here when I’m interacting with them. When I play it cool and try and be friendly, they get mad because I'm not like asking them out or something.

Is that how it is? You are pressured into asking a girl out because she sticks to you like a frickin leach or studies your every move like you were an animal on the Discovery Channel?

Jeez, it's annoying. I swear I can't get a break from girls.

They are so overrated—much more than boys. I think I'll stick with boys. Boys are messier, rougher when it comes to settling scuffs. We don't go around trying to pry ourselves into other people’s business when they're clearly not interested.

I'm going to head off to bed; if I think about girls once more, all of the gay in me will run for the hills.

Plus, Eli's sister really needs to learn about how boys game. Emma knows nothing about how the rules of gaming affect the temperament of boys in the room.

Night,

A frustrated Adam

***

17th May 1991:

If I were in school today, I would be miserable, but let's scratch that thought because I ain't. In other news, Ross came over this evening, and I asked him about sleeping over. Ross just kinda gave me a shrug, as if I had done something wrong. I couldn't figure out what I did wrong for the life of me. Now it feels like I have done something evil, and I don't know what I did.

Sigh… am I going crazy?

I somehow feel a little sad about the whole turn of events. I'm not bitter about the fact that Ross doesn't want to come to a sleepover. Okay, well, he didn't say if he didn't want to come over or not.

Ross said, "I'll think about it." Those were his words.

What does that mean? 'I'll think about it.'

It sounds as if Ross is picking and choosing who he wants to hang out with when he does not really have a say. All the boys, they are my friends, and without them or me, Ross won't be able to talk to people our age as quickly. I have been more than friendly, but the way he said it was like he wasn't sure if he wanted to or not. It’s like how Conor has started acting. It was like Ross was a little disappointed in me for even bringing it up. Maybe Ross wants something else. Perhaps he's too shy, deep down.

It could be good to wait until he is ready. Or I'm moving at the speed of light compared to his pace? Maybe I'm pushing him in the deep end, and Ross can't swim that fast yet. Oh, it's not my intention; I just want to make him feel welcome. I don't want him to be uncomfortable. Maybe it's the guys; maybe he needs to get to know the boys a little more? It could be that Ross just wants alone time with me.

Well, that sounds too good to be true. I never thought about having a sleepover with just Ross and me before. And that would be cool to do, with just me and Ross. I guess it is a lousy thing to ask, having a sleepover. Especially when you're so far from home and you're in an unfamiliar environment.

Yeah, that makes sense. I should ask him if he wants to have a sleepover at my house just me and him—so that he can spread his wings a little. I'll ask him tomorrow.

If Ross says yes, which I hope he does, then I'll ask if Ross wants to stay at my house tomorrow night. And later, we can play cards again, and I'll beat him for sure. Then we can hold hands and do cute stuff together. Like talking about our favourite romantic scenes from movies or... or… even kissing and confessing my feelings for him. Like I'll tell him how cute, and adorable, and lovely he is. He's wonderful.

Yeah, I wrote it… I think I like Ross… or love. I'm not sure what the difference is, but there is something different about the feelings I've been getting about him. I love The Simpsons, but this feeling is stronger than loving. It's like I'm happy or something all the time he is around, and when Ross goes, it's like I die a little on the inside until I see him again. I can't believe I wrote this, but Mam would have me committed if she ever found this diary. I don't think these feelings are normal, but how can I deny how cute he is? Everything Ross seems to do is sweet. What makes it all the more special is that Ross is so damn mysterious; it's sexy.

Oh, and speaking of sexy. I couldn't control myself earlier. I came back with some undue hormones, and I started rubbing myself after closing the bedroom door. Soon enough, I had my hand down my tracksuit bottoms, and then well, I began tugging at myself. It felt hot and kinda naughty to be standing there with my back against my bedroom door, pulling at myself. Well, one thing led to another, and the thought of Ross's underwear came into my mind. I tried shaking it, but it destroyed the moment, so I caved and just took the boxers out. I clutched them in one hand and pulled my dick in the other. I do feel a little guilty about it, but hey, I was in the moment, and I swear it won't happen again. I promised myself that it wouldn’t happen, but something went wrong, and I can't let it happen again.

I better go to bed before I get given out to about staying up too late. It's like 1 AM or something.

Night,

Adam