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    Lux Apollo
  • Lux Apollo
  • Author
  • 03/21/2017
  • 279 Words
  • 651 Views
  • 12 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental. Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Lux's Indulgences - 13. Urge

What can I do

To appease this feeling

That I need to do something

That what I’m doing is not

Good enough

Real enough

Worth enough

 

What can I do

To alleviate the tightness

Constricting my abdomen

Humming, buzzing in my core

 

When I find an answer

Will action truly provide relief

Or will it just give way to

A new reason

To worry

To fret

To spin my tires in deep snow

 

When I find an answer

Will I accept what I find

And be able to accomplish the goal

With my own power

 

How do I know

If this feeling is based in reality

Or is just another illusion of my illness

A symptom grasping at a past full of mistakes

Hurtful

Maladaptive

Overwhelming

 

How do I know

If this feeling is useful

If I can use it to drive me forward

Or if it will suck my feet into the mud

 

The urge to act is irrepressible

Yet oppressive in its impossibility

If I choose to act on these flashes of vision

There is only ruin ahead of me

And the pieces left behind

Will hurt more than anything

My many other mistakes have done

 

But I want to break free from it all

From the failures of my past

From the futilities of my present

And find a future I can live in

 

So give me medication

Give me consolation

Give me consultation

And a fucking job

I’ll bend to the machine

 

 

Finally settle my feet

And just hope the urge

Will be satisfied with

The scraps I can gain

Copyright © 2017 Lux Apollo; All Rights Reserved.
  • Like 8
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental. Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

Parker Owens

I 'like' this in solidarity and support, even as I want to support and console. I cannot prescribe, but I offer you a shoulder and hand of friendship, and perhaps the knowledge that this searing poem is going to stick with my consciousness for some time.

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AC Benus

...hang in there, buddy... I can relate to a lot of the feelings you are conveying here, if that helps any. 

Edited by AC Benus
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Headstall

Aww, lux... been there, live there sometimes. We pick ourselves up and we go on. It's always one step at a time, because that's enough. When the big picture gets too big, concentrate on what's in your grasp, and hold tight. Answers will come when they come. Some wisdom comes with age, but frankly, it's never enough to prevent the damages and hurts of life. But it's enough to appreciate what blessings we do have, and I know you have some of those... a huge, loving hug for you, my friend... Gary....

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Lux Apollo
17 hours ago, Parker Owens said:

I 'like' this in solidarity and support, even as I want to support and console. I cannot prescribe, but I offer you a shoulder and hand of friendship, and perhaps the knowledge that this searing poem is going to stick with my consciousness for some time.

 

 

Thanks for reading, and for the consolation. It's just a period of adjustment and uncertainty for me. Will make it through to the other side, as always.

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Lux Apollo
17 hours ago, AC Benus said:

...hang in there, buddy... I can relate to a lot of the feelings you are conveying here, if that helps any. 

 

It does. Thanks for reading.

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Lux Apollo
16 hours ago, Headstall said:

Aww, lux... been there, live there sometimes. We pick ourselves up and we go on. It's always one step at a time, because that's enough. When the big picture gets too big, concentrate on what's in your grasp, and hold tight. Answers will come when they come. Some wisdom comes with age, but frankly, it's never enough to prevent the damages and hurts of life. But it's enough to appreciate what blessings we do have, and I know you have some of those... a huge, loving hug for you, my friend... Gary....

 

 

Thanks Gary. Yeah, one thing I have learned over the years is one foot in front of the other, persistently, no matter what's happening around us. Thanks for reading.

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Mikiesboy

You've said a lot. And you know what to do .. just know we are out here.. thinking of you, like you do us. hugs xoxxo

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Emi GS

There is no living soul which haven't seen problem, there is no house haven't seen death, there is no day haven't gone deflected. So buddy. Be strong for others and be strong for yourself and your loved ones. You are not alone. No one has to be alone.

 

~Emi. 

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Lux Apollo
On 3/21/2017 at 6:43 PM, Mikiesboy said:

You've said a lot. And you know what to do .. just know we are out here.. thinking of you, like you do us. hugs xoxxo

Thanks Tim. I may be directionless right now, but at least I'm searching, right?

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Lux Apollo
23 hours ago, Emi GS said:

There is no living soul which haven't seen problem, there is no house haven't seen death, there is no day haven't gone deflected. So buddy. Be strong for others and be strong for yourself and your loved ones. You are not alone. No one has to be alone.

 

~Emi. 

 

 

Thanks. :)

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Lux Apollo
20 hours ago, asamvav111 said:

*Hugs*:hug:

The poem is beautiful. I know this feeling.

 

 

Glad you liked it. Thanks for reading!

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