Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
Lux's Indulgences - 13. Urge
What can I do
To appease this feeling
That I need to do something
That what I’m doing is not
Good enough
Real enough
Worth enough
What can I do
To alleviate the tightness
Constricting my abdomen
Humming, buzzing in my core
When I find an answer
Will action truly provide relief
Or will it just give way to
A new reason
To worry
To fret
To spin my tires in deep snow
When I find an answer
Will I accept what I find
And be able to accomplish the goal
With my own power
How do I know
If this feeling is based in reality
Or is just another illusion of my illness
A symptom grasping at a past full of mistakes
Hurtful
Maladaptive
Overwhelming
How do I know
If this feeling is useful
If I can use it to drive me forward
Or if it will suck my feet into the mud
The urge to act is irrepressible
Yet oppressive in its impossibility
If I choose to act on these flashes of vision
There is only ruin ahead of me
And the pieces left behind
Will hurt more than anything
My many other mistakes have done
But I want to break free from it all
From the failures of my past
From the futilities of my present
And find a future I can live in
So give me medication
Give me consolation
Give me consultation
And a fucking job
I’ll bend to the machine
Finally settle my feet
And just hope the urge
Will be satisfied with
The scraps I can gain
- 8
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
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