Trouble Plus Trouble.

I really enjoyed that. It was a pleasent, well written tale and had me laughing alot.

A great ending too

 

 

Reading this story was a blast. I really enjoyed the tickle scenes. For the first time I've been able to read a story with implied sexual activity without either being too prudish that I become disconnected with the plot's development, but not feel like I'm bounced into a porno scene every other chapter. This was a really refreshing perspective that I respect immensely, and while I understand from your other works that I enjoy using the recurring Australia, hiking, swimmers, people who read a lot, shy and unlikely couple magically appear to bond perfectly, I look forward to slightly more plausible character meshing/introductions in your future works.

 

Another plot uncertainty that I've held throughout the plot is that somehow all of the gay guys are on the swim team (besides Ricky and Andrew Crossman) and if you were somehow intertwined with Peter's social circle, you were most likely gay... except the one and only exception being Marty (who couldn't explore his "experimentations" because he knocked up Amy too fast) The other straight members of the swim team all randomly disappeared from the face of the earth at the last chapter. All of the members of the swim team somehow got coerced to all pretend to be gay in public competitions without the judges citing uniform violations that would have most likely resulted in DSQs in all of the participants who wore those pink flags. And every single recurring character somehow got matched together...except Kenny (poor Kenny...)

 

The Andy/Andrew pairing was a bit odd, actually it was completely strange and unforeseen. He had shown no attraction (although that was addressed in the last chapter at how it abruptly started by those tutoring sessions...) but still I find this pair a bit too odd for my tastes. As young as Andrew Crossman is, I still find it nearing statutory rape practically... "praying on innocent high school seniors" so-to-speak, and while yes, they didn't and couldn't do anything until Andy turned 18 and what not, I find the relationship a bit matched too hastily.

 

You've left quite a bit to write about actually, and I expect fully that if you want to, you can totally write a sequel to the story with the same main characters or some sort of a side plot where you can either explore the life of Andrew Crossman's earlier life, his later life with Andy, or even Kenny, Brent, Ricky, or any one of them. I hope you do consider writing another one.

 

It's been a great pleasure reading this story and I hope to read more of your works in the near future. Keep up your great work!

On 03/02/2011 12:54 AM, Mike00 said:

I really enjoyed that. It was a pleasent, well written tale and had me laughing alot.

A great ending too

 

Great to hear you enjoyed the story Mike00 and it's especially nice to hear that it gave you lots of laughs. That was a major aim in writing the story.

On 03/02/2011 01:44 PM, J.T. said:

Reading this story was a blast. I really enjoyed the tickle scenes. For the first time I've been able to read a story with implied sexual activity without either being too prudish that I become disconnected with the plot's development, but not feel like I'm bounced into a porno scene every other chapter. This was a really refreshing perspective that I respect immensely, and while I understand from your other works that I enjoy using the recurring Australia, hiking, swimmers, people who read a lot, shy and unlikely couple magically appear to bond perfectly, I look forward to slightly more plausible character meshing/introductions in your future works.

 

Another plot uncertainty that I've held throughout the plot is that somehow all of the gay guys are on the swim team (besides Ricky and Andrew Crossman) and if you were somehow intertwined with Peter's social circle, you were most likely gay... except the one and only exception being Marty (who couldn't explore his "experimentations" because he knocked up Amy too fast) The other straight members of the swim team all randomly disappeared from the face of the earth at the last chapter. All of the members of the swim team somehow got coerced to all pretend to be gay in public competitions without the judges citing uniform violations that would have most likely resulted in DSQs in all of the participants who wore those pink flags. And every single recurring character somehow got matched together...except Kenny (poor Kenny...)

 

The Andy/Andrew pairing was a bit odd, actually it was completely strange and unforeseen. He had shown no attraction (although that was addressed in the last chapter at how it abruptly started by those tutoring sessions...) but still I find this pair a bit too odd for my tastes. As young as Andrew Crossman is, I still find it nearing statutory rape practically... "praying on innocent high school seniors" so-to-speak, and while yes, they didn't and couldn't do anything until Andy turned 18 and what not, I find the relationship a bit matched too hastily.

 

You've left quite a bit to write about actually, and I expect fully that if you want to, you can totally write a sequel to the story with the same main characters or some sort of a side plot where you can either explore the life of Andrew Crossman's earlier life, his later life with Andy, or even Kenny, Brent, Ricky, or any one of them. I hope you do consider writing another one.

 

It's been a great pleasure reading this story and I hope to read more of your works in the near future. Keep up your great work!

Thanks so much for your thoughts fmd. Hearing other people's ideas and perspectives is great. Your comment about the 'implied sexual activity' was especially interesting for me as DTT is my first story where I consciously used it as an overall technique. Plausibility? Well, I have to say that there is absolutely no correlation between the real world and the world of the story - it's pure fiction. Lol. The goings on in the change room alone would be totally unacceptable in any school or community. And so many hot gay guys all interested in the main character?- pure fantasy. Andy/Andrew- well that was a bit of a tidy up in the last chapter. There was a hint in the interview section that Andrew was gay and he definitely showed interest in Andy (not physical) when he realised more and more how much he'd misjudged him. The age difference is 4 or 5 yrs. Oh my! Yes there could be more written - I did have a number of ideas but the story was already 38 chapters. Once again, thanks fmd, hearing that someone got pleasure from the story is a great feeling.

ridiculous...

I agree with fmd. (Completely unoriginal I know, but the examples are there)

 

However, I would say that the "implied sexual activity" was not obvious. I didn't find that the mentality (before it comes 'out') of the guys matched up with their reality given what a reader knows. For example, no matter how awesome the situations they got into, people of that age surely have more skepticism. In this sense the pack leader of the group of clothe-stealing boys made the most explicit reference about their actions being "gay". I'm all for freedoms of the kind described but there wasn't enough depth to the characters to indicate that they were either lenient or confused, etc.

 

Specifically: you brilliantly presented everyday kind of interactions between the guys in the earlier chapters, but at the risk of twisting reality noticeably and not being perfectly consistent in the balance of this throughout. The unquestioned practices of the group of team members and friends is one example. It is a plausible situation, but realistically, there would be more reluctance like a person who tolerates it if they are not being targeted (like Peter did at his last school). But at the same time there were the more realistic interactions like tiredness or homework or just general interest, once the truth was out. Because of this is was tedious as the reality of the story was hard to take in without thinking that something was slightly askew until it made sense (though it was a tad leading/obvious)... Another example would be the ending in the sense that not tying up the characters and left it at year 11, would have made the story finish easier than trying to bend reality a bit to far by adding the couplings without proper back story, neglecting promising characters (like the group of younger boys or Owen). The group of boys could have continued tradition after joining the swimming team; Peter could have lost his name because he grew to be proportioned/ it just died out/ someone was even bigger and deserved the name; Owen had promise, building his character up like that; etc.

 

Also, I didn't figure out that Peter was sexually active (aside from the playing around with the guys) until the leading statement about Ricky very late on. Me, innocent? Never. But I honestly thought that they slept, or at least continued groping. In fact, before I came to this revelation I was starting to feel like Matthew and Peter were scared of any further stuff and that was it. It didn't quite make sense when I realised that all of the experimentation after only recently figuring out he was gay and the dynamics of the seemingly open relationship flourished under the radar for the whole story. Perhaps, on a more writing-style level, the this issue would be due to the transitions within and including chapter usage where there is no consistent style for a reader to definitely say something has differed (or sexual activity occur ed in the interim). In this sense it reminded me of a-day-in-the-life kind of story where the transitions were skipped and instead of a reflective narrative - for character progression and hints of storyline - it was just a confirmatory narrative where actions occurred and his thoughts matched up. In this sense, it was really lucky as there was no "dilemma" where Peter would be naturally out of the loop - like a possible accident to a character - otherwise, given the style, the reader would feel caught up in the chaos, but not in a good way, as snippets of conversation may be heard, actions taken, and relief shown, but no particular "flesh" of emotion or support that would make it a truely gripping event, rather than just a scene in which a "gripping event" has taken place. Examples of this would be the natural emphasis placed on when Peter repetitively calls out to Matthew (who has fallen asleep) before a scene change as this kept of ringing alarm bells that something was wrong, when it was just an indicator that the scene will change. Also, the passing comments about his mother. They were the most reflective (in my view) as his concern became "justified" by the Beth's change of career and verbal confirmations; but, then hints at his concern over her being overworked anyway - which leads to very little in the story...

 

Anyway, this sounds harsh. But I loved the story! It was a trial of new aspects that haven't been explored before in a feel-good story line where nothing truly bad happens - a slice of life - but with these new aspects that make it unique. The subversion of reality I could ignore once I understood what was doing on (or I was dense not to get it) and it make this twist come to live, however, arguably in not the best possible beginning or end. Yet, with all this, for such a story to have had me gripped to the screen (and mouse), it was amazing even with the obvious issues and flaws. For that reason I liked it and gave it 4 stars. I want more

On 12/08/2012 10:43 AM, Harry Issott said:

I agree with fmd. (Completely unoriginal I know, but the examples are there)

 

However, I would say that the "implied sexual activity" was not obvious. I didn't find that the mentality (before it comes 'out') of the guys matched up with their reality given what a reader knows. For example, no matter how awesome the situations they got into, people of that age surely have more skepticism. In this sense the pack leader of the group of clothe-stealing boys made the most explicit reference about their actions being "gay". I'm all for freedoms of the kind described but there wasn't enough depth to the characters to indicate that they were either lenient or confused, etc.

 

Specifically: you brilliantly presented everyday kind of interactions between the guys in the earlier chapters, but at the risk of twisting reality noticeably and not being perfectly consistent in the balance of this throughout. The unquestioned practices of the group of team members and friends is one example. It is a plausible situation, but realistically, there would be more reluctance like a person who tolerates it if they are not being targeted (like Peter did at his last school). But at the same time there were the more realistic interactions like tiredness or homework or just general interest, once the truth was out. Because of this is was tedious as the reality of the story was hard to take in without thinking that something was slightly askew until it made sense (though it was a tad leading/obvious)... Another example would be the ending in the sense that not tying up the characters and left it at year 11, would have made the story finish easier than trying to bend reality a bit to far by adding the couplings without proper back story, neglecting promising characters (like the group of younger boys or Owen). The group of boys could have continued tradition after joining the swimming team; Peter could have lost his name because he grew to be proportioned/ it just died out/ someone was even bigger and deserved the name; Owen had promise, building his character up like that; etc.

 

Also, I didn't figure out that Peter was sexually active (aside from the playing around with the guys) until the leading statement about Ricky very late on. Me, innocent? Never. But I honestly thought that they slept, or at least continued groping. In fact, before I came to this revelation I was starting to feel like Matthew and Peter were scared of any further stuff and that was it. It didn't quite make sense when I realised that all of the experimentation after only recently figuring out he was gay and the dynamics of the seemingly open relationship flourished under the radar for the whole story. Perhaps, on a more writing-style level, the this issue would be due to the transitions within and including chapter usage where there is no consistent style for a reader to definitely say something has differed (or sexual activity occur ed in the interim). In this sense it reminded me of a-day-in-the-life kind of story where the transitions were skipped and instead of a reflective narrative - for character progression and hints of storyline - it was just a confirmatory narrative where actions occurred and his thoughts matched up. In this sense, it was really lucky as there was no "dilemma" where Peter would be naturally out of the loop - like a possible accident to a character - otherwise, given the style, the reader would feel caught up in the chaos, but not in a good way, as snippets of conversation may be heard, actions taken, and relief shown, but no particular "flesh" of emotion or support that would make it a truely gripping event, rather than just a scene in which a "gripping event" has taken place. Examples of this would be the natural emphasis placed on when Peter repetitively calls out to Matthew (who has fallen asleep) before a scene change as this kept of ringing alarm bells that something was wrong, when it was just an indicator that the scene will change. Also, the passing comments about his mother. They were the most reflective (in my view) as his concern became "justified" by the Beth's change of career and verbal confirmations; but, then hints at his concern over her being overworked anyway - which leads to very little in the story...

 

Anyway, this sounds harsh. But I loved the story! It was a trial of new aspects that haven't been explored before in a feel-good story line where nothing truly bad happens - a slice of life - but with these new aspects that make it unique. The subversion of reality I could ignore once I understood what was doing on (or I was dense not to get it) and it make this twist come to live, however, arguably in not the best possible beginning or end. Yet, with all this, for such a story to have had me gripped to the screen (and mouse), it was amazing even with the obvious issues and flaws. For that reason I liked it and gave it 4 stars. I want more

Oh My! I feel like I'm responding to a professional critic. Thanks for all your time and effort with this. I really feel as if you've thought about the structure of the story more than I have.

I think some of your comments have already been covered in my reply to fmd.

I would have to emphasise that reality and the events in the story are very much at odds. The story was purposefully written as your 'feel-good story', with situations resolving in an ever so happy manner, and with my attempts at humor thrown in.

I'm with you in your comments about the ending. I had the same feeling that it wasn't quite a match for the rest of the story, but not having a 'traditional' type of 'what happened to them' ending didn't feel right to me.

Yes,there were numerous characters and situations which weren't developed, particularly Andy. I had a plethora of ideas about him, but they were more adversarial and not matching the tone of DTT.

At any rate. I'm delighted that you gained enjoyment from my work.

Best wishes and thanks for your consideration.

Iarwain.

What an amazing story. Such an original take on how to deal with shyness and the bullying related to being gay. Teasing Peter in a 'safe' environment - even if he did feel very uncomfortable, and explaining how getting upset does not help but being able to give back as good as you get is the best way.

I get the point I was a loner who spent most of my childhood reading, and I had a hard time in school because I've never been able to bear teasing. Nothing as bad as the stuff gay teenagers have to deal with, just the geek issue and other stuff.

I would guess that Andy had gone through the whole desensitizing process with Marty - after helping Marty with dealing with the earlier 'fat' issues hinted at in one of the chapters. Andy really is very clever and he manipulates people brilliantly - in a good way. So great how he dealt with the gay matter on the swim tream, towards the other people in school and the enemy swim team. Turning the table on the guys doing the bullying - and in such a funny way too.

At first I was a bit annoyed about Peter being so clueless about himself, but I soon realized that it was very much in character for his age and personality. He was in denial and pretending about all the touching and flirting stuff being innocent, but no more and no longer than was credible. And when Matthew came out to him, he redeemed himself big time. Showing that he had thought about it, but very coyly hidden this from us as well as himself.

Of course I would have liked to read more about their fun in bed, and how their relationship became more serious. But I think you made the right choice about keeping it to hints and funny descriptions. It meant the story stayed in tune all the way through, and they were still quite young - even in the very last chapter two years later on.

This will definitely be one of my favorite stories from now on.

On 07/09/2013 07:35 PM, Timothy M. said:

What an amazing story. Such an original take on how to deal with shyness and the bullying related to being gay. Teasing Peter in a 'safe' environment - even if he did feel very uncomfortable, and explaining how getting upset does not help but being able to give back as good as you get is the best way.

I get the point I was a loner who spent most of my childhood reading, and I had a hard time in school because I've never been able to bear teasing. Nothing as bad as the stuff gay teenagers have to deal with, just the geek issue and other stuff.

I would guess that Andy had gone through the whole desensitizing process with Marty - after helping Marty with dealing with the earlier 'fat' issues hinted at in one of the chapters. Andy really is very clever and he manipulates people brilliantly - in a good way. So great how he dealt with the gay matter on the swim tream, towards the other people in school and the enemy swim team. Turning the table on the guys doing the bullying - and in such a funny way too.

At first I was a bit annoyed about Peter being so clueless about himself, but I soon realized that it was very much in character for his age and personality. He was in denial and pretending about all the touching and flirting stuff being innocent, but no more and no longer than was credible. And when Matthew came out to him, he redeemed himself big time. Showing that he had thought about it, but very coyly hidden this from us as well as himself.

Of course I would have liked to read more about their fun in bed, and how their relationship became more serious. But I think you made the right choice about keeping it to hints and funny descriptions. It meant the story stayed in tune all the way through, and they were still quite young - even in the very last chapter two years later on.

This will definitely be one of my favorite stories from now on.

Thanks Timothy,

I'm so delighted the story has been enjoyable for you.

Your comment about the original take of the story is particularly gratifying.

It's wonderful for an author to hear that their story has resonated in a reader's mind in some personal way.

Yes, thoughtful, sensitive young people do have a hard time and bullying is an ever-present scourge.

It's great to know that my attempts at humor seem to have worked for you. This story was my first at making that such a feature.

You surprised me with your comment about Peter's apparent cluelessness - In my author's mind I never looked at him that way and hearing a different take on a character is one of the special bonuses a reviewer gives.

I offer a public apology for making such a late response.