Just Wondering

[NaperVic]

My partner and I have been together and monogamous for 10 years.

 

We know other long term gay couples, but some of them have varying degrees of how they open up their relationship to outside sex partners.

[Jet]

My BF and I just celebrated our 5th year as a couple (August 17, 2005) and we hope for many more together. And 5 gay years is like 15 straight years (I'm not sure of the exact conversion rate).

 

As someone else posted, it hasn't always been "happily ever after", but a lot of the stuff we "discuss loudly" is really silly when you look at it after the fact. I guess that is how we humans are, for better or for worse. Regardless, we really are happy we have each other.

 

I used to have a website dedicated to gay couples (men and women) and I used to post peoples pics and how long they had been together. I had one couple on there that had been together for over 30 years. My BF has clients that have been together for over 40 years.

 

Jet

[sat8997]

As someone else posted, it hasn't always been "happily ever after", but a lot of the stuff we "discuss loudly"  is really silly when you look at it after the fact.  I guess that is how we humans are, for better or for worse.  Regardless, we really are happy we have each other.

 

This is so true. My husband and I had a major fight years ago and he knew he'd pushed me too far, that if I got my hands on him I was going to hurt him. He shoved me into the coat closet and leaned on the door and wouldn't let me out until I calmed down. Neither of us remembers what the original fight was about, but now we laugh about the 45 minutes I spent in the closet.

 

Sharon

[Bao]

i dont understand non physical fighting lol. verbal fights make my brain hurt.

[NickolasJames8]

i dont understand non physical fighting lol. verbal fights make my brain hurt.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Non physical?? Or do you mean physical? Me and my bf have had physical fights before, but they were stupid, and we haven't had a fist fight in like 3 or 4 months. I guess it's because even though we're together, we're kinda like brothers. We get on eachothers nerves and do stupid stuff, but we have really only had like 5 or 6 real fist fights since we've been together. Either way, it was never good and we always felt horrible afterward. The last one we had was over something so stupid, I cant believe we actually even got mad at eachother in the first place, much less decided to have it out.

[Bao]

i envy you. lol

[Former Member]

what r u sooooooo mad a bout? or who r u so mad at. thet is A LOT of fites.

[Jet]

I have too much respect for my BF to ever hit him and that wouldn't solve anything anyhow, only make things worse. Besides, I couldn't live with myself if I ever did that. He feels the same way about me. People that supposedly love each other don't go pounding on each other.

 

Our disagreements usually start out as the silent treatment (that is the first sign something is wrong), followed by a vebal confrontation ("what the heck is your problem?" ), followed by an energetic verbal exchange, finally to evolve into the heartfelt discussion that should have begun in the first place. That is kind of the model we follow in our relationship (not intentionally, it just happens).

 

But let us not dwell on the negative, we have a lot of good times together and enjoy each others company even for something as simple as cooking dinner and dining on the patio. In fact we enjoy the time we can get alone away from everything and everyone else where we can enjoy each other without interruption.

 

My biggest bit of advice to others would be to accept your mate/partner/significant other as the person they are (remember they are also accepting you as you are with your flaws and baggage) and focus on their positives and look past their negatives (we ALL have both). If the negatives are too big to overlook or accept, then that is probably not the person for you (and that may not necessarily be THEIR fault, it may be YOURS)...accept that and move along.

 

There must be mutual respect, admiration, and love in your relationship, not to mention lots of communication (and my relationship could stand more of that).

 

Love and enjoy each other and enjoy living life together! Life is too short not to!

 

Jet

[Bao]

O_o all that and you didnt even say how long you two been together

[Masked Monkey]

Our Wise Prof. Arbour said in my blog recently.

 

Love = tolerance and forgiveness

 

I was lucky not to have had violence and anger connected. I don't get violent when angry, and I have never hit in anger (well I did spank my son once, and I mean once, one slap on the rear, and the little prick deserved it)

 

:king: Snow Dog

[Jet]

O_o all that and you didnt even say how long you two been together

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Bao, I had posted previously on this topic (Sept 6 I believe). My BF and I have been together for 5 years.

 

Jet

[gobears20022002]

9 years together. 4 years married to my wife.

 

I have never been violent with anyone I dated. Being violent with someone you love is contradictory. I liken it to kissing someone you hate. It just doesn't make sense. If I ever feel like hitting someone I loved, I know I don't love them anymore and should get out of that relationship. When you stay with someone who is violent you are giving them permission to be violent. I am a firm believer in actions speak louder than words. People lie more often verbally than they do with their actions.

[WVSailor]

Wow! I think this may be my first post here on GA. I'm currently single, but the longest relationship I've ever experienced is over 5 years... and that was while I was in the Navy :2hands: We parted on excellent terms only when I was moving to another duty station and he didn't want to leave the area. Life/relationships have been difficult since. Maybe I'm still "missing" my ex? Who knows. I've been single for 5 years now. Dated every once in a while, but not to often. Don't know, maybe I'm just to darn picky!

[Jet]

Wow!  I think this may be my first post here on GA.  I'm currently single, but the longest relationship I've ever experienced is over 5 years... and that was while I was in the Navy  :2hands:   We parted on excellent terms only when I was moving to another duty station and he didn't want to leave the area.  Life/relationships have been difficult since.  Maybe I'm still "missing" my ex?  Who knows.  I've been single for 5 years now.  Dated every once in a while, but not to often.  Don't know, maybe I'm just to darn picky! 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

If you were together for 5 years and parted on excellent terms, I can understand why you would miss him. Something like that is very hard to achieve. It sounds like you had something special and you haven't met anyone since that can make you feel the same way. Its a shame you two had to part ways, but I totally understand the circumstances.

[BoyNeedsTherapy]

Seb and I have never had a physical fight, although I have thrown things at him before. Seb doesn't get drawn into arguements often which just annoys me more when I'm dying for an arguement lol. When we do argue though we're both pretty firey...and 'Hi Nikolas!'

[Bao]

i think fighting is hott. if its like... sexual... lol. and im tempted to kiss people i hate just for the hell of it.

[shadows]

I want a never option...

 

//shadows

[notTed]

The poll should be modified to show ranges. I 'voted' 5 because S/O and I have been together more than 5 but less than 10 (8+ years...since 7/3/97; Commitment ceremony on 6/13/99, but, who's counting?).

 

Do we fight/argue? Certainly. Never physical, though we both have tempers. (Lucky for me that we don't, he is a former state karate champ!) What is very healthy, I believe, is that we don't hold back when something is bothering one of us. I credit him w/that, as I am prone to keeping things bottled up. (He has degrees in Psychology & Social Work, so that Express Yourself concept is deeply ingrained...) In the first few years, I dreaded the phrase, "Baby, we have to talk..." "Eeek! I don't wanna talk! Can't we just have make up 'boom-boom' instead?" "No, we have to talk." Sigh, "OK. What did I do now?"

 

I cannot tell you how much fun it was the first time I went to him with the "Baby, we need to talk" speech.

 

The other healthy thing we do is give each other individual time. While we enjoy each other's company enormously, we also pursue individual interests. Today (Saturday) we spent together. Tomorrow, I will go race sailboats (my primary avocation) and he will go shopping (his primary avocation.... ).

 

Anyway, I seem to be rambling on a bit, so I will bring this to a close and go throw more clothes in the washing machine.

 

Pax, notTed

[Sparhawk]

Ted that was a very good reply

 

By the way folks I started this thread, but under a different user name. Long story, but short answer Bluesdreamer and Sparhawk one and the same.

 

But one thing that was said . Individual time! My best friend and I will not say that it is sexual in any way. He is just the best friend that I have in the world. A lot of times when we are together we will do nothing more than read a novel, each to our own novel.

 

You can be so alone in a crowd of folks, but yet so together with just yet a friend, even if you are not talking.......................

[Sparhawk]

Now Shadows.............

 

 

 

A Never option???????????

 

Do you really want that?

 

Give yourself some time, and belive in yourself. In time you will meet someone that will make you care a great deal. I know the way I started this thread did not let you know that I belived that, however I have known many that are in sucessfull retaltionships.

 

Now Shadow, I know that times can be very tough at your age. I would like it a lot if you would loose that word Never!, just make like it does not exist.

 

Replace it with

 

Maybe, perhaps, or perchance!!!!!!

 

You never know we can dream can we not.

 

 

Hugs

 

Mike