If your S.O cheated...

[Menzoberranzen]

I don't do Bi. Never, ever, ever.

 

Amen to that.

[rknapp]

Amen to that.

And what's wrong with bi's? *evil-eye*

 

Until I figure out my identity, I'll take offense to that, if only to piss people off haha

[NaperVic]

And what's wrong with bi's? *evil-eye*

 

Until I figure out my identity, I'll take offense to that, if only to piss people off haha

 

There's nothing wrong with you being bi, but to the exclusively gay of us, you don't make good S.O. material.

 

Why would I want to commit to a long term relationship with someone who may bail on me when he does 'figure out his identity' is to be with a lady?

 

But as I said there's nothing wrong with you. At this stage you might make a good f buddy, or the pal who helps me fix my car .

 

Take Care,

 

Vic

Edited November 30, 2007 by NaperVic

[Thirdeye]

Cheating is Cheating no matter who it is with. You can't love someone without respecting them first and cheating is the most disrespectful thing you can ever do to someone. Male or Female doesnt matter, i'd crap in your cheerios just the same

[AFriendlyFace]

Definition of Mental Cheat: Entering into a non-sexual relationship with another person for the reason of intimate intellectual stimulation. Though this behavior, if given the time to flourish, will become a sexual relationship.

So very true. It might start innocently enough, but given enough time, it could develop into something more.

 

If you see your current S.O. doing this, stop it all costs. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

 

Vic 'Who's still bitter about the little sh*t homewrecker'

And now I say you shouldn't make blanket statements

 

I can say this because, by this definition, I'm a mental cheat. The thing is my wife knows what I'm doing and lets me. My wife and my best online friend's boyfriend are both just glad that there's a very large ocean between me and my best online friend.

 

Seriously, the relationship I have with my friend COULD have become sexual if both of lived in the same country and we were both single. However, circumstances meant that it's a purely platonic relationship, but a lot closer than just "friends". We both understand and acknowledge the risks, but both of us have very strong commitments to our current relationships. Our relationship is more that of gay brothers than anything sexual.

 

However, I also know of a marriage that broke up because of an online relationship. She left her husband and flew across the country to be with her online boyfriend, so it is definitely a risk. As with most of these things a lot depends on whether the relationship is being done secretly or openly. In my case we're very open with both of our S.O.'s and while neither really understand it, they can accept it (possibly because of that awfully big ocean....)

Hmmmm,

 

Complicated stuff this. I can definitely see Jason and Vic's P.O.V ( sorry Vic ), but I do think I'm more inclined to agree with Graeme. I think the important thing is about being true to the expectations of the relationship.

 

For me I define my romantic relationships as completely exclusive sexually. So if my S.O. is sexually physical with someone else, I don't care at all about his reasons, or the intellectual/emotional nature of their transgression, he violated my expectations. I also don't care to what extent he is emotionally or intellectually "involved" with someone else insofar as it doesn't lead him to be sexually physical with them AND it doesn't interfere with our own ability to interact in a satisfying emotional and intellectual way.

 

I readily acknowledge that being deeply involved with someone on an intellectual and emotional way can easily lead to a physical transgression, but to me relationships are about trust so I would trust him not to allow that step to take place. If he did, then he did and it's probably over between us precisely because I would lose that trust and then wouldn't be comfortable with him being emotionally/intellectually close with people, and that would be unsatisfactory to me. I would not be willing to sit around worrying "is he getting too close with that guy (or girl)?" So if he had transgressed I would no longer be able to trust that he would know the limit and therefore I don't think I could be with him anymore.

 

The other side of the coin is that their intellectual or emotional relationship might remain sexless but interfere with our own interaction. Again I would see that as a problem with our relationship (and may or may not end it depending on the circumstances), but I wouldn't necessarily see that as the fault of his intellectual/emotional relationship with someone else. I wouldn't feel threatened by this other person unless he gave me a reason to be (I.E. he did physically cheat, or he no longer was emotionally and intellectually connected to me), unless he did give me that reason I'd be happy for him and the other person that they were able to have stimulating intellectual conversation with each other and cared for each other emotionally.

 

But that's simply because the benchmark I use is "is/was there a physical relationship?". I readily admit that from an objective point of view that's pretty arbitrary. Conceivably I could just as easily be fine with him having all the sexual and emotional relationships he wants with other people as long as he saved the deeply intellectual stuff for me. OR maybe I'd be fine with him having all the sex he wants and being as intellectually involved as possible with other people, but if he saved the deeply emotional stuff for me that would be fine. I'm not. My standard, cut and dry, is the physical thing. I guess because that is what would make me feel threatened for some reason (probably social conditioning). I could also readily see an instance in which none of these things would make me feel threatened and I would then allow an "open relationship" with the trust and assumption that his relationship with me (and mine with him) would remain the primary one. Anyway, I think the key thing is that both parties are "on the same page" and then abide by whatever arrangement they've made.

 

And what's wrong with bi's? *evil-eye*

I agree, Robbie, in fact since I had so many thoughts on this, and since it sort of seems like a different (and important) topic, I'm going to just start a new thread for it! "Bisexuality"

[Menzoberranzen]

There's nothing wrong with you being bi, but to the exclusively gay of us, you don't make good S.O. material.

 

Why would I want to commit to a long term relationship with someone who may bail on me when he does 'figure out his identity' is to be with a lady?

 

But as I said there's nothing wrong with you. At this stage you might make a good f buddy, or the pal who helps me fix my car .

 

Take Care,

 

Vic

 

Well said, Vic. I have had good bi firends, and I've enjoyed sex with a bi guy, but I can't say that I would want one as a S.O.

 

Menzo

[Demetz]

I guess this is no longer a hypothetical question for me. My boyfriend cheated on me emotionally with his ex-girlfriend... a lesbian who also happens to be mother of his child, and eventually broke up with me so he could be with her. I'm sure she's just playing him, but that's irrelevant.

 

Did it make it worse that it was with a girl? Not really... and hurt as I may be, when explained to me what happened I can't be angry with him. I also can't blame her for making the tactical move of trapping him to her to take care of his son. I can't blame her for the tactic... but Oh how I can hate her for it! I have been lied to so much... by him, telling me that his feelings for her had subsided and that he loved me... lied to by her, as we were trying to work out something approximating friendship while I thought Dwayne and I were going to be together... she told me she had no feelings for him and wouldn't want him back.

 

A simple truth though, is that if your significant other cheats on you, if they're really all that significant, then it won't matter who they cheated with or why... it will hurt, and there is no preventing that.

[FrenchCanadian]

Here's my thought on the matter. When you're in a relationship you give yourself to another person, you give him all your trust, he can hold your live in his hands, he's there for you when you need it the most.

 

That being said, it really wouldn't matter for me the gender of the person my partner cheated me with in both case it would be a great deal being breaking this bond, this trust. It wouldn't be less damaging if it were with a girl, and it wouldn't be worse either. In fact the only difference would be that depending on the sex your partner had his affair with, well you'll be ranting about something different

 

 

There's nothing wrong with you being bi, but to the exclusively gay of us, you don't make good S.O. material.

 

Why would I want to commit to a long term relationship with someone who may bail on me when he does 'figure out his identity' is to be with a lady?

 

But as I said there's nothing wrong with you. At this stage you might make a good f buddy, or the pal who helps me fix my car .

 

People can say that they don't to date bi guys, but please don't think that because the guy is bi, that he might bail on you when he'll figure out what sex he likes better.

 

 

I guess this is no longer a hypothetical question for me. My boyfriend cheated on me emotionally with his ex-girlfriend... a lesbian who also happens to be mother of his child, and eventually broke up with me so he could be with her. I'm sure she's just playing him, but that's irrelevant.

 

Did it make it worse that it was with a girl? Not really... and hurt as I may be, when explained to me what happened I can't be angry with him. I also can't blame her for making the tactical move of trapping him to her to take care of his son. I can't blame her for the tactic... but Oh how I can hate her for it! I have been lied to so much... by him, telling me that his feelings for her had subsided and that he loved me... lied to by her, as we were trying to work out something approximating friendship while I thought Dwayne and I were going to be together... she told me she had no feelings for him and wouldn't want him back.

 

A simple truth though, is that if your significant other cheats on you, if they're really all that significant, then it won't matter who they cheated with or why... it will hurt, and there is no preventing that.

 

Sorry to hear that.

Edited November 30, 2007 by frenchcanadian

[rknapp]

There's nothing wrong with you being bi, but to the exclusively gay of us, you don't make good S.O. material.

 

Why would I want to commit to a long term relationship with someone who may bail on me when he does 'figure out his identity' is to be with a lady?

 

But as I said there's nothing wrong with you. At this stage you might make a good f buddy, or the pal who helps me fix my car .

 

Take Care,

 

Vic

The way I see it, if you can maintain a healthy (and sexual) relationship with some of the same sex with meaning and for any amount of time, then 'figuring out your identity' is to be with the opposite sex is being confused lol.

 

But I get what you're saying. And, there ARE ways of satisfying him regardless... a girl in the GSA here has a bi boyfriend, and he recently asked her if she'd be willing to use a strap-on. Not sure if she did, but we all suggested to her to at least try it once and see how it goes...

[Masked Monkey]

and he recently asked her if she'd be willing to use a strap-on.

Nothing wrong with a strap-on . "She" (read that the evil bitch) got a few more years out of me that way. We shall ignore the fact that I gave it to her as an anniversary present . But the f**king bitch wouldn't let me cum while using it .

 

Ok, I have hit TMI

 

:king: Dr. Mr. Snow "Snoopy" Dog

[Krista]

This has happened to be once, but it doesn't really matter who. Cheating isn't really something I tolerate when it comes the the people I'm dating.. lol.. With that said, though, I'm with someone right now who has cheated on me so I do give second chances, but it took me a long time to accept and forgive him. I did jokingly tell him that he'd barely live to regret cheating on me a second time though.

 

 

Anyway, I wasn't embarrassed that the person I dated cheated on me with another man. He had never told me what his sexual orientation was though. I don't think I know what it is now though, I've not really kept in touch with him as it happened a long time ago, when most of my relationships wasn't all that close to begin with. Maybe I'll see him during the 10 year reunion of my High School.

 

 

Krista

[Razor]

It would not matter in the slightest to me. I would destroy either gender's life indiscriminately. BEWARE THE WRATH OF JAMIE! MEOW!!!! <--- My roar, stolen from my little cousin Hannah.

[Hylas]

it wouldn't matter. what matters is the trust is broken. and it would be a question of whether its worth salvaging or not. :S

[Tiger]

I answered, "No - I'd feel and react pretty much the same." Cheating is cheating regardless of gender. I may let it slide once but only once. After that, it's over. Oh, the letting it slide once is completely wiped away if my s/o cheats with one of my friends or a member of my family. In that case, it's over after the first indiscretion.

[Procyon]

For me it wouldn't matter. I'm very firm on fidelity in my relationships and either way I'm pretty sure I'd show the person the door. However, I really don't think the gender of who they were screwing around with would make a difference. The only things I can imagine that might make it worse or better would be the specific person they did it with. Obviously I'd be much more hurt if it were with someone I cared about and trusted myself. I might feel a little less hurt if it were an ex-lover or something. Like I said, either way I'd expect to kick them out (fortunately I've never been cheated on so this is all just hypothetical as far as I'm concerned), but I really don't think it would matter.

 

However, if I tried to imagine thinking about it in terms of myself versus him, then I suppose I would feel better if it were a girl. That would imply to me that he simply had some exploring he needed to do, or some confused feelings, or just plain a desire for something I couldn't give him (and I wouldn't feel inadequate about that because it would be something too fundamental). From this point of view I definitely think I'd feel worse if he were cheating on me with another guy. However, I like I said above I really don't think I would feel like this in the first place. His cheating would be about him not me. Unless I really was being grossly negligent in our relationship I don't think I would see it as a reflection on me at all, and even if I did conclude that it happened because he felt unsatisfied I think I would still feel as though it were his responsibility to talk to me about that before it got to the point of screwing around.

 

Anyway, that's just my perspective on things from my point of view. I'm not saying that people that cheat are fundamentally messed up or untrustworthy, just that I would have trouble once again trusting someone who cheated on me. Also, I get that for different relationships it's not a big deal at all, and I think that's fine. It's all about how the people involved define their relationships.

 

 

I agree that if someone would cheat on you with the sex that you're not, it wouldn't feel as personal -- it would mean that the person didn't find fault with his partner as a person, but had needs that his partner couldn't give him because of his or her sex.

 

But really it's more important how a person cheats than with whom -- does he tell you about it fairly soon, of his own free will, and try to be honest about it? Then he's showing much more consideration and respect than someone who hides it until he's found out and then makes up excuses. How many times did it happen and under what circumstances?

 

I have a friend whose boyfriend was of the opinion that cheating was okay as long as your partner never found out -- then she wouldn't know she'd been wronged and thus wouldn't feel bad about it. My friend thought the best approach was to be honest about it (they both cheated on each other several times). Of course her boyfriend didn't appreciate her honesty at all.

 

As for trusting someone again, I'm all for second chances -- but again that would depend on the circumstances, and it would mean second chances, not third, fourth, or fifth chances. Once can be a mistake, life crisis, whatever, but several times means there's something seriously wrong.

 

 

There's nothing wrong with you being bi, but to the exclusively gay of us, you don't make good S.O. material.

 

Why would I want to commit to a long term relationship with someone who may bail on me when he does 'figure out his identity' is to be with a lady?

But as I said there's nothing wrong with you. At this stage you might make a good f buddy, or the pal who helps me fix my car .

 

Take Care,

 

Vic

 

This is such a derogatory thing to say -- as though bisexuals were incapable of being faithful to one person simply because someone of the other sex might come along and be more attractive to them? It wouldn't enter my head to think that of a bisexual, unless the person were very young, or very obviously confused about his sexuality.

[tomon]

 

This is such a derogatory thing to say -- as though bisexuals were incapable of being faithful to one person simply because someone of the other sex might come along and be more attractive to them? It wouldn't enter my head to think that of a bisexual, unless the person were very young, or very obviously confused about his sexuality.

 

 

Agree totally. Unless I'm missing something where "bisexual" is read "whore"?

[Nephylim]

Agree totally. Unless I'm missing something where "bisexual" is read "whore"?

 

 

If you love someone you love someone and you are faithful to them. If you are happy in the relationship you don't look elsewhere... boy or girl because you love the person and not the gender. I don't think that bisexuals are any more likely to be unfaithful simply because they don't label their partners so rigidly.

 

Speaking as someone who has had exactly 2 sexual partners in her entire life both of which I was married to and with for 15 year + each and both of whom cheated on me in the end... my personal phylosophy is that if someone is happy in their relationship they don't cheat. If they are not happy then it really doesn't matter who they cheat with... it's the state of the relationship that's important not what happens because of it. Although I could not continue a relationship with someone who cheats on me I can still apprecaite why they did it and I have remained friends with both my former partners.