I'm 22 vs he's 37

[W_L]

Dating a guy 15 years older than me.

 

What am I getting myself into now?

 

I had a falling out with my boyfriend and I kind of opened up the relationship to other guys. Now, I find myself attracted to this older man. We're both gay, he's back in college studying engineering and I just graduated with my master's a couple months ago.

 

I know many of you guys have said it earlier that this kind of relationship is screwy, but there's a connection here.

 

I don't know if I should pursue it or not?

[methodwriter85]

He's not quite old enough to be your "Daddy", so eh. I'd say go for it. He's also in college, so there's more of an equal footing between the two of you.

 

For me, I tend to draw the line at 30 years older. But 15 seems fine.

[TalonRider]

My dad was nine years older than my mom and they were together for just over 50 years.

[KJames]

Dating a guy 15 years older than me.

 

What am I getting myself into now?

 

I had a falling out with my boyfriend and I kind of opened up the relationship to other guys. Now, I find myself attracted to this older man. We're both gay, he's back in college studying engineering and I just graduated with my master's a couple months ago.

 

I know many of you guys have said it earlier that this kind of relationship is screwy, but there's a connection here.

 

I don't know if I should pursue it or not?

 

Silly boy...age is only a number we choose to label ourselves with... What matters is the relationship--is it working for both of you?

[shadowgod]

What they said. If it is working for now go with it. You never know who you may discount on account of age... (even if I am guilty of the same discounting people on account of age myself )

[MikeL]

Silly boy...age is only a number we choose to label ourselves with... What matters is the relationship--is it working for both of you?

True. Age and time are artificial concepts...a man made measure that exists only for the sake of convenience. Listen to your heart.

[Krista]

I believe two settled individuals like the two of you would be rather welcoming. He's doing the engineer thing like you said, and you a master's degree, so you're not really in a transitional phase in your life (like getting a job/being on your own for the first time in your life), usually what makes it screwy is the differences there through the transitions that would be taking place. Right now, I believe the connection is there with a bit of substance, and the timing is ok as well.

 

SO, to sum it up... I agree with the others..

[W_L]

Thanks guys and Krista,

 

I do have misgivings, because I am inexperience and he's much more experienced.

 

By the way, he's a former Israeli soldier, too (I really enjoy our conversations about the middle-east); it is such an odd combination for the two of us. I am Asian and he's Jewish; I'm conservative and he's a liberal. Yet, we both love spending time with each other and it does seem odd.

 

I won't lie, I was a bit scared of him due to his age. We met through a mutual friend and my friend "outed" me to him, but he told me he was gay, too. It turns out that our mutual friend did not know he is gay, so it was such an odd first meeting.

 

I'm different from most 22 years olds, I have a career, finished off my master's degree, and I am seeking stability in my life.

 

One reason, my on again/off again boyfriend and I could not work out our differences was mindset issues. He was still in college finishing his senior year and I was out, so I guess Krista, you were right about transition issues.

 

Perhaps, I am more suited to date an older guy than I am to dating someone my own age, because most guys in their 20's are living life large and are seeking their direction, but I have gone through that early. I've tried going through a slut phase, but I really don't like stringing tons of guys like it doesn't matter. I care for people that I date or f**k, so it makes slut phases impossible for me. There are tons of gay guys in Boston, but most are looking for a hook up, but I don't.

[Ashi]

Thanks guys and Krista,

 

I do have misgivings, because I am inexperience and he's much more experienced.

 

By the way, he's a former Israeli soldier, too (I really enjoy our conversations about the middle-east); it is such an odd combination for the two of us. I am Asian and he's Jewish; I'm conservative and he's a liberal. Yet, we both love spending time with each other and it does seem odd.

 

I won't lie, I was a bit scared of him due to his age. We met through a mutual friend and my friend "outed" me to him, but he told me he was gay, too. It turns out that our mutual friend did not know he is gay, so it was such an odd first meeting.

 

I'm different from most 22 years olds, I have a career, finished off my master's degree, and I am seeking stability in my life.

 

One reason, my on again/off again boyfriend and I could not work out our differences was mindset issues. He was still in college finishing his senior year and I was out, so I guess Krista, you were right about transition issues.

 

Perhaps, I am more suited to date an older guy than I am to dating someone my own age, because most guys in their 20's are living life large and are seeking their direction, but I have gone through that early. I've tried going through a slut phase, but I really don't like stringing tons of guys like it doesn't matter. I care for people that I date or f**k, so it makes slut phases impossible for me. There are tons of gay guys in Boston, but most are looking for a hook up, but I don't.

 

That was the first thing I noticed when I read this thread. I thought, 22 years old and already finished his master degree? High achiever. I was a high achiever, but my homosexuality cost me several years of delay, and by the time I got out of school with my first degree, I was catching cold rather than a real job. I still don't have a master degree.

 

I am probably the worst person to talk to when it comes to relationship, and especially with an age difference, so no comment.

 

But there, compensation for you. Even if nothing worked out, you still have a nice career and an autonomous life. That's something that'll never go out of style. (please don't read between the lines of that last one , it only means good for you. Nothing else)

 

Also conservative.

Edited August 29, 2009 by Ashi

[colinian]

I do have misgivings, because I am inexperience and he's much more experienced.

 

By the way, he's a former Israeli soldier, too (I really enjoy our conversations about the middle-east); it is such an odd combination for the two of us. I am Asian and he's Jewish; I'm conservative and he's a liberal. Yet, we both love spending time with each other and it does seem odd.,,

Think about a jigsaw puzzle. See how the pieces interlock and fit together? Differences! Differences make a relationship a lot more interesting. I think that after a while it would be boring to be with someone with exactly the same interests as mine. My partner and I have a lot of very different interests and a lot of similar interests. I'm a sports fan, he isn't. We both like classical and rock music. He likes jazz, I don't. We both love to hike. And on and on. Definitely not boring!

 

It sounds like you two are the right kind of puzzle pieces that will fit together. Just don't argue about stupid stuff like politics. None of that makes any difference at all.

 

I hope it works out for you. Good luck!

 

Colin

[JamesSavik]

WL-

 

This is all very simple.

 

You are something special.

 

If he starts treating you like you are not, find someone who will.

[Nephylim]

If the relationship makes you happy it is right for you. Age is of no importance.

[Arpeggio]

By the way, he's a former Israeli soldier, too (I really enjoy ourconversations about the middle-east); it is such an odd combination forthe two of us. I am Asian and he's Jewish; I'm conservative and he's aliberal. Yet, we both love spending time with each other and it doesseem odd.

 

Same here. Me and my boyfriend are total opposites, and we disagree on almost everything, but we can barely stand to be away from each other for more than a few days.

 

I definitely wouldn't be so attracted to him if we were more alike. I like the differences between us.

 

As for the age, it doesn't matter, in my opinion.

[Ashi]

It sounds like you two are the right kind of puzzle pieces that will fit together. Just don't argue about stupid stuff like politics. None of that makes any difference at all.

 

... and religion. Good friends don't talk about politics and religion.

 

Good advice, Colin.

[Myk]

I've been trying hard not to reply in this thread, mostly because I feel a bit tainted on the issue.

 

In reality it doesn't matter what any of us say about it, but how you feel about it. You wouldn't be posting this if you didn't have some reservations about it. So what is holding you back?...is it just the age difference, and you are looking for 'approval' from others?

 

If that is all it is, you don't need our approval, if you want to see where it goes, by all means go for it! If you are holding back for some other reason...maybe a vibe you are getting or something, explore it because only you can make this choice and it is best if you know what you are getting into.

 

My experience is limited...but I found with a 6 year difference we were both in a very different place in our lives...love just didn't seem to be enough. Although the distance didn't help too.

 

Anyway, think about what is holding you back and see if it matters or not. Be safe, and good luck!!

[Jack Frost]

Sorry, but I personally won't go for it. I'm not interested becoming a widower at 60. I want someone who will stick with me until we're 80.

 

And don't pull that "age is just a number" issue. It does matter to me if me and him are a generation apart.

 

So that's my piece.

 

But good luck. It doesn't mean I would be against what you are doing.

[W_L]

Sorry, but I personally won't go for it. I'm not interested becoming a widower at 60. I want someone who will stick with me until we're 80.

 

And don't pull that "age is just a number" issue. It does matter to me if me and him are a generation apart.

 

So that's my piece.

 

But good luck. It doesn't mean I would be against what you are doing.

 

Yeah, that's another reason why I am afraid.

 

He's an awesome guy and we both want the same things. A long term relationship with some one we like.

 

I don't know; it is such an odd thing. I never thought I'd be dating an older guy either. I guess it's my fear of the unknown that prompted me to get your opinions.

[Ashi]

[Deleted because he thinks he's being a hypocrite on divine intervention]

 

WL. Just follow your heart and your gut feeling. Just be "careful". We only have one life to live, so have fun. I am unqualified to give advice.

Edited August 30, 2009 by Ashi

[Jack Frost]

I already accept the fact some people aren't like us. It is none of my business exactly to be against what WL is doing (as I previously stated). But what keeps me from saying my piece? Heh... Perhaps my mindset will change as I get older, but I can't see that happening any time soon for me. I'm still young and still have my chances getting people at my age. The only thing good having an older guy is he has financial stablity and I wouldn't have to worry about money much, but then... I'm still stuck in neutral in life and I would end up using him the most to support my needs (my taste for travelling will just bankrupt him. ). So I need more than just that.

 

So it's reasonable to fear and have loads of questions/doubts in your mind. So here's a real piece of advice from me... Talk to him about him and see what he could do for you. I'm sure he worries about the same thing about what you're thinking of this whole dating thing. Don't go fast and throw in all of the details. Go slowly so he can absorb and explain what he could give for you in case the relationship becomes longer and more serious. I guess that'd be a standard for all dating cases, but with a touch to fit into the situation.

 

PS - I love Israelis because I adore giving them the wtf moment with my Hebrew handwriting.

[Nephylim]

Sorry, but I personally won't go for it. I'm not interested becoming a widower at 60. I want someone who will stick with me until we're 80.

 

And don't pull that "age is just a number" issue. It does matter to me if me and him are a generation apart.

 

So that's my piece.

 

But good luck. It doesn't mean I would be against what you are doing.

 

 

Or you could go for someone the same age or younger who gets cancer at 30, or is involved in a fatal accident at 29, or has a brain haemorrhage at 35... You get the picture. There is absolute no guarantee that if you're with someone who is older than you that you will outlive them, or that if you're with someone who is younger, that you won't

[JamesSavik]

Or you could go for someone the same age or younger who gets cancer at 30, or is involved in a fatal accident at 29, or has a brain haemorrhage at 35... You get the picture. There is absolute no guarantee that if you're with someone who is older than you that you will outlive them, or that if you're with someone who is younger, that you won't

 

If you want a guarantee, buy a truck.

 

In matters of the heart, you don't even get an airbag... unless you get a mother-in-law thrown in.

[Ashi]

I already accept the fact some people aren't like us. It is none of my business exactly to be against what WL is doing (as I previously stated). But what keeps me from saying my piece? Heh... Perhaps my mindset will change as I get older, but I can't see that happening any time soon for me. I'm still young and still have my chances getting people at my age. The only thing good having an older guy is he has financial stablity and I wouldn't have to worry about money much, but then... I'm still stuck in neutral in life and I would end up using him the most to support my needs (my taste for travelling will just bankrupt him. ). So I need more than just that.

 

So it's reasonable to fear and have loads of questions/doubts in your mind. So here's a real piece of advice from me... Talk to him about him and see what he could do for you. I'm sure he worries about the same thing about what you're thinking of this whole dating thing. Don't go fast and throw in all of the details. Go slowly so he can absorb and explain what he could give for you in case the relationship becomes longer and more serious. I guess that'd be a standard for all dating cases, but with a touch to fit into the situation.

 

PS - I love Israelis because I adore giving them the wtf moment with my Hebrew handwriting.

 

I have nothing against you, Jack. We're more similar than different. I thought you were my age, so I might have said something really terrible and uncalled for. If you are hurt, then I have hug coupons to hand out, only if you wanted them.

 

You're entitled to your own opinion, but sometimes please exercise with caution. I did my share of blunder, so I reversed my decision. In real life, there is no save and load buttons.... I screwed it up, okay? I screwed it up.

 

Kids nowadays are very lucky and so open about their sexuality, so take advantage of that. The other day I suddenly remembered when I was in High School, some guys organized some all-male cheerleader squad for a special event. If I could live my life again, I would join it. A guy dressed up as Frankfurter for Halloween, and he was on verge of crying because a girl was so mean to him because of his transgenders outfit. I didn't even have the gut to yell at her for it. If it were now, I would kiss him just to show her. I would go to the Prom, why should I give a (*beep*) what others might think. I would run after the guy I loved so much, who care if he beat me up because he was so closeted himself. Ironically, we were reading "Secret Sharer" that semester.

 

Never leave a regret. It'll haunt you til your final review.

 

Sorry if I made you feel bad. Peace.

 

Now you made me feel like to ask if that older guy loves me or not. You're mean Jack.

Edited August 30, 2009 by Ashi

[MikeL]

Kids nowadays are very lucky and so open about their sexuality, so take advantage of that. The other day I suddenly remembered when I was in High School, some guys organized some all-male cheerleader squad for a special event. If I could live my life again, I would join it.

Young guys in their teens and twenties have no idea how much the world has changed in fifty years. I understand you still have to be careful and you can still be embarrassed or humiliated by someone's reaction upon learning that you are gay. But even that is an improvement.

 

My whole life, prior to graduating from high school at 17, I new only one openly gay guy. He was shunned or worse by everyone. I mean everyone; straights, homophobes and other gays. Closeted gays could not risk being outed. They had to stay carefully hidden away.

 

Anyone who describes homosexuality as a lifestyle choice would choke if they knew how things used to be. There was no choice then. You had to be straight or appear to be.

 

We've come so far in liberalizing the public opinion and reaction to gays, why to we have to be hung up ourselves on age difference?

 

Wen, yours is a battle between the heart and the brain. Use both in liberal measure and make your own wise decision. We cannot do it for you.

[methodwriter85]

Or you could go for someone the same age or younger who gets cancer at 30, or is involved in a fatal accident at 29, or has a brain haemorrhage at 35... You get the picture. There is absolute no guarantee that if you're with someone who is older than you that you will outlive them, or that if you're with someone who is younger, that you won't

 

Exactly, Jack Frost. GayAuthors' Dan Kincaid died of cancer at aged 34, and he left his husband a 34-year old widower. You can't get married with the expectation that your partner will live with you into your golden years- that will be the hope, but you can't take it as a given.

[Jack Frost]

Did I say it's a guanatee? I'd still have the most likely chance we'll go until ripe old age.