I Need a Hero

[broseph]

Okay guys. I'm trying to get serious about wearing my author hat here, so I figured I'd fire up a discussion board about the story. Feel free to ask any questions, post any thoughts, or make any observations about the story here. Enjoy!

[broseph]

Check out concept art for our heroes' costumes here. (ctrl-left click to open in new window) (command-click for you mac users)

[Hamen Cheese]

Erm, I didn't think you'd be continuing it.

 

So my first question, when's the first chapter? Haha.

[Former Member]

YAY!

 

 

I love that song and I think I will love that story!~

 

 

Hehe

 

Love from Joey~

 

 

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Erm, I didn't think you'd be continuing it.

 

So my first question, when's the first chapter? Haha.

 

What he said!

 

I loved the concept and the beginning of the story but if I may offer a suggestion, unless this is going to be a flash back, you might want to do a tad more character development before you get to the 'let me sacrifice myself and save the world in the process.' But then, what do I know

 

Andy

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Read chapter 1 - great stuff. Good way to slowly but steadily fill us in on how things operate in your world. Nice how you are starting to show us the characters and their personalities.

 

One issue - you really can't have two POV you have to choose between Parker and Kevin. For small scenes like this it works, when they are together you simply can't do it. You could easily shift Kevin to third person and still convey the same level of insight - but I think you need to pick one from the start. Like I said, for small scenes where a different point of view is useful, sure go for it, but outside of that it will be too confusing.

 

Still - really excellent.

 

Andy

[Nephylim]

Okay now I am confused. I thought Parker WAS Kevin. Oh Well... it's not to hard to confuse me. Maybe a little bit more obvious break would do it.

 

I love both chapters. I have to admit I got confused at the start of chapter two as to what had happened at the end of Chapter one BUT.... Think of how many books you have read where you spend the first half saying... WTF is going on and then in the second half say.... OH RIGHT!!

 

Just because most stories written on here have straightforward progressions it doesn' mean that there isn't room for those which haven't. I am quite prepared to wander around in my fog, enjoying the detail, the action, the unfolding of characters and information about the world until things start to make sense again.

 

I am assuming that, after going to all that trouble about the characters costumes etc, that Feedback isn't actually dead and I can wait to find out who almost killed him and how he got out of it. Cool.

[broseph]

Okay, couple of things to clarify:

 

1.) This is a framed story. That means it starts with the ending (prologue), then moves cyclically until it ends up where it began, thus framing the larger story. Think movies like "Crash."

 

2.) Each chapter will have two parts: one from Kevin (Feedback) and one from Parker (Helios). There was some problem with editing the chapter (I'm not exactly an html guru), and I've made changes to the text to clarify this item.

 

That being said, thanks for reading! Chapter 2 in the works now. You guys be patient with me as this is my first go-round.

[broseph]

By the by, I can't post an announcement that chapter 1 is up. Any suggestions?

 

Shanks

[Hamen Cheese]

By the by, I can't post an announcement that chapter 1 is up. Any suggestions?

 

Shanks

 

You'll need to have "Author" status in order to post in the efiction announcements forum. Contact JSmith if you'd like to get raised to author status. He can usually get it done in a day or two.

 

In the meantime, I can post the announcement if you want, just tell me what you message you'd like to include.

 

Excerpt from GA FAQ:

 

Authors write stories. Haven't you ever heard of that before? Seriously, though, at GA we welcome all authors - both aspiring and established. Authors become Advanced Authors based on their number of posts. All members in the Authors' Group can post story announcements in the non-hosted author announcements and have access to the Writers' Forums. If you want to be included in the authors group, please contact Joe(JSmith) by a Private Message or email at Joe@gayauthors.org. You do not have to be an official Hosted Author to be in this group. You just need to have the desire and commitment to post your stories and develop your writing.

[ricky]

By the by, I can't post an announcement that chapter 1 is up. Any suggestions?

 

Shanks

 

Did it for you again.

 

You need to email Joe@gayauthors.org and ask him to change your status to author : author . Be sure and give him your user name on both, the forum and the efiction if they are not the same sign in.

[phana14]

OooooKay!

While these wonderful people are lovingly helping you through the system JMac, I would like to take this opportunity to tell you how much I just enjoyed chapter 1. And as Nephy is, so too will I get to know our people as we progress through this story.

 

I am really impressed with how you are facing this. You are probably quite nervous? Relax!

 

And remember this! When the skater falls during the competition, the sounds from the crowd are NOT cheers, those sounds are the anguished cries of empathy.

 

Hang in there!

[broseph]

OooooKay!

While these wonderful people are lovingly helping you through the system JMac, I would like to take this opportunity to tell you how much I just enjoyed chapter 1. And as Nephy is, so too will I get to know our people as we progress through this story.

 

I am really impressed with how you are facing this. You are probably quite nervous? Relax!

 

And remember this! When the skater falls during the competition, the sounds from the crowd are NOT cheers, those sounds are the anguished cries of empathy.

 

Hang in there!

 

Thanks I appreciate the encouragement