Child Get Plastic Surgery to Avoid Bullying

[methodwriter85]

Here's a news story about a 7-year old who got her ears pinned back as a preventative measure against getting bullied.

 

http://news.yahoo.com/video/health-15749655/bullied-child-gets-plastic-surgery-24902719

 

Which begs the hypothethical question- if you had a child who had a distinguishing feature that could cause them to get bullied, would you allow them to get plastic surgery to change that feature so they won't get bullied?

 

I think I would, if I had kids and I had the money to pay for it, or there was a program like the one that paid for her plastic surgery. I grew up really hating my pug nose, and I remember really wanting to get a nose job. Still do, although I've come to peace with my nose.

 

If it's something my hyphothetical kid really wanted as a means to be better-accepted among their peers, I don't see the problem with letting the child get surgery.

 

What about you guys?

Edited April 15, 2011 by methodwriter85

[Krista]

A child's self-esteem is pretty important to their development. An unhappy child or a child that has low self-esteem can become depressed. 7 years old is a bit young... I probably wouldn't advocate a child that young being put through that. Anyway, I think if a child seriously has body issues, and body issues can be serious especially after the teenage years, to a point where it hinders the child/teen's ability to do well in school/life.

 

Anyway, so if I was a parent of a teenager and they had a good reason to get plastic surgery, I probably wouldn't be against it. It would have to be something that my child just couldn't deal with though. Would I be happy that my child wants plastic surgery? No.. but if it gets them closer to happiness I would at least consider that option before I made any decision.

[Tipdin]

It depends on the situation. Ears, by about 7 to 10 years of age, are almost as large as they will be in adulthood. Pinning them back would have very few future-worries.

 

If I had the money and if the surgery would not cause trouble later, then I would probably do it.

Edited April 15, 2011 by Tipdin

[hh5]

perhaps its easier to cure the look of dumbo the elephant than to teach kids about how to not tease or bully someone

but that kid is lucky ... to not be short ... thats hard to fix cosmetically or is more costly and painful

the kid should be greatful that the parents care enough to do help in any way possible

not many are so lucky ... its expensive to spend when you can not afford

[JamesSavik]

I saw this today and had to wonder about it. I don't think I would go that direction unless there were a condition causing severe disfigurement.

[Cailen]

When she's 18 she'll but giant hoops through her ears and get them pierced 17 times and cause more disfigurement than there ever was before. Instead of getting our children to believe in themselves and developing a positive self image naturally, we are encouraging children to value what we think we want them to be and not what they are. What a horrible thing to do to a child, in essence telling them they aren't good enough but we'll make them better through surgery. Now if the problem were developmental like an extra finger or extra toes, something that would be crippling to their abilities to write or walk then i can see having a procedure done, but this is quite silly I'd take that mother in for child abuse if it'd stick.

[Docile]

When she's 18 she'll but giant hoops through her ears and get them pierced 17 times and cause more disfigurement than there ever was before. Instead of getting our children to believe in themselves and developing a positive self image naturally, we are encouraging children to value what we think we want them to be and not what they are. What a horrible thing to do to a child, in essence telling them they aren't good enough but we'll make them better through surgery. Now if the problem were developmental like an extra finger or extra toes, something that would be crippling to their abilities to write or walk then i can see having a procedure done, but this is quite silly I'd take that mother in for child abuse if it'd stick.

 

I have to agree with this. Unless there is a serious complication with the child developmentally, I could not condone surgery. You are not going to improve a kid's self esteem by making them more "beautiful". Beauty is subjective, and impossible to quantify. All you are going to teach your kid is the miracle of plastic surgery. As a young child problem solving skills work very differently than ours, and imprinting is stronger. Kids are always going to get teased about something, and that kid is going to thereafter look for a solution in changing their appearance. What you need to do is help your kid be well adjusted regardless of how they look, and MAYBE when they are old enough they'll get the surgery themselves and won't have developed any compulsive disorders along the way.

[rustle]

In this instance, it seems the parent was more sensitive than the child.

 

There's something to be said for the character built by learning to live with oneself, warts and all.

[Michael9344]

Is this part of growing? Surviving the bullies? As a parent I wouldn't resort to surgery in this case. It is showing the magic of plastic surgery, rather than teaching the child how to face his problems.The child still has a lot of growing to do. My first resort would be to equip my child on how to face bullies and feel good about him/her self. I would consider it, when I think it's REALLY affecting my wards studies.

[Benji]

Is this part of growing? Surviving the bullies? As a parent I wouldn't resort to surgery in this case. It is showing the magic of plastic surgery, rather than teaching the child how to face his problems.The child still has a lot of growing to do. My first resort would be to equip my child on how to face bullies and feel good about him/her self. I would consider it, when I think it's REALLY affecting my wards studies.

 

........... A long time ago, I suggested to a newly bestowed parents that they should tape their young daughters ears back. They did not heed my call, I heard that if done in infancy the ears will in fact drop back. Well, she she went through a bit of hell in grammar school, and it continued into to middle school. Personally I don't think that anything was done wrong by the parents of that girl, they did what they thought did was to prevent any more teasing. So I'm all for parent's efforts to stop their children from being abused and harassed by their peers, even if it takes a medical procedure.

Edited April 15, 2011 by Benji

[Cia]

The hard question of this topic is not what you think is right or wrong overall but what you would do if it were YOUR child. Being a parent and watching your child be in pain for any reason is hard. You want to fix it, be it with a kiss and a bandaid or a medicine or a surgery. You feel their highs and lows in life right along with them. My daughter's stomach hurt when she thought about going to school her first year almost every morning and we did 5 minute tummy rubs and wouldn't you know it, my stomach churned as I worried about her feeling that stress away from home and me not being there to make it better. She outgrew it and I always acted as if she was fine at school but you can be sure her teacher got a visit from me in person to tell her about her anxiety issues and to please watch out for any overt signs of it. It's what we do as parents. We worry, we care, we fix things if we can. If we can't, our hearts tend to get a bit bruised too.

 

Bullying is insidious. It can be physical harm that hurts but the emotional toll is often the worst. Self-consciousness, lack of self-esteem, reactionary anger issues, lashing out... those are all things just the victims can feel. The circles of effect go beyond that one person though. I understand wanting to reduce that. My son was born with 1 testicle and yeah, we worry a bit about his locker room experiences as he gets older. The decision we made was a compromise. If he decides to have a surgery to get a prosthetic then we'll let him. (yes, they do that but obviously not until kids are old enough for it not to need to be redone) It'll be his choice though, if he's worried or feels like it really affects how he sees himself or others will then why not if it's not harmful or risky? That's where doctors and parents come in to help their kids or make the choices for them. It's not like the parents said, her ears are just too big and her earrings look funny, let's trim a bit here and here and why don't you reshape this or that to make her more appealing to boys (or girls) by being more beautiful. I'm sure those people exist but they are by far the norm. For the most part we want happy, well adjusted kids that feel at home in the bodies they have, yes, but sometimes they need a bit of help. Don't judge til you've been there.

[Zolia Lily]

Ok, i can kind of see both sides of the argument here, but there were girls at my high school who got plastic surgery, and i hate to say it, but they were judged for it. In neither girl's case was it for anything disfiguring or obvious and i think because people couldn't see why they'd ever needed it in the first place they were judged for obviously not feeling good enough about themselves. Or who knows, maybe it was jealousy (i went to a girls' school). I judged them along with others, i'm afraid to admit, and it wasn't until a few years later talking to one of the friends of one of the girls that i understood just how badly this girl's self esteem had sufferred because of her perceived flaw. So i think i understand; IF you were to do it for yourself. But i also think you have to be old enough.

And while, yeah, ok, i get that it might be different if i was the mother of the child, i think this is the here-and-now generation taken to the extreme. There are already problems out there with girls worrying about their looks and getting anorexic and wearing heels etc younger and younger - and now parents will pay for plastic surgery? I think the media have created a monster. Kids are exposed to so many images about how they should look from such a young age... they're not learning to accept themselves as they are or to love themselves as they are, which is going manifest in low self esteem and anxiety and depression and whatever else... and plastic surgery ain't gonna fix that.

Oh, i'm really really afraid for my kids if i ever have any....

[dayz80]

I personally believe that plastic surgery should be only be done if it is a severe deformity or a medical condition.

 

Watching that news piece it seems that the child was self-concious about her ears because the mother is self-concious about it.

 

And if anyone came up to my child and said "Oh my God what happened to her ears", I'd be hard pressed not to punch them really hard in the nose!

 

 

 

 

 

[John Galaor]

Here's a news story about a 7-year old who got her ears pinned back as a preventative measure against getting bullied.

 

http://news.yahoo.com/video/health-15749655/bullied-child-gets-plastic-surgery-24902719

 

Which begs the hypothethical question- if you had a child who had a distinguishing feature that could cause them to get bullied, would you allow them to get plastic surgery to change that feature so they won't get bullied?

 

I think I would, if I had kids and I had the money to pay for it, or there was a program like the one that paid for her plastic surgery. I grew up really hating my pug nose, and I remember really wanting to get a nose job. Still do, although I've come to peace with my nose.

 

If it's something my hyphothetical kid really wanted as a means to be better-accepted among their peers, I don't see the problem with letting the child get surgery.

 

What about you guys?

 

I can take seriously self-esteem of a boy or girl.

There are two options to solve this problem. They can work separately or combined.

 

1) solution one is "to immunize the child against social aversives".

This immunization works is a similar way as immunization against ordinary pathogens.

The process is similar. In controlled context you train the child to take lightly, mostly reacting with a smile, with any intent to tease him or to disturb him or make him angry.

To succeed in the process you have to "reinforce" him for smiling after mild intents at teasing him.

The process of immunization starts with mild teases and mild insults and should be graded towards gross insults and even physical attacks.

The process of immunization is not achieved in a single session. It requires a program of several months to succeed.

 

As in many pathogenic immunizations, its required to repeat the immunization every five or six years, till he would be a total adult older than 25.

 

2) Another way of solving the problem is to train him in martial arts to kick the hell out of anyone trying to make him mad.

 

Both procedures would be rather cheaper than plastic surgery.

 

John Galaor

[John Galaor]

perhaps its easier to cure the look of dumbo the elephant than to teach kids about how to not tease or bully someone

but that kid is lucky ... to not be short ... thats hard to fix cosmetically or is more costly and painful

the kid should be greatful that the parents care enough to do help in any way possible

not many are so lucky ... its expensive to spend when you can not afford

 

That's it. It is easy to fix up some flying out big ears. But prince Charles have some Dumbo ears and is not a problem.

The problem is the common children who do not deserves as much respect. Just imagine the child of a mafioso gangster, he would have any trouble to solve the problem with a fight. The son of a gangster is supposed to be blessed with some natural aggressive attitude inherited in their DNA.

 

On case he does not have the expected aggressive attitude his father would probably kill him, in the best style of the Spartan warriors.

 

In modern civilized style, it remains "to immunize the child against social aversives" as I told in other post.

[John Galaor]

I have to agree with this. Unless there is a serious complication with the child developmentally, I could not condone surgery. You are not going to improve a kid's self esteem by making them more "beautiful". Beauty is subjective, and impossible to quantify. All you are going to teach your kid is the miracle of plastic surgery. As a young child problem solving skills work very differently than ours, and imprinting is stronger. Kids are always going to get teased about something, and that kid is going to thereafter look for a solution in changing their appearance. What you need to do is help your kid be well adjusted regardless of how they look, and MAYBE when they are old enough they'll get the surgery themselves and won't have developed any compulsive disorders along the way.

 

The worse case is a child too sensible, or perhaps... should I say sensitive? This is going to be a problem. We have to train the child to be strong enough against social aversives.

[John Galaor]

........... A long time ago, I suggested to a newly bestowed parents that they should tape their young daughters ears back. They did not heed my call, I heard that if done in infancy the ears will in fact drop back. Well, she she went through a bit of hell in grammar school, and it continued into to middle school. Personally I don't think that anything was done wrong by the parents of that girl, they did what they thought did was to prevent any more teasing. So I'm all for parent's efforts to stop their children from being abused and harassed by their peers, even if it takes a medical procedure.

 

 

I think that people who harass or tease others are trying to feel happy watching the victim suffering the teasing.

If the intended victim does not show any signs of distress the jokes looses its appeal and soon it stops.

So, the most rational attitude is to teach the boy or girl not to be disturbed by these sort of jokes and teasing.

[John Galaor]

The hard question of this topic is not what you think is right or wrong overall but what you would do if it were YOUR child. Being a parent and watching your child be in pain for any reason is hard. You want to fix it, be it with a kiss and a bandaid or a medicine or a surgery. You feel their highs and lows in life right along with them. My daughter's stomach hurt when she thought about going to school her first year almost every morning and we did 5 minute tummy rubs and wouldn't you know it, my stomach churned as I worried about her feeling that stress away from home and me not being there to make it better. She outgrew it and I always acted as if she was fine at school but you can be sure her teacher got a visit from me in person to tell her about her anxiety issues and to please watch out for any overt signs of it. It's what we do as parents. We worry, we care, we fix things if we can. If we can't, our hearts tend to get a bit bruised too.

 

Bullying is insidious. It can be physical harm that hurts but the emotional toll is often the worst. Self-consciousness, lack of self-esteem, reactionary anger issues, lashing out... those are all things just the victims can feel. The circles of effect go beyond that one person though. I understand wanting to reduce that. My son was born with 1 testicle and yeah, we worry a bit about his locker room experiences as he gets older. The decision we made was a compromise. If he decides to have a surgery to get a prosthetic then we'll let him. (yes, they do that but obviously not until kids are old enough for it not to need to be redone) It'll be his choice though, if he's worried or feels like it really affects how he sees himself or others will then why not if it's not harmful or risky? That's where doctors and parents come in to help their kids or make the choices for them. It's not like the parents said, her ears are just too big and her earrings look funny, let's trim a bit here and here and why don't you reshape this or that to make her more appealing to boys (or girls) by being more beautiful. I'm sure those people exist but they are by far the norm. For the most part we want happy, well adjusted kids that feel at home in the bodies they have, yes, but sometimes they need a bit of help. Don't judge til you've been there.

 

You are right about this, "Bullying is insidious. It can be physical harm that hurts but the emotional toll is often the worst."

 

My focus is about how to solve the problem of this sensibility. I would try to "dis-sensibilize" her or him. If we put much attention on his hurting, comforting the child when he feels bad... we are not solving this problem. We should try an opposite way. Trying as a play to tease the child mildly and even play at boxing a little with the child to prepare him/her for the worse of social aversive rubbing. Just imagine a father that want to his boy would be a boxer. He would play with the boy boxing. He would become used at the hands moving in boxing attitudes before his face. To not frightening the boy the dad should comfort the boy by being so brave, and he would make the boy to smile with the play and so on. Then, an occasional light brushing of a hand on his face is expected in this play. The boy should be "reinforced" by enduring this brushing on his face, and so on.

Then, summing up, we should encourage the child not to be scared with minor rubbing to start with. In advances stages of the teaching, the child should be able to take stronger rubbing, and mild slaps, hits and even insults. The child should have to learn to take this with a smile, showing not any distress at all. Then, the best way to make him/her so sturdy is to train the child at home. It is the best place to learn.

 

I think, there are a lot of aggressive children, that are used at home to fight with friends and cousins. Perhaps, they are trained at home by parents that are harsh and are also aggressive with their children.

Then, the best way is to harden the children at home to be able to take any intent of abuse lightly.

[Bumblebee]

The kid will probably get bullied now for getting plastic surgery

[Daisy139]

If the disfigurement was severe, I'd do it earlier on. If it was just something "minor" I would only do it if the child really wanted it and asked me for it. I wouldn't want to say, "Look, you and I are going to have to talk about your nose..." But I would agree to it if the child made a good case for it. I wouldn't want my child to get the impression that they could come back again and again and tell me they didn't like this and that about their body... but if there's something that really stands out and begs to be made fun of by evil children (or adults...), why not.

 

One thing to consider is if bullying is already happening the child may not actually tell the parents. I had something that would be considered minor (until I surgically corrected it), but I never told my parents I was bullied and made fun of for it because I was ashamed to even talk about that feature of mine....