:Magic Penis" killings

[JamesSavik]

Villagers accused in "magic penis" killing fear they are cursed

 

South African villagers accused of burning a pastor to death because they thought he was using a magic penis to sleep with women now fear they have been cursed.

 

News Desk August 14, 2011 19:21

 

Source Link: Global Post

 

A village mob in South Africa, accused of burning a pastor to death for using an invisible magic penis to sleep with women in the community, now believe they have been cursed by the dead man's family.

 

Earlier this year, 12 people from a shantytown near Malalane, South Africa, were charged with murder and arson for setting Pastor Albert Malwane of the Izwi Zion Christian Church on fire and burning down his house, the African Eye News Service reports.

 

Community members had accused the pastor of talking to animals and using an invisible penis to sleep with women in the area. They also accused his wife of turning into a snail and terrorizing the community.

 

One of villagers charged in Malwane's death, Sunnyboy Mthalala, died in May after vomiting blood and complaining of swollen feet, according to the news service.

 

Now, the 11 remaining accused — nine men and three women, between the ages of 28 and 50 — believe the pastor’s family used “muti,” or traditional medicine, to place a curse on those charged in his death and make them fall ill.

 

Pastor Malwane’s father “confirmed that a curse was released at the pastor’s funeral to haunt his son's killers,” the African Eye News Service says.

 

The villagers were arrested in February after the pastor was dragged from his one-room shack, taken to a hill and set on fire. His house was burned down, and his wife and daughter were forced into hiding.

 

Last week the case was postponed again in a South African court. The 11 accused are currently out on bail of R1,000, or about $140, and are scheduled to appear in court again at the end of September.

 

In some poor, rural South African communities, superstitious beliefs can lead to the brutal killings of people accused of "witchcraft"

 

In another such case last week, in the Eastern Cape, an elderly woman and her two children were shot and hacked to death by a group of men who suspected them of witchcraft.

 

Earlier this year in South Africa's Limpopo province, two women were killed by villagers who accused them of being witches. The women were dragged from their homes and stoned to death, before their bodies were dragged back into a house, which was then set on fire.

 

_________________________________

[The Writer X]

Yikes! Here's hoping no one finds out about my magic Penis...

[Nephylim]

Uh oh. Would anyone like to foster a black cat?

 

Broom for sale. One owner flies to the left.

 

NOBODY look in the cauldron

[thephoenix]

My first thought was that this was one of The Onion's articles.

 

Apparently not.

 

It looks like we have been transported back to the...18th(?) century. Where's the time machine when we ACTUALLY need it?

Edited August 17, 2011 by thephoenix

[Dannsar]

Does this mean that rubbing one's crystal balls is also likely to get one beaten to a pulp? Oh dear, I feel the mists coming on again ... or is that the vapours

[Cyhort]

Ok, no one seems to be asking the obvious, logical question here. How the hell can a SNAIL terrorize the community? Oh no! Look out! It's slowly leaving a tiny slimy trail behind! The horror! Or maybe a better question, if you have the power to shape shift why the hell wouldn't you pick ANYTHING OTHER THAN A SNAIL?! A turtle, or a hamster even, would be more terrifying.

[thephoenix]

BEWARE OF THE HAMSTER!!! Please note that this hamster is ARMED AND DANGEROUS. If you spot him, call law enforcement immediately and they will send a SWAT team. He was last spotted robbing a pet food store at gunpoint!!

Do not approach this hamster! I repeat, he is armed and dangerous!!

 

 

 

 

 

Also Wanted: Terrorist Turtle for attacking human. Call law enforcement immediately if you spot it!

 

Edited August 17, 2011 by thephoenix

[rustle]

BEWARE OF THE HAMSTER!!! Please note that this hamster is ARMED AND DANGEROUS. If you spot him, call law enforcement immediately and they will send a SWAT team. He was last spotted robbing a pet food store at gunpoint!!

Do not approach this hamster! I repeat, he is armed and dangerous!!

 

 

 

 

 

Also Wanted: Terrorist Turtle for attacking human. Call law enforcement immediately if you spot it!

 

 

 

OH MY GOD!!! THAT'S NO HAMSTER!!! THAT'S A DREADED BLACK-TAILED PRAIRIE DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ain't skeered of yer turtle, though, when we've got these around

 

[thephoenix]

Another hamster has been spotted! This one is vicious and will eat your broccoli! Keep your broccoli away from this one! This one is the mastermind and is known to invade innocent people's homes to get to the broccoli in the kitchen. Hamster-proof your home! Tune in for our late night broadcast to learn how to hamster-proof your home.

 

 

 

This hamster has an accomplice. He is known to hack secure government websites such as the United States Senate and the Department of State! He is wanted for treason against the United States!

 

 

 

A second accomplice has been known to rob pet stores at gunpoint, attempting to free their brethren. The human harbouring this hamster in this photo will also be prosecuted at the fullest extent of the law for harbouring hamster terrorists!

 

 

 

Do not approach any of these 3 hamsters! All 3 are armed and dangerous and should only be dealt with using a tactical strike team! Their team goes by the alias of Al-Hammstr. This is a secret hamster terrorist organization plotting to seek revenge for putting their brethren in cages and forcing them in hamster wheels to produce electricity for key corporations. They must be dealt with at all costs!

 

The number of casualties are still unknown at this time.

 

Call your nearest law enforcement agency as soon as possible if you spot any of them.

Edited August 18, 2011 by thephoenix

[jon-jon]

Another hamster has been spotted! This one is vicious and will eat your broccoli! Keep your broccoli away from this one! This one is the mastermind and is known to invade innocent people's homes to get to the broccoli in the kitchen. Hamster-proof your home! Tune in for our late night broadcast to learn how to hamster-proof your home.

 

 

 

 

 

LOL Would he like cheese with that broccoli?

[thephoenix]

LOL Would he like cheese with that broccoli?

 

nooooooooo...cheese will turn him into super hamster! Our SWAT team is already stretched to the limit! Now we need to call in the National Guard....**sigh**

 

Edited August 18, 2011 by thephoenix

[Canuk]

this post is bloody hysterical!!

 

I can see "Super Ham" broccoli in one paw, cheese in the other, pursuing the "magic Penis" killer!!

 

ain't sanity overated!

[Cyhort]

Damn. I was joking but those hamsters are freaking terrifying!

[Former Member]

You just couldn't make this stuff up could you?

[Michael9344]

Okay... I hate to break it to you, but this post is not funny - well to me. Because I know it could be true. I live around this kind of place and I gotta tell you, Magic does exist. And it's still in use. They can make your dick fall off - I mean, really, I've seen this first hand - and they can make it useless. I can't start explaining it, but yes, magic is real around here, and most ppl are pretty scared of it.

[Canuk]

Okay... I hate to break it to you, but this post is not funny - well to me. Because I know it could be true. I live around this kind of place and I gotta tell you, Magic does exist. And it's still in use. They can make your dick fall off - I mean, really, I've seen this first hand - and they can make it useless. I can't start explaining it, but yes, magic is real around here, and most ppl are pretty scared of it.

 

?????

 

what's the equivalent of speechless and gobsmacked when you are trying to think of a typed response?????

[Raijen]

Okay... I hate to break it to you, but this post is not funny - well to me. Because I know it could be true. I live around this kind of place and I gotta tell you, Magic does exist. And it's still in use. They can make your dick fall off - I mean, really, I've seen this first hand - and they can make it useless. I can't start explaining it, but yes, magic is real around here, and most ppl are pretty scared of it.

 

I always understood "magic" along the lines of subconscious projections and associations, etc. Were you being ironic/sardonic in your post?

[Hamen Cheese]

The question is what EXACTLY does a Magic Penis do?

I mean, does it come up to the bed while you're sleeping and yell SURPRISE!!!

 

[Percivial]

The question is what EXACTLY does a Magic Penis do?

I mean, does it come up to the bed while you're sleeping and yell SURPRISE!!!

 

 

It reads the mind of whoever you're about to have sex with and grows itself to the perfect length for that person

[clumber]

Am I the only one wondering what this has to do with Witchcraft?

 

No, seriously, you can't just label anything which refers to magic as "they're a witch!". It would be incredibly foolish to think you could.

 

 

Besides, what is the source for this news? Cos I've seen a fair few similar reports which were entirely fabricated before now and this doesn;t really look very different.

[DarkCrow99]

Magic Penis?!!! Evil Snail?! What's next? Killer cat?