The Navigator By Cynus

[Cynus]

 That and rap/hip hop are at the bottom of my list also. However, country music was practically the sole genre of music played in my area during my childhood. I prefer rock and classical music myself.

Rock . . . There are few things I like more than rock, but the only two I can think of (Chinese classical and Tribal music) are both circumstantially better than rock for me, while rock has a timeless quality for my rebellious soul that I'll never be able to ignore. It calls to me.

 

Tim,  you can view Brady's denial of any connection with Silas as a way to soften and protect himself from potential rejection. It's total self denial and his band mates aren't letting him go there.

But doesn't Stacey kick ass? Gotta love the way she takes charge there. I adore the whole band, and I was so happy when they started showing their distinct personalities during the writing process. I believe I've mentioned before (But possibly elsewhere than GA) that Jack and Brady are based off of a friend of mine and me, and our interactions are very similar to theirs. Stacey is based off of another close friend of mine, and Theo . . .

 

If you've ever seen the movie "House of Boys" which is currently on Netflix, Theo is like the character Dean. I won't spoil the movie, but Dean's a hard ass on the surface with an incredibly soft heart.

[watcher]

Great story;  looking forward to further  chapters.

 

Was on forum looking for  lyrics  to "The Navigator".

[Cynus]

Great story;  looking forward to further  chapters.

 

Was on forum looking for  lyrics  to "The Navigator".

 Here you go.

 

Cold winter’s night, the sun was fallen

God knows it wasn’t easy

Must’ve been some fight, to bring him callin’

To the lonely road out of town.

His lady at his side, he took up the fight

They must’ve thought him crazy,

But he hitched a ride, out into the light

The navigator wouldn’t be kept down.

 

 ‘Cause there’s no rest for the wicked,

No home to call his own.

No there’s no rest for the wicked,

He’s out there all alone.

Been to a thousand places

Seen many friendly faces

But there’s no rest for the wicked,

Navigator’s never going home.

 

There can be no doubt, the kid’s heart is pure,

You could see it in his eyes,

Something about his eyes made sure

He meant no harm to none.

Whatever it was, that drove him off,

A history of pain and lies,

We know ‘cause that kid was tough,

Navigator will always find the sun.

 

 ‘Cause there’s no rest for the wicked,

No home to call his own.

No there’s no rest for the wicked,

He’s out there all alone.

Been to a thousand places

Seen many friendly faces

But there’s no rest for the wicked,

Navigator’s never going home.

 

The Navigator’s always watching

But the signs are adding up.

He’ll find the sun,

He’ll find direction,

He’ll find his way

His way

His way

His way…. Back

 

 ‘Cause there’s no rest for the wicked,

No home to call his own.

No there’s no rest for the wicked,

He’s out there all alone.

Been to a thousand places

Seen many friendly faces

But the Navigator’s not wicked,

And the Navigator’s comin' home.

[Cynus]

http://www.outreachresourcecenters.org/

The OUTreach resource center is one of the things that inspired me to write The Navigator in the first place. This is a group that started in Utah in response to the significant number of homeless LGBT youth in the state.

 

Since our beginning in 2005, Outreach Resource Centers has been focused on helping youth. A decade ago, the wonderful people of the Unitarian Universalist Church of Ogden took notice of the incredible amount of rejected and often homeless LGBTQ youth and they took action. It was this action that grew into Ogden OUTreach. Since then, Ogden Outreach has expanded to become the Outreach Resource Centers and we now operate drop-in centers from Logan to Clearfield. 

We provide programs and services to more than 500 youth each year, addressing the needs of underserved youth at three levels:

Prevention (Community Forums and Ally Trainings):

At the community level, we offer ally and advocate training to groups who work with and support youth, and hold events to educate the public. The safe schools initiatives we participate in also act as prevention.

Intervention (Resource Centers):

At the intervention level, our drop-in centers offer a variety of services to not only meet the basic needs of youth, but to increase their self-efficacy, and provide them with knowledge and skills needed to become self-sufficient, healthy LGBTQ and allied adults.

Crisis response (Safe and Sound):

Crisis response for underserved youth in Utah who are homeless, suicidal, or have been victimized, have lacked until now because of legal barriers, and lack of resources. These barriers are being addressed now in ways they have not previously, and our ability to help youth in crisis is growing. After a careful evaluation of the Safe and Sound Host Home Program, we have decided to make key changes to the housing services model. This change reflects both our desire to reach more youth in need and recent changes in Utah law regarding sheltering youth overnight. Through collaboration with the Utah Domestic Violence Coalition and several other local partners, OUTreach is working toward creating a 24-hour line for youth who are suicidal or experiencing housing or family crisis, and a system for transporting youth to safe sanctuaries. In addition, due to recent legal changes that we helped push, it is now possible to establish youth shelters in Utah.

[drpaladin]

   I can understand why it inspired you.

[Puppilull]

I find it very hard to say a specific genre of music that I like or dislike. I can listen to most everything, as long as I feel there is a thought, honesty and a point of view behind it. Some music deals with raw emotion (a lot of rap just hits me in the gut), some music is for fun and happiness and that doesn't mean it's not good. It's just from a different POV. So I can appreciate both Taylor Swift and death metal.

[Cynus]

I find it very hard to say a specific genre of music that I like or dislike. I can listen to most everything, as long as I feel there is a thought, honesty and a point of view behind it. Some music deals with raw emotion (a lot of rap just hits me in the gut), some music is for fun and happiness and that doesn't mean it's not good. It's just from a different POV. So I can appreciate both Taylor Swift and death metal.

I was guilty of generalizing, I apologize, because my views on music really aren't that different from yours. I've found something I've liked in every genre, and it's really a matter of two things; if I can stomach the sound of the music, and if there is true emotion behind it. The latter is the most important of the two, which is why I said that all I have to be able to do is stomach the sound (I don't have to like it) if the emotion is real. 

 

Herbert Spencer said that "Music Is the Language of Emotion". I first heard this quote in the movie Mr. Holland's Opus, and I've always latched onto it as my compass for understanding and relating to music. I seek for the emotion in a piece, and if I can find it then I normally find the music redeemable. 

 

But there are a number of genres where I find that emotion more difficult to find than in others. Or sometimes it's an emotion I'm not very in touch with, like a country singer who only wants to sing about his truck. I'm just not a car guy, sorry.

[Cynus]

My Cinnabon experience.

 

Believe it or not, there's a big reason I used Cinnabon in The Navigator. I didn't even think about it at the time I was writing it, so I'm sure it was largely subconscious, but it relates so beautifully to the plot line that I feel I have to explain it.

 

When I was a kid my family was poor. Not dirt poor, but we didn't really have any play around money. Christmas and birthdays were modest. I'm not complaining about that. Growing up with those financial constraints taught me some very valuable lessons, like how to survive on less and make your money stretch. We were never really in need, but sometimes things got a little tight.

 

There was this large mall in downtown Salt Lake City known as the ZCMI center. When I was a kid in the late 80's and early 90's, my mother took my siblings to the ZCMI center once a year by bus to look at everything. It was supposed to be an exciting trip, and at the end they would celebrate by sharing a Cinnabon. I was so excited to go the first time I went with them. I was five or six, and it was my first bus ride that I could remember. Riding to downtown was an almost magical experience for me at that stage in my life. The only other times we went downtown was during Christmas time to see all the lights that lit up the city. Salt Lake City is famous for its Christmas Lights on Temple Square, and when I was young it always seemed like i was walking into a completely different world when we were there. To put it simply, traveling downtown was practically the most exciting thing imaginable to my young mind.

 

I don't remember what we saw that day at the mall. I remember the feeling of being there, the childlike wonder with which I viewed the world. And then I remember the last part, when my siblings mentioned the CInnabon and begged my mother to take us there. When we arrived and shared the large cinnamon roll, I ate it with all the childlike enthusiasm I could put behind eating this thing that I had been told was the best dessert there was. It was amazing. I can't remember the taste anymore, but I know from the greatness of the memory that it had to have been awesome. Whatever expectations I had made about how good it was going to be had not been let down on the taste of that Cinnabon.

The disappointment came later. The disappointment began when we went home. Of course I understood that we had to leave the magical place, but I still didn't want to. Then came the promise that we would go the next year, and I had to hold on to that.

 

The next year came, we scheduled a day that we would go and I came down with Step throat. Rather than rescheduling, my mother and siblings went without me. I was crushed by that, but I was even more crushed the next year when we didn't go at all, and the year after that . . . and suddenly, this childhood memory of awesome family togetherness was crushed and disappeared into nothing but memory. I could still feel the magic, I could still taste the deliciousness of childhood dreams come true, but I was never going to feel it again.

The reason why I chose the Cinnabon in The Navigator is because of that experience. This probably seems a little weird, especially that I ended up putting this much thought into it, but I really didn't figure this out until after I wrote it in there. The Cinnabon is a symbol to me of what it was to be part of my family. It was a symbol of the greatest part of my childhood; the dream that was shattered in later years. So, I suppose I gifted it to Silas as a sign that, maybe things are going to be all right. Maybe trusting someone who is reaching out to you isn't such a bad thing. Maybe it's time to let go of trying to be an adult all the time and just let someone take care of you.

 

You might not be disappointed. You might just find yourself loving it as much as you hoped you would. And you may never have the opportunity again if you let it slide by you.

 

Thanks for reading. I'm happy that you all could be a part of this experience. Here's to you, the reader, who helps make the whole writing process worthwhile.  

 

[drpaladin]

 That in itself was a nice story. It is wonderful how certain foods and smells can bring up memories. Right now I can still smell and taste pound cake, rich and hot from the oven with real butter melting over it. I haven't had pound cake that good in years, made purely from scratch.

[Timothy M.]

Ahh the depths of feelings as a child can be both wonderful and crushing, and you never forget. I recall the first time I saw my mother cry, and the first time my favorite and usually kind grandmother played a nasty trick on me as a joke (I was so upset she never did it again).

 

Did you ever as an adult find out why they stopped going to the mall? Perhaps from one of your older siblings? Have you tried to eat a Cinnabon ? I looked them up and realized they are probably of Swedish origin, because they look very similar to kanelbullar.

[Puppilull]

You little Proust! Now I'm feeling like a cinnabon! Lucky me, I have a freezer full of kanelbullar baked by my mother in law.

 

As a mom, I almost have to cry when reading they went without you. I can't imagine doing that to one of my kids. It's not like we are always together, but on a family thing we bring the entire family.

[dughlas]

Watching Silas eat his Cinnabon was an experience in simple joy. Learning now, the significance of Cinnabon to you makes it heartrendingly beautiful.

I have similiar memory to yours. In my youth upscale department stores often had an in house restuarant. During my tween years my mother, sister and I would travel to Philadelphia once a year to shop at one of the areas best. A store frequented by the old moneyed matrons. We could only afford one or two items each and that was because mother would save all year. We always ate in the restuarant. We were obviously not their typical customer, we were simply out of our class. However, we were as well dressed as mother could provide and our table manners and behaviour was equal to anyone else in the room. The staff always treated us well and those upper class matrons oftened complimented mother on her delightful children. We were without doubt happy together and enjoying ourselves. It was a holiday for us, a day spent in a wonderland.

[Defiance19]

My 'sweet' childhood memory belongs with my grandmother. She always, and for every occasion seemed to have at the ready a bar of Cadbury Fruit and Nut. We weren't allowed candy really as kids so it was a treat when she broke off four squares and secretly shared them with me, and later my siblings and cousins. It was such a big deal that we were sharing that secret. Only to find out years later she was a diabetic. I don't like chocolate now as an adult, but I've been known to pick up a Cadbury bar on occasion. 

[Puppilull]

I thought this was pretty funny, speaking of music and not baked goods.

 

http://www.dose.com/lists/21447/10-Music-Genres-Perfectly-Explained-abab456-1?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=WHFacebook&utm_campaign=fijifrost

[Cynus]

Ahh the depths of feelings as a child can be both wonderful and crushing, and you never forget. I recall the first time I saw my mother cry, and the first time my favorite and usually kind grandmother played a nasty trick on me as a joke (I was so upset she never did it again).

 

Did you ever as an adult find out why they stopped going to the mall? Perhaps from one of your older siblings? Have you tried to eat a Cinnabon ? 

 

As a mom, I almost have to cry when reading they went without you. I can't imagine doing that to one of my kids. It's not like we are always together, but on a family thing we bring the entire family.

I chose to respond to these two at the same time. 

 

In all honesty, I could be remembering incorrectly. There were so many other things that my parents did to me, but particularly my mother, over my childhood that I may have imagined them going without me. I know that they went without me to something I cared deeply about when I was sick with Strep throat, but I could be wrong about it being this. I was six at the time, and we might have just not gone to the mall, and my memory could be flawed. 

 

I've never confronted them about it though. I'm fairly close with my siblings now, though not as much with my parents. Some obstacles just aren't worth overcoming.

[Cynus]

I thought this was pretty funny, speaking of music and not baked goods.

 

http://www.dose.com/lists/21447/10-Music-Genres-Perfectly-Explained-abab456-1?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=WHFacebook&utm_campaign=fijifrost

That's awesome, and scarily accurate. I love it!

 

I also had a question for those who have read through chapter fourteen. I know the answer for why I wrote it this way, but I'm curious what the readers saw. You're often able to make connections that I never even noticed, and may have written subconsciously.

 

Why do you think that Silas had a hard time giving the leash to Amy at the barber shop, but didn't seem to bat an eye at leaving her with Chelsea and Tara at the coffee shop when he took his sink bath? What is the difference?

[Puppilull]

Maybe Silas feels to trust Amy like that, to open up to her and let her in will cave all his walls down. He knows she and Ian wants him to live there and have the means to make ut come true. Chelsea and Tara are friends, but they could not realistically offer a place to call home, somewhere to rest. With Amy, he's afraid because he's fighting a losing battle for his independence, simply because he knows that deep down he wants to stop running away. It's harder and harder to maintain the emotional distance.

[Timothy M.]

Hmm, after Amy took his backpack hostage, I'm not suprised Drake didn't want to give her power over Adelaide. He knows she will do anything to make him stay, for the sake of Ian as well as Silas.

[Cynus]

When I wrote it I was considering it as more of a subconscious fear than a conscious one. Silas didn't necessarily know why he was having trouble giving power over Adelaide to Amy, but it was definite, real anxiety. I believe that Silas sees Adelaide as the ultimate symbol of his freedom and independence, as Puppilull alluded to, and then as Tim pointed out there was that knowledge that Amy might use that against him.

Giving Adelaide up is like giving up his heart, or in the metaphor of The Navigator, it's like giving up his compass. She's the one who has kept him going in the right direction, and without her, he's lost. At the barber shop he's in a place of emotional vulnerability, after spending the day with Amy. He wants his compass more badly than ever to help guide him to the right decision.

[drpaladin]

   I clearly understood that Silas couldn't fathom his own anxiety in letting Amy take Adelaide's leash. Clearly Amy wasn't going to let anything happen to her. I viewed the business with the backpack earlier as more of a playful prank than actually holding it for ransom. Amy would never have done something similar with Adelaide. It just isn't in her nature. Adelaide has been his closest companion in his journeys. Silas would have certainly had a more miserable existence without her. Everyone needs a friend, even if it's one that can't talk.

[dughlas]

I believe that in that primeval part of himself Silas knew that Adelaide wouldn't leave with Chelsea and Tara. She would wait with them for Silas to return but she would not leave without him. He isn't so certain that she might not go with Amy. It's not a matter of any of them doing her harm but more of Adelaide placing her trust in someone other than Silas. I believe that our canine companions have a better sense of where we are than we often do. Whether Silas was ready to acknowledge it Adelaide knew that Amy and Ian are "pack" and pack can be trusted.

So there is my take on it.

[drpaladin]

I believe that in that primeval part of himself Silas knew that Adelaide wouldn't leave with Chelsea and Tara. She would wait with them for Silas to return but she would not leave without him. He isn't so certain that she might not go with Amy. It's not a matter of any of them doing her harm but more of Adelaide placing her trust in someone other than Silas. I believe that our canine companions have a better sense of where we are than we often do. Whether Silas was ready to acknowledge it Adelaide knew that Amy and Ian are "pack" and pack can be trusted.

So there is my take on it.

 That's an interesting take. Animals are more perceptive than we normally tend to be. It also brings another thought to mind. Exactly how old is Addy? I wouldn't really like to think of her being around before Ian left home as that would make her beginning to get on up there in dog years. Just a thought.

[Timothy M.]

It also brings another thought to mind. Exactly how old is Addy? I wouldn't really like to think of her being around before Ian left home as that would make her beginning to get on up there in dog years. Just a thought.

 

Well, I assumed she knew Ian because she reacted to his smell or something just before Drake met him the first time, but perhaps that's because Ian felt 'similar yet different' to her master. But you're right, she would be too old. Let's assume Silas was given her as a reward for doing well in scouting, then she's only about four years old.

[drpaladin]

Well, I assumed she knew Ian because she reacted to his smell or something just before Drake met him the first time, but perhaps that's because Ian felt 'similar yet different' to her master. But you're right, she would be too old. Let's assume Silas was given her as a reward for doing well in scouting, then she's only about four years old.

Yes, it was the initial contact in the diner that brought it to my mind. Assuming she's younger works for me.  

[Timothy M.]

Why do you think that Silas had a hard time giving the leash to Amy at the barber shop, but didn't seem to bat an eye at leaving her with Chelsea and Tara at the coffee shop when he took his sink bath? What is the difference?

 

This discussion makes me wonder why Silas didn't take Adelaide with him to the bathroom when he went up to have a shower. Or perhaps he did, but you don't mention it.