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Poetry Prompt 13 – Ghazal


AC Benus

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Here I was just thinking I need a challenge this weekend! Although, this sounds hard... I might have to channel Junayd to get in the mood for a ghazal.

 

I love this scene. It's so intensely sexual and at the same time spiritual.

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AC thanks for the challenge and Adi thanks for the beautiful translation of the German.

I think you are a wizzard with both languages. One has only to read your poem "In Two Languages" to see that.

(A Fool's Thoughts #19)

 

Is translating prose already difficult at times, to create a poem in two languages, each beautiful in their own right, without loss of meaning in either is a very admirable accomplishment. :worship:

Edited by J.HunterDunn
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AC thanks for the challenge and Adi thanks for the beautiful translation of the German.

I think you are a wizzard with both languages. One has only to read your poem "In Two Languages" to see that.

(A Fool's Thoughts #19)

 

Is translating prose already difficult at times, to create a poem in two languages, each beautiful in their own right, without loss of meaning in either is a very admirable accomplishment. :worship:

I'm without words except: Thank you so much. :*)

 

Publishing a chapter is not my forté lately, so I apologize for the chapter without title. Behind it you'll find my first Ghazal, which I accidentally wrote in English. I think it's as Puppilull said, using your native language comes too close. So, I wrote another one, in German this time. It took me way longer.

 

I think I'm not yet finished with the Ghazal form though, any additional poems you might find in my poem collection 'A Fool's Thoughts' eventually.

Thank you, AC, for letting me be a part of this and for the challenge, because it was/is one for me.

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Okay, at first I thought, no way... too much for me, but as I read through the presented prompt, I became more intrigued. Thank you for the challenge, AC... and for providing the scene that inspired me. Most of my poetry so far has had a personal aspect. This one doesn't, and it's cool for me to attempt this only from what I felt in the short scene.

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/headstall/headstallspoetryprompts/9

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I'm without words except: Thank you so much. :*)

 

Publishing a chapter is not my forté lately, so I apologize for the chapter without title. Behind it you'll find my first Ghazal, which I accidentally wrote in English. I think it's as Puppilull said, using your native language comes too close. So, I wrote another one, in German this time. It took me way longer.

 

I think I'm not yet finished with the Ghazal form though, any additional poems you might find in my poem collection 'A Fool's Thoughts' eventually.

Thank you, AC, for letting me be a part of this and for the challenge, because it was/is one for me.

I'm glad to hear that you are thinking about sticking with the form. I would love to read at least a hundred Ghazal by you :yes:

 

People really seem to like the Bent part of the prompt. That was a last minute flash of inspiration, and somehow it seems to work. That makes me happy

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Here I was just thinking I need a challenge this weekend! Although, this sounds hard... I might have to channel Junayd to get in the mood for a ghazal.

 

I love this scene. It's so intensely sexual and at the same time spiritual.

You mention Junayd, and he was the reason I wrote my first (nearly) real Ghazal. I was going to quote it in the prompt, but then I realized it was not good enough because I rhymed all the couplets. That's bad form...so perhaps I will have to write another ;)  

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Okay, at first I thought, no way... too much for me, but as I read through the presented prompt, I became more intrigued. Thank you for the challenge, AC... and for providing the scene that inspired me. Most of my poetry so far has had a personal aspect. This one doesn't, and it's cool for me to attempt this only from what I felt in the short scene.

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/headstall/headstallspoetryprompts/9

One thing I forgot to do in my review is acknowledge how committed you were to the metre. That shows very well. The best kind of metre, in my opinion, is that which effortlessly knits everything together, YET does not stand out as a dull Ta-Dum; Ta-Dum just there for the sake of a rhythm. You gave your metre solid purpose in your Ghazal; it must be your talents at writing songs, which of course a Ghazal is.

 

Thanks again, Gary.    

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Stupid me. The first Ghazal I wrote and it is in English.  :*)  I try again in German later.

Both of your Ghazals (really three, with the translated one) are great. I love the one in German, and I agree with you that it seems an evolution from the first poem.

 

Thanks again for taking the challenge!

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AC thanks for the challenge and Adi thanks for the beautiful translation of the German.

I think you are a wizzard with both languages. One has only to read your poem "In Two Languages" to see that.

(A Fool's Thoughts #19)

 

Is translating prose already difficult at times, to create a poem in two languages, each beautiful in their own right, without loss of meaning in either is a very admirable accomplishment. :worship:

Thanks, Peter! I hope you are also inspired by the challenge to attempt it. Your support for me and my scribblings has just been awesome. Thank you from the bottom of my heart <3

 

And I agree with your praise of Adi! He's very gifted, and provided the translations for the two poems in the prompt itself in lickety-split timing. It was wonderful to work with him. 

Edited by AC Benus
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First of all thanks again AC for being our tutor. Without your knowledgeable and inspiring prompts a lot of our poetical urges would have stayed dormant. Never in my life would I have thought of attempting to write poems without your guidance and encouragement.

 

Here's my contribution and as my language is not shared by many here I also supply a translation.

As I am not as gifted as Adi, the translation does not meet the requirements of a Ghazal. As I wanted to keep the "core word" in the proper place, the translation is not pretty.

It is only loosely based on the clip; I never saw the movie :unsure:

 

---

 

dat twee zielen elkaar kunnen raken is een wonder.

dat een man één kan zijn met een man, het is een wonder.

 

de vonken die tot vlam geraakten smeulen nog immer;

na al die jaren is één blik genoeg voor het wonder.

 

het niet aflatende gevoel niet echt compleet te zijn

zonder dagelijkse kus blijft nog altijd een wonder.

 

de schoonheid als lichaam en ziel zich hecht verenigen

onbeschrijflijk: er voltrekt zich telkens weer een wonder.

 

en komt eens de dag dat ik je niet meer aanraken kan

zal mijn ziel de jouwe zijn en is vervuld het wonder.

 

---

 

 

that two souls can touch each other is a miracle

that a man can be one with a man: it is a miracle.

 

the sparks that became a flame still smoulder

after all the years one look is enough for the miracle.

 

the never ending feeling not to be really complete

without a daily kiss still stays a miracle.

 

the beauty when body and soul unite completely

indescribable: every time it takes place is a miracle.

 

and comes once the day that I cannot touch you anymore

my soul will be yours and is fulfilled the miracle.

 

Peter.

Edited by J.HunterDunn
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First of all thanks again AC for being our tutor. Without your knowledgeable and inspiring prompts a lot of our poetical urges would have stayed dormant. Never in my life would I have thought of attempting to write poems without your guidance and encouragement.

 

Here's my contribution and as my language is not shared by many here I also supply a translation.

As I am not as gifted as Adi, the translation does not meet the requirements of a Ghazal. As I wanted to keep the "core word" in the proper place, the translation is not pretty.

It is only loosely based on the clip; I never saw the movie :unsure:

 

---

 

dat twee zielen elkaar kunnen raken is een wonder.

dat een man één kan zijn met een man, het is een wonder.

 

de vonken die tot vlam geraakten smeulen nog immer;

na al die jaren is één blik genoeg voor het wonder.

 

het niet aflatende gevoel niet echt compleet te zijn

zonder dagelijkse kus blijft nog altijd een wonder.

 

de schoonheid als lichaam en ziel zich hecht verenigen

onbeschrijflijk: er voltrekt zich telkens weer een wonder.

 

en komt eens de dag dat ik je niet meer aanraken kan

zal mijn ziel de jouwe zijn en is vervuld het wonder.

 

---

 

 

that two souls can touch each other is a miracle

that a man can be one with a man: it is a miracle.

 

the sparks that became a flame still smoulder

after all the years one look is enough for the miracle.

 

the never ending feeling not to be really complete

without a daily kiss still stays a miracle.

 

the beauty when body and soul unite completely

indescribable: every time it takes place is a miracle.

 

and comes once the day that I cannot touch you anymore

my soul will be yours and is fulfilled the miracle.

 

Peter.

This is beautiful, Peter... the difference from the adjusted form is very clear here... I think you captured the power of the strict form. I love that the last couplet is about you, and I think that incorporates the requirement of the identity/ name/nickname. I think you should be proud of this one... cheers... Gary (lol. Since this isn't posted, this is my review :thumbup:).

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First of all thanks again AC for being our tutor. Without your knowledgeable and inspiring prompts a lot of our poetical urges would have stayed dormant. Never in my life would I have thought of attempting to write poems without your guidance and encouragement.

 

Here's my contribution and as my language is not shared by many here I also supply a translation.

As I am not as gifted as Adi, the translation does not meet the requirements of a Ghazal. As I wanted to keep the "core word" in the proper place, the translation is not pretty.

It is only loosely based on the clip; I never saw the movie :unsure:

 

---

 

dat twee zielen elkaar kunnen raken is een wonder.

dat een man één kan zijn met een man, het is een wonder.

 

de vonken die tot vlam geraakten smeulen nog immer;

na al die jaren is één blik genoeg voor het wonder.

 

het niet aflatende gevoel niet echt compleet te zijn

zonder dagelijkse kus blijft nog altijd een wonder.

 

de schoonheid als lichaam en ziel zich hecht verenigen

onbeschrijflijk: er voltrekt zich telkens weer een wonder.

 

en komt eens de dag dat ik je niet meer aanraken kan

zal mijn ziel de jouwe zijn en is vervuld het wonder.

 

---

 

 

that two souls can touch each other is a miracle

that a man can be one with a man: it is a miracle.

 

the sparks that became a flame still smoulder

after all the years one look is enough for the miracle.

 

the never ending feeling not to be really complete

without a daily kiss still stays a miracle.

 

the beauty when body and soul unite completely

indescribable: every time it takes place is a miracle.

 

and comes once the day that I cannot touch you anymore

my soul will be yours and is fulfilled the miracle.

 

Peter.

First of all, I really like that you tried the stricter approach and focused on the word to repeat. Besides the power coming through with wonder, I also can feel the alternation between een wonder and het wonder. These two variations form a sort of osculating wave that is very effective I think. To me this is reinforced by the fact that the first couplet ends with both words together: het is een wonder.

 

I like that a lot, for at the end of each of the following couplets the phrase is broken, or perhaps 'deconstructed' is better, and then by then conclusion of the poem it seems completely mended again. That's very good form, considering this Ghazal only has 5 stanzas.

 

As for the emotions of the poem, I think anyone in a loving and committed relationship can easily relate to the feelings you so well convey here. Very well done.  

 

Thank you for taking the challenge, and I hope you add one or two more Ghazal before September is up! Hint, hint ;)

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First of all thanks again AC for being our tutor. Without your knowledgeable and inspiring prompts a lot of our poetical urges would have stayed dormant. Never in my life would I have thought of attempting to write poems without your guidance and encouragement.

 

Here's my contribution and as my language is not shared by many here I also supply a translation.

As I am not as gifted as Adi, the translation does not meet the requirements of a Ghazal. As I wanted to keep the "core word" in the proper place, the translation is not pretty.

It is only loosely based on the clip; I never saw the movie :unsure:

 

---

 

dat twee zielen elkaar kunnen raken is een wonder.

dat een man één kan zijn met een man, het is een wonder.

 

de vonken die tot vlam geraakten smeulen nog immer;

na al die jaren is één blik genoeg voor het wonder.

 

het niet aflatende gevoel niet echt compleet te zijn

zonder dagelijkse kus blijft nog altijd een wonder.

 

de schoonheid als lichaam en ziel zich hecht verenigen

onbeschrijflijk: er voltrekt zich telkens weer een wonder.

 

en komt eens de dag dat ik je niet meer aanraken kan

zal mijn ziel de jouwe zijn en is vervuld het wonder.

 

---

 

 

that two souls can touch each other is a miracle

that a man can be one with a man: it is a miracle.

 

the sparks that became a flame still smoulder

after all the years one look is enough for the miracle.

 

the never ending feeling not to be really complete

without a daily kiss still stays a miracle.

 

the beauty when body and soul unite completely

indescribable: every time it takes place is a miracle.

 

and comes once the day that I cannot touch you anymore

my soul will be yours and is fulfilled the miracle.

 

Peter.

 

 

If you're lucky it's a miracle you can enjoy everyday. If you're not, you strive to have it one day, at least after reading your poem, Peter. Real miracles never cease. As AC said, there are a few days left of September.

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Ok, after spending the weekend writing lists of rhyming words and having them all ending with horribly inappropriate rhymes (Think heart-fart and you got it. My mind was desperately trying to get out of writing in Swedish...), I actually found the word I wanted to build my poem on. And like that, it fell into place! Now, I need to see to syllables and all the other stuff...

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Thanks for taking the challenge, Puppilull! I left some comments on the posting in the form of a review. :)

I answered to your review, but I just wanted to say here too that I very much enjoy doing these challenges. It's exciting to learn new things and also see how diverse the world of poetry is. I mean, of course I knew there are many forms, but to be able to try them is so much better than merely reading about them.

 

This prompt was extra interesting, since it was not only in Swedish and a quite difficult form (I thought), but we also had to capture the feelings of someone else. My first attempts ended up being more about me than Max and Horst... To be honest, I think I did sneak in there in the final version too.

 

So thanks, AC!

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I thought about trying this form, but I can't come up with anything really deserving of the scene depicted.  Not sure why.  

 

Great job to those who did!  I applaud you!!!

Then I invite you to broaden the field of inspiration. Try some other idea to explore as a Ghazal. Have some fun with it :)   

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