poetry Poetry Prompt 13 – Ghazal

[Former Member]

Poetry Prompt 13 – Ghazal

 

Let's Write a Ghazal! 

Ok. This is not a form I know very well, but I have written one, and thought it would be fun to try more.

A Ghazal is song/poem expressing the loss or pain of love. In its basic form, it is about the metaphysical joining of spirit and body through the emotions felt in separation and longing for the beloved. By projection, it can expand as a form to encompass any deeply-felt/deeply-expressed emotion involving earthly attachments and a desire to transcend them.  

Its origins are Indo-Perso-Arabic, and during the great flowering of Islamic culture in the late Middle Ages, it spread to every corner of the world where that religion flourished. This was aided by the Sufi mystics, who following the example of their founding saint, Rumi, expressed love for other males in an open, erotic, and completely unafraid manner.

Its structure is deceptively demanding, and for the English language at least, very, very advanced in its level of difficulty. Unlike an entire host of other poetic forms, the Ghazal has lagged sorely behind in this tongue of ours. 

 

The strict requirements are:

- All lines are of a uniform syllable count

- Both lines of the first couplet end with the same word

- The second line of all following couplets repeat the exact word that ends the lines of the first couplet

- The last or second-to-last couplet must include a signatory statement of the poet's name, title or nickname

- The rhyme scheme is this: a-a; b-a; c-a; d-a and so forth. There should be no rhyme on the first lines of the couplets after the initial one – this is considered bad form.  

 

The adjusted requirements are:

- Same as above, except –

- Both lines of the first couplet end with the a rhyming word, not a repeat of the exact word

- The second line of all following couplets have words that rhyme, but do not repeat the initial word of the first couplet  

- The poet's 'signature' is not necessary. 

 

In my opinion, this adjustment to the form is fair, as in the English language the repeating of the same word in the manner of a rhyme has always been considered very poor poetics; perhaps this is what led to the Ghazal being ignored by English-language poets for so long. As for the other requirements, they are open: the poet may establish any metre he or she likes, as long as it stays consistent throughout, and the number of couplets can vary from about four, to say a million. There is no upper limit.  

As for a strict example, look at Agha Shahid Ali's Where are you now? Who lies beneath your spell tonight? here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghazal

You can see the word 'tonight' is used to end both lines of the first couplet, and then to conclude the last line of every subsequent couplet. Another aspect to note in Ali's poem is that each couplet is a complete thought, and ends with a period or question mark. This follows one tradition, but open-ended couples melting into one another is also standard.      

The best examples are German ones, as German-language poets began embracing the form about 200 years ago.1 My sincerest thanks to aditus for helping me find and cite the following Ghazals. He also provided the delightful translations you will find in the footnotes. 

Here is an adjusted-requirement example by Friedrich Rückert, called Nach Tschelaleddin Rumi:2

 

Wohl endet Tod des Lebens Not,
Doch schauert Leben vor dem Tod.

Das Leben sieht die dunkle Hand,
Den hellen Kelch nicht, den sie bot.

So schauert vor der Lieb ein Herz,
Als wie von Untergang bedroht.

Denn wo die Lieb erwachet, stirbt
Das Ich, der dunkele Despot.

Du laß ihn sterben in der Nacht
Und atme frei im Morgenrot.

 

This is a very good example to study, for although Rückert did not repeat the a-rhyme-word, he rhymed it all perfectly (as 't' and 'd' consonant sounds are acceptable rhymes in German). I think this is a beautiful Ghazal.

Here is a strict example by Hugo von Hofmannsthal:3

  

In der ärmsten kleinen Geige liegt die Harmonie des Alls verborgen,

Liegt ekstatisch tiefstes Stöhnen, Jauchzen süßen Schalls verborgen;

In dem Stein am Wege liegt der Funke, der die Welt entzündet,

Liegt die Wucht des fürchterlichen, blitzesgleichen Pralls verborgen.

In dem Wort, dem abgegriffnen, liegt was mancher sinnend suchet:

Eine Wahrheit, mit der Klarheit leuchtenden Kristalls verborgen ...

Lockt die Töne, sucht die Wahrheit, werft den Stein mit Riesenkräften!

Unsern Blicken ist Vollkommnes seit dem Tag des Sündenfalls verborgen.

 

The only thing lacking in this Ghazal is the signatory salute. The repeat of verbogen becomes a mesmerizing refrain, and comes close to the heart of why the Ghazal is such a powerful form.

 

The prompt: write at least one Ghazal in your native language based on the well-known love scene from the Holocaust movie Bent. Max & Horst are your guide for that sensual desire to transcend this world by being fully sensual in it. Channel their love and pathos into a Ghazal of any number of couplets, with lines in a consistent syllable count that you establish. You decide if the form is of the 'strict' or 'adjusted' variety.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

---------------------------------------------

1. See here for a very interesting study of German Ghazal and Lieder: http://www.academicroom.com/article/repetition-structure-german-lied-ghazal

2. Translation kindly provided by aditus:

 

Perhaps death ends life’s misery,

But life shudders before death.

 

Life spots the dark hand,

But not the bright calyx it offers.

 

Thus trembles a heart before love,

As if threatened by doom.

 

For where love awakens, dies

The ego, the dark despot.

 

Let him die at night

And breathe freely at dawn.

 

3. Translation kindly provided by aditus:

 

In the poorest smallest violin the harmony of the universe is buried,
Its ecstatic deepest moans, where the exult’s sweet sound is buried;

In the stone along the way is the spark that ignites the world,
Is the force of the terrible, flash-like impact buried.

In the worn-out word, is what many seek musingly:
A truth with the luminous clarity of the crystal buried…

Attract the sounds, look for the truth, throw the stone with tremendous force!
From our view, perfection since the day of the fall, is buried.

 

 

 

Edited February 2, 2023 by AC Benus

[Former Member]

Here are two other videos of the love scene from Bent. I hope at least one of the three works for you, if not please PM me.

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6R16aIhjTA

[Aditus]

Yay! The first works. Thank you!

[Puppilull]

Here I was just thinking I need a challenge this weekend! Although, this sounds hard... I might have to channel Junayd to get in the mood for a ghazal.

 

I love this scene. It's so intensely sexual and at the same time spiritual.

[Aditus]

Stupid me. The first Ghazal I wrote and it is in English.    I try again in German later.

[Puppilull]

I got a bit scared having to do this in Swedish. It gets much more personal... #nofilter

[J.HunterDunn]

AC thanks for the challenge and Adi thanks for the beautiful translation of the German.

I think you are a wizzard with both languages. One has only to read your poem "In Two Languages" to see that.

(A Fool's Thoughts #19)

 

Is translating prose already difficult at times, to create a poem in two languages, each beautiful in their own right, without loss of meaning in either is a very admirable accomplishment.

Edited September 5, 2015 by J.HunterDunn

[Aditus]

AC thanks for the challenge and Adi thanks for the beautiful translation of the German.

I think you are a wizzard with both languages. One has only to read your poem "In Two Languages" to see that.

(A Fool's Thoughts #19)

 

Is translating prose already difficult at times, to create a poem in two languages, each beautiful in their own right, without loss of meaning in either is a very admirable accomplishment.

I'm without words except: Thank you so much.

 

Publishing a chapter is not my forté lately, so I apologize for the chapter without title. Behind it you'll find my first Ghazal, which I accidentally wrote in English. I think it's as Puppilull said, using your native language comes too close. So, I wrote another one, in German this time. It took me way longer.

 

I think I'm not yet finished with the Ghazal form though, any additional poems you might find in my poem collection 'A Fool's Thoughts' eventually.

Thank you, AC, for letting me be a part of this and for the challenge, because it was/is one for me.

[Headstall]

Okay, at first I thought, no way... too much for me, but as I read through the presented prompt, I became more intrigued. Thank you for the challenge, AC... and for providing the scene that inspired me. Most of my poetry so far has had a personal aspect. This one doesn't, and it's cool for me to attempt this only from what I felt in the short scene.

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/headstall/headstallspoetryprompts/9

[Former Member]

I'm without words except: Thank you so much.

 

Publishing a chapter is not my forté lately, so I apologize for the chapter without title. Behind it you'll find my first Ghazal, which I accidentally wrote in English. I think it's as Puppilull said, using your native language comes too close. So, I wrote another one, in German this time. It took me way longer.

 

I think I'm not yet finished with the Ghazal form though, any additional poems you might find in my poem collection 'A Fool's Thoughts' eventually.

Thank you, AC, for letting me be a part of this and for the challenge, because it was/is one for me.

I'm glad to hear that you are thinking about sticking with the form. I would love to read at least a hundred Ghazal by you

 

People really seem to like the Bent part of the prompt. That was a last minute flash of inspiration, and somehow it seems to work. That makes me happy

[Former Member]

Here I was just thinking I need a challenge this weekend! Although, this sounds hard... I might have to channel Junayd to get in the mood for a ghazal.

 

I love this scene. It's so intensely sexual and at the same time spiritual.

You mention Junayd, and he was the reason I wrote my first (nearly) real Ghazal. I was going to quote it in the prompt, but then I realized it was not good enough because I rhymed all the couplets. That's bad form...so perhaps I will have to write another  

[Former Member]

Okay, at first I thought, no way... too much for me, but as I read through the presented prompt, I became more intrigued. Thank you for the challenge, AC... and for providing the scene that inspired me. Most of my poetry so far has had a personal aspect. This one doesn't, and it's cool for me to attempt this only from what I felt in the short scene.

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/headstall/headstallspoetryprompts/9

One thing I forgot to do in my review is acknowledge how committed you were to the metre. That shows very well. The best kind of metre, in my opinion, is that which effortlessly knits everything together, YET does not stand out as a dull Ta-Dum; Ta-Dum just there for the sake of a rhythm. You gave your metre solid purpose in your Ghazal; it must be your talents at writing songs, which of course a Ghazal is.

 

Thanks again, Gary.    

[Former Member]

Stupid me. The first Ghazal I wrote and it is in English.    I try again in German later.

Both of your Ghazals (really three, with the translated one) are great. I love the one in German, and I agree with you that it seems an evolution from the first poem.

 

Thanks again for taking the challenge!

[Former Member]

AC thanks for the challenge and Adi thanks for the beautiful translation of the German.

I think you are a wizzard with both languages. One has only to read your poem "In Two Languages" to see that.

(A Fool's Thoughts #19)

 

Is translating prose already difficult at times, to create a poem in two languages, each beautiful in their own right, without loss of meaning in either is a very admirable accomplishment.

Thanks, Peter! I hope you are also inspired by the challenge to attempt it. Your support for me and my scribblings has just been awesome. Thank you from the bottom of my heart <3

 

And I agree with your praise of Adi! He's very gifted, and provided the translations for the two poems in the prompt itself in lickety-split timing. It was wonderful to work with him. 

Edited September 5, 2015 by AC Benus

[J.HunterDunn]

First of all thanks again AC for being our tutor. Without your knowledgeable and inspiring prompts a lot of our poetical urges would have stayed dormant. Never in my life would I have thought of attempting to write poems without your guidance and encouragement.

 

Here's my contribution and as my language is not shared by many here I also supply a translation.

As I am not as gifted as Adi, the translation does not meet the requirements of a Ghazal. As I wanted to keep the "core word" in the proper place, the translation is not pretty.

It is only loosely based on the clip; I never saw the movie

 

---

 

dat twee zielen elkaar kunnen raken is een wonder.

dat een man één kan zijn met een man, het is een wonder.

 

de vonken die tot vlam geraakten smeulen nog immer;

na al die jaren is één blik genoeg voor het wonder.

 

het niet aflatende gevoel niet echt compleet te zijn

zonder dagelijkse kus blijft nog altijd een wonder.

 

de schoonheid als lichaam en ziel zich hecht verenigen

onbeschrijflijk: er voltrekt zich telkens weer een wonder.

 

en komt eens de dag dat ik je niet meer aanraken kan

zal mijn ziel de jouwe zijn en is vervuld het wonder.

 

---

 

　

that two souls can touch each other is a miracle

that a man can be one with a man: it is a miracle.

 

the sparks that became a flame still smoulder

after all the years one look is enough for the miracle.

 

the never ending feeling not to be really complete

without a daily kiss still stays a miracle.

 

the beauty when body and soul unite completely

indescribable: every time it takes place is a miracle.

 

and comes once the day that I cannot touch you anymore

my soul will be yours and is fulfilled the miracle.

 

Peter.

Edited September 5, 2015 by J.HunterDunn

[Headstall]

First of all thanks again AC for being our tutor. Without your knowledgeable and inspiring prompts a lot of our poetical urges would have stayed dormant. Never in my life would I have thought of attempting to write poems without your guidance and encouragement.

 

Here's my contribution and as my language is not shared by many here I also supply a translation.

As I am not as gifted as Adi, the translation does not meet the requirements of a Ghazal. As I wanted to keep the "core word" in the proper place, the translation is not pretty.

It is only loosely based on the clip; I never saw the movie

 

---

 

dat twee zielen elkaar kunnen raken is een wonder.

dat een man één kan zijn met een man, het is een wonder.

 

de vonken die tot vlam geraakten smeulen nog immer;

na al die jaren is één blik genoeg voor het wonder.

 

het niet aflatende gevoel niet echt compleet te zijn

zonder dagelijkse kus blijft nog altijd een wonder.

 

de schoonheid als lichaam en ziel zich hecht verenigen

onbeschrijflijk: er voltrekt zich telkens weer een wonder.

 

en komt eens de dag dat ik je niet meer aanraken kan

zal mijn ziel de jouwe zijn en is vervuld het wonder.

 

---

 

　

that two souls can touch each other is a miracle

that a man can be one with a man: it is a miracle.

 

the sparks that became a flame still smoulder

after all the years one look is enough for the miracle.

 

the never ending feeling not to be really complete

without a daily kiss still stays a miracle.

 

the beauty when body and soul unite completely

indescribable: every time it takes place is a miracle.

 

and comes once the day that I cannot touch you anymore

my soul will be yours and is fulfilled the miracle.

 

Peter.

This is beautiful, Peter... the difference from the adjusted form is very clear here... I think you captured the power of the strict form. I love that the last couplet is about you, and I think that incorporates the requirement of the identity/ name/nickname. I think you should be proud of this one... cheers... Gary (lol. Since this isn't posted, this is my review ).

[Former Member]

First of all thanks again AC for being our tutor. Without your knowledgeable and inspiring prompts a lot of our poetical urges would have stayed dormant. Never in my life would I have thought of attempting to write poems without your guidance and encouragement.

 

Here's my contribution and as my language is not shared by many here I also supply a translation.

As I am not as gifted as Adi, the translation does not meet the requirements of a Ghazal. As I wanted to keep the "core word" in the proper place, the translation is not pretty.

It is only loosely based on the clip; I never saw the movie

 

---

 

dat twee zielen elkaar kunnen raken is een wonder.

dat een man één kan zijn met een man, het is een wonder.

 

de vonken die tot vlam geraakten smeulen nog immer;

na al die jaren is één blik genoeg voor het wonder.

 

het niet aflatende gevoel niet echt compleet te zijn

zonder dagelijkse kus blijft nog altijd een wonder.

 

de schoonheid als lichaam en ziel zich hecht verenigen

onbeschrijflijk: er voltrekt zich telkens weer een wonder.

 

en komt eens de dag dat ik je niet meer aanraken kan

zal mijn ziel de jouwe zijn en is vervuld het wonder.

 

---

 

　

that two souls can touch each other is a miracle

that a man can be one with a man: it is a miracle.

 

the sparks that became a flame still smoulder

after all the years one look is enough for the miracle.

 

the never ending feeling not to be really complete

without a daily kiss still stays a miracle.

 

the beauty when body and soul unite completely

indescribable: every time it takes place is a miracle.

 

and comes once the day that I cannot touch you anymore

my soul will be yours and is fulfilled the miracle.

 

Peter.

First of all, I really like that you tried the stricter approach and focused on the word to repeat. Besides the power coming through with wonder, I also can feel the alternation between een wonder and het wonder. These two variations form a sort of osculating wave that is very effective I think. To me this is reinforced by the fact that the first couplet ends with both words together: het is een wonder.

 

I like that a lot, for at the end of each of the following couplets the phrase is broken, or perhaps 'deconstructed' is better, and then by then conclusion of the poem it seems completely mended again. That's very good form, considering this Ghazal only has 5 stanzas.

 

As for the emotions of the poem, I think anyone in a loving and committed relationship can easily relate to the feelings you so well convey here. Very well done.  

 

Thank you for taking the challenge, and I hope you add one or two more Ghazal before September is up! Hint, hint

[Aditus]

First of all thanks again AC for being our tutor. Without your knowledgeable and inspiring prompts a lot of our poetical urges would have stayed dormant. Never in my life would I have thought of attempting to write poems without your guidance and encouragement.

 

Here's my contribution and as my language is not shared by many here I also supply a translation.

As I am not as gifted as Adi, the translation does not meet the requirements of a Ghazal. As I wanted to keep the "core word" in the proper place, the translation is not pretty.

It is only loosely based on the clip; I never saw the movie

 

---

 

dat twee zielen elkaar kunnen raken is een wonder.

dat een man één kan zijn met een man, het is een wonder.

 

de vonken die tot vlam geraakten smeulen nog immer;

na al die jaren is één blik genoeg voor het wonder.

 

het niet aflatende gevoel niet echt compleet te zijn

zonder dagelijkse kus blijft nog altijd een wonder.

 

de schoonheid als lichaam en ziel zich hecht verenigen

onbeschrijflijk: er voltrekt zich telkens weer een wonder.

 

en komt eens de dag dat ik je niet meer aanraken kan

zal mijn ziel de jouwe zijn en is vervuld het wonder.

 

---

 

　

that two souls can touch each other is a miracle

that a man can be one with a man: it is a miracle.

 

the sparks that became a flame still smoulder

after all the years one look is enough for the miracle.

 

the never ending feeling not to be really complete

without a daily kiss still stays a miracle.

 

the beauty when body and soul unite completely

indescribable: every time it takes place is a miracle.

 

and comes once the day that I cannot touch you anymore

my soul will be yours and is fulfilled the miracle.

 

Peter.

 

 

If you're lucky it's a miracle you can enjoy everyday. If you're not, you strive to have it one day, at least after reading your poem, Peter. Real miracles never cease. As AC said, there are a few days left of September.

[Puppilull]

Ok, after spending the weekend writing lists of rhyming words and having them all ending with horribly inappropriate rhymes (Think heart-fart and you got it. My mind was desperately trying to get out of writing in Swedish...), I actually found the word I wanted to build my poem on. And like that, it fell into place! Now, I need to see to syllables and all the other stuff...

[Puppilull]

Ok, here's is an almost strict Ghazal (I hope...). I just couldn't fit myself in there, without ruining the mood...

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/puppilull/puppilullspoetryprompts/9

[Former Member]

Ok, here's is an almost strict Ghazal (I hope...). I just couldn't fit myself in there, without ruining the mood...

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/puppilull/puppilullspoetryprompts/9

Thanks for taking the challenge, Puppilull! I left some comments on the posting in the form of a review.

[Puppilull]

Thanks for taking the challenge, Puppilull! I left some comments on the posting in the form of a review.

I answered to your review, but I just wanted to say here too that I very much enjoy doing these challenges. It's exciting to learn new things and also see how diverse the world of poetry is. I mean, of course I knew there are many forms, but to be able to try them is so much better than merely reading about them.

 

This prompt was extra interesting, since it was not only in Swedish and a quite difficult form (I thought), but we also had to capture the feelings of someone else. My first attempts ended up being more about me than Max and Horst... To be honest, I think I did sneak in there in the final version too.

 

So thanks, AC!

[Dolores Esteban]

Yes, it was difficult, but it was an interesting challenge. Here's my poem. It doesn't exactly relate to the movie, however, and I didn't translate it into English. Maybe I'll do this some other day.

 

Bereschit

Edited September 8, 2015 by Dolores Esteban

[craftingmom]

I thought about trying this form, but I can't come up with anything really deserving of the scene depicted.  Not sure why.  

 

Great job to those who did!  I applaud you!!!

[Former Member]

I thought about trying this form, but I can't come up with anything really deserving of the scene depicted.  Not sure why.  

 

Great job to those who did!  I applaud you!!!

Then I invite you to broaden the field of inspiration. Try some other idea to explore as a Ghazal. Have some fun with it