18 Weeks Of Twoey

[Dayne Mora]

The "needy" thing almost has me scared that Donny's gunna go Jimmy LaPlant(correct last name?) on David.  What's the rule on putting your dick in crazy if you're also crazy? 

[spike382]

The "needy" thing almost has me scared that Donny's gunna go Jimmy LaPlant(correct last name?) on David.  What's the rule on putting your dick in crazy if you're also crazy?

 

It's LaPlane, but close enough

[Dayne Mora]

It's LaPlane, but close enough

Meh, I was off by one letter.

[skinnydragon]

The "needy" thing almost has me scared that Donny's gunna go Jimmy LaPlant(correct last name?) on David.  What's the rule on putting your dick in crazy if you're also crazy? 

 

Jimmy LaPlane?? Yikes!

 

That's all David would need right now! 

[Hunter Thomson]

What's the rule on putting your dick in crazy if you're also crazy? 

 

I wouldn't imagine there are rules for such things. If you're crazy, would you listen to the rules anyways?

[Lux Apollo]

OCD crazies do.

[Dayne Mora]

OCD crazies do.

OCD crazies actively search for rules to follow!

 

Also, Donny Laplane is in the house, so Twoey better get his act together stat!

[Lux Apollo]

Twoey's got his work cut out for him. David's got his work cut out for him.

 

Donny... he's got it comparatively easy but he's digging his own grave... or is it Twoey's? Or David's

 

 

Twoey's party is going to be cataclysmic.

[spike382]

OCD crazies actively search for rules to follow!

 

Also, Donny Laplane is in the house, so Twoey better get his act together stat!

Hey be nice to Donny! He's a sweetie

[Lux Apollo]

Sweet or not, he's traipsing naked through a minefield with a hard-on and a bottle of vodka.

[spike382]

Sweet or not, he's traipsing naked through a minefield with a hard-on and a bottle of vodka.

Omg!!!

[Hunter Thomson]

Mmmm Skinny. You're catching a bit of flak lately for your characters' behaviour. I know I'm among them, but I have to say that I love how the younger characters are acting and reacting to everything. They're teenagers, and their responses to what's happening in their part of the world is exactly how teenagers would react. They're sexually precocious, but they're also filled with hormones and an utter lack of life experience, so it makes sense that their choices aren't the ones we would make in their place. After all, we readers have the benefit of age and the fact that we don't have to make those decisions in the moment.

 

The vodka cranberry is a perfect example of this. We spend all of our childhoods being told that alcohol is this forbidden fruit for adults to enjoy and for kids to stare longingly at. So it's only natural that as soon as parental supervision disappears, young people will find ways of getting after the alcohol. That's obviously what happened with Donny, and while we all look on with disgust, I think most of us did something similar as kids. 

 

Please don't stop, there's only a few days left in the story, and the conclusion is going to be totally worth it.

[Lux Apollo]

I was thinking earlier that I hope you aren't getting too annoyed with some of us myself included) sometimes treating David like he's a more rational actor than he actually is. He's mentally ill, and that can show up in both obvious and subtle ways. Someone had said something about how Tommy is the only one he isn't shutting out but that isn't completely true. He puts on a face for Tommy. He feeds him the convenient side of things, not the full truth. He doesn't see Tommy as someone he should burden, because he is his younger brother. Just another excuse box.

 

There are times when I wonder how much of what has happened are now more like the hallucinations of a very disturbed David - one that hasn't actually left that hospital room, if he wasn't placed somewhere even before that...

[skinnydragon]

Thanks guys.

 

I knew these later chapters were going to upset most readers, so I expected the flack.

You have hit on some very good points, as have most of the reviewers, actually.

 

The little trap many have fallen into is understandable, too.

 

David is the main narrator. Through virtually the entire story, he has been our only consistent connection to what has been going on in Daleville. And because of that, the reader has been drawn into relying on his testimony. But, by now, it should be clear that could have been a mistake. Some reviewers find certain things hard to believe, and the are. But have they ever considered the possibility that those hard-to-believe things might not actually be true? Or, at least not true in the context presented to us. We have seen how David twists, and what he omits, when he interacts with other characters in the story. Well, when we read him, he is interacting with us too!

 

What is clear is that he's on a severe downward spiral, as all his imaginings of the way thing are, are being torn to shreds. There are only two viable options. When he hits rock bottom, and he will, will he either gain insight to fight and claw his way back, or will he flicker out?

 

So yeah, it's not so nice.

 

At this stage, you recognize the 120 chapters of 18 Weeks are not all gushy and happy with warm puppies and peaches and cream. 

[spike382]

Thanks guys.

 

I knew these later chapters were going to upset most readers, so I expected the flack.

You have hit on some very good points, as have most of the reviewers, actually.

 

The little trap many have fallen into is understandable, too.

 

David is the main narrator. Through virtually the entire story, he has been our only consistent connection to what has been going on in Daleville. And because of that, the reader has been drawn into relying on his testimony. But, by now, it should be clear that could have been a mistake. Some reviewers find certain things hard to believe, and the are. But have they ever considered the possibility that those hard-to-believe things might not actually be true? Or, at least not true in the context presented to us. We have seen how David twists, and what he omits, when he interacts with other characters in the story. Well, when we read him, he is interacting with us too!

 

What is clear is that he's on a severe downward spiral, as all his imaginings of the way thing are, are being torn to shreds. There are only two viable options. When he hits rock bottom, and he will, will he either gain insight to fight and claw his way back, or will he flicker out?

 

So yeah, it's not so nice.

 

At this stage, you recognize the 120 chapters of 18 Weeks are not all gushy and happy with warm puppies and peaches and cream. 

But SD, I LIKE creamy peach puppies...

 

Wait...

 

No seriously I hope my reviews aren't too harsh, and I can't stress enough that I would never tell you how to write the story of how I think it should go. I really don't care for anyone trying to dictate to an author how to write their own story. If I see things in the story that the author could consider revising I try to let them know, and I do try to be constructive when I do that. I also considered what lux did about David being unreliable as a narrator, particularly when it comes to his family. I just think something is missing there because it really doesn't make a ton of sense otherwise.

 

Anyway as frustrated as I get with David, I'm still hoping for the best for that boy.

[Lux Apollo]

Twoey's got his work cut out for him. David's got his work cut out for him.

 

Donny... he's got it comparatively easy but he's digging his own grave... or is it Twoey's? Or David's

 

 

Twoey's party is going to be cataclysmic.

 

 

Well, I was wrong about the party it seems, just like so many other things. I wonder if we are going to be hearing about the conversation David had with Ricky in the next chapter. It will be interesting to see what gets addressed re: Donny before this is all finished. And then there is David's family... that's going to be tough. But now that David seems to be getting that he can be open about things with Alex, with his friends, maybe he will start relying on that support network on his journey back from the brink and forward with his life.

[jess30519]

[...]  maybe he will start relying on that support network on his journey back from the brink and forward with his life.

 

The sooner David realizes that he is surrounded by friends who love him and will support him, the better. With Alex (and her brother as backup) hovering over them, David and Twoey are bound to, finally, share the deep feelings that were evident on that first day they met.  But it seems to me that, after Twoey's party is over and everyone has gone home, David must surely be ready to keel over from exhaustion and relief of stress. In the last 48 hours his whole outlook on life has undergone major shifts and reversals! That would be very draining on anyone, I'd think.  He will probably fall fast asleep as soon as Twoey can urge him as far as the bedroom!

[skinnydragon]

Thanks to all who have reviewed and messaged me over the last two chapters of Twoey!

 

I don't know if it's sadness or relief I feel with the journey that has taken more than a year coming to a close. Just two more chapters to go!

 

I do have a question for those interested in responding. In chapter 120, Twoey and David were at David's house, about to embark on the 'apology tour' after David changed. I wrote:

 

... We walked over to his house where he changed into fresh clothes, even underwear, while letting me watch. Tommy wasn’t there, but he left him a note.

“Maybe we’ll find him at the Nelson’s or he could have crashed at a friend’s house – Maybe Mark’s.”

That made a frightening thought bubble up, which I quickly suppressed.

His eyes jumped between the two of us when he opened the door. He knew.

“Um, Hey. Maybe we should go up to my room?”

He was a cute kid and I did remember him from the lake. He shut his bedroom door, and then David and I sat on his bed. Donny took his computer chair.

 

I wrote a few different segues to go between the two colored sections you see above. I didn't like any of them and thought they weakened the power of the first green line. The more I looked at the lines on my screen, in the jarring collision of those two scenes, the more I preferred it as it stood. It provided a moment of unease, of unsure footing for the reader. I thought the chapter was better left without that segue.

But I have received messages thinking it was an oversight or error. I still like it better the way it stands, but should I add a line or two between the sections to demonstrate that we have changed scenes?

I'd like to hear some opinions.

Edited August 24, 2016 by skinnydragon

[jess30519]

I did re-read those lines when I encountered them, and for a split second I thought perhaps Tommy had just come home, but it quickly became clear that David and Twoey had arrived at Donny's house. My impression was that Twoey was unsure of his footing, but, of course, it all turned out okay.

 

So I see no need to make the shift to Donny's explicit.

[Defiance19]

Like Jess, I did think  Tommy had arrived at the house but then realised they were Donny's. 

Maybe if the note they leave is the last thing they do, but I'm no good at that sort of thing.. If you like it better I say let it stand. It was only a second snap, and I wasn't bothered or thought it was an error.. 

 

 

:-( Two more chapters though.. Sadness, def.. 

[Lux Apollo]

To be honest skinny, I am a fan of transparency in writing when possible. If everyone is saying they are having trouble making sense of the scene change, it is an issue with the writing. It makes the reader themselves feel like they are missing something, a lapse of consciousness. If you used 'Donny' instead of 'he' as the first word of the green section, it would immediately fix it without need for any extra transition.

[skinnydragon]

luxy convinced me, so I'll replace the line:

 

His eyes jumped between the two of us when he opened the door. He knew.

 

with:

 

He knew. His eyes jumped between the two of us when he opened the door. Donny knew.

[Timothy M.]

Did you have an extra line between the two paragraphs? To me such a space often indicates a shift in time.

[Lux Apollo]

I've been meaning to post a victory dance for Team Twoey, so...

 

Edited August 26, 2016 by lux_apollo

[Lux Apollo]

Also... are we gonna get any hints of Chonny? I know that was one of suicidal David's last requests. They would be cute, and maybe more suited for growing together.

Edited August 27, 2016 by lux_apollo