[dkstories] Doing It Right 11

[Myr]

The new chapter is up.

http://dkstories.gayauthors.org/do-over3/do-over3-11.php

 

And it is good too. Rather sad in many ways, but not as sad as it could have been, thankfully.

 

I especially liked the ending of the chapter this time around.

 

Myr

[C James]

This chapter was a mind-twister! (but I mean that in a good way!)

 

It started out so "normal", but soon it became apparent that Davey was at.. Er, I better use a spoiler space for this (just highlight the black area to view).

 

 

 

Davey was at a funeral! We were kept in suspense for a few sentences, then the bomb drops: Jeremy's funeral!

 

I liked the way things were viewed in retrospect. It was very well done IMHO. Very sad that Jeremy had to die, but, sadly, real life is like that, and so is good fiction.

 

 

 

I'll come back to the thread later, as this was a very complex chapter with a lot to discuss. However, one question is bugging me: Why did Davey make the comment about the name of the Restaurant (Ridgeway's)?

I think I need to do some re-reading of the series, as this one went past me. I recall a friend he lived with in Eureka (Kevin) whom I think had the last name of Ridgeway, who died, or could it be that Brian was shot on a hilltop (ridge) in Eureka?

[brax]

woooooo great chapter... i loved it... well... cept for the part that almost made me cry.... i hate sad stories

 

for a bit i was kinda scared something terrible was gona happen... as they got to the park... it had one of those classic dan vibes where someone is about to get shot or a nuke will fall from the sky and kill everyone or somthing

 

had me scared

 

<3 danny

Edited May 8, 2006 by brax

[Ibsu]

for a bit i was kinda scared something terrible was gona happen... as they got to the park... it had one of those classic dan vibes where someone is about to get shot or a nuke will fall from the sky and kill everyone or somthing

 

had me scared

 

<3 danny

 

It's still possible! Don't give him any ideas

 

(And yes, I loved the chapter. I actually liked that we didn't have to watch Jeremy die.)

[C James]

woooooo great chapter... i loved it... well... cept for the part that almost made me cry.... i hate sad stories

 

for a bit i was kinda scared something terrible was gona happen... as they got to the park... it had one of those classic dan vibes where someone is about to get shot or a nuke will fall from the sky and kill everyone or somthing

 

had me scared

 

<3 danny

 

I had that feeling, too. I suspect, though, that some major trouble will occur soon.

 

I really loved the conversation between Davey and Brian, especially Brian's conversation with Davey's father! This should prove very interesting... As will Davey's new career dilemma.

[EMoe57]

This should prove very interesting... As will Davey's new career dilemma.

What? You think Dan will give Davey a choice? Its all about those baseball pants, baby! Dan's just waiting for Brax to cough up the pics so he can write the baseball chapters. Imagine what having an openly gay pitching star would do to the world of baseball! I think Billy Bean would approve.

[Dark Star]

woooooo great chapter... i loved it... well... cept for the part that almost made me cry.... i hate sad stories

 

for a bit i was kinda scared something terrible was gona happen... as they got to the park... it had one of those classic dan vibes where someone is about to get shot or a nuke will fall from the sky and kill everyone or somthing

 

had me scared

 

<3 danny

 

I know what you mean. When he said "Back in the parking lot, the Secret Service

[NaperVic]

I think but don't quote me that the officer he lived with was named "Ridgeway" and that was why.

 

Yeah, wasn't Kevin Ridgeway the soldier who 'lived' with Sean & Davey at the base, got drunk with them, and was eventually part of Davey Security detail???

[C James]

Yeah, wasn't Kevin Ridgeway the soldier who 'lived' with Sean & Davey at the base, got drunk with them, and was eventually part of Davey Security detail???

 

That's who I was thinking of, and I also recall that he died during the initial sniper attack on the hilltop, where Brian was shot. I just have a nagging feeling that I'm missing something else here...

 

Did he have some connection to Davey or Modesto in the earlier timelines? I think I need to re-read the series again...

 

I know what you mean. When he said "Back in the parking lot, the Secret Service

[Demetz]

Maybe I'm confusing stories...but didn't Davey come out in the original timestream while on the way to a restaurant? Maybe it was a Ridgeway's...

 

Anyway, I didn't think Brian was going to be killed, but I did get the suspicion we were dangerously close to seeing Brian say that he wouldn't let Davey hold himself back for his sake and proceed to break up with him.

[C James]

Anyway, I didn't think Brian was going to be killed, but I did get the suspicion we were dangerously close to seeing Brian say that he wouldn't let Davey hold himself back for his sake and proceed to break up with him.

 

That never occurred to me, but you are right, it could easily have been leading up to that...

 

What? You think Dan will give Davey a choice? Its all about those baseball pants, baby! Dan's just waiting for Brax to cough up the pics so he can write the baseball chapters. Imagine what having an openly gay pitching star would do to the world of baseball! I think Billy Bean would approve.

 

I recall in DOR when David and Davey got together, David was (purely coincidentally, I'm sure) wearing just baseball pants.

[C James]

Anyone care to speculate on what will happen in the next chapter? IMHO, there are a few big shoes waiting to drop..

 

Davey's father figured out that Davey still had his future memories, and now he has ANOTHER time-traveler living under his roof (Sean). Plus, Davey and Sean almost slipped up once already by talking where they could have been overheard (and might well have been anyway!).

 

(Why did I have a mental flash of Davey's father finding out, and then yelling "OK, you two, absolutely no time-travel on school nights, or you are both grounded for the next three timelines!)

 

Davey and Brian now both have vehicles (I loved the choice of a Jeep for Davey!). That makes for, at the very least, more plot opportunities.

 

Davey and Brian had that very meaningful discussion regarding Davey's career choice. The CIA was mentioned, as was a new time machine!!! True, it was just used as an example, but....

[Demetz]

Its been a while since we've seen Reagan make an appearance so maybe he'll be dropping by soon... and of course where there's Reagan there's Bush and where there's Bush there's secret interrogations... perhaps George Bush the first decided to try his luck in a time machine at an alternate location and will be back with a vengence for Davey for not following through with his plans

[C James]

Its been a while since we've seen Reagan make an appearance so maybe he'll be dropping by soon... and of course where there's Reagan there's Bush and where there's Bush there's secret interrogations... perhaps George Bush the first decided to try his luck in a time machine at an alternate location and will be back with a vengence for Davey for not following through with his plans

 

ROFL!!! Now that would be an interesting plot twist indeed!!

 

Hmmmm... This brings up an interesting question, that may be inappropriate to ask here. (if so, Dan, please delete or edit my post).

 

I'm not trying to be political, but I noticed a huge difference between the portrayals of George H. W. Bush

in DO, Vs. DOR. In the first one, Davey IIRC considered him a friend. In DOR, he was behind the kidnapping and torture of Davey, plus tried to send his son back in part in order to use time travel for personal gain.

 

So, I'd like to ask Dan: Why was there a change of opinion of the Senior Bush? Did you change your opinion of him at some point, after his presidency? If so, I'm curious as to why?

 

BTW, I'm NOT trying to argue politics. I'm just curious if indeed there is a change of perception of the Senior Bush, and if so, why?

[Dark Star]

Oh, but he can, and he certainly has in the past!

I was thinking that Brian was going to be killed. After all, Dan has killed him twice before...

 

I know what you mean I really thought something was going to happen.

 

Actually I could see the scene play out something like this so don't kill me.

 

The first part is quotes directly from dkstories's story DIR Chapter 11 while the bold italicized part is my version added on. All charaters belong to dkstories and I make no claim on them or the idea.

 

 

Edited May 13, 2006 by Ghstwolf62

[Demetz]

What? Kill... Davey? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[C James]

But all their stoic reserve mattered not once they had settled into their defensive positions that day. If anyone had been close enough to see these fierce protectors with a reputation for letting nothing get to them they would have been shocked to see the tears begin flowing silently down their faces as the boy cradling the dead one is his arms cried silently over and over again with a depth of pain that none of them had ever heard before

 

"Davey oh Davey"[/i]

[/b]

 

Ghstwolf, that was great!!!!

 

What? Kill... Davey? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

Don't forget: Dan has killed Davey before, when he went down with his ship in DO, chapter 37...

 

I managed to get back to my feet and was about to yell out for a report when a second explosion happened as the second torpedo hit. Without a shadow of a doubt I knew this was it, and that I had ultimately failed, because a dark wave of frigid water swept into the Combat Information Center. As darkness took me, all I could think about was Brian, and how I'd never get to hold him again.

[Ibsu]

Ghstwolf, that was great!!!!

Don't forget: Dan has killed Davey before, when he went down with his ship in DO, chapter 37...

 

That's when Brian shakes Sean violently to create the time machine again, and Sean does... after twenty years of watching Brian suffer. (Sean always had this plan - he wanted Brian to understand what Davey went through, and see if Brian ended up finding someone else. OF course, Brian doesn't.)

 

Then he silently recreates the machine, Brian goes back and saves Davey, and THEN they live happily ever after.

[C James]

That's when Brian shakes Sean violently to create the time machine again, and Sean does... after twenty years of watching Brian suffer. (Sean always had this plan - he wanted Brian to understand what Davey went through, and see if Brian ended up finding someone else. OF course, Brian doesn't.)

 

Then he silently recreates the machine, Brian goes back and saves Davey, and THEN they live happily ever after.

 

Hmmmm... That might yet happen!

 

That would get around the problem of Davey no longer being able to go back in time (due to the age problem). Sean definitely has a vengeful streak (he did, after all, pick Davey for the first DO, expecting him to die).

 

Hmmmm... Could there be a new sequel in the works?

[Dark Star]

Ghstwolf, that was great!!!!

Don't forget: Dan has killed Davey before, when he went down with his ship in DO, chapter 37...

 

Thanks. Hope it wasn't too meladramitic. Somehow the thought that Brian bites it again and Davey suffers again seemed just too much. That way gave it a twist but Davey dies having had a happy life with the one he loves to the end. I do remember him killing Davey off before and you are right this series has been going along so good it has gotten to the point that just about every chapter Dan seems to put in circumstances that leave me on the edge of my seat expecting something to happen to the chief protagonists and breathing a sigh of relief when it doesn't.

 

I was going to say something about Chapter 12 and it doing the same thing to me but can't figure out how they do the spoilers thing so won't for now. Although I will say that all I could think about at first is Cathy Ryan from Patriot Games and leave it at that.

[Demetz]

I"ve got it: I always thought that there was something missing and I finally figured out what it is - a true and personal rival for Davey. Time travelling Sean can be that rival. He's already been established as bitter and vengeful, and thanks to the complexity of the timestreams there is no way Davey can ever escape evil time travelling Sean... who proceeds to sabotage Davey's life in a jealous rage no matter how many times Davey goes back because the same evil sean re-emerges every time.

[EMoe57]

I did like your twist Ghstwolf62, but, since I edit for Dan, I might as well edit your story extension too It'll give everybody a chance to see what Dan sees when I send him back a chapter.

 

I know what you mean I really thought something was going to happen.

 

Actually I could see the scene play out something like this so don't kill me.

 

The first part is quotes directly from dkstories's story DIR Chapter 11 while the bold italicized part is my version added on. All charaters belong to dkstories and I make no claim on them or the idea.

 

 

[C James]

Thanks. Hope it wasn't too meladramitic. Somehow the thought that Brian bites it again and Davey suffers again seemed just too much. That way gave it a twist but Davey dies having had a happy life with the one he loves to the end. I do remember him killing Davey off before and you are right this series has been going along so good it has gotten to the point that just about every chapter Dan seems to put in circumstances that leave me on the edge of my seat expecting something to happen to the chief protagonists and breathing a sigh of relief when it doesn't.

 

I was going to say something about Chapter 12 and it doing the same thing to me but can't figure out how they do the spoilers thing so won't for now. Although I will say that all I could think about at first is Cathy Ryan from Patriot Games and leave it at that.

 

I didn't think it was melodramatic at all. I loved it! Have you considered writing some stories?

Hmmm... How about a new genre.. Do Over fanfics? I doubt DK objects to the idea of fanfics, given that he's a writer of HP fanfics...

 

Don't relax just yet.. Dan has a knack for lulling us into complacency, and then BAM (or, more often, bang). Therefor, whenever things go well in one of DK's stories, I start expecting disaster...

 

As for the spoiler space, it's easy! Just use the following format

[ spoiler ] the text you want to hide here [ /spoiler ]

Note: remove the spaces from inside the brackets. I had to add those otherwise it would have shown up exactly as below.

 

the text you want to hide here

 

 

I"ve got it: I always thought that there was something missing and I finally figured out what it is - a true and personal rival for Davey. Time travelling Sean can be that rival. He's already been established as bitter and vengeful, and thanks to the complexity of the timestreams there is no way Davey can ever escape evil time travelling Sean... who proceeds to sabotage Davey's life in a jealous rage no matter how many times Davey goes back because the same evil sean re-emerges every time.

 

Now that is an interesting thought! Sean has, after all, already set Davey up to die once...

 

I did like your twist Ghstwolf62, but, since I edit for Dan, I might as well edit your story extension too It'll give everybody a chance to see what Dan sees when I send him back a chapter.

 

EMoe, thank you for the look inside the writing/editing process! That was very interesting! I've always wondered how that was done...

Edited May 15, 2006 by C James

[Dark Star]

I did like your twist Ghstwolf62, but, since I edit for Dan, I might as well edit your story extension too It'll give everybody a chance to see what Dan sees when I send him back a chapter.

 

 

Ouch, poor Dan.

 

Actually I like what you did with it except for a couple of parts one being where I had Brian following the body as it fell. The idea was Brian desparately trying to keep a hold of the falling body to prevent what was happening and finally following it down to the ground cradling it in his arms incapable of preventing it. This set up the scene where the SS was surrounding the boys who were in a huddled mass on the ground with them around them protecting them in more ways than one. Being left holding a sagging body while still sitting on the table leaves something out that I was trying to convey and I also was looking for the idea that Davey was violently taken from him which "sagging" doesn't seem to get across. Think of the bullet hitting him and violently separating them causing the body to forcefully leave his arms while Brian tries desparately to hold on to the falling body as it goes down but is unable to do so following it all the way down to where they end up on the ground together.

 

The other part was very minor and you couldn't know what I was thinking of when I wrote it and it was the part of "one last job left to do." It comes from a Tom Clancy novel where the President was killed and the SS had one final task left to them which was to protect the body of their charge.

 

Anyway, thanks for the insight into the process it was illuminating and on the whole for the good.

 

I didn't think it was melodramatic at all. I loved it! Have you considered writing some stories?

Hmmm... How about a new genre.. Do Over fanfics? I doubt DK objects to the idea of fanfics, given that he's a writer of HP fanfics...

 

Don't relax just yet.. Dan has a knack for lulling us into complacency, and then BAM (or, more often, bang). Therefor, whenever things go well in one of DK's stories, I start expecting disaster...

 

As for the spoiler space, it's easy! Just use the following format

[ spoiler ] the text you want to hide here [ /spoiler ]

Note: remove the spaces from inside the brackets. I had to add those otherwise it would have shown up exactly as below.

 

the text you want to hide here

 

Now that is an interesting thought! Sean has, after all, already set Davey up to die once...

EMoe, thank you for the look inside the writing/editing process! That was very interesting! I've always wondered how that was done...

 

Well thank you. I have considered it especially since some of my favorite authors seem to be tied up with real life and can't write a lot right now which leaves me with nothing to read. The sex stories just aren't what I am looking for to tell the truth although a bit as part of the story is nice. I don't know if I did write something that I would ever post it though.

 

Trust me I won't relax until I am sure this segment of the story is complete.

 

I enjoyed seeing what Emoe did and does with these stories. I liked what he did except for a couple of things one of which he couldn't know about. Somehow Clancy was on my mind when I wrote that and he couldn't know that.

[dkstories]

Hey! Did I forget to review a chapter that emoe edited? Oh wait, never mind...had me scared for a moment.

 

Oh, and Emoe was being nice...some of my chapters look a lot worse!