shadowgod Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Ooohhh squeeling tires! very nice CJ, dare I say it, better then the draft I intially read who said you can't teach an old goat new tricks... Steve
C James Posted December 11, 2006 Author Posted December 11, 2006 Ooohhh squeeling tires! very nice CJ, dare I say it, better then the draft I intially read who said you can't teach an old goat new tricks... Steve ROFL!! Well, those "squealing tires" were added, along with a few other things to improve the imagery of the car chase, thanks to your suggestions regarding "showing rather than telling". So, anyone have any guesses as to what Steve meant when he said "LOOK!" at the end of the chapter?
Bondwriter Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 OK, now I'm behind on schedule... But I don't regret it one sec! I read your whole story at once. I must say the crying character at the very beginning almost got me lost, but I'm glad I went on for a few more paragraphs. Then I had to know what would come next. I cringed (a bit) and smiled (a lot) at times, and boy, I loved the revenge on the blackmailer! I hope nothing REALLY bad happens to Eric, so we don't need to feel sorry for the twerp. Thanks for making Steve's parents such great characters. I agree with Graeme (at least I think he's the one who made this comment) that Eric's way to blackmail both characters could have been a bit more devious. With all their nice friends, it's a bit hard to believe that Eric can manage to deceive both Steve and Chris. But, heck, devious bastards have ways, and this is fiction! Great job!
C James Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 OK, now I'm behind on schedule... But I don't regret it one sec! I read your whole story at once. I must say the crying character at the very beginning almost got me lost, but I'm glad I went on for a few more paragraphs. Then I had to know what would come next. I cringed (a bit) and smiled (a lot) at times, and boy, I loved the revenge on the blackmailer! I hope nothing REALLY bad happens to Eric, so we don't need to feel sorry for the twerp. Thanks for making Steve's parents such great characters. I agree with Graeme (at least I think he's the one who made this comment) that Eric's way to blackmail both characters could have been a bit more devious. With all their nice friends, it's a bit hard to believe that Eric can manage to deceive both Steve and Chris. But, heck, devious bastards have ways, and this is fiction! Great job! Thank you!!!!!! I do agree that the blackmail plot could have been done better. I can't really say too much without giving spoilers, but some of the above will be in Ch 6. BTW, Ch 6 will be online Tuesday afternoon, US time. Thanks again!!
C James Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 Chapter 6, "ENDGAME", is now online Enjoy!
captainrick Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 "Boys, it ain't outing you as gay that you need to worry about. What he's got on you is much more entertaining. He's gonna out you both as stupid f**king morons! I swear I'd go to the kitchen right now and get a frying pan to hit y'all over the head with, but that would just mess up a perfectly good frying pan. You let Eric blackmail you both, so he wouldn't out you to each other? Oh, that is just too perfect. Now, Steve, can you think of something that you shoulda done that would have avoided this whole mess?" Grinning, and then blushing, Steve nodded, "Yeah, I should have listened to you. And Chad, and Rob, and Joe, and Devin, and my folks... I guess I won't be living this one down any time soon, huh?" Veronica laughed. "Count on it, Blondie. But, yeah, I can see how that little misbegotten creep you call a brother screwed things up. I hope you both get your money and the Jeep back. I've got to go to the bank when I get off, so I'll keep an eye out and if I see anything, I'll call 911. Oh, and Steveo, you can count on a lot more blond jokes, too," Veronica said with a wink. " LMAO LMAO CJ now THAT was funny. Talk about dumb blondes! I loved the waitress clotheslining Eric. That was poetic justice BUT . . . you STILL let them go to bed without DOING THE DEED! dammit. These kids gotta have blue balls. Seriously, I loved it! Hugs, Rick
C James Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 "Boys, it ain't outing you as gay that you need to worry about. What he's got on you is much more entertaining. He's gonna out you both as stupid f**king morons! I swear I'd go to the kitchen right now and get a frying pan to hit y'all over the head with, but that would just mess up a perfectly good frying pan. You let Eric blackmail you both, so he wouldn't out you to each other? Oh, that is just too perfect. Now, Steve, can you think of something that you shoulda done that would have avoided this whole mess?" Grinning, and then blushing, Steve nodded, "Yeah, I should have listened to you. And Chad, and Rob, and Joe, and Devin, and my folks... I guess I won't be living this one down any time soon, huh?" Veronica laughed. "Count on it, Blondie. But, yeah, I can see how that little misbegotten creep you call a brother screwed things up. I hope you both get your money and the Jeep back. I've got to go to the bank when I get off, so I'll keep an eye out and if I see anything, I'll call 911. Oh, and Steveo, you can count on a lot more blond jokes, too," Veronica said with a wink. " LMAO LMAO CJ now THAT was funny. Talk about dumb blondes! That was my favorite part of the chapter, too. LoL! It was fun to write. Poor Steve: he's not dumb, but he has his "blond moments" on occasion! I suspect he's right: his freinds won't be letting him live it down any time soon. I loved the waitress clotheslining Eric. That was poetic justiceI was originally thinking that Chris would catch him, but when I wrote that he darted between the cars, I had to do it. What? No sympathy for poor, lovable Eric? He's being dragged off for a long stay in Juvenile hall. BUT . . . you STILL let them go to bed without DOING THE DEED! dammit. These kids gotta have blue balls. But Rick, I did say at some point that they would get to sleep together, and now they are!
Xiao_Chun Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 This was such an intense thriller; I had goose bumps throughout the chapter. It had everything, drama, suspense, action, comedy, and romance; all in one great chapter. I liked that Chris and Steve were both shirtless and barefoot because it made them vulnerable and at the time added eroticism and romance. I don
Bondwriter Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Yes, it is a nice chapter indeed. I don't feel too much like commenting much further, since I don't know if there are more chapters to come. But I agree with Michael that two guys running around in shorts and having adventures (and impressing all the population in Piedmont ) are great characters to read about! Eric is just a mean dumb b... and then, the question is: are you born a nuisance to others or do you make a conscious choice to be one? (Just kidding, btw...) Steve is rather easy-going not to confront him more on his weird, mean behavior. (Going back to first line: what will happen next?)
C James Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 This was such an intense thriller; I had goose bumps throughout the chapter. It had everything, drama, suspense, action, comedy, and romance; all in one great chapter. I liked that Chris and Steve were both shirtless and barefoot because it made them vulnerable and at the time added eroticism and romance. I don
C James Posted December 20, 2006 Author Posted December 20, 2006 (edited) Chapter 7 is up. Several days ago, I announced here that there would be a delay (due to me falling behind due to the flu) and I wouldn't be able to post today. I had anticipated a delay of a week or more. However, Chapter 7 is now online, on schedule. There are two reasons for this; My Editor and my Beta reader. Both Emoe and Shdowgod returned the chapter to me in with astounding speed, and ALL credit for this chapter being online without a long delay should go to them. My sincere thanks to both Emoe and Shdowgod, and not just for the speed with which you returned this chapter to me: You both offer me invaluable help and feedback, and this story wouldn't be here without you. It really is a team effort. THANKS GUYS!! Please let me know what you think about Chapter 7. CJ Edited December 20, 2006 by C James
captainrick Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 OMFG!!! :o For God's sake have some MERCY!! :o MY balls hurt from that one. :2thumbs: Loved it!!! Can't wait to see what's on the data thingy. Rick
C James Posted December 20, 2006 Author Posted December 20, 2006 OMFG!!! :o For God's sake have some MERCY!! :o MY balls hurt from that one. Ya gotta admit, though: the title fits... Loved it!!! Can't wait to see what's on the data thingy. Rick Shhh, don't tell anyone, but it might be... Data. Thanks Rick!!!
Site Administrator Graeme Posted December 20, 2006 Site Administrator Posted December 20, 2006 I've just read the last two chapters and they flowed together well. You've got a lot of good momentum going again with the story and as you mention above, there are a lot of loose threads to follow up on. I'll also state I'm not really surprised that Eric seems to have been up to a lot more than just blackmailing the two guys. I'm going to have to think for a bit before I try to make any constructive comments because I'm now reading the story purely as a reader... and enjoying it. Good job, CJ!
Xiao_Chun Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Wow! The action and suspense don't stop even after Eric was caught, much to my surprise. I expected things to slow down a little bit. The sexual tension and deprivation add to the overall tension of the story. It seems as if every hour that goes by makes it harder for them to continue their journey. I am afraid that when they actually have sex, in chapter 25, they will get a heart attack from the overwhelming power of it. I am enjoying the story immensely. Michael.
Jack Scribe Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 I am enjoying the story immensely. Yep, a real winner! You have a marvelous way of creating just enough tension to bring the reader along with you. The data stick is a terrific hook. I also am curious about the hostile attitude of the Piedmont police. Aside from possible homophobia, perhaps there is a side story about tension and bad blood between the adults from something that occured in the past? At the rate these guys are going, a prescription for the little blue bills may be necessary. Good job. Jack
C James Posted December 20, 2006 Author Posted December 20, 2006 I've just read the last two chapters and they flowed together well. You've got a lot of good momentum going again with the story and as you mention above, there are a lot of loose threads to follow up on. I'll also state I'm not really surprised that Eric seems to have been up to a lot more than just blackmailing the two guys. I'm going to have to think for a bit before I try to make any constructive comments because I'm now reading the story purely as a reader... and enjoying it. Good job, CJ! Thank you Graeme!! I sort of gave the wrong impression by naming the previous chapter "endgame", and Ch 6&7 have loads of forshadowings. So, did you like Chris finally getting to acheive his heart's desire? (driving the Charger)? I am shocked, though, that you would suspect Eric of less that innocent motives? Wow! The action and suspense don't stop even after Eric was caught, much to my surprise. I expected things to slow down a little bit. The sexual tension and deprivation add to the overall tension of the story. It seems as if every hour that goes by makes it harder for them to continue their journey. I am afraid that when they actually have sex, in chapter 25, they will get a heart attack from the overwhelming power of it. I am enjoying the story immensely. Michael. Thanks Michael! Yes indeed, life is getting harder for our two protagonists... Besides, who is to say that they actually get to have sex? Maybe the end of the story is that they both just explode and die? Yep, a real winner! You have a marvelous way of creating just enough tension to bring the reader along with you. The data stick is a terrific hook. I also am curious about the hostile attitude of the Piedmont police. Aside from possible homophobia, perhaps there is a side story about tension and bad blood between the adults from something that occured in the past? At the rate these guys are going, a prescription for the little blue bills may be necessary. Good job. Jack Thanks Jack! Good catch on the Piedmont police. Hmmm, yeah, they way they keep getting interrupted, they might not get together while still young enough to do anything. LoL!
shadowgod Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Young enough... If Bob Dole can praise the wonders of a certin lil blue pill I'm sure these two could find it useful as well... Btw Im not too far from Arizona so you might wanna rethink this whole tension thing :ranger: Steve
C James Posted December 21, 2006 Author Posted December 21, 2006 Young enough... If Bob Dole can praise the wonders of a certin lil blue pill I'm sure these two could find it useful as well... Btw Im not too far from Arizona so you might wanna rethink this whole tension thing :ranger: Steve Uhoh, he's threatening to go Goat hunting! Tension? Awww, nah, if I'd have been truly cruel, I'd have had the father just walk into the room and catch them in the act. Now THAT would have been EEEEvil... (and did indeed happen, in shdowgod's story, linked in my sig). I think shdowgod might just be upset about the whole "blue pill" reference, after being so recently outed (in his own story thread!) as an old Fossil. Now, I think I'd best go make myself scarce before he sees this...
shadowgod Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Uhoh, he's threatening to go Goat hunting! Tension? Awww, nah, if I'd have been truly cruel, I'd have had the father just walk into the room and catch them in the act. Now THAT would have been EEEEvil... (and did indeed happen, in shdowgod's story, linked in my sig). I think shdowgod might just be upset about the whole "blue pill" reference, after being so recently outed (in his own story thread!) as an old Fossil. Now, I think I'd best go make myself scarce before he sees this... Again with the fossil stuff..... next thing I know Im going to sign on one day and instead of prolific member ( Or whatever it says ) Im going to see 'petrified to perfection' Hrmmmm.... Thats acctually not quite bad... There I go again, mind spiraling downword into a murky, scary place... Steve
Bondwriter Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I love the serial side of the story. Foreshadowing, hints, and there's more crap coming our heroes' way. I'll be back next week!
old bob Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I love the serial side of the story. Foreshadowing, hints, and there's more crap coming our heroes' way. Hey CJ I love it too This night, I was reading "merry christmas" by Mary Higgins Clark", but I stopped to read your last chapter. Your thrilling story is much better than her. And it's impossible to imaging what will come next. Let us be surprised Thanks for writing. Your skill becomes better with each chapter. Old bob
C James Posted December 21, 2006 Author Posted December 21, 2006 (edited) Again with the fossil stuff..... next thing I know Im going to sign on one day and instead of prolific member ( Or whatever it says ) Im going to see 'petrified to perfection' Hrmmmm.... Thats acctually not quite bad... There I go again, mind spiraling downword into a murky, scary place... Greetings, my mineral-rich friend! If you want your user-title changing, you would either have to ask Joe, or wait until your 500th post (sometime before the end of the month, given your postaholic ways) and change it yourself. I don't have the access to do it. "Petrified to Perfection" sounds good, though! I love the serial side of the story. Foreshadowing, hints, and there's more crap coming our heroes' way. I'll be back next week! Hi Bondwriter! Thank you!! Yep, there is a lot more coming their way. Hey CJI love it too This night, I was reading "merry christmas" by Mary Higgins Clark", but I stopped to read your last chapter. Your thrilling story is much better than her. And it's impossible to imaging what will come next. Let us be surprised Thanks for writing. Your skill becomes better with each chapter. Old bob Hi Bob! Wow, thank you!!!! I'm working hard to improve. I owe a great deal to the many who have given me constructive criticism. My sincere thanks to everyone who is reading: I really appreciate it! CJ BTW, I just noticed the topic number for this thread: 6666! Edited December 21, 2006 by C James
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