Bondwriter Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Fundamentalists with fire-and-brimestone preaching are a cliche in gay stories, and, like Bondwriter, it's something I have trouble relating to. I accept it's something that happens, but I've never been able to properly appreciate it. On a technical note, the jumping ahead in the timeframe seemed clumsy to me. It could be because I read it quickly, but it was neither a clean jump, nor a reasonable condensed summary of what was going on. Steve is having problems at school, and Chris, while concerned, seems to skip over it quickly. I would've expected at least one scene where he tried to talk to Steve about it OR narration about his attempt to talk to Steve. I think Cjames answered about the fundies. I'm very glad it seems as exotic to me as tropical storms, yellow buses or the Rose Bowl, but I lived in a born-again family for a year when I was 17, and some things were really scary, even though I got along with and loved those people. I didn't feel there was so much of a jump in the story as the week is described briefly, but it seems Chris is just too happy with what's happening to him to bring up the problems Steve may have. And nothing relevant to the plot happens. I just saw it as a "getting back into a normal life" moment. Maybe some extra spacing to give the fast reader the feel of time going by? Link to comment
C James Posted January 9, 2007 Author Share Posted January 9, 2007 WOW! What a damn whirlwind that was! Umm, honestly Dex lost me too on the computer gibberish, but I'm Techi-no-logically challenged Lets see, The boys wake up from their first night of hot sex to Mr. Williams once again barging in to tell them they are targets of a fundie minister and his brother-in-law, the sheriff. The fundie minister outs them to the entire community with lots of potential problems at school for both boys. Then we find out that the mysterious data stick has some very sophisticated info on it. AND NOW we find the love letter to someone else? MAN! WHEW! AWESOME JOB! Rick Wow, thanks, Rick! I was actually a bit worried that this chapter would seem a bit dull (A frequent paranoia of mine, as Shdowgod might confirm). I have no such worries over the next one, though. I think Cjames answered about the fundies. I'm very glad it seems as exotic to me as tropical storms, yellow buses or the Rose Bowl, but I lived in a born-again family for a year when I was 17, and some things were really scary, even though I got along with and loved those people. I've lived overseas, including in Europe, so I do know that much of this is Alien to many. For example, the washed out old mining roads that play such a role in the story might be hard to envision. I'm going to snap a few photos and upload them to a gallery to try and adress that issue. As for religion, I do want to assure everyone that I'm not slamming religion in general here. I do however make no bones about slamming fundamentalist extremists who think they have some right to impose their beliefs on others. BTW, I'm rather surprised that no one commented on the Fundi Preacher's name. I wanted to make him sound as sinister and ominous as possible, so I named him Thaddeus J. Emoe. (it's at the bottom the the flyer quoted at the beginning of Ch 9). BTW, Many thanks to EMoe for editing. Link to comment
Site Administrator Graeme Posted January 9, 2007 Site Administrator Share Posted January 9, 2007 BTW, I'm rather surprised that no one commented on the Fundi Preacher's name. I wanted to make him sound as sinister and ominous as possible, so I named him Thaddeus J. Emoe. (it's at the bottom the the flyer quoted at the beginning of Ch 9). BTW, Many thanks to EMoe for editing. If you wanted sinister and ominous, you should've gone with Thaddeus C. James. If you'd told your editor that was your intention, I'm sure he would've changed it for you. I'm afraid that's your own fault. Link to comment
shadowgod Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 If you wanted sinister and ominous, you should've gone with Thaddeus C. James. If you'd told your editor that was your intention, I'm sure he would've changed it for you. I'm afraid that's your own fault. ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!! Steve Link to comment
C James Posted January 9, 2007 Author Share Posted January 9, 2007 If you wanted sinister and ominous, you should've gone with Thaddeus C. James. If you'd told your editor that was your intention, I'm sure he would've changed it for you. I'm afraid that's your own fault. Hey now! I'm not the least bit sinister or ominous. I'm far too quiet and shy for anything like that... It is purely coincidence that the number of this thread is 6666. I blame Emoe and Shdowgod for that, though. ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!! Humph!! Link to comment
shadowgod Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Whats evil about 6666? now if one of those sixes where to get kidnapped I could see... or maybe your just more evil! Steve Link to comment
Jack Frost Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 If you wanted sinister and ominous, you should've gone with Thaddeus C. James. If you'd told your editor that was your intention, I'm sure he would've changed it for you. I'm afraid that's your own fault. LOL Don't I love good comebacks! Ok, me goes off to read. :pickaxe: Link to comment
Jack Frost Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Hmmm...juicy, especially the last part. I think the note is old...before Steve even met Chris. You better hurry with your next. Link to comment
C James Posted January 10, 2007 Author Share Posted January 10, 2007 Whats evil about 6666? now if one of those sixes where to get kidnapped I could see... or maybe your just more evil! Steve If I'm becoming evil, its all your fault! All those cliffhangers in "Living in Surreality" are a bad infulence on me. Hmmm...juicy, especially the last part. I think the note is old...before Steve even met Chris. You better hurry with your next. Thanks Jack!! The next chapter should be available in a few days. Emoe has had it for a few days, and ch 11 is in Beta. I'm almost done with 12, too. I'll share the title of Ch 10... It's called "Race with the Devil". Link to comment
Bondwriter Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 "Race with the Devil"? So the sinister Thaddeus J. Emoe (now I understand why you praised your team of beta readers and editors last week... Didn't want to alienate them before you started making fun of them...) is in fact the leader of some cult in which the followers revel in glorifying pain in the hope of a better future. A bunch of sickos, if I may. Is Eric in league with these evildoers, or is he himself the victim of some blackmail forcing him to act as he did? Hopefully Dex won't be delayed much longer and we'll know ASAP what the mysterious data stick conceals. Nobody seems really worried about the possible problem in the relationship, but could there be some other truth besides what we know from Veronica? Or did the conspirators forge some document to try to pull Steve and Chris apart? Will more of Cjames' team be lampooned as they're cast as villains in the story? Wait, wait patiently... The answers of these questions will come in the next 16 chapters! Link to comment
Jack Scribe Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Hopefully Dex won't be delayed much longer and we'll know ASAP what the mysterious data stick conceals. Wait, wait patiently... Just to weigh in for a moment. I, too, was completely baffled by the data stick detail. Maybe it has photos of the Fundi rev going down on the Piedmont sheriff? Jack Link to comment
Site Administrator Graeme Posted January 10, 2007 Site Administrator Share Posted January 10, 2007 Will more of Cjames' team be lampooned as they're cast as villains in the story? I'm waiting to see if the boys go to an 'alternative' restaurant one night and have roast echidna.... Link to comment
Bondwriter Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I'm waiting to see if the boys go to an 'alternative' restaurant one night and have roast echidna.... They might also have tons of them on the road that they drive over. But a responsible author will now try to build up some healthy competition in his team and then he might also make up some clever trick to boost one of his editors' ego, to have others strive in order to achieve the same thing in the following chapter. That's HRM 101. Link to comment
C James Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 Just to weigh in for a moment. I, too, was completely baffled by the data stick detail. Maybe it has photos of the Fundi rev going down on the Piedmont sheriff? Jack Hi Jack!!! I'll give a minor spoiler (Ouch! Graeme, please keep your spines to yourself!) Dex was right in his initial opinion, given at the party. The Data stick contains.... Data! Of course, photos would be data, as would, well, anything that can be contained on a data storage device. I'm waiting to see if the boys go to an 'alternative' restaurant one night and have roast echidna.... Hmmmmm..... Now there's an idea! They might also have tons of them on the road that they drive over. But a responsible author will now try to build up some healthy competition in his team and then he might also make up some clever trick to boost one of his editors' ego, to have others strive in order to achieve the same thing in the following chapter. That's HRM 101. Sorry, but Echidnas are from Australia, so it would be hard to explain why they would be running over them in Arizona. However, I might think of something... Link to comment
Site Administrator Graeme Posted January 11, 2007 Site Administrator Share Posted January 11, 2007 Sorry, but Echidnas are from Australia, so it would be hard to explain why they would be running over them in Arizona. However, I might think of something... Escaped from the local zoo? I've heard enough stories of kangaroos escapings, and echidna's are a lot cleverer than kangaroos.... Link to comment
C James Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 Escaped from the local zoo? I've heard enough stories of kangaroos escapings, and echidna's are a lot cleverer than kangaroos.... Ummm, Graeme? I have a few doubts as to how clever Echidnas are, when i see one making suggestions as to how to make him into roadkill. Link to comment
Jack Frost Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Ummm, Graeme? I have a few doubts as to how clever Echidnas are, when i see one making suggestions as to how to make him into roadkill. Making goat roadkills aren't a problem either...though the car will be all smashed up because how heavy the goats' asses are. Link to comment
Bondwriter Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Making goat roadkills aren't a problem either...though the car will be all smashed up because how heavy the goats' asses are. So Jack, you're basically trying to antagonize everyone? You won't succeed, my man. I bet CJames will remain very serene. Still, I'm posting a second message so the author may reply without being taunted for his heavy posting habits. The Echidnas' circus: a circus from down there is touring Arizona with its Southern porcupines doing numerous numbers that amaze the young and the old. The cage is not locked, the echidnas' herd escapes and find a really nice shelter in Steve and Chris' bedrooms that they invade at dusk. Is it any weirder than the parade CJames witnessed in person? Link to comment
Jack Frost Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 You won't succeed, my man. "Little man"? Va chier, esp Link to comment
Jack Frost Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 How nice of C James... He just ignored us again after I posted. Link to comment
C James Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 Making goat roadkills aren't a problem either...though the car will be all smashed up because how heavy the goats' asses are. Hey now! Stop making rude remarks about my hindquarters! Now, to give you a few nightmares... Goats Purple Party Pants. Still, I'm posting a second message so the author may reply without being taunted for his heavy posting habits. I'm quite sure that no one could ever possibly imply that a luker like myself posts much, let alone heavily. The Echidnas' circus: a circus from down there is touring Arizona with its Southern porcupines doing numerous numbers that amaze the young and the old. The cage is not locked, the echidnas' herd escapes and find a really nice shelter in Steve and Chris' bedrooms that they invade at dusk. Is it any weirder than the parade CJames witnessed in person? I'm liking that idea! Ohhh, just think of it if this had occurred a few chapters ago, when they were forever being interrupted and prevented from having sex: Echidna spines in their rooms, so every time they got amorous, YYYYOOOUUUUCCCCHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why, I could have kept them celibate for the rest of the story!!! Link to comment
Jack Frost Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Now, to give you a few nightmares... Goats Purple Party Pants. I guess I can assume you bought the large size, right? Link to comment
EMoe57 Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 I tell you what! You get busy for a week and there are 4 pages of stuff to read and post about! Here's my catch-up post: As a suggestion on the double paragraph spacing, I'm guessing that you use the default paragraph spacing and therefore have a blank paragraph between each written one. What I do is to alter the default style so that there is a one line spacing before each paragraph.Or just use the Replace feature in Word and search for ^p^p to be replaced with ^p to kill those blank paragraphs. I had to read the chapter quickly, so I probably didn't appreciate it to the fullest. I'm not concerned about the ending -- Veronica's comment and the note makes it pretty obvious that Steve has an ex- and it was a old note that Chris found. I expect that after a bit of angst, it'll all be sorted out.Oh, Graeme, you forgot this was CJ Link to comment
Bondwriter Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 "Little man"? I had not used an adjective, had I? Now I'll have to think of a serious one. Brace up for the worst! :2hands: How nice of C James...He just ignored us again after I posted. I think he's just fighting the urge, and if you look a bit, there seems to be somewhat of a pattern: CJames waits (or tries to) for two posts of others before he replies. This is step 4 of the therapy at P.A. "Group, I'd like to share with you last week's achievement: I managed to let FOUR people post in my story thread before I replied!" cheers "Way to go Brother CJames!" And notice how your taunts prompted a reply, Jack. Not very good for next week's meeting! Now, to give you a few nightmares... Goats Purple Party Pants. This is incredible! It took me several minutes to realize this was for real! I'm too weak from editing the end of DOH to protest so I capitulate with one stipulation: I did notice the disclaimer mod so you must run the disclaimer for this chapter the way I *enhanced* it - I left everything the way you had it but replaced the word 'other' with 'writers'. 'nough said - just remember this when you read DOH 40 that you took advantage of me in my weakened state. I'll pay even more attention to the disclaimers in the coming chapters. If we're asked to be the judge, I'd say it sounds more as a disguised sign of affection than as real malevolence. You know, the rugged-cowboy-who-mumbles-a-lot-but-deep-down-is-a-nice-guy type of thing. Especially since it was all so subtly pointed out afterwards so we'd notice. Link to comment
C James Posted January 14, 2007 Author Share Posted January 14, 2007 (edited) I guess I can assume you bought the large size, right? Nope! I tell you what! You get busy for a week and there are 4 pages of stuff to read and post about! Here's my catch-up post: Or just use the Replace feature in Word and search for ^p^p to be replaced with ^p to kill those blank paragraphs. A big THANK YOU to both Emoe and Graeme! I'll give both a try! Oh, Graeme, you forgot this was CJ Edited January 14, 2007 by C James Link to comment
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