Flux - 18. Chapter 18

June 23, 2002

Escorial, CA

Matt

I’d gone down to the gym to work off some steam, at least to the degree that I could without making my chest hurt. It was a lot better, but I didn’t have the adrenaline rush of anger to stifle the pain anymore. I smiled, deciding that was a good trade off. I got back to my room and was about to take a shower, when I opted to change my mood. I walked out onto my balcony and got ready to light up a joint when I saw Will sitting there. His room, my room, and Wade’s old room all opened up onto one balcony. There was one main table, and smaller seating areas, so it made sense that Will would be sitting at the table.

“Hey!” I said pleasantly. “Mind if I join you?”

“Go ahead,” he said. His tone told me that not only was he grumpy, he wanted me to know that he was grumpy.

“I haven’t showered yet. I’ll sit downwind from you,” I said, persisting in my efforts to cheer him up.

“I’ll bet you smell good when you’re hot and sweaty,” he flirted, then got somber again.

“What’s wrong?” He clearly wanted to talk about whatever was bugging him.

“Our trip got postponed.”

“To Europe?” I asked. No wonder he was freaking out. He’d been really looking forward to this, and so had Zach.

“No, to Antarctica,” he said, being a smart-ass. “Yes to Europe.”

“So what happened?”

“Zach’s advisor called and there’s this camp he wants Zach to go to. It starts on Monday. Zach was supposed to register way ahead, but Barry managed to get him in,” he said.

“Where’s it at?”

“Texas, of all fucking places,” he said. “He’s going to fly out after dinner tonight.”

“How long will he be gone?”

“It’s only for a week, but then we have to go to Claremont for the fucking festival,” he grumbled.

“You’re frustrated because summer is your only real time to spend with him,” I observed. During the school year, they had to make do with the occasional weekend.

“Duh,” he said. I gave up on that topic; he clearly wanted to vent, and then just leave it alone.

“I guess that frees up my time,” I said. Suddenly I had a wide-open schedule.

“No it doesn’t.”

“It doesn’t?” I challenged.

“Stef has plans for you,” he said. “I don’t know what they are,” he added, before I could bitch about it.

“What are you going to do?”

“Probably go to Hawaii, or Malibu,” he said. “Maybe I’ll just go to Santa Cruz. Fuck, I don’t know.”

“Are you still going to Europe?”

He nodded. “We’re scheduled to go after the Bastille Day Party. Can you still go?”

“I’m not sure,” I said.

“It would be awesome if you could come along,” he said hopefully. I was getting the distinct impression that while he was disappointed they weren’t going, he was also bummed that this might mean I wouldn’t. That was really flattering.

“I’ll do my best,” I said. “I have to get ready for dinner. I’ll bet we find out what Stef has planned for me.”

“I’ll bet we do,” he said. “Are you and Dad cool?”

“Yeah, we are,” I said. He smiled really big, and I was glad that I’d just put all this shit behind me. It would have been a huge drag on him too, if I’d have carried a grudge.

He stood up and gave me a gentle hug. “Thanks.”

“We both lived up to our parts of the deal,” I said. “Is Tony coming to the Bastille Day party?”

“He is,” Will said. “I’m glad. We’ve been emailing, just about bullshit, and it’s nice.”

“Tony doesn’t really let on how he feels about shit, but this was bothering him. Thanks for doing that,” I said. I started to walk away from him, and head into my room.

“Matt.”

“What?”

“When you slept with him, he was really important to me. He was one of the guys I relied on. That’s why I pulled him off your sexual menu,” he said.

“I know,” I said. “I said I was sorry.” I was kind of annoyed that he was rehashing this again, and that he was ruining my good mood by doing it.

“No, that’s not what I meant,” he said hastily. “He’s not like that anymore. He’s more of a friend or acquaintance.” I stared at him, not getting what he was saying. “I don’t give a shit if you hook up with him.”

“You sure?” I asked. He was basically doing what I’d just done with his father, more or less. “I don’t plan to do that anytime soon, but if I did, you sure it wouldn’t bother you?”

“I’m fine with it,” he said convincingly. I raised an eyebrow to challenge him. “I am,” he insisted.

“Cool. Sounds like you’re over him,” I said.

“Yep,” he said, and smiled at me. I went in and took a shower, wondering what Stef had planned for me. Part of me was sort of annoyed that I wasn’t in control of my schedule, but that was pretty small compared to the excitement of what Stef could come up with. That made me actually giggle.

Sunday dinners at Escorial were a big deal, so I put on khakis and a blazer, and skipped the tie. I strode confidently into the dining room, surprised to find it pretty full. Claire and Jack were there, and so were Frank and Isidore. Frank looked at me nervously, because the last time he’d seen me I’d pretty much been a basket case. “Hey,” I said, and gave him a hug, at least to the degree that I could while he was sitting down. I sat next to him, in between him and Jack. “You’re so hot,” I said to Jack, flirting.

“I am,” he agreed, making me chuckle. It was funny to see them freaking out because I was in such a good mood. Funny and sad, since I’d put them through a lot with my drama.

Will and Zach walked in and sat across from us, with Will across from me, and Zach across from Frank. Brad and Stef completed the group, sitting across from Jack and Claire, with JP and Isidore at each end. “What a nice group we have. Thank you for joining us,” JP said to us in general.

“Sometimes these dinners are exciting,” Claire joked.

“Sometimes,” JP said with a gentle smile. The staff brought out a bunch of food, then left us alone, as we began passing things around. It was a family style dinner tonight.

“I have to go to New York tomorrow,” Brad said. He looked a little uptight about that, but I didn’t know why. Would he take a side trip up to Boston and fuck Wade? I pushed that out of my mind, and found it was actually pretty easy to do. “I have to meet with some attorneys.”

“For what?” Stef asked.

“It’s not important,” Brad said, dodging the issue, and lying. If it wasn’t important, there was really no reason for him to have to fly out to New York. “I was thinking that I could leave after dinner, and I could drop Zach off in Texas.”

“That would be great!” Zach said. “Thanks!”

“That saves you from that flight from hell,” Will said.

“And from having to rush through this dinner,” Zach added. “Tomorrow would have been awful. I would have gotten in early in the morning, and had to go straight to the camp.”

“You don’t sleep well on planes either,” Will said sympathetically. It was a simple statement, but it was symbolic of how tight they were, and how well they knew each other.

“No kidding,” Zach agreed. “Every time I almost fall asleep, the plane jolts me awake with turbulence, or some baby cries.” There was a brief lull in conversation as everyone enjoyed their meal.

“I have plans for us,” Stef said, looking at me.

“So I heard. I’m excited,” I said, in my sexiest husky voice. “Really excited.” Will and Zach chuckled at me.

“Sadly, they are not those kinds of plans,” he said, feigning disappointment. “I have cleared my schedule to go to Chicago with you. I thought we could look at potential apartments.”

“Seriously?” I asked. “That’s awesome!” It was, and not only because it meant I could spend time with Stef. I’d been worried that he’d try to convince me to move into their condo near Northwestern, and I didn’t want to live there. When he said we’d look at apartments, that meant he was open to me living somewhere else, and that I wouldn’t have to hurt his feelings by looking like an ingrate.

“I am glad you are so excited,” he said, smiling at me. I looked across the table and saw Will trying not to look glum. He was bummed about postponing their trip to Europe, and even though they’d eventually go, I understood how it could suck to have your plans changed on you. That and we were all leaving, so he’d be here with JP, Frank, and Isidore. They were nice people, but that wasn’t a recipe for a fun time for a kid that was almost sixteen.

“Would you be offended if I brought a date?” I asked Stef.

He looked at me, and I winked at him. “Of course not,” he said.

“Who are you macking on now?” Will asked, giving me shit.

“You. Want to come to Chicago with us?” It was so rewarding to see his eyes light up, and to see him get all excited.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously,” I said. It was funny to see Zach get a little annoyed, but hell, I’d look that way if I was going to Texas in June when everyone else was going to Chicago.

He looked at Stef, as if to make sure it was alright with him. “It may be nice to have you along,” Stef said skeptically.

“I was fun last time we went to Chicago,” Will said.

“He took you to a gay bar,” Brad said, pretending to be irritated when he wasn’t.

“I have fun at gay bars,” he said. “You should try it.”

“You’re much too young to be going to places like that,” I said to Will, trying to sound all prim and proper. “You may get corrupted.”

“I think it is too late to avoid that,” JP said, piling on.

“And once again, I’m surrounded by all these gay men who are damn near still virgins,” Will said, making us all laugh again.

“We must be back on July 1,” Stef said. “We have a meeting in LA.”

“What for?” I asked.

“You will receive a notice shortly, but there is a meeting of the shareholders of Anders-Hayes. We have an offer to buy out the company.”

That freaked me out, and my instincts were to rebel against it. The company had been a big part of Robbie, and selling it seemed really disloyal. But I struggled with those feelings and forced myself to think about it like a businessman. It wasn’t a part of Robbie anymore, it was a business, and this was a business decision. “What’s the deal like?” I asked Stef.

“I will go over it with you on the plane,” he said. “JJ has already told me that he won’t be attending, and since he is a minor, Bradley will vote his shares anyway. Darius may or may not come back from DC.”

“He must really like Mary Ellen,” I said.

“He does this,” Will said.

“Does what?” I didn’t know what he was talking about, and from the way everyone else paid attention, neither did they.

“He gets all into a chick, and spends a lot of time with her. It’s like he becomes completely obsessed. Then it gets old, and he dumps her,” he said, like he was some sage.

“Guess we’ll see,” I said with a shrug. Darius was pissed off at me for the whole Will-Tony deal, but I had a feeling that now all of that was resolved, it would be pretty easy for us to be cool again. He wasn’t into big, emotional reconciliations. It would most likely be something we just ignored, and moved beyond.

After dinner, JP, Stef, Brad, and I went out on the patio for JP’s nightly joint, while Will and Zach went to pack and fuck. “That was very thoughtful of you to offer to take Will along,” JP said. The thing with him was that simple sentences like that could convey such meaning, and I could tell he really did appreciate me making an effort to heal our wounds as a family.

“It will be good to spend time with him,” I said simply.

“Well, I have to go pack. I’ll see you guys on the first in LA,” Brad said.

“What is so important to drag you to New York?” Stef asked again.

“I’ll tell you about it on the first,” Brad said, being mysterious. That got a frown from Stef.

“What time are we leaving tomorrow?” I asked, to keep Stef from badgering Brad.

“I planned to leave as soon as we get up and get ready,” he said, even as Brad got up and left. “Since you usually sleep until noon, let us say 9:00?”

I gave him a fake frown. “I can work with that.”

Stef got up to leave and probably chase after Brad, but JP stopped him. “I think you should follow the advice you gave me not too long ago, and stay out of it.”

“And what exactly are you referring to?” Stef asked acidly.

“Whatever Bradley is doing, he doesn’t want to talk about it,” JP said firmly. I had got the same vibe from Brad.

“If I give him an opportunity to talk to me alone, perhaps he will change his mind,” Stef said. We both gave him dubious looks.

“You pointed out that if I stuck my nose in other people’s business, it was likely to get broken,” JP said.

“Simple concern is not prying,” he said, but we knew that was bullshit, and so did he. He confirmed it when he sat back down.

“I’m glad to see you in such good spirits,” JP said to me. It was funny how that distracted Stef, and focused him on my issues instead of Brad’s mystery.

“I’m trying to put all the crap that happened over the past year behind me, and move on with a new attitude,” I told him. “So far, it’s working.”

“I am glad to hear it,” he said. I started to tell him my whole tale, but that conversation was interrupted when Brad and Zach came out, followed by Will.

“We’re leaving,” Brad announced. We all got up to give them hugs.

“Good luck with your camp,” I told Zach.

“I’d rather go to Chicago with you guys,” he whined. It was no more attractive when he did it than when Robbie had done it.

“Me too,” I joked, getting a grin from him.

“Stef has all the details on that buyout,” Brad said to me. “Get him to share them with you. I think it’s a pretty good deal.”

“Then it probably is,” I said.

He smiled and looked at me, locking his eyes on mine, and I smiled back and gave him a really intense and meaningful hug. We didn’t say anything, we didn’t have to. That hug said it all. He broke it off, smiled at me, and then they left. I looked over at Will, who watched them go and angrily wiped away a tear. It sucked to say goodbye to people you love.

I put my arm around him in a friendly way. “Hang out with us.”

“Alright,” he said.

“You seem to have repaired your relationship with Bradley,” JP said.

“I did. I’m feeling good about things,” I said. And then I continued my story, and poured out my soul to these three guys, telling them about my various epiphanies over the past 48 hours or so. When I told them I’d explained to Brad and Wade I didn’t care if they kept up their sexual relationship, their three mouths dropped open almost in sync.

“I am surprised to hear you say that,” Stef said.

“That wasn’t part of our deal,” Will noted.

“Neither was you telling me it was OK if I hooked up with Tony,” I said.

Stef and JP looked at both of us, blinking in confusion. “What is this deal you are referring to?” Stef asked.

“Matt had to forgive Dad, and I had to forgive Tony,” Will said.

“And you did that?” JP asked.

“I sent him an e-mail, and then I invited him to the Bastille Day party,” Will said. “He promised me he’d be here.”

JP smiled, and was genuinely happy. “That is good to hear. I have worried that all of these conflicts would cause irreparable damage to our family. You two, in particular, have gone out of your way to heal those wounds. I am truly grateful.”

I was very uncomfortable with JP being that effusive in his praise, and for giving me that much credit, and I sensed that Will was as well. A big part of that was most likely because we were both a big part of causing the problems to begin with. “I’m glad we could bring some joy to your life,” I said, to make it humorous.

“Why did you decide to give Brad and Wade your blessing to remain sexually involved?” Stef asked. I could tell JP wanted to know, but he wouldn’t be so bold, or crass, to ask.

“I decided that if being together made them happy, then they should be together. I don’t want them to be miserable. We’ve all done too damn much of that.”

JP nodded. “I seem to recall a few months ago you were getting a lot of comments from various people, me included, about how you need to grow up and act like an adult, now that you’re out of college.”

“And?” I asked, unable to hide the annoyance in my voice.

“And I think we have witnessed you doing just that,” he said.

“A lot of good it does me now,” I said, being cranky.

“I think you will find that this new attitude will do you a lot of good,” JP said. I nodded, and then went to my room to pack.

June 23, 2002

Somewhere over Nevada

Brad

“This is one kick-ass plane!” Zach said, as he looked around my well-appointed Gulfstream V. I tried not to yawn, and to be good company, but I was just exhausted from all the emotional shit I’d dealt with over the past few days. I wanted nothing more than to go in the back, lie down, and take a nap. But Zach was very important to Will, and I was determined to be a good host.

“I’m glad you like it,” I said conversationally. “I got a really good deal on it when the dot.com bust happened. A company had just bought it, and the CEO had just decked it out, when they ended up headed for bankruptcy.”

“Sucks to be them,” he said.

“Yep,” I agreed. “There’s a lot of food in the galley. Help yourself.”

“Maybe later,” he said. “Thanks for helping out with my advisor.”

“I’m used to power games and posturing,” I said. “It’s no problem.”

“Will put his foot down and demanded that Barry come to see us in Malibu,” he said. “I didn’t get that. I thought he was just being a dick. But now I understand.”

“There are times in a relationship when it’s important to make sure there’s a balance of power, or to make sure that the person who isn’t in control of the relationship gets that. This was one of those times,” I said. “It’s not always appropriate.”

“Makes sense,” he said, as he thought about my words. He seemed nervous, like he had something he wanted to say but he was afraid to.

“Is there something on your mind?”

“What makes you say that?” he asked defensively.

“You seem nervous, like you have something you want to talk to me about.”

He looked me straight in the eye, with a resolve I hadn’t seen from him before. “Are we cool?”

“You and me?” I asked, surprised by his question.

“Yes, you and me.”

“As far as I’m concerned we are. Why? Did I do something to make you think I was mad at you?” I was starting to get mildly paranoid, thinking that I was completely unable to convey simple emotions to people.

“No, but we went through all that stuff last year over the trusts, and me having a problem with Gathan. I felt like you were on his side, and even though Gathan and I are good now, I was worried that you were still, I don’t know, that you didn’t trust me.” He seemed very sincere, even though his words made me nervous.

“I thought about our whole situation after Will bought you the Durango,” I said, and decided to be candid with him. “Up until that point, what I’d seen of you didn’t really impress me. I got the idea that you were bad news. I wasn’t very happy about you being with Will, and I wasn’t very happy about the way the deal with the Durango was handled. To be honest, the only reason that I didn’t get involved in that deal was because I didn’t like you enough to jump in and fight a battle for you.”

“So what changed? You fought a battle for me on Saturday,” he said.

“A lot has changed,” I told him. “First of all, it’s pretty clear to me that you’re very important to Will. That’s a game changer. Second, I’ve gotten to know you since then, and I like the person that you are.” That got a big smile.

“Thanks,” he said.

“I decided that you and Gathan had a pretty twisted relationship, and I could relate to that, since I had a brother I didn’t always get along with all that well when I was growing up. It wasn’t fair for me to judge you based on that.”

“So much has changed since I got with Will,” he said. “It’s like he helped me become the person I could be.” His words were stunted, a 17-year-old guy trying to explain how Will helped him achieve his potential, but they were meaningful, and really sweet.

“Then you understand why I’m so proud of him,” I said. “And why sometimes I’m a little too protective of him.”

“Yeah, but when you get all protective, you just piss him off.”

I chuckled. “This much is true.”

“My parents don’t like him.”

“Why?”

“Because since I met him, I’ve become a lot more independent, and a lot more confident. And I’m not willing to just do what they say. It’s true that Will helped me get there, but it’s not his fault.”

I laughed, which kind of annoyed him. “Will has been independent since he was a little kid. When he was young, I could get him to do things because he respected me, but his mother had a much tougher time. ‘Because I said so’ was never good enough for him. That comes through pretty loud and clear, and your parents are aware of all the battles Will and I have had. It makes sense that they’d blame him for you developing the same trait that is so strong in him.”

“Yeah, but it kind of sucks that they don’t like him, and he seems to go out of his way to piss them off.”

“He does it on purpose,” I said. Will had told me about the whole dinner with Wally and Clara, and about his strategy in dealing with them.

“He pisses my parents off on purpose?” he asked, all pissed off himself.

“His read on it is that if they’re mad at him, they can direct their anger at him, and not you. It’s easier for him to be the foil, and it’s easier for you to defend him than it is for you to fight the battle yourself,” I explained.

“He’s taking a bullet for me?” he asked, using an interesting metaphor.

“In a way. You guys have a lot of challenges ahead if you’re going to have an ongoing relationship.”

“No shit,” he said. “But it makes things harder if they hate him.”

I shrugged. “It’s really all up to you. Will’s set it up so they’re pissed at him. It’s up to you to defend him. If you don’t, then it pretty much means you don’t want him in your life.”

“So this is like some big test to see if I love him?” he asked, kind of outraged. I paused to wonder if all Hayes men flew off the handle during intense conversations. And I was really surprised that he dropped the ‘L’ word. I wondered if he’d told Will he loved him yet. It was pretty obvious to all of us that he did. I figured it was probably a sensitive topic, so I ignored it.

“No, it’s a team effort. He’s punched the hole in the line, and it’s up to you to run through it,” I said, using a football analogy he would understand. “If you don’t, you both fail.”

“Oh.”

“Will tends to see things in black and white; there’s not a lot of gray area. And he tries really hard to do the right thing. Right now, he’s pretty devoted to you.”

“You don’t think I’m devoted to him?” he asked me defensively.

“I think you’re devoted to him to the degree that you can be. I think you’re like a guy who has a wife and a mistress and they hate each other. In this case, you’ve got Will and football. And they aren’t real compatible.”

“We’re working it out,” he said.

“Look, I don’t mean to get involved in your relationship. Besides, if Will found out we were talking about this, I’d have hell to pay for at least a month.” That made him chuckle. “All I’m saying is that you need to be careful not to hurt him.”

“I am careful!”

“Like you were in Claremont, when you dumped him?”

“I fucked up, I said I was sorry, and I learned my lesson. It won’t happen again,” he said, being a teenager, which was the same thing as being an asshole. I was used to it.

“Alright,” I said simply.

“That’s it?” he asked, confused.

“That’s it. You said you were sorry, you learned your lesson, and you said it won’t happen again. Only here’s the deal. If you didn’t learn your lesson, and it does happen again, you’re really going to have a problem with Will. He’s not the kind of guy who will keep rolling over.”

“Now I’m all paranoid, like I can’t make a mistake,” he said.

“Zach, we’re not talking about a mistake, we’re talking about you fucking him over.” I sighed. “You should be having this conversation with him, not with me.”

“I should, and I will,” he said. “But I wanted to make sure we were OK. You’re important to Will. If you hate me, he’ll ultimately hate me.” It dawned on me that he was trying to build a relationship with me, reaching out to me like he would if we were in-laws. It showed me just how much he did love Will.

“Then lucky for you, I don’t hate you,” I said with a smile.

“Cool,” he said, and shot me his cute grin, the one that was even more adorable than Robbie’s had been.

“If your parents hate Will, will that ultimately impact how you feel about him?” I asked, shooting the same question back at him.

He shook his head. Before I could ask why, he explained things to me. “I love my parents, but right now, I’m having a hard time respecting them. Probably because they don’t respect me, and probably because I’m going into a world they’re totally clueless about. So what they think of Will doesn’t really matter to me.”

“Right now,” I said, smiling at him. After that we relaxed for the rest of the flight to Texas, and after we dropped him off, I got my wish, and got to go back and take a nap.

June 24, 2002

New York, NY

I forced myself to remain calm as the elevator soared up to the 52^nd floor. It was understandable that being in an elevator in a tall building in New York would freak me out, but I was determined not to let it show. When the elevator stopped and the doors opened, I put my hands in my pockets briefly to wipe off the sweat.

“May I help you?” a pleasant receptionist said.

“I’m Brad Schluter. I have an appointment with Dean Polanski,” I replied.

“I’ll tell him you’re here,” she chirped. “Can I get you something to drink?”

I wanted to ask for vodka on the rocks, but opted for water instead. I sat there, staring out the massive windows at the city in front of me. I’d spent a lot of time here, and I was enjoying it, but it still freaked me out to be this high up. I didn’t have to wait long for an older man to come out and introduce himself. “Dean Polanski,” he said in that clipped, aggressive way that New Yorkers had.

“Brad Schluter,” I said, shaking his hand, and getting mildly annoyed because his grip was a little too strong.

“I think we have what you’re looking for,” he said as he led me back to a conference room. I sat down at the table and he opened up a small box and handed it to me. “We’ll need some proof that these are yours.”

I felt my eyes tearing up as I looked at the two rings in front of me: Robbie’s rings. I slowly took off my own rings, the ones that matched, and handed them to him. He took them gently and looked at them, comparing them to the ones in the box, and then handed them back to me. “They’re the same,” I said, even though that was obvious.

“They are,” he agreed. He watched me, expecting me to pick up Robbie’s rings and look at them, but I didn’t. I didn’t need to do that to identify them, and I didn’t know what kind of emotional response I would have if I did. Whatever it was, I probably didn’t want to have it here in his office.

“Where did they find them?” I asked.

“They found them when they were sifting through the rubble,” he said. I wouldn’t learn exactly who found them; that was part of the deal.

“You don’t know more than that?” I asked.

He shook his head. “I know this is tough. I’ve been doing this for a while now. Trust me; the gruesome stories don’t make it any better. We used to try and find out how items were found, but that information just made things worse.”

I nodded, acknowledging his words. It didn’t really matter. These rings would not have left Robbie’s body if he were alive. I pulled out the large cashier’s check from my vest pocket, made payable to his law firm, and handed it to him. “Thank them for me.”

“I will,” he said.

“This is a rough business,” I said to him sympathetically. “I hope it’s lucrative.”

He frowned and got a little pissed off, which kind of annoyed me. I mean, if you’re going to bottom feed off of misery, you should at least be prepared to admit it. “It’s not lucrative at all. We’ve handled all of these cases pro-bono.”

I looked at him, stunned. A lawyer with a soul? “I’m sorry. I didn’t know, and I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“It’s quite alright,” he said, smiling ruefully. I put my own rings back on, picked up the box with Robbie’s rings in them, shook his hand, and then left.