Flux - 23. Chapter 23

July 4, 2002

Claremont, OH

Matt

We lay there, panting and smiling at each other, having just finished another round of amazing sex.

“That was good,” Wade said, pretending like it was no big deal, that we could have great sex like that with just anyone.

“I think you meant to say that was awesome,” I corrected.

“That might be another way to put it,” he agreed. He lay sprawled across me, with his face buried in my neck, in that position that I just loved.

“You want to tell me what’s bothering you?”

“Nothing’s bothering me,” he said, but I knew better. I could tell just by holding him, by being with him that something wasn’t right in his world.

“Liar,” I teased. He gave me a dirty look. “You can deny it, but I’ll know anyway.”

“I’m fine.”

“Cody thinks you’re still upset about Brad, that you’re still secretly lusting after him,” I said. The fact that I could tease him about that showed how I was so over it.

“That’s not even it,” he said, shaking his head. “Where the fuck did he get that idea?” I could read him well enough to tell that he was being truthful, and that Brad didn’t factor into what was bothering him.

“He’s in love, so his people-reading radar is all fucked up,” I joked. “But if that’s not it, what is?”

“If I tell you, you’ll just think I’m an idiot.”

“Probably, but who else can you trust enough to know what an idiot you are and still love you?” I joked.

He chuckled, and then lay there quietly for a bit. “I’m lonely.”

I pulled him in tightly, and I understood exactly what he was dealing with. Sometimes I knew him better than I knew myself. “You mean you arranged everything so you’d be your own person, and you’d have your freedom, and you’re finding it comes with a price. And that price is loneliness.”

He looked up at me, amazed that I got it. “That’s exactly what happened.”

“Only you’re not really alone.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well,” I said, “there are two of us in this bed, so that means you’re not alone.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he said, being uncharacteristically bitchy.

“You’re saying that when you get set up in your monster house in Boston, the only people there for you will be Tiffany, who is moody; Riley and Maddy, who are toddlers; and JJ, who’s a diva.”

“I wonder if I can make it through the next three years without killing him,” he growled, referring to JJ. I couldn’t help laughing at how JJ must be bugging the absolute crap out of him.

“Dude, you can handle him. He’s so easy.”

“He is not easy,” Wade said. “He is definitely not easy.”

“He’s a diva. You have to make everything about him,” I said. He rolled his eyes. “If you want him to do something, you have to sell it to him, not logically, but by appealing to his emotions.”

I could almost feel him processing that, and thinking about it. “That may work.”

“You try to deal with him the same way you deal with Will. With Will, if you lay things out in a logical way, he’ll do the right thing. And if he’s conflicted, he’ll make his decision based on his moral compass,” I said.

“He does,” Wade confirmed.

“You know why that works for you?” I paused for effect. “Because you do the same thing.”

“I’m not as emotional as he is,” Wade said, rebelling against the idea that he was a hothead like Will.

“No, you’re not. But you make decisions the same way. JJ doesn’t work like that.” We lay there for a bit. “You’re trying to tell me that you miss me.”

He was going to deny it, but he caved. “Is that so wrong?” he asked.

I smiled and kissed him. “No, it’s totally right. I miss you too.”

“I feel like an ass. I’ve got my life set up just like I want it, and I’m still not happy.” I stroked his back gently, feeling so close to him. He rarely ever opened up like this.

“Maybe you really are happy, but you’re just making yourself miserable.” He leaned up to give me a dirty look, and then resumed his position next to my neck. “Wade, if you get lonely, you’ve got two choices. You can get on a plane and come see me, or you can call me, and I’ll get on a plane and come see you.”

“We’re not together,” he objected. “I can’t expect you to do that.”

“That’s bullshit. You wouldn’t do that for one of your friends? What if Will called you and really needed you? You saying you wouldn’t fly out to see him?”

“It’s not about that, it’s about imposing on you,” he said. And the unspoken comment was that he didn’t want me to feel obligated to him, and he didn’t want to feel obligated to me. He didn’t get that it wasn’t an obligation.

“Why are you here? Claremont is not on your list of top places to visit,” I said.

“Because I felt bad about what happened in Boston.”

“That’s over and done with. I told you it was my fault for pushing myself on you. If I had dragged you along to Chicago instead, you’d have probably felt the same way. Only once I’m settled in, and you’re settled in, it will be good. You’ll see.” I felt like I was a cheerleader. All I needed was pompoms and big tits.

“And because I was worried about you.”

“You thought this groundbreaking might really freak me out?” He nodded. “I’m pretty much where Brad is. I’m looking forward now.”

“You’re doing so well,” he said.

“See. You thought I needed you, so you came to see me. You think I won’t do the same thing?”

“No, I didn’t say that,” he said, getting all defensive.

I made him look at me. “Wade, I’m really happy with my life, and I’m really happy with where you and I are. I love you, I love you as much as I always have, but I’m enjoying being my own person again.”

“I guess I am too, when I don’t let JJ piss me off,” he joked, cracking me up. And then he got completely serious, in the way that Wade could do sometimes. “What you did, with Brad, saying that we could be together, that was really incredible.”

“Baby, I don’t want you to be in pain. Shit, I put you through enough the last six months,” I said sincerely. And then I got it. I got what was going on with him. When I’d done that, when I’d made that grand gesture and said that I wanted him and Brad to be happy, and if fucking each other did it, they should go for it; it had been a game-changer for Wade. That had brought back a lot of the dormant feelings he had for me. He was here, trying to tell me that he loved me.

“You were thinking about me, and put me ahead of yourself,” he said. He buried his face in my neck. “You’re such an awesome dude. I’d forgotten that.”

“So are you,” I said. “But ask yourself this. Do you want me to drop everything and move to Boston?”

He looked at me, and thought about it. He knew as well as I did that we needed to be apart, to be on our own. “It’s tempting, but no.”

“See. Things are just like they’re supposed to be,” I said, and pinched his ass to tease him.

“I guess they are.”

“What are you doing for the next ten days?”

“I was going to go to Goodwell.”

“Come to Hawaii with me. Will’s going to show me his house there, and Zach’s coming along too.”

“I’ll think about it,” he said. I looked at him, bugging him to go without saying anything. “I’m going to Goodwell. I’ll try to meet you out there later.”

“Sounds good. Now we have to go enjoy the festival.”

“Right,” he said dubiously. I tended to agree with him.

July 4, 2002

Claremont, OH

Will

I sat out by the pool at Grand’s house, eating breakfast, getting annoyed because I could already feel the heat building. I kept telling myself to just endure whatever happened today, because tomorrow I’d be on my way to Hawaii, but that just made me crankier. Not even spending time with Maddy had cheered me up, and that usually did the trick. It was so awesome the way she smiled when she saw me: her whole face literally lit up. But as cool as that was, and as awesome as she was, I was still in a really bad mood.

Barry had signed Zach up for some football thing in Georgia, so Zach had to fly out of here tomorrow morning. I’d had this big idea that we’d get to spend all this time together in Hawaii, and it obviously wasn’t going to happen. It was frustrating, because summers were the best time for us to be together, but it seemed like we were constantly being ripped apart.

Zach had expected me to go postal when he told me about that, and I got the feeling that Barry was a little nervous about it too, but I’d been calm, so calm I could have been Wade, and told him that was fine, as long as he cleared out the rest of July after the Bastille Day party to go to Europe. He promised he would, and what’s more, Barry promised me he would. They were both smart enough not to renege on that commitment. If they did, I’d have to reconsider that paradrop into Afghanistan.

JJ came out onto the porch, looking like he’d just woken up. “Morning,” I said cheerfully, just to annoy him.

“Whatever,” he grumbled. “Where is everyone?”

“I’m here. Who else matters?” I joked. He gave me a dirty look. “They went to the parade.”

“You didn’t go?” he asked sarcastically.

“Not even. Maybe if they’d have let me drive, I’d have gone.” Two of our cars were in the parade: the 1940 Packard, and the 1963 Corvette convertible.

“You could have waved to the minions, and laughed at all the polyester in the crowd.” Sometimes he could be such a snob.

“So what are you doing today?”

“It has been explained to me that I have to make an appearance at the Crampton Construction tent,” he said. “So I will make my appearance, and then I will come back here, and wait until the time when I can get the fuck out of this city.” I had to laugh at the way he phrased that, and that was the start of me busting out of my bad mood.

“Where are you going after this?”

“Back to LA,” he said. “The house in Boston is a fucking mess. I don’t know why it takes so long to get shit done.”

“JJ, Wade just bought the house a couple of weeks ago,” I pointed out. He ignored me, since he didn’t want answers, he just wanted to bitch.

“So I’m going to LA, and I’m going to hang out there until the house is ready. When it’s ready, I’ll move, and not until then.”

“We’re flying out tomorrow morning,” I said. “Matt and I are going to Hawaii.”

“Zach’s not going?”

“He has some football thing he’s got to do,” I said, letting my own petulant mood show.

“Bummer,” JJ said, and made sure he sounded sincere. He knew better than to joke around where Zach was concerned.

“He’s coming to Maui on Monday or Tuesday. You should come with him.”

“I’ll think about it,” he said.

We heard the distinctive sound of the Packard’s motor off in the distance, and heard it getting nearer, so we looked out at the driveway, waiting for them to arrive. It didn’t take long. Stef, Dad, and Jack were in the Packard, while Grand and Claire were in the Corvette. They all seemed to be in good moods.

“You missed a nice parade,” Grand said as he strolled over to the table.

“If you want people to go to the parade, you might try scheduling it after 11am,” I said.

“There were plenty of people there,” Grand said. “Although there weren’t many teenagers.”

“See,” JJ said, in his smarmy way.

“Maybe we don’t want crabby teenagers there, so that’s why we have it in the morning,” he said, in a patronizing way.

Before JJ or I could really be obnoxious, Stef came breezing up. “Good morning. I am so glad to see you are up!”

“Doesn’t take much to get me up,” I flirted. JJ and Grand scowled at me, while Stef giggled.

“We have a change of plans tomorrow,” he said.

“Oh?”

“We need to stop in Chicago on our way back,” he said. “There is a design crisis that needs my attention.”

“A design crisis?” He was too funny.

“Yes,” he said.

“Hey JJ, want to go along with us to Chicago?” I asked. “You can see where Matt’s going to live.”

He shrugged. “Maybe I can help with the design crisis.”

“Of that, I am certain,” Stef said. “Matt and Will are night owls, so if you go along, you can keep me company, and we can do some shopping.”

“Alright, you convinced me,” JJ said, and actually smiled.

“We’re going to Hawaii after that, but we planned to stop in Paly. We can drop you off there too,” I told JJ.

“I need to go to LA, not Paly,” he said, and his tone switched back to the bitchy and petulant attitude.

“We will get you there, but perhaps you can spend a few days in the Bay Area?” Stef asked. “I have been wanting to go up to the City and investigate a few new stores.”

“That could work,” JJ said.

I was about to go up and take a shower when another car drove into the back. It was a 1968 Cadillac Eldorado, and it looked like the same car that Robbie had driven when he was a teenager, at least based on the pictures we’d seen at his memorial. Brent was behind the wheel, grinning, while Zach was next to him.

I walked over to the car, with Grand, Dad, and Stef behind me. “So is this your project?” I asked Brent, admiring the car.

“One of them,” he said.

“I haven’t seen this car in years,” Dad said, and ran his hand along the fender. “It sat in a garage for a long time, and was pretty dilapidated the last I heard.”

“Uncle Frank gave it to me,” Brent said. “He told me that it had a lot of history.”

“This was my car for six months, and then I gave it to your Uncle Jeff,” Grand said. “When he died, he left it to Frank, and he gave it to Robbie, but I think he kept it in his name.” Frank must have decided to give it to Brent after Robbie died. That was a pretty cool thing to do, since Brent was totally into cars.

“This car has been around more than you,” I told Stef, getting some laughs from everyone. I watched my father as he ran his fingers gently along the contours in the hood. A couple of weeks ago, this would have reminded him of when he first met Robbie and it would have sent him into a tailspin. Now, he seemed strangely content. I’d heard his rhetoric at dinner, where he told us all he was OK, and that he was moving on from his grief, but I’d been skeptical. He’d said shit like that before, although even I gave him props for his sincerity last night. Only now, watching him, I thought that he might actually have made it through this, and that he might really be able to do what he said he would do, and stop grieving.

“What did you do to it?” Grand asked. He loved cars too.

“It needed a new paint job, so I got a guy to help me do that,” Brent said. “Engine was in good shape, just needed some belts and basic maintenance. New tires, and some re-upholstering, and it’s pretty much like new.”

“It certainly is,” Grand said.

“I just finished this one last month, and I’m already working on my next project,” he said smiling. “I have to find a place to store this one.”

“That garage,” Grand said, pointing at the stall on the right. “You can store it there.”

“You sure?” Brent asked.

“I only have three cars to store here, so you should make use of it,” Grand said. This house had a four-car garage. The Corvette occupied one, the Packard another, and the third was taken up by a relatively new Mercedes S500.

“Thanks!” Brent said.

“So what’s this next project?” I asked.

“A 1967 Pontiac GTO convertible,” Brent said. “I like 60s muscle cars.” Kind of like Josh, I thought with a chuckle.

“You must promise to bring it over when you are done,” Grand said.

“I’ll do that,” he promised. “We were going down to the festival. You guys want to go with us?”

“Why don’t you park the car, have some breakfast, and by then I’ll be ready,” I said. “Then we can walk there.” The Commons, where they held the festival, was close to Grand’s house. It would be easier to park here and walk.

“Sounds good.”

Zach hopped out of the car, while Brent went to park it. “I thought I would keep you company.”

“I like that idea,” I said. We all but ran up the stairs to my room. A shower and a fuck later, and my mood was definitely improved.

“I’m really sorry about Hawaii,” he said as we were getting dressed.

“You’ll still make it, just a little later than me,” I said with a smile. “Just don’t fuck up Europe. That’s a big deal, especially since Grand rearranged his schedule for us.”

“I explained that to Barry, so he knows the drill,” Zach said.

July 4, 2002

Claremont, OH

Matt

“This place is a lot different than it used to be,” I said as we walked around the Commons.

“There’s a younger, hipper crowd that blends in with the rednecks,” Wade said. He sounded like a sociologist.

“Yeah, and they seem to get along.” That surprised me. You’d think that the meshing of urban and rural cultures would be ugly.

“It’s early. Give them all a chance to get really drunk and see how it goes,” he said, cracking me up.

We went to the Crampton Construction tent, got our wristbands, then downed a few beers, but I didn’t really want to hang out with that group. It was Claremont’s highbrow crowd, and although there were some of the newly successful people around, it was mostly old Claremont that was there. Wade and I bailed and just wandered around. It was pretty cool, because they’d blocked off streets so the party flowed from the Commons right into the Mills. It probably wouldn’t be as cool if I were in a car, trying to deal with the traffic, I thought ruefully.

We ran into Will, Zach, and JJ, and they looked pretty fresh, like they’d just gotten here. “Hey!” I said enthusiastically, the cue for everyone to greet each other.

“Our plans changed for tomorrow,” Will said. I was learning that in summer, with him, plans had to be pretty fucking flexible.

“Oh?”

“There is, and I quote, ‘a design crisis’ in Chicago,” Will said, cracking us up. “So we have to go there on our way. Then we stop in Paly to drop off JJ and Stef, then we go on to Hawaii.”

“You sure you didn’t work this out so you could go back to the Manhole?” I joked. It was funny to watch Zach turn green with envy. I hoped that he only let his guard down like this when he was with us. If he acted like that around other people, it would be pretty easy to figure out he and Will were a couple.

“Dude, it’s about the surf,” Will said, which probably was true, but he said it to make Zach feel better. That was sweet, but just another signal between the two of them.

“Besides, all you did when you were there was dance. I can’t believe you didn’t go off with that bartender. Dude, he thought you were hot.” I was pouring that out there for Zach’s benefit and I was pretty sure Will picked up on that.

“I’m not eating hamburger when all I have to do is wait a few days and have steak,” he said. It was really cute to see Zach smile at that.

“What about you?” I asked JJ.

“I’m not going anywhere called the Manhole,” he said with disdain, and that made all of us laugh.

“No dipshit,” I said lovingly. “I meant what are you doing after Paly? You could come to Hawaii and meet us.”

“I’ll think about it,” he said, acting like that would be unbelievable torture. “Might as well. The house in Boston is uninhabitable.” I chuckled at his use of such a big word, and at how he was just trying to piss Wade off.

“Let’s hope it gets done before the season starts,” Wade said philosophically, refusing to rise to JJ’s bait. It was funny to see JJ get irritated at that, but Wade smoothly turned to Zach and focused the attention away from JJ. “You’re not going to Hawaii?”

“I’ve got a football thing to do this weekend. I fly out to Georgia tomorrow,” he said.

“When are you done with that?” Wade asked.

“I’m planning to fly out from Atlanta on Tuesday. That’s the 9^th,” he said.

“I’ll pick you up, and we’ll fly to Hawaii together,” Wade said. He made sure he had Zach’s number so they could coordinate it.

“That’s awesome!” I said, so happy that Wade was going to make it over there.

“Totally,” Will agreed. “We’re heading to the Commons.”

“We were just there,” I said. “Have fun.” Will and JJ rolled their eyes at the concept that they might actually enjoy their time at the Crampton Construction tent. I gave them a slight nod of agreement. I almost snickered when I thought about how JJ could out-snob the snobs at that party. We watched them head back to the Commons, then went the other way, and headed toward the Mills.

Wade and I walked through the Mills until we got hungry, and decided to stop at a pub with seating that was next to the sidewalk, kind of like they had in Paris. They even had fans outside to make it cooler. “This is a pretty cool place.”

“It is,” Wade agreed. “Now we just have to hope the food is good.”

“Good thing neither one of us is too picky when it comes to food,” I joked. We both ate a lot, although I’d noticed that my appetite had eased up a bit over the past year.

“That is so true,” Wade said, chuckling.

“I’m really glad you’re coming to Hawaii.”

“Don’t really have a choice now,” he joked. “Will and Zach would kill me if I ruined his trip over there.”

“Yep,” I said. “Maybe we can talk Tiffany into going.”

“I’ll tell her she can invite Victoria,” Wade said, raising an eyebrow.

“Dude, are they dating?”

He shrugged. “She doesn’t tell me where she goes when she goes out,” he said. Then he grinned. “Of course, the limo driver does.” That was too funny.

“So they’re together?”

“As far as I can tell, they’ve only been out on a few dates. Victoria is probably trying to decide if she can handle Tiffany’s bitchy moods, plus two toddlers.”

“Probably,” I agreed. We had ordered, and were just starting to eat, when someone stopped in front of our table. I looked up and was surprised to see my biological mother: Laura Mercer Ingraham. Wade and I both instinctively stood up, being polite.

“I didn’t get a chance to talk to you at the groundbreaking,” she said.

“I didn’t know you were there,” I said. “Have a seat.”

“I don’t want to intrude,” she said.

“It wouldn’t be an intrusion,” Wade said, sparking his amazing social skills. He pulled out the chair for her.

“You remember Laura?” I asked Wade.

“I do,” Wade said with his trademark smile.

“Where’s Charlie?” I asked, referring to her husband.

“He’s at Dino’s,” she said. That’s the bar where I’d first met her. It seemed like more of a dive bar, the kind of place where the local hicks would hang out and play pool. I wondered if it was even more like that now that there were bars in the Mills like this one, to take the young professionals away from places like Dino’s. “I was heading over there when I saw you. How have you been?”

“It’s been a rough couple of months, but I’m doing good now,” I said honestly. “We graduated, and I’m going to Chicago to get my MBA, and Wade’s going to Boston to get his law degree from Harvard.”

“So you aren’t together anymore?” she asked.

“No,” I replied, and couldn’t help but look at Wade. It was tough to admit that we weren’t together. For both of us. “But we’re still really tight.”

“I’m glad,” she said. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t very friendly the last few times I saw you.”

“That’s alright,” I said, and meant it. “I didn’t think you’d be all that happy when I came out, so I just tried to stay out of your way.”

“In the end, it just doesn’t seem like that big of a deal,” she said, smiling. I tried not to let her see how shocked I was by that. “Were you and Robbie close?”

I swallowed hard. “Yes.”

“I’m sorry. This had to be really hard on you,” she said sympathetically.

“It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with, but I’ve worked my way through it, and I’m better now.”

“I’m glad,” she said, and stood up. “Call me the next time you’re in town.”

“I’ll do that,” I said.

“That was quite the change from last time,” Wade said, as she made her way back into the crowd of people walking by the pub.

“I may be reading her wrong, but I’d say that she was pretty upset when she found out about Robbie,” I said.

“Really?”

I nodded. “I don’t think she ever got over him. I think that’s why she was so bitchy when we saw her.” As I watched her walk away, I felt really bad for her. How horrible to be rejected by the man that you love, not because he didn’t love you, but because he couldn’t.

We sat there eating lunch and drinking beers when I saw another person strolling by: Brenda Hayes White. She was Robbie’s mother, so that technically made her my grandmother, but she’d been such a fucking bitch, I really had no desire to even talk to her. I tried to avoid making eye contact, hoping we could just avoid her, but I couldn’t stop my eyes from glancing in her direction, and when I did, I saw her looking at me. She stared at me for an uncomfortably long time, and then walked over. “I saw you at the ceremony yesterday,” she said, even as she frowned at our beers. I guess I wasn’t supposed to be consuming alcohol. Just another one of my many sins.

“I’m glad you made it,” I said.

“It kills me to think that my son is rotting in hell,” she said, in her self-righteous tone, the one she used when she was judging people.

“It kills me to think about how badly you treated him while he was here with us,” I said to her coldly, and then it shifted to sarcasm. “But then again, I’m sure that’s what Jesus would have done. I’m sure he would have been proud of you for judging Robbie and shunning him.”

“What do you know about Jesus?” she challenged. She acted like she was the only one who had ever really studied Christianity.

“I went to church when I was a kid, and to Sunday School,” I said with a shrug. My parents weren’t zealots like Brenda, but they were religious people. “The message I got from Christianity is that it was supposed to be about loving each other, and not judging other people. You must have missed that lesson.”

“Hard to miss, since that’s what the entire New Testament is about,” Wade said, piling on.

“Well we’ll just have to hope that you two acquired enough faith to let Jesus save you,” she said.

“We’ll have to hope that when he sees you, he’s not so pissed off that he sends you down to hell,” I said. She glared at me, just like she used to glare at Robbie, and then stalked off.

“Dude, I’m sorry. I should have kept my mouth shut,” Wade said.

“You did fine. Nothing we say is going to change her mind, or how she is.” I paused as I thought about our encounter. “She gave me the same hateful look she always gave Robbie. That makes me feel pretty good.” It was like in some small way, I’d managed to follow in his footsteps. Wade laughed with me, then we went back to the condo and made love, and that was much more fun and rewarding than bantering with Brenda Hayes White.