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    Aditus
  • Aditus
  • Author
  • 09/04/2014
  • 27 Words
  • 1,235 Views
  • 16 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Aditus' prompts and circumstances - 7. Tanka - Poetry Prompt 1

I didn't want to open another prompt collection, so I'll put the poetry prompts in here too.

Out of my shadows,

rivers of red stone arise,

burn to become life.

Green slopes swaying in the wind,

veiling the lines they came from.

*Ducks head behind desk* First try. I just hope I counted right.
©Copyright 2013 Aditus; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

Jaro_423

I was hoping to find some comments regarding what folk were getting from this. Not sure but it spoke to me of walking along a rocky path with those red rocks being revealed with the shadow of yourself passing and the lines being blurred by the effect of movement. The colour was great too and gave one a feeling of bring outdoors in nature. Could it also speak of how life is with somethings becoming clear as shadows pass and others blurr into the backround.

Anyway, thanks for writing. Love these Tanka!

Aditus
On 09/04/2014 05:17 PM, Irritable1 said:
Maybe it's just my reverse pedigree, i.e. my kid's obsession, but I can only see a dormant volcano. Maybe one of the ones on Hawaii with slow lava flows every now and then. Sorry to be so literal :-( I really love the doublet of 7-syllable lines... something about the way the short lines flow into the last two is so graceful.
Ha! But that's exactly it. It's the Etna on Sicily. I thought it's a good image of how something destructive can also create life, literally and personally (as in what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.) Thanks Irri. :)
Aditus
On 09/04/2014 05:06 PM, Jaro_423 said:
I was hoping to find some comments regarding what folk were getting from this. Not sure but it spoke to me of walking along a rocky path with those red rocks being revealed with the shadow of yourself passing and the lines being blurred by the effect of movement. The colour was great too and gave one a feeling of bring outdoors in nature. Could it also speak of how life is with somethings becoming clear as shadows pass and others blurr into the backround.

Anyway, thanks for writing. Love these Tanka!

Thank you Jaro. That's the special thing with poems, everyone can take what they want out of them and make them their own.
Aditus
On 09/04/2014 11:36 PM, Ron said:
Firstly, I enjoyed the poem. Secondly, and maybe I'm just not recognizing it, where is the 'I' of the person I'm supposed to be connecting with? Maybe I'm being too technical about it. Dang it, poetry is not easy when there are rules. And, Irri is right, there is grace to the poem, Aditus.
The 'I' is always problematic. In this case I wrote 'my' which suggests there is an 'I'. There is the volcano, which destroys but the lava will also be good soil eventually. A person, the 'I', can destroy, with words, with what they do, but it can also be the foundation of a new beginning.

Did this make sense? Maybe I just thought too much about this. ;)

Thank you for your comment Ron, I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. 'Grace' hmmm nice, love it. :)

Lisa

Hmm, I don't remember what I thought the first time I read this and I could definitely picture a volcano, but the first thing that came to mind when I read this line: 'rivers of red stone arise', was blood. The red stone represented blood, but blood doesn't burn, right? So that can't be right. I'll go with the volcano like everyone else. lol

 

Although...'burn to become life' could also mean the blood of a new life. Bodies need blood flowing through their veins...oh, Idk, you're the biology whiz, Addy! lol :D

Aditus
On 09/05/2014 02:00 AM, Lisa said:
Hmm, I don't remember what I thought the first time I read this and I could definitely picture a volcano, but the first thing that came to mind when I read this line: 'rivers of red stone arise', was blood. The red stone represented blood, but blood doesn't burn, right? So that can't be right. I'll go with the volcano like everyone else. lol

 

Although...'burn to become life' could also mean the blood of a new life. Bodies need blood flowing through their veins...oh, Idk, you're the biology whiz, Addy! lol :D

Lol, thank you Lisa. :) As I said before, take out of it what you want, make it your own, which would make me happy. :)
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