Aditus' prompts and circumstances - 29. Poetry 10 - Italian Sonnet: Dream 2.0

Oh Adi, this is super! I have a feeling I know where they are and frankly.. it's where i'll end up, if there was such a place but it's warm and I never am.
I enjoyed it, it was very visual and I like that.

tim

I think this is one of your best, Adi... wonderfully visual... very powerful... you should be proud of this... cheers... Gary....

On 01/28/2016 09:31 AM, Mikiesboy said:

Oh Adi, this is super! I have a feeling I know where they are and frankly.. it's where i'll end up, if there was such a place but it's warm and I never am.

I enjoyed it, it was very visual and I like that.

 

tim

Thank you for your comment, Tim! Warm is good. Right? Maybe we'll meet there.

On 01/28/2016 12:09 PM, Headstall said:

I think this is one of your best, Adi... wonderfully visual... very powerful... you should be proud of this... cheers... Gary....

I fought with this one, so many ideas so little fitting rhymes. Did you know there isn't anything remotely adequate rhyming with sofa? lol I pushed it away, because it wasn't what I wanted. Peter's poem reminded me and, with a little help, it became this.

Thank you for your nice words, Gary.

The opening line reminds me of the Rolling Stones'

That's a song I never understood Still don’t – your poem is clearer but still seems to live in that twilight world where meaning is perhaps of secondary importance.

As an Italian Sonnet, I have to say your rhyme choices are all super smooth and natural! You've really taken the hard part of making the kissing rhymes (the b-b rhymes in the center of the quatrains) and made it seem easy. Bravo! Also wonderful is how clear the shift in attitude is when we get to the concluding six lines. These poems have a built-in pivot point, and here you use it to full effect, imo.

Wonderful poem! Thanks for posting it!!

Here is my impression, it's a very scary place you've taken us. It felt stuck, both physically and emotionally. The red door opened and I'm not sure it's a place I want to go, but I'm not sure there is a choice at that point. Quite interesting.

On reading your poem the first time "fatal attraction" came to mind. I think it was the combination of the suspense that was building in the first part and the outcome of the second. Then I noticed that they attached the label cardinal sin to the person/entity in the warm second part, but that this is not how the writer sees it. So I dropped the "fatal". For me this poem is about attraction that can't be resisted.

Knowing your love for colors I suppose you deliberately let the red from the door return in the cardinal red. If not, it was just a hidden treat for me.

I'm a long way off from making poems as beautiful as you do, Adi. Genuine admiration here.

On 01/29/2016 04:30 AM, AC Benus said:

The opening line reminds me of the Rolling Stones'

"I see a red door and I want to paint it black."

 

That's a song I never understood Still don’t – your poem is clearer but still seems to live in that twilight world where meaning is perhaps of secondary importance.

 

As an Italian Sonnet, I have to say your rhyme choices are all super smooth and natural! You've really taken the hard part of making the kissing rhymes (the b-b rhymes in the center of the quatrains) and made it seem easy. Bravo! Also wonderful is how clear the shift in attitude is when we get to the concluding six lines. These poems have a built-in pivot point, and here you use it to full effect, imo.

 

Wonderful poem! Thanks for posting it!!

I'm usually the one who would paint a black door blue...oh well. You had me laughing about 'where meaning is perhaps of secondary importance'. My answer would be: I hope not. I tied very hard to bring my idea into proper form, which I managed at least.

Thank you, AC.

On 01/29/2016 05:50 AM, Cole Matthews said:

Here is my impression, it's a very scary place you've taken us. It felt stuck, both physically and emotionally. The red door opened and I'm not sure it's a place I want to go, but I'm not sure there is a choice at that point. Quite interesting.

The moment I post a poem it belongs to the reader as well. I'm glad it worked for you, made you curious, wary? Perfect.

Thank you for reading the poem and sharing your thoughts, Cole.

On 01/29/2016 06:24 AM, J.HunterDunn said:

On reading your poem the first time "fatal attraction" came to mind. I think it was the combination of the suspense that was building in the first part and the outcome of the second. Then I noticed that they attached the label cardinal sin to the person/entity in the warm second part, but that this is not how the writer sees it. So I dropped the "fatal". For me this poem is about attraction that can't be resisted.

 

Knowing your love for colors I suppose you deliberately let the red from the door return in the cardinal red. If not, it was just a hidden treat for me.

 

I'm a long way off from making poems as beautiful as you do, Adi. Genuine admiration here.

Attraction warned against, but he still can't resist...that's what I wanted to convey. Maybe with a devilish touch.

I'm so very pleased you caught on the cardinal.

Thank you for deeming my poems beautiful, although I still have so much to learn, Peter.