Timmy's Journal - 4. Tanka? Hmmm

On 10/13/2015 02:53 AM, Reader1810 said:

Out of Likes :heart: :heart:

Hey Tim

I really liked both poems - both how they were written and what they said.

Your mom sounds like she was a wonderful woman who gave you many many good memories of your all too brief time together.

Your thoughts regarding writing in the Tanka style were interesting to those of us who does not write poetry. Since it the finished product we see and not the journey it to get there, the final words you present make it appear easy, but in reality it takes a lot of work and heart. Your efforts are appreciated.

Hi 1810. Thank you. Was a hard morning if I'm honest. Tanka is well for me, difficult. Has to have the right rhythm, 5-7-5-7-7. And it has to be personal, emotional, thoughtful from my pov. I stopped for a few minutes because I was frustrated and I just saw her.. in the kitchen.. making a cake .. it was so weird. So I wrote For Joann and then went back to finish the Tanka. Caused more than a few tears...

Thanks for reading them. I thought the blurb about my thought process may interest some people. I often wonder what authors are thinking... I like it when they share that info.

Anyway sorry for the long blurb.. Thanks again for your support.

tim

I thought your Tanka was wonderful, truly, and while you don't need to follow any form because what you already do with words is in a league of its own, again, truly, I think you will find the Tanka, with practice, becomes easier, and can be a very satisfying form. Once the cadence is in your head, it's there.

'For Joann' made me cry. Such a simple but beautiful memory... it took me to one of my own mother, bless her. This woman gave you love and strength... and that's what a mother does... thanks for both of these, especially though, for Joann... you gave me a glimpse that filled me up... Cheers... Gary...

For Joann is stunningly beautiful. My dear, you are talented.

On 10/13/2015 04:09 AM, Headstall said:

I thought your Tanka was wonderful, truly, and while you don't need to follow any form because what you already do with words is in a league of its own, again, truly, I think you will find the Tanka, with practice, becomes easier, and can be a very satisfying form. Once the cadence is in your head, it's there.

 

'For Joann' made me cry. Such a simple but beautiful memory... it took me to one of my own mother, bless her. This woman gave you love and strength... and that's what a mother does... thanks for both of these, especially though, for Joann... you gave me a glimpse that filled me up... Cheers... Gary...

Hi Gary. Thank you. I'll have to practice I guess. Two earlier Tanka I sent to AC, well let's just say he was kind.

For Joann made me cry as well. I was sitting in bed writing and woke Mike up with my sobbing. I always thought of her, but could never write about her really. She just came to me this morning, like a vision.

Thank you for your kind words and for your comments and support. I never forget it.

tim

On 10/13/2015 04:15 AM, R J Drew said:

For Joann is stunningly beautiful. My dear, you are talented.

RJ, hello. Thank you so much for visiting and for reading my words and for your kind comments.

I appreciate them all.

tim

Tim, the Tanka is lovely. While the regimentation of form is constrictive, great beauty comes out of this. The poem for your mother could make a stone weep. Believe your friends here when they tell you how talented you are. That these poems can take a lot of work doesn't subtract the tiniest decimal from that. Your vision of your mother was perfectly, succinctly, elegantly stated. Thank you for the gift of your poetry.

These were beautiful. I don't know anything about form for poetry,so I enjoyed these purely for the emotion they invoked. The tribute to your mother was wonderful I think she would have been pleased to know that it's the small things she did to show you her love that you remember and which give you comfort.

Tim,

Haiku and Tanka are the two forms of poetry I am at ease with, likely because I learned them in HS. I liked yours.
The notes in your thoughts were touching for me.
I'm very glad you've finally placed some of your thoughts of your mum into word. I spoke with mine briefly by phone this morning. Your words reminded me how fortunate I am, thanks.

On 10/13/2015 06:02 AM, Parker Owens said:

Tim, the Tanka is lovely. While the regimentation of form is constrictive, great beauty comes out of this. The poem for your mother could make a stone weep. Believe your friends here when they tell you how talented you are. That these poems can take a lot of work doesn't subtract the tiniest decimal from that. Your vision of your mother was perfectly, succinctly, elegantly stated. Thank you for the gift of your poetry.

Hi Parker. Wow, thank you so much for your kind comments.

I think you're right. Tanka is beautiful, and as a writer of free verse, it's kind of like handcuffing me. But forcing yourself to think, put something together in order to fit the form, can result in something special. I'm pleased with the result.

For Joann, it was just there, it came to me like a river. It took a few hours and tears to get over, but I can read it now. Thanks Parker for reading, your support and friendship.

They all mean so much to me.

tim

On 10/13/2015 06:32 AM, LitLover said:

These were beautiful. I don't know anything about form for poetry,so I enjoyed these purely for the emotion they invoked. The tribute to your mother was wonderful I think she would have been pleased to know that it's the small things she did to show you her love that you remember and which give you comfort.

Hello LitLover! You know your comments say it all. You should be able to enjoy poetry without knowing the form. It should speak to you like a story or painting. And your feelings in that moment are all that matters.

As a poet, I normally only wrote free verse, but I wanted to know more so I am doing AC Benus' prompts. He's so knowledgable and shares a lot in his prompts. It feels good to stretch myself and to learn.

I hope she would be. I think she did. She dies of cancer, and she spoke to me often, trying to make sure I knew how she felt and what she hoped for me.

Thank you for reading and your comments. They are treasured, thank you.

tim

On 10/13/2015 07:18 AM, dughlas said:

Tim,

 

Haiku and Tanka are the two forms of poetry I am at ease with, likely because I learned them in HS. I liked yours.

The notes in your thoughts were touching for me.

I'm very glad you've finally placed some of your thoughts of your mum into word. I spoke with mine briefly by phone this morning. Your words reminded me how fortunate I am, thanks.

Hi dugh. Thank you for your comments. I appreciate them. I'm glad that tanka worked for you.

Glad you liked the notes. I wonder about writer's and their processes, thought I'd record some of mine.

Nice you spoke to your mum. I remember when mine passed, I hated seeing other people with theirs. I just felt it was so unfair. I was 15 though, but I'm not sure if I'd feel different now.

Thank you dugh! I appreciate your support and friendship.

tim

The memory felt alive to me, if that makes any sense at all. It's the little things that always bring us such joy in remembering. I'm so happy you were able to tap into that part of you and capture this moment well enough to write about it. I just know somewhere your mom is smiling too.
If this is what being constricted does, you should try it more often. They were both very well done.

On 10/13/2015 09:35 AM, Defiance19 said:

The memory felt alive to me, if that makes any sense at all. It's the little things that always bring us such joy in remembering. I'm so happy you were able to tap into that part of you and capture this moment well enough to write about it. I just know somewhere your mom is smiling too.

If this is what being constricted does, you should try it more often. They were both very well done.

Hi Def. Yes it does make sense. I'm glad I was able to make it feel that way. It was certainly real to me.

Someone said to me that doing poems that are restrictive can sort of force you to be better. But I found this difficult. I wrote some Haiku today and that was easier. I'm enjoying AC's prompt challenges it's good to try new things. Stretch yourself a little.

Def, thank you so much for you support and friendship. I appreciate it very much.

tim

I miss my Mum too
Very nicely done - I also liked the commentary, it gave us more of an insight into the artist and his artistry

On 10/13/2015 11:26 PM, Bucket1 said:

I miss my Mum too

Very nicely done - I also liked the commentary, it gave us more of an insight into the artist and his artistry

Hi!! Thanks. Glad you like the commentary. I thought it's supposed to be a journal... so I wrote in it. Thanks for reading and your comments...

tim

Your mother poem brings a tear to my eye. Part of that is knowing what little I do about being taken from you at a young age. But part of it I would feel nothing nothing but what it's life to have memories of my mom too, and how they overlap.
You have done here (with both poems) what a poet should in my estimation: touched another person. Well done.

On 10/17/2015 09:50 AM, AC Benus said:

Your mother poem brings a tear to my eye. Part of that is knowing what little I do about being taken from you at a young age. But part of it I would feel nothing nothing but what it's life to have memories of my mom too, and how they overlap.

You have done here (with both poems) what a poet should in my estimation: touched another person. Well done.

AC thank you for the lovely comments. I appreciate the comments especially about what poets do. I'm glad I was able to do that.

tim