Timmy's Journal - 16. A Poem and an Apology

You hold me close and whisper that there's nothing more to fear. I take great comfort from these words. These are the words we all long to hear, at least at some point in our lives. You have given voice to the beloved, to the comforted. And in doing that, I, too, am comforted and loved. I thank you for this poem, not because I need the apology, but because it is beautiful.

Sweetie, you reminded me of the first poems you posted on GA. In those poems you told us a bit about Jeff, how he more or less saved you. I forgot about all that when I read "Don't Ask for More"
Tim, it's hard to wrap my mind around Jeff, but you have forgiven him, and that is all that matters.

Now, the review for this poem...
It is another wonderful piece. It holds so much love, warmth, and comfort. I yearn to have a significant other to experience these feelings first-hand. Thank you so much, Tim

And Tim, you don't have anything to apologize for

On 11/21/2015 09:05 AM, Parker Owens said:

You hold me close and whisper that there's nothing more to fear. I take great comfort from these words. These are the words we all long to hear, at least at some point in our lives. You have given voice to the beloved, to the comforted. And in doing that, I, too, am comforted and loved. I thank you for this poem, not because I need the apology, but because it is beautiful.

Thanks Parker... I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. I appreciate your comments..

tim

On 11/21/2015 09:21 AM, Drew Espinosa said:

Sweetie, you reminded me of the first poems you posted on GA. In those poems you told us a bit about Jeff, how he more or less saved you. I forgot about all that when I read "Don't Ask for More"

Tim, it's hard to wrap my mind around Jeff, but you have forgiven him, and that is all that matters.

 

Now, the review for this poem...

It is another wonderful piece. It holds so much love, warmth, and comfort. I yearn to have a significant other to experience these feelings first-hand. Thank you so much, Tim

 

And Tim, you don't have anything to apologize for

Thanks Drew.. Jeff was a hard man, but so was his life. But there were times you know.. times he showed his kinder side, to this lost boy.

Thanks for your sweet words...I appreciate it.

tim

On 11/21/2015 10:03 AM, Reader1810 said:

Hey tim

Again, you have given us the gift of beautiful words and thoughts that are rich beyond measure. I listened to the song and it is a lovely tune.

 

I understand what you mean about Jeff because I remember when you wrote about him and him telling you to go, to take the chance that was given to you. I think, in some way, that was his attempt to make amends and I'd like to think that what happened was something he did not know about nor expect. He never had a chance but he made sure you took yours knowing he would be alone. That took courage.

Thank you Reader. Thanks for that. I'm having a rough time with this. but thank you for getting it.

tim

I have no likes currently deserves one.

The poem is a full measure of you Tim and it's lovely on many levels.

"Don't Ask for More" is important. We know intellectually that far too many are forced to survive horrors of undeserved hardship but you are for us the face of the castaway child. You personalize this for us and by sharing this evil force us to reflect upon something more easily avoided in the theoretical. Never apologize for upsetting us, you speak for the voiceless.
After reading what you wrote I pondered Jeff and his actions. The devil's advocate in me brought to mind much of what you wrote in your author's note. I do not condone what he did but I question whether I would have behaved anymore nobly in the circumstances. I should like to think I would but am far from certain. Forgiveness is yours to bestow not ours, you have forgiven him and in so doing have perhaps also forgiven yourself.
I encourage you to continue to write as you feel moved. Our response is a reaction to your ability to express vividly what you lived in written word. You possess a gift ... and you bless us in the sharing of that gift.

On 11/21/2015 11:20 AM, dughlas said:

I have no likes currently deserves one.

 

The poem is a full measure of you Tim and it's lovely on many levels.

 

"Don't Ask for More" is important. We know intellectually that far too many are forced to survive horrors of undeserved hardship but you are for us the face of the castaway child. You personalize this for us and by sharing this evil force us to reflect upon something more easily avoided in the theoretical. Never apologize for upsetting us, you speak for the voiceless.

After reading what you wrote I pondered Jeff and his actions. The devil's advocate in me brought to mind much of what you wrote in your author's note. I do not condone what he did but I question whether I would have behaved anymore nobly in the circumstances. I should like to think I would but am far from certain. Forgiveness is yours to bestow not ours, you have forgiven him and in so doing have perhaps also forgiven yourself.

I encourage you to continue to write as you feel moved. Our response is a reaction to your ability to express vividly what you lived in written word. You possess a gift ... and you bless us in the sharing of that gift.

Thanks dugh, but I cant do this again. It hurts too much, hurts me and others and i wasnt looking for people to hate anyone. But they do, this was wrong and a mistake. There will be no more Pieces.

but thank you for your thoughtful words.

tim

tim, your poems are always beautiful. It never fails to bring a smile to my face when I get to read one.
With Don't ask for more, it is very good writing. Yes it is brutal and disturbing but it is also honest about a subject most people can't comprehend. People want to hate Jeff for his actions with you, but you're right. He was likely in that same position you were at one point. It's a cycle that goes from one teacher to the student, then becoming the teacher to the next. The most important aspect of your stories is that you got out and survived and your survival made it possible to share all these poems that you have been. Hugz my friend.
Wolf

On 11/21/2015 11:41 AM, WolfM said:

tim, your poems are always beautiful. It never fails to bring a smile to my face when I get to read one.

With Don't ask for more, it is very good writing. Yes it is brutal and disturbing but it is also honest about a subject most people can't comprehend. People want to hate Jeff for his actions with you, but you're right. He was likely in that same position you were at one point. It's a cycle that goes from one teacher to the student, then becoming the teacher to the next. The most important aspect of your stories is that you got out and survived and your survival made it possible to share all these poems that you have been. Hugz my friend.

Wolf

Thanks Wolf... you get it I know. Thanks for your comments, it helps and I appreciate them.

tim

Oh, tim. You've got it all wrong. You shouldn't be apologizing to us or anyone. You wrote something starkly brutal and beautiful. I won't speak for others, but it affected me deeply, and it made me think... of your plight in the past, and others who suffer similar ones now. Isn't that what we try to do as writers. Touch. reveal, strike a chord, shake things up, tell a story, real or otherwise. It is an outlet, not just for our creativity, but also for our soul... for past hurts, memories good and bad... a myriad of experiences and thoughts. Life is a rollercoaster with ups and downs. If you continue, your next chapter of pieces can show that other side of Jeff you have referred to. You once told me that writing was a release similar to a less favorable one. You are better, stronger, more confident now. I don't want to presume, but I think writing and the purging aspects of it gave you some of that. Why would you want to stop what provides this for you. Keep releasing, my friend. I like to feel, and your writing does that for me. Stop, and you'll piss me off. And yeah, that poem/song... I hear the music, and picture you and your six foot, five inch Michael traveling down the road of life. It makes me feel, too. Gary xoxo

On 11/21/2015 01:29 PM, Headstall said:

Oh, tim. You've got it all wrong. You shouldn't be apologizing to us or anyone. You wrote something starkly brutal and beautiful. I won't speak for others, but it affected me deeply, and it made me think... of your plight in the past, and others who suffer similar ones now. Isn't that what we try to do as writers. Touch. reveal, strike a chord, shake things up, tell a story, real or otherwise. It is an outlet, not just for our creativity, but also for our soul... for past hurts, memories good and bad... a myriad of experiences and thoughts. Life is a rollercoaster with ups and downs. If you continue, your next chapter of pieces can show that other side of Jeff you have referred to. You once told me that writing was a release similar to a less favorable one. You are better, stronger, more confident now. I don't want to presume, but I think writing and the purging aspects of it gave you some of that. Why would you want to stop what provides this for you. Keep releasing, my friend. I like to feel, and your writing does that for me. Stop, and you'll piss me off. And yeah, that poem/song... I hear the music, and picture you and your six foot, five inch Michael traveling down the road of life. It makes me feel, too. Gary xoxo

You know I don't wanna piss you off Gary. A couple of people have said similar things. I was ready to unpublish it.. i felt like a monster. But they've convinced me to step back for a day.. and I will. I'll consider everything they and you have said. I'm just a bit tender right now.. so yeah I'll leave it.

Thank you for your comments and support.

tim xoxoox

I haven't heard or even thought of Perhaps Love in a very very long time. Now, it will be like a loop in my head. Thanks for that.. It really isn't a bad song, and your poem reflected that love perfectly. 'I'm stronger when I'm with you. And never wonder why.' A state of being, it just is..
beautiful Tim..

As I suspect you know, it's very difficult for us to do what you ask and excuse Jeff's behavior. The ultimate stumbling block for me is knowing the pair of last things he did to hurt you, so that you can absolve him as completely as you do makes me admire the purity of your soul.

You are beautiful, Tim. Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us on GA; this place is a better community because you are on it.

On 11/21/2015 04:00 PM, Defiance19 said:

I haven't heard or even thought of Perhaps Love in a very very long time. Now, it will be like a loop in my head. Thanks for that.. It really isn't a bad song, and your poem reflected that love perfectly. 'I'm stronger when I'm with you. And never wonder why.' A state of being, it just is..

beautiful Tim..

Hi Def, I know right.. i couldnt get it out of my head. Over and over. The poem is better with the music tho..

Thanks for reading/listening.. I appreciate it

tim

On 11/24/2015 07:03 AM, AC Benus said:

As I suspect you know, it's very difficult for us to do what you ask and excuse Jeff's behavior. The ultimate stumbling block for me is knowing the pair of last things he did to hurt you, so that you can absolve him as completely as you do makes me admire the purity of your soul.

 

You are beautiful, Tim. Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us on GA; this place is a better community because you are on it.

Yeah, I know you know what he did AC. But he paid the ultimate price. And what kinda life did he have? I can't hate him or hold a grudge.

Aw AC, i'm not so sure about the rest. But thank you for saying that.. tim