Morningstar: The Malaise - 42. Chapter 42 Re-emergence

Morningstar: The Malaise

Chapter 42

The bedpan was on the floor of the clinic room, sitting upside down on one side of the bed. With confusion—and something as yet unidentifiable—evident on his face, Logan, wide-eyed, stared at the four people hurrying through the door.

“Son? What happened? What did you… how are you feeling?” Clarence stooped to pick up the stainless steel pan, but it slipped from his grasp, and the clatter caused Logan to jerk. Kellar held his breath and waited, studying the man in the bed.

“Dad? What’s…? Why am I in here… what happened to my noise?” His panic-edged voice had a dry rasp, but the words were clear. An unsteady hand rose toward his head and then fell, as if afraid to touch it.

“Noise? What are you talking about?” Clarence had advanced to the bedside, placing the pan back on the table to Logan’s right before reaching for his son’s hand.

“The noise… I always hear it, even when I’m sleeping. I don’t understand… it’s gone.” This time fingertips brushed the hair above his ear, apprehension mixed with disbelief showing in his expression. He’s expecting it to return.

“It’s okay, Logan. You’re okay, so try to calm down. You’ve been out of it for a while. Can you explain to me about this noise?” Clarence asked, keeping his voice soft and coaxing.

Logan’s eyes darted everywhere before settling on his father. “I… I guess. It’s this sound that digs in my ear… like… like it’s burrowing into my head. Sometimes it lets up and gets... quieter... but it’s always there… always,” he uttered as he laid his head back down on the pillow. His free hand went to his eyes and covered them, and in a few seconds Kellar saw why. A tear slid down the man’s cheek, soon followed by another.

“Logan, what’s wrong? Are you in pain?” Clarence asked with alarmed concern. His head turned to Kellar in question.

Kellar watched Logan carefully and waited for his answer. There was nothing to indicate he was suffering, and the idea of an ever-present noise, or ringing, didn’t surprise him in the least. He’d expected there’d be an auditory issue because of the previously severe and recurring head tilt.

“Dad… nothing. I just don’t… nothing’s wrong. I never thought I would hear the quiet again.” The man sobbed a few times as Delia, Kellar and Tobyn stood back. Eventually, Logan wiped away the tears and dropped his hand to his side. “I’m okay, Dad. I’m calm now.” Embarrassment showed as his gaze flickered elsewhere again, but the only eyes he could actually meet were his father’s. “Do you think this will last? Is it going to start up again?”

Clarence, in response, touched his lips to the hand he held and turned to Kellar expectantly. In this moment, the alpha was a patient too, needing the same reassurance. Logan could converse, and he knew and connected with his father. Those facts gave Kellar tremendous relief. He moved closer to the bed, standing at its foot. “You shouldn’t have to deal with that sound ever again, Logan.” His positive prognosis was for both men, and he almost smiled at their matching sighs.

“I know… I recognize you, but I don’t remember your name. Who are you?”

“I’m Kellar, and behind me is Tobyn, my….”

“Mate. I remember now. He’s the talker… and you… you’re… you’re a healer, right?”

More relief for Kellar. Recent memories are emerging. “Yes, you’re right. Tobyn does talk a lot.” He grinned at Logan, who was frowning in concentration.

“Did you… did you take away the noise? Is that why I’m in this bed? In this room?”

“Yes, Logan, I did. You’re here because you had a seizure caused by a tumor that was pushing on your brain, so we had to act quickly. This mass, situated against the inside of your skull, was the reason for the noise you always heard. It took some work, but we got rid of it. It’s completely gone, and you are safe. Tobyn and I worked on you through the night… he lends me his strength.” He smiled again. “Do you remember me giving you your diagnosis?”

An attentive Logan shook his head slowly. “I remember… I remember you yelling at me. You were angry. Why were you so pissed at me?”

“That doesn’t matter now. How do you feel overall?”

“Strange… different, but okay, I guess. Tired. I want to know why you were angry, and who was that strange wolf? The huge one. He wanted to kill me. His jaws were crushing… oh… freaking hell, was that you?” Panic had crept into his voice again, and Logan’s hand moved to his throat in a protective gesture.

Delia moved closer, nudging her way around Kellar. “Logan, it’s all over with now, but you shifted yesterday outside the hall and were about to attack Tobyn. You weren’t yourself, though, and haven’t been for a long time because you’ve been ill. Kellar was angry, like any mate would be, and that’s what you’re remembering. He was angry, but he understood you weren’t yourself, and he’s healed you.”

Logan looked mortified, and his body had gone rigid; Kellar felt surging compassion for him then. “Logan, do you feel any anger or hatred… anything like that right now? Did you throw that bedpan?”

He shook his head in response. “No, nothing like that. I feel… scared. I’m afraid because I don’t know who I am right now. You had every right to want to kill me. Why would I do such a thing? I don’t understand. That was messed up.” There was no doubting how aghast the man was at his actions. The hand at his throat moved up to rub his face, and he looked like he wanted to hide. Kellar stayed silent as Logan came to grips with what Delia had told him. Remorseful eyes traveled to Tobyn. “I’m sorry, man… to both of you… I really am. Ah… the bedpan? No, no. I knocked it by accident. I didn’t know where I was when I woke up, and my arm sent it flying.”

“His empathy is back. Thank God!”

“Yeah, for Tilly’s sake, and not just thank God, but you too, doc.”

“You’re forgiven, Logan, and I am speaking for both of us. Don’t worry about it. That mass pressing against your brain was slowly changing you. Frankly, it was killing you, but you’ll be fine now. It’s possible you might have some memory issues—lapses—but that wouldn’t be surprising considering the size of the tumor.” Kellar spoke in his best soothing tone. He didn’t want his patient stressing out any more than he already had. “A few days of rest and you should be back to normal. From what I hear, the original Logan was a heck of a nice guy.” He allowed a smile to accompany his words.

Clarence looked ten years younger as he beamed at his son. “Hear that, Logan. You’re going to be you again.”

Some of the tension eased up, and Logan settled back into the bed. “I was bad, wasn’t I, Dad? That noise, it drove me crazy, and the pain was awful. Does the pack… do they all hate me?”

Delia stepped in again and answered. “Logan, you stop that right now. You’re the baby of our pack and we all love you. Not a soul has ever hated you, so don’t you ever think that. We knew something was wrong with our sweet boy, and now there isn’t. That’s all that matters, okay?”

“Yes, Delia.” He stared into her eyes before shifting his gaze. “Thank you for taking that noise away. You have no idea what it means to me, and I am sorry for what I did.” The last words were choked out as watering eyes met Kellar’s, and he found himself hating that this guy was beating himself up.

“You’re welcome. Healing is what I do… it’s who I am. There’s nothing to be sorry for. Now, can you eat something?”

Logan finally returned his smile. Yeah, Kellar could get to like this version of Tilly’s mate, and that was a profound relief. His patient turned his attention to Delia. “You know what I would really like?”

“Let me guess. Tomato soup with crackers crunched up in it?” Delia answered with her own grin.

“Bingo.”

That one word sent Delia striding from the room as if she was on fire. She looked years younger as well. “Coming right up.”

“Well, hunger is another good sign. After that I think you should get more rest. No getting up until tomorrow morning at the earliest.”

“I have to pee, though, like, really bad.”

Kellar kept a straight face as he gestured to the bedpan. “There you go.”

“Seriously?” Logan asked with a groan.

“Yes. There’s a good chance you’ll be dizzy if you stand, and the last thing you’d need is to fall. You’re very susceptible to a concussion right now. Any kind of jarring motion could give you one, so move slowly whatever you do. Your colors are good but they’re not as vibrant as they should be. That’s okay, because you’re healing. If you do stand for any reason, make sure you have someone to lean on, and do it slowly.”

“Colors?”

“I’ll explain it while you eat, son. You must not remember the discussion we had yesterday after the meeting. We have lots to talk about, but the rest of it can wait. You’ll do as Kellar says, right? No quick movements?”

“Yes, Dad, I will. I… I promise.”

There wasn’t any sign of Logan’s previous abrasiveness; he’d been cooperative from the time they’d entered the room, once he’d conquered his understandable fear. Definitely not the man they’d met yesterday, and from all appearances, removing the tumor and following his instincts with the electrical pathways had set the man to rights. Could he now tackle an injury like Bill’s? Did he know enough to help the old man… and eventually Fendral?

It was probably the same with any packs still out there. News traveled fast. The dining room was abuzz with talk of the dispatched hunter, and of Logan’s ‘miraculous’ recovery. Kellar had given up on objecting to classifying it as such. The fact was, to those who’d watched the boy grow up and turn into someone frighteningly irrational, it was a miracle. He was the youngest member of a decimated pack, and he was loved.

Logan’s healing signified hope to a pack used to seeing shifters die from illness, and the impact of it showed on the animated faces. Dinner was soon underway and the mood was boisterous. Clarence, however, opted to remain in the clinic room and have his dinner with his son. Only when the evening meal’s dishes had been cleared from the tables did he join the happy celebrations.

Clearing his throat, he gave a quick update on his boy’s progress and the reemergence of his original personality. The man, though tired-looking, was downright jovial. Kellar and Tobyn sat back and watched as people milled about in small groups, back-slapping Ian and Percy on a job well done and congratulating each other on Logan’s recovery. When Clarence asked everyone to take their seats for a special meeting, Kellar took that as their cue to leave. He motioned to his mate, and they stood, but the alpha stopped them.

“I’d appreciate it if you gentlemen would stay and answer any questions that could come up?”

Kellar was surprised at the invitation. “I thought you wanted to explain things on your own to the pack?”

“Well, it’s true I did originally, but a lot has been going on, and frankly I’m pretty much wiped out… at least my brain is. Seeing as how Tobyn has the gift of the gab, I think he should continue yesterday’s talk and explain about the importance of earth mates to the pack. Would you mind, Tobyn?”

“No, of course not. Gift of the gab… seriously?”

“He meant it as a compliment, babe.”

“Yeah, right,” Tobyn sent sarcastically. He pasted a smile on his face and went to the front of the large room, while Kellar took a seat. “Okay, folks. I wasn’t expecting to do this, but here goes. To continue from yesterday, the most important part about curing the malaise has to do with earth mates. Mine figured that out. With his ability to see colors, as you already know, he was able to see matching patterns. He didn’t know at first what ours meant… not for sure anyway… not till he saw Denver’s and my mom’s. It turns out, when earth mates come together, and start their joining… which, ah, can be simply a kiss,” Tobyn said awkwardly enough to make Kellar feel sorry for him, “they begin to produce a kind of mist… like a million specks of colorful dust. Kellar can see this whenever he wants… and I witnessed it once,” he added, the tips of his ears turning a bright pink. “This mist? It’s energy that we shifters need. Kellar?”

“Tag team again?”

“Please? You’re better at this part.”

Kellar stood, but stayed where he was. “The lack of this dust, because of no, or not enough earth mates, is the reason we started having trouble with shifting and illness. We’re magical beings, and what I witness from joined couples is magical energy. Each pair of earth mates produces a limited amount, but only when we are near other shifters. Right now, the people in this room are absorbing energy from the pair of us. Given sufficient time, and a number of earth mates, it is the cure for the malaise. There is no doubt about this, I promise you. Our own pack is seeing some benefits with three mated pairs, but it’s not enough.”

“If what you say is true… and, ah… I believe it is, how many are enough?” a woman named Ina asked.

“Good question, and I’ll explain it to you this way. Morningstar’s last mated pair was Fendral and Esther. Even with them, the pack was suffering the effects of the malaise. I believe, based on that fact, and the time passed, it took a long time for our energy to deplete, and it’s going to take a long time to replenish. Not for the earth mates themselves. The malaise is defeated pretty quickly for us… Tobyn can shift at will, and hold it for as long as he wants, and his hearing and eyesight are at optimum. The same goes for his mother and Denver. Even my human brother has better senses already. The improvements for mates have been dramatic, I guess you could say.”

“What about you?” Dougal asked from his seat near the alpha.

“Me?” The question caught Kellar off guard. “I’ve never really suffered the effects of the malaise, although since finding Tobyn there have been improvements to my abilities. I’ve never had a problem with shifting.”

“Why is that?” A number of people seemed interested in his answer.

“To tell you the truth, I’m not sure. Maybe it’s because I’m a healer?”

“Or because you’re the savior. We all saw your coat when you shifted.” It was Ina speaking, but there were murmurs throughout the group.

“I don’t think….”

“And not to mention your size,” she continued. “Cahlar was said to dwarf other wolves, and you certainly do that… and the prophecy says you would return when we needed you most. Our situation was as bad as it could be before you got here,” she trailed off looking apologetically at Clarence. He gave her a kindly smile. To Kellar, the man looked pleased with how this was going. Meanwhile he wanted to hide somewhere.

“Help!”

“Ina,” Tobyn said softly. “We saw that painting for the first time today, and we knew of no prophecy. I think Kellar’s right that being a healer, and having access to healer energy, kept him strong in the face of the malaise. I can also tell you my mate is dying of embarrassment right now. We saw the similarities, and they are eye-opening, but it’s hard for him to think in those terms. I happen to think he’s amazing, but my mate thinks he’s no big deal.” His smile had people returning it, and their innate politeness took over, ending their intense scrutiny of Kellar.

“Thanks.”

Tobyn gave him an exaggerated wink which drew some laughter. “So, the question was how many would it take. I must admit we aren’t sure exactly, but we feel eight to ten pairs within the pack should make a noticeable difference in individual health within months… and probably the birthrate, although that might take a year or two.” Tobyn let those estimates sink in, staying silent as his eyes met Kellar’s.

“How am I doing?”

“Perfect.”

“How far should I go?”

“They need to know, babe. Unless Clarence takes over, keep going.”

It was Delia who spoke up first. “So, we need earth mates, and you can see matching patterns.” Her gaze was directed at Kellar. “I’ve been wanting to ask this since yesterday, but we all got sidetracked. Do you by any chance see any amongst us? Do any of our patterns match with ones in Morningstar?”

Kellar looked around and saw some intently curious faces. He’d expected Tobyn would divulge this, but all eyes were back on him, and it was like everyone was holding their breath. He focused on Clarence, and got an affirmative nod.

“Yes.”

“How many?” It was an excited Dougal who asked. “Do I match anyone?”

“Sorry, no, Dougal. Not yet, but Tobyn and I intend to search out other packs. We aren’t stopping with Vega.”

“So, how many?” Dougal wasn’t so good at hiding his disappointment.

“There are five matches.” There were a few surprised gasps. “Clarence, would you like to take over?”

“No. You boys are doing fine. Go ahead and let the ones who match, know.”

“Tobyn?”

You could have heard a pin drop when Tobyn began to speak. “Please remember earth mates make all shifters healthy, and as a race in a dire situation, there may be upheaval and turmoil, but our future comes above everything. We could do this privately if you want?”

There was a dissenting murmur. These people wanted to know now, and Kellar took that as a good sign.

“Okay, so we’ll start with Delia. Your earth mate is a great guy named Hutch, and he is single, it so happens.” As was to be expected, the woman looked stunned.

“Ian, you have an earth mate named Joanne. An amazing cook… she’s married, but she and her husband have already agreed to end their marriage if mates were found.” Ian too, looked floored by the news, but a smile crept across his face.

“Dot, you have the same pattern as one of our pack leaders. His name is Ingram, and he loves to fish.” He grinned at her squeal of delight. Kellar did too.

“She seems perfect for him, babe.”

“Well, she’s definitely enthusiastic,” he sent while giving the woman a chance to calm down.

“And, Sarah, your earth mate is a tall, quiet man named Dirk. He’s a great guy, but you’ll probably have to do a lot of the talking,” Tobyn said in an obvious attempt to lighten some of the building tension.

Kellar watched the different reactions around the room with only one more disclosure yet to be made. There were already some resigned expressions, surprisingly, along with some uncertainty to go with anticipation. At first, Sarah’s face had shown no feeling, but Kellar was relieved when a beautiful smile appeared after Delia approached and grabbed her in an emotional hug.

“Who’s the other one?” This was from Percy, and he was one who still had hope in his expression.

“Ah, Clarence, would you like to tell them?” Tobyn asked.

The alpha stood up. “The fifth one is Logan. He doesn’t know yet, but he will soon.” A restless feeling started to invade the room with the scrape of chairs and a few people standing up. There was an awkwardness to the congratulations offered to the four who'd learned of their mates.

This couldn’t be easy for those who had gotten their hopes up, and Clarence showed he understood that. “Hold on, everyone. There’s a lot to take in here… and some of us are probably feeling a little left out at not having mates found. I know I was hoping to be one of the five… it’s only natural to want our earth mates, but remember these boys are dedicated to visiting other packs and searching out mates. If they found so many matches here, I would think they’ll find more before too long. In the meantime, don’t forget what this is all about… preventing our extinction. I would like you to keep that in mind as we move forward.” The room had gone completely silent. Clarence studied each face before continuing. “While I’d prefer to give you all time to digest what you’ve heard tonight, there is a proposal on the table. It’s only a preliminary one right now, but as it could affect all of us, you need to be aware of this opportunity as it stands.” He moved to stand beside Tobyn.

“If we believe all we’ve learned over the last couple of days, and I certainly do, then we can’t ignore the purpose and importance of earth mates. We, as possibly some of the last shifters on this earth, have a chance to rectify the mistakes of the past. We made those errors, in large part, because of hunters, but knowing of the copper’s neutralizing effects doesn’t change the fact we are a race nearing extinction. My son came close to dying… you all know what’s been happening to him over the last couple of years… and that’s because of this damn malaise. We need it gone, and we need to ensure it never happens again.” Clarence stopped and took a deep breath, and Kellar understood the man was giving his pack time to absorb his words.

When he began again, his tone was stern. “Splitting up earth mates between packs isn’t going to accomplish that. Tobyn here, has relayed a generous proposal, and I’ve been giving it a lot of thought. I can only reach one conclusion. We need to strongly consider Morningstar’s offer to take us all in.” There was dead silence again, other than the sound of two people sitting back down.

Kellar cleared his throat. “Clarence? Maybe this would be a good time for us to leave so you can go over your situation in private.”

Clarence nodded. “Yes. Vega pack has a lot to discuss. Thank you for sticking around and giving us the pertinent information. I didn’t want to have to try to explain all that,” he said with humor as he shifted his gaze to different people around the room. No one was talking as yet, but Kellar noticed a few frowns.

“I’ll just do a quick check on Logan’s colors, and then I think we’ll retire for the night. Tobyn?”

“Right with you, doc.”

It only took a few seconds to confirm the sleeping Logan was doing well, and they were on their way out the door. The coffee being passed around as they left indicated this would probably be a long and intense meeting. As least a few voices could now be heard amongst the group.

“Hallelujah,” Tobyn whispered as they walked hand in hand towards their temporary lodging. “I think that went well, all things considered. Clarence’s little speech packed a wallop, didn’t it?”

“It did for sure. This is all so hard. Can you imagine if it was the other way around and it was suggested our pack members leave the only home they’ve ever known? I’m sure some will want to have earth mates move to Vega, and some might even insist on it… especially the ones without a match.”

“I know,” Tobyn responded. “It’s a hell of a sacrifice to even consider. You know, I was surprised Clarence went as far as he did. He didn’t pull any punches.”

“I’m not, babe. He’s a smart man, and he sees the writing on the wall. If they were to dig their heels in, they’d be sealing Vega’s fate, and that would impact us as well. We’ll have to hope he can convince them of that because he said he wouldn’t force them.”

“You’re right. I just pray they all see it as clearly as their alpha does. It’s not like Vega could support all of us. While Clarence reminds me of Fendral in some ways, and you can see his people love him like we did our alpha, he also seems less forceful.”

“That could be because he’s seen his pack deteriorate over the years. They were a few times I sensed strong guilt in him when he was talking. Fendral probably feels it too, even as a wolf.”

“I hope not, but it makes sense. I think what Clarence said about almost losing Logan carried a lot of weight.”

“He was being straight up. There’s no sense in sugarcoating anything. These people have been through a lot. Ina was pretty blunt too.”

They walked together quietly for a minute before Tobyn changed the subject. “Do you really believe what you said to Mom… that Fendral can’t change back? I would love to be able to talk to him again, and tell him we’re going to be okay.”

“You don’t like that he could be suffering with guilt, do you.”

Tobyn shook his head, and Kellar released his hand so he could pull him close.

“All I know is his burnt umber is out of balance with the rest of his colors, and that has to mean something. I’m wondering if Bill doesn’t hold the answers to me figuring out how to return it to normal. I learned a lot from healing Logan too.”

“You’re itching to work on him… to try to fix him, aren’t you?”

“What can I say, babe? It’s….”

“…who I am… yeah, I know,” Tobyn teased, chuckling. “I don’t know why, but that never gets old. So, how tired are you?”

“I’m a little tired, but… why?”

“It’s your turn, mountain man.” Tobyn gave him an innocent look but Kellar caught on quick.

“Actually, I’m not the least bit tired, now that I think about it.”