Aria Graice - 9. Chapter 9

Aria leaned his head on Amara’s shoulder and Amara glared at Drew. “Don’t you dare laugh at him,” he snapped, “and don’t judge. You’re always judging.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. Do you think I can’t see it every time you look at us? You judge us for the drugs, me for the sex, both of us for the way we live, dress, speak. You judge everything about us. And I know everyone judges all the time. People make assessments, assumptions, form opinions, but you’re judgemental.”

Drew opened his mouth to deny it, but hell, what was the point? Amara was way more perceptive than he’d given him credit for. In fact, both boys were more than he’d given them credit for.

“I promise, I’ll try not to judge.” He sighed at Amara’s continuing stare. “Alright. Okay. I won’t judge.”

“Mother despises us,” Aria said quietly. He raised his head sharply. “And before you say anything she’s said those exact words – not directly to us, but we’ve heard her. Yes, we spy on her conversations sometimes, but…well, we just do.” He sighed deeply, turning his face to Amara’s shoulder so his next words were muffled. “I’m an idiot. Mara can turn away. He can look her in the eye and tell her to go fuck herself.”

Drew glanced at Amara, who shrugged.

“But I can’t. Mara’s right, I do dress like a girl. Even now, and not all of it is about feeling good. Part of it is…I don’t know. Part of it is that I can’t help myself anymore, and part of it is because in some stupid, twisted way I’m still trying to get her attention, to make her actually look at me and smile at me like she used to, to just…see me.”

“It’s not stupid, Aria. She’s the stupid one.”

“He’s right. She is. She’s cruel, spiteful and selfish and none of that is your fault.”

Both boys gazed at him, wide eyed, their expressions identical. Amara nodded and hugged Aria closer. Aria sighed and nestled into his shoulder again.

“Mother has certain…expectations,” Amara said carefully. “Father has some too. They didn’t mind so much about us being bi. Apparently, it’s “in” at the moment. A gay best friend is such a fashion statement and mother just loves to be the center of attention and to show everyone what a wonderful mother she is – how accepting and understanding. Anyway, that was never a problem.”

“Okay.”

“Look, Mother’s been in Hollywood practically all her life. Father came to it later, but he was an Eton and Oxford boy. He was a bit of a party animal. They can both understand the bisexuality, the promiscuity, but….”

“They won’t understand me,” Aria said quietly. “I’ve tried to talk to Father about it and he just laughs and dismisses it. He says I’ll get it when I’m older. Mother wouldn’t even go that far. She’d just order me to go out and get laid, as if that’s all it takes. I would, too, if she told me to.”

“Aria—”

“Don’t, Mara. I know what you think, and I know what I’ve promised, but you know what it’s like, too, what I’m like. It’s hardwired into me. I’ll always be that person, the one who spends their entire life trying to get noticed, who will do anything for a few crumbs from the table. I know I’m pathetic. I know I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not.” Amara pushed him away far enough to glare at him. “You’re not pathetic and you’re not an idiot. She’s out mother.” Again, the twin look passed between them and some of the tension leaked from Aria.

Drew’s heart was breaking for these boys. He’d thought Julianna was cold and selfish, but he’d never thought she was a damn monster – until now. But he was still as lost as ever about what that had to do with Amara sleeping around. She didn’t’ seem to have any problem with it. “I’m sorry, but I still don’t know what you’re talking about. Nothing you’ve said explains anything.”

“I don’t like sex,” Aria blurted. “Ever. With anyone. I don’t want to do it. I hate everything about it. It scares me. Even being in the same room alone with someone who’s… interested, scares me.”

There was a pause when both boys seemed to be waiting expectantly for something. Drew felt he was missing something, but things still didn’t compute. “And?”

Aria stopped dead and stared at Drew. “Don’t you think that’s weird?”

“Not really, no. I do think it’s a bit weird that it’s such a big issue.”

“Because Mother will….” Aria collapsed like a burst balloon. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed into Amara’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I made you do all that for me. I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t make me do anything. You couldn’t make me. And you don’t have to be sorry. It was my idea, remember. It might have been a monumentally stupid idea, but it was mine. I’d do anything for you, you know that.”

“I know. That’s why I should never have let you.”

A curtain was lifting in Drew’s brain and he really didn’t like what he was beginning to see behind it. “Aria, you know it’s okay, right? You know that being Asexual doesn’t make you a freak, or weird or sick.”

“She won’t see it like that.”

“Frankly,” Drew said, not quite able to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “I don’t care how she’d see it. All I care about is how you see it. It’s perfectly natural, as natural as being straight, gay, bi or anything else.”

Aria’s head hung even lower if that were possible. Amara growled. “You know nothing. You’ve been in our lives a day, one day and all you’ve done is judge. Why the hell should we even be telling you this? Christ, one person talks to us like human beings and we spill our guts all over him. When we move on, so will you. We’ll never see you again, but we still have to live our lives. Our parents will always be there.”

“Don’t, Mara,” Aria said gently. Drew, shocked, watched as he patted his brother’s hand calming Amara instantly. He sighed and turned to Drew. “It’s not that easy. If I came out as…that, if I told the world I wasn’t interested in sex, she’d just see it as another failure. I…tried to bring it up once and she told me that people who said they didn’t like sex were either lying or sick. She’s wrong, but she’ll never see that. It’s not right, but it is what it is.”

“Can’t you talk to your father?”

“I could. He might even understand, but he can’t stand up to her. No one can.”

“Is she that much of a monster?”

Drew was trying to make a joke, but the boys exchanged glances then raised their eyes to him in absolute unison and said “Yes.”

“Shit. There’s no way she could be reasoned with?”

“Have you seen or read any of her interviews? Talk to Alicia about it.” Amara pulled Aria close and rested his cheek on his brother’s head.

Aria cuddled close. “I wish I could stop wanting so hard for her to love me. I know it’s weak and pathetic—”

“Stop saying that,” Amara broke in. “She’s our mother. She should love us.”

“But you don’t care that she doesn’t.”

“Don’t I?” Amara’s voice was soft, but it seemed to hit Aria like a bullet. He sat up so fast he almost headbutted Amara.

“Do you? I-I thought you were over it. You say you are. You seem to be. You said we can be enough for each other, that we don’t need her.”

Amara gave a mirthless chuckle. “That much is true. My mind tells me all the right things, but in my heart, she’s still my mother.”

Given what he’d been told about the boys, the possibility he was being played crossed Drew’s mind more than once, but there was something about this whole situation that not only rang true, but painfully and sickeningly true. From where Drew was standing, they both looked like lost little boys. struck him that he might be the only one who’d seen them like this in a long time. Christ, did no one talk to these kids?

“Why didn’t you say anything. Why didn’t you tell me you were hurting too?”

Amara shrugged, fiddling with a thread he was plucking from the comforter. “You needed me to be the strong one.”

Aria winced as if Amara had slapped him. “And I’m the weak one. If I wasn’t you wouldn’t have to be so strong.”

“Stop it.” Amara took his brother by the shoulders and shook him. Shocked Aria could only gape at his brother. “You are not weak. I keep telling you. Just because I’m being strong for you doesn’t mean you’re weak. You can’t help being who you are or how you are. You’re an amazing person, a better person than me.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You are.” Amara glared at Aria, his eyes full of fire. Aria winced again, and Amara shook him. “Don’t do that. Don’t wince like I hit you when I’m telling you the truth. You. Are. A. Better. Person. Than. Me. You feel things more and that’s not bad.”

“You always have to take care of me.”

“No. I don’t. I want to take care of you, but if I didn’t you’d make it on your own.”

Aria gasped, clearly alarmed. “I don’t want to me on my own. I can’t make it on my own. You won’t leave me, will you?”

Amara gazed at his brother with an expression of such love and sadness, Drew had to look away.

“How could I leave you? You’re part of me.”

Drew coughed. The two boys glanced up as if they’d forgotten he was there. “I have to take care of some things. Will you be alright for a bit?”

Amara smiled and nodded. “We’ll be alright. Thank you.”

Drew shrugged. “Just doing my job.”

“No, not just that. Look, I don’t know why I came in here today. I don’t know why I talked about all this shit with you. Aria’s the one who attaches to people like a limpet and spills all over them.”

Drew almost gasped. What the hell was Aria going to make of that? Aria, however laughed.

“He’s right, I do. The shrink calls it an attachment disorder. Because I didn’t get attention from my mother I crave it from others so I’m overly trusting and get attached too quickly and completely. It’s caused some problems.”

Drew was utterly shocked, both at the no-nonsense way Aria spoke, and that these boys had actually seen professionals who had clearly not done their job.

Amara must have picked up on Drew’s expression and the reason behind it. “Oh yeah, we’ve been seeing “therapists” since we pre-teens. It’s the fashionable thing to do, you know. Gives Mother something to talk about, to show what a caring, loving person she is and to get all kinds of sympathy.” He laughed mirthlessly. “But we always knew who was paying the bills, and that she’d get to hear about every word we said. We’d make a game of it, coming up with things to say to shock or upset them. In the end, word got around and no one will touch us with a bargepole.”

“Have you never thought to see someone you’ve chosen and paid for yourselves. Your mother never needs to know.”

The boys exchanged that look again and shrugged in unison. “What are they going to tell us we don’t already know?” Amara asked.

“It’s not about what they tell you, it’s about having the opportunity to talk to them, to get everything off your chest in a safe environment and maybe get some perspective. I’ve seen more than my fair share over the years. Some were good, some were bad, but I’ve taken something from all of them.”

“You’ve seen a therapist?” Amara gaped at him and it made him smile.

“I’ve had to, professionally. After a tough mission everyone has to see a therapist and be signed off as mentally fit to go on to the next one.”

“Shit. Heavy.” Amara nodded, looking impressed, Aria just gazed at him with wide eyes. “One day you’re going to have to tell us some stories.”

“There’s nothing I want either of you to hear.”

“Would you have to kill us?” Amara asked, a spark of humour lighting his pale face.

“Something like that. I really have to go. I have to report to Miss Montgomery. I’ll talk to you both later.”

As he moved toward the door, he was shocked yet again, when Aria slipped off the bed and threw his arms around him. He held on tight for a few moments, then went back to his brother. Amara just grinned, but that said it all.

Drew went straight to the office to find Alicia Montgomery. She called him to enter as soon as he knocked.

“Ah, Mr Chance. How did the first assignment go? I hope the boys didn’t play up too much.”

Her smile faded at his lack of humour. He sat down and regarded her as she tilted her head to one side.

“What have they done?” she asked in a long-suffering tone.

“Talked to me,” he said.

She sighed and rubbed her temple. “So what kind of line have they spun you? That they’re secret agents? That they were switched at birth with….” She waved her hand vaguely. “…some European royalty? That they’re cyborgs? That latest one was that they’re clones, I believe.”

A momentary flash of anger almost blinded Drew, but it passed quickly. There was no way what the boys had told him was lies. The emotion was just too raw, too real.

“How much do you really know about them?” he said carefully. “About Aria in particular? His relationship with his mother?”

Miss Montgomery’s head snapped up. “What have they been telling you?”

“Some things I’m not prepared to share unless you can prove you already know.”

She narrowed her eyes at him and tilted her head the other way. “What exactly is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I’ve had a rather troubling night, and an even more troubling morning. I’m not here to play therapist to those two but I sure as hell know they need someone who is.”

“Therapist, huh? You’re not the first one to suggest that.”

“No but I wonder if I’m the first one to suggest it for the right reasons.”

“What on earth makes you think that? You’ve been here for one day. Those boys have played you. I guarantee that. There’s no way they would have given you anything real. Trust me.”

“What do you consider real, Miss Montgomery? Surely it can’t be a surprise to you that Aria gets over-attached to people far too quickly because he’s desperate for something his parents can’t, or won’t give him? Or that Amara really isn’t as tough as he appears and a lot of it is a thin veneer over a boy who is as hurt and vulnerable as his brother.”

Miss Montgomery blanched. “What the hell have they been talking to you about?”

Aha. Hit a nerve. She’s wondering what exactly I know, and I’m wondering the same about her.

Drew kept his gaze steady, hoping she didn’t know as much as he did, because that meant someone had been aware of how much pain the Graice twins were in and had done absolutely nothing about it.

“Is it true that the boys haven’t been able to speak confidentially to a therapist because they all report directly back to Mrs Graice?”

Miss Montgomery pinched the bridge of her nose and shuffled papers on her desk. She didn’t answer for so long, Drew thought she wasn’t going to.

“For a bodyguard, you are remarkably inquisitive about people and things that have absolutely nothing to do with you. Tell me, why on earth would a man like you concern himself with lives of two teenage boys?”

“I think the more pertinent question, Miss Montgomery, is why a woman like you doesn’t.”

Miss Montgomery sighed and shook her head. “Let me make this very clear to you, Mr Chance. Julianna Graice is an extremely forceful and powerful woman, and her sons, no matter what they think, are still minors and entirely under her control. Not a penny is spent without her being aware of it and she likes to keep tight control.”

Drew shuddered inside, feeling slightly sick. “But they have their own money, their own accounts.”

“May I repeat, Mr Chance, they are minors, children. They are not able to hold property in their own names, neither do they have complete control of their accounts, investments or trust funds. Whilst their parents, as trustees have a duty to look after their money, they have no obligation to release any of it to them and have the absolute right to all information regarding their money or indeed any aspect of their lives.”

“But surely professionals are bound by professional rules. What about confidentiality?”

Miss Montgomery sighed. “As far as I’m aware official guidelines leave it in the hands of the practitioner when children are minors. Given the…forceful personality of Mrs Graice, and the fact that they don’t get paid if she thinks they’re keeping anything from her, most therapists choose disclosure over confidentiality. Right or wrong, it’s a fact.”

“That’s—”

“None of your business, Mr Chance. Now, can we please get down to business.”

“But it’s not fair. Those boys are suffering.”

“That is a complete over statement, Mr Chance. Whatever you might think, and I would caution you about how much thinking you engage in regarding Aria and Amara, those boys are well taken care of. They’ll be eighteen soon and after that, what they do will be up to them. Until then, there is no point worrying about what ought to be when one is faced only with what is.”

Drew bit back a retort and nodded bluntly. He appreciated what she was saying, and she was right. In only a matter of weeks the twins would be eighteen and then they could do what they wanted. Drew intended to make sure that they found someone who would help them stand on their own feet instead of under the noxious shadow of their mother.

“Can we get to business now?” Alicia asked crisply

Drew nodded, biting his tongue.

Alicia outlined a busy day when Amara was engaged in a press conference and back-to-back interviews and Aria was out-and-about with a fellow you tuber doing a collaborative shoot on something fashion related. Drew was to tag along, but would be free from five, with a day off the following day.

As he was leaving her office, Alicia briefly touched his arm. “Aria and Amara need a friend. A friend they can talk to. There’s only so much seventeen-year-old boys can discuss with the woman who’s wiped their noses and doctored their scrapes since they were eight years old; someone who isn’t controlled by their mother.”

Their eyes met for a brief moment, then she spun, and the door was practically slammed in his face.