A Different Love - 28. Chapter 28

The cold air hit us as we left the cinema and I was glad to get back in the car. A shiver ran up and down my spine and Nathan turned towards me with an enquiring look.

"Cold?"

"Yeah, just a bit. I could murder a hot drink, its freezing!"

“I'll make you one when we get to the flat” he offered, as we pulled out of the car park. "If you still want me to show you around that is?"

“Yeah of course I do, that’d be great!”

I desperately tried to keep the eagerness out of my voice so that he didn't realise just how much I wanted to see it, but this time the shiver that ran up and down my body was one of anticipation. I should have known that the inevitable would happen and my resolve to see him as just a friend would crumble almost immediately. His offer to show me around the flat made any number of fantasies come alive and I couldn't help the erotic thoughts that poured into my head. We drove in silence for a couple of minutes until he looked at me with a puzzled expression on his face. There was obviously something on his mind and my heart beat slightly faster as he revealed what it was.

“You were very quiet in there” he remarked.

“You’re supposed to be” I immediately retorted, wondering where the conversation was leading.

“You know what I mean” he replied, slightly peeved.

I looked across at him and realized his remark had been made out of concern rather than curiosity and immediately regretted my flippant reply.

“Sorry Naith, I didn’t mean it to sound like that. It’s just that I always find the cinema to be a good place for thinking”

“What about?” he enquired, laughing out loud “Naked women!”

The answer, 'No, naked men' was on the tip of my tongue, but there was no way I could bring myself to say the words. It obviously wasn't meant as a rhetorical question though and I could see that he was expecting a response. I completely ignored his remark about naked women and answered in a deliberately vague manner.

“Oh you know, just personal stuff”

From the look on his face he obviously didn’t know, but I was grateful when he said nothing further on the subject.

We arrived at his flat a few minutes later. The front of the building was in darkness, but as we left the car and walked towards the front door an automatic light came on, instantly illuminating the porch. I stood shivering as Nathan fumbled for his keys, eventually opening the door.

The warm air that swirled around us as we entered the flat was a welcome respite from the freezing cold weather. Once inside, he turned the lights on and slipped his shoes off. I quickly did the same and followed him down the hallway. A door on the left opened into the main living area and for a second or two I was taken aback by the lavish surroundings. It was a spacious, open plan design with a separate lounge and dining area. Thick luxurious carpets, two sumptuous leather sofas and a huge television added to the overall look of opulence. A large state of the art kitchen stood at one end of the room, separated by a long breakfast bar. Black marble worktops housed what were no doubt solid oak units and a huge American-style fridge freezer stood on the far wall. I gave a low whistle and my eyes widened in awe.

“Wow! Talk about luxurious”

“Yeah, it’s not bad is it” laughed Nathan as he watched me stare open-mouthed at the lavish surroundings.

“You could say that!”

“Make yourself at home Jase. I’ll make a drink” he said, heading for the kitchen “Tea or coffee?"

I followed him across the room and leant against the breakfast bar, casually observing him.

“Oh, erm coffee thanks"

My earlier resolve to ignore my feelings completely dissolved as I watched Nathan busy himself preparing the drinks. He was still wearing the same black trousers he’d worn this morning and I watched with a growing sense of desire as the material alternately tightened and loosened around his rear with each new movement he made. My eyes widened and I almost gasped out loud as he bent over to take the milk from the fridge and it became easily apparent by the outline of his underwear that he was wearing some kind of tight briefs. Another throbbing erection pushed against the breakfast bar as I imagined him standing there in the skimpiest underwear possible and it took me several seconds to realise he was asking me a question.

“Do you take sugar Jase?”

“Oh erm no thanks, I’m sweet enough already!” I answered, laughing out loud.

“Sweet and innocent is that?” he asked, joining in with my laughter.

“Of course!”

I blushed guiltily. After everything I'd done with Connor and all the thoughts I’d been having about Nathan lately, the last thing I could be described as was sweet and innocent. He gazed at me steadily and unable to maintain eye contact, I quickly looked away.

“Sit down Jase, I’ll bring the drinks over”

I reluctantly did as he said and sank down on one of the comfortable leather sofas. Within a short while he'd joined me and as we sipped our hot drinks, I couldn't help being the tiniest bit envious.

“It must be nice to have your own place”

“Yeah, it’s great. Especially if you want to bring someone back!”

I gave him a sidelong glance, determined to stop myself from being judgmental. If he wanted to bring a different girl back here every night it was none of my business. In the end I couldn't help it though and he obviously knew by the look on my face what was going through my mind.

"I know what you're thinking Jase" he remarked with a rueful smile "But the truth is, it’s been pretty lonely here until now"

Something in the tone of his voice immediately made me feel bad for thinking the worst of him again, but I still couldn’t help wanting to know more. My heart was thumping madly as I tentatively broached the subject.

“I wouldn’t have expected you to be lonely?” I ventured, trying to make a joke of it “Sure you haven’t got someone hidden away waiting for me to go”

He laughed out loud and swung him arm in mock exasperation “Damn Jason!!! How did you guess? She’ll be getting restless in that cupboard. I need to go let her out!”

I laughed along with him, but despite the joke, I could tell there was an underlying current of sadness running through the conversation. Although we’d only known each other for a few days, it almost seemed as if I knew what he was thinking and a sudden urge to make him feel better became paramount.

"Anyway Naith, at least you don't have to be alone anymore. If you can put up with me, that is?" I added with a nervous laugh.

He gave me a grateful smile and rubbed my shoulder before replying. "Oh I think I'll be able to manage that somehow!"

He stood up abruptly and disappeared through the door into the hallway, calling back over his shoulder.

"Won't be a sec Jase"

Left alone, I gazed around the room, noticing for the first time how meticulously clean and tidy it was. There wasn’t much in the way of personal items on display, but I stood up and looked at the few there were, still hoping to discover more about him. A few paintings hung on the walls, mostly country scenes, but no family photographs were evident. I thought it was rather odd, until I spotted one small photograph. It was partially obscured from my view by the huge television and showed a pretty young girl of about five or six sitting on a swing in a garden. When I picked up the photo and studied it closely, there was a subtle yet undeniable resemblance to Nathan, and I suddenly realised who she was.

I jumped slightly as a low voice spoke in my ear.

“It’s my sister. Becky”

I hadn't heard him come back into the room, but as I turned around he was suddenly standing close behind me. His words had been spoken in a quiet, melancholy tone of voice and his face was shrouded in sadness.

“Oh! How old is she” I said, surprised that he'd never mentioned her before.

“She would’ve been fifteen” he answered in a voice that trembled with emotion

My voice shook as the realisation of what he meant sank in.

“You mean....she’s...erm….."

“She died” he explained with a sad smile, confirming what I was struggling to say. His hands shook as he took the photograph from me and whispered in a choked voice. “She looks so pretty there”

His eyes were heavy with the threat of tears and I put my hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed it.

“I’m really sorry Nathan, I can’t begin to imagine how you feel” I said sympathetically “I wouldn’t have mentioned it if………I mean if I’d known......I wouldn’t have………."

He interrupted my confusion, fixing me with a look of understanding. “It’s ok Jase, you weren’t to know” he said quietly “Dad hated anyone talking about it”

This was all news to me. In the back of my mind, I knew that Jim Brown had a daughter, but Nathan had never mentioned having a sister before. Now I knew why! I certainly didn’t know she’d passed away, and if dad knew he never said anything.

There was an awkward silence and I wondered if I should go any further. Finally, I decided it might help him to talk about it, so I tentatively continued.

“How did it happen?” I began hesitantly. “It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to talk about it Nathan” I added quickly “I’ll understand”

My hand was still on his shoulder and he placed his hand on top of mine and gazed at me with an expression of indecision on his face. "I've never talked about it with anyone else before" he murmured, half to himself.

He was obviously struggling to decide if now was the time to put that right and I could only hope he would have the confidence to talk to me. After what seemed like an age he took his hand off mine and sat down on the sofa. Patting the space next to him he signalled for me to do the same and I sat down beside him.

“It was an accident” he began, in a faltering voice. “She was only five years old and I was about ten or eleven”

He smiled sadly as he recalled the memory. “We were playing in the garden with a ball. The dog was running around like a mad thing, trying to catch it, tossing it up in the air with its nose. Then it suddenly came towards me and I kicked it far too hard!"

At this point he fell silent and his face creased with pain. I could tell it was a huge effort for him to carry on and I couldn't help rubbing his shoulder again to show my support. He continued in little more than a whisper, slowly shaking his head in despair.

"It disappeared through a hole in the hedge. Of course the dog was after it in a flash and naturally Becky squeezed through and followed. I tried to stop her but she was out of the garden before I had a chance. She ran out into the road just as a car was passing. The driver had no chance of stopping and there was nothing I could do but watch……..” He grasped my hand so tightly that the skin turned white and tears began to flow down his cheeks. "I'll never forget that moment Jase, it's imprinted on my mind. For a second or two everything seemed to happen in slow motion and then......" His words faded away as the full horror of the moment came flooding back.

“It’s ok Nathan” I reassured him quietly “its ok”

“I’ve never told anyone this before” he continued helplessly “But I still wake up some nights in a cold sweat and hear the squeal of brakes and the sickening crunch…….."

“Oh Nathan!” I cried, unsure what to do or say, but desperate to console him.

“I miss her so much Jase, it hurts"

I felt incredibly sorry for him and could almost feel the pain radiating from him. Tears filled my own eyes and I couldn't hold back my emotions any longer. All my pent up feelings came rushing to the surface and before I could stop myself I'd pulled him close to my chest and wrapped my arms around him. No words were needed between us and I just held him close whilst he sobbed uncontrollably against me. The intoxicating smell of his aftershave invaded my nostrils as my chin nestled in the crook of his shoulder and it took all my strength not to turn my head and kiss him.

Finally, his chest gradually stopped heaving and the sobbing eased. After a while we pulled apart, both a little shocked and embarrassed by our impromptu moment of closeness. I became flustered and wasn’t quite sure what to say, but I needn’t have worried, as Nathan quickly made a joke of it to ease our embarrassment.

"Blimey Jase, I thought you were going to choke me!" he laughed.

Nevertheless, I could tell that his expression and slightly reddened face belied his real feelings and I gave a nervous laugh in return.

“Sorry Nathan, I didn’t mean to....erm..well....you know"

“It’s ok Jase, I really appreciate your support. At least it shows you care!”

I immediately knew he was referring to his father and felt that he needed to know there was at least someone he could turn to.

"You do know that you can talk to me about anything at any time Nathan, don't you? I urged him "It won't go any further, I promise"

"I know Jase" he acknowledged, becoming serious once again “And thanks for listening, I really appreciate it"

"It's no problem. Talk to me anytime! I'm always ready to listen"

I couldn't help gazing at his handsome face, now tear stained and tinged with pink “Are you sure you’re ok?” I asked him, still concerned.

“Yeah I am” he said gratefully, reaching for a tissue to dry his eyes.

He grasped my shoulder and lightly squeezed it "I’m really glad we've become friends Jase. It means so much to me”

He smiled at me and I felt a warm tingling sensation inside. Was it really my imagination or had something special just happened between us. I quickly decided that it wasn't wise to pursue such thoughts and immediately pushed them to the back of my mind, frightened to jeopardize our budding friendship. Instead I took a large sip of coffee and wandered over to the sound system in the far corner. A neat stack of old vinyl LP’s stood to one side and I thumbed through them absent mindedly, reciting the titles out loud. "Andy Williams, Perry Como, Matt Monroe........"

“My dad’s collection, not mine" Nathan cut in "He’s a big fan of the old stuff“

"You tell me anything” I joked “Bet they’re all yours!”

“No chance!” he responded “I much prefer Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra”

I could tell by the look on his face he was joking and it was good to see that his normal cheerful demeanour had been restored.

"By the way Jase, I meant to ask. When are you at work next week?"

"Oh erm, one ‘till seven all week"

He screwed up his face and sighed in disappointment.

"Oh, except Friday that is!" I added, suddenly remembering. "I'm finishing early"

His face lit up "That's' your birthday isn't it?"

"Yeah it is" I answered slowly, raising my eyebrows in surprise "And it’s yours the day after"

"That’s right" he exclaimed "You remembered!"

How could I forget. He'd picked up my train pass the other night at the bus stop and read my name and date of birth out loud. That’s when he’d told me his birthday was the day after mine.

"So is that why you're finishing early?" he continued "To celebrate your birthday"

I gazed at him dejectedly and shook my head "That was the idea originally. I was supposed to be going out with some friends, but they can’t make it now"

I hated lying to him, but I didn’t want him to think I was some kind of sad misfit with no friends. In reality I’d booked the time off so I had an excuse to avoid the company Christmas party. At least I could give him a reasonably genuine sounding excuse.

"The thing is, I've got no excuse to avoid the Christmas party at work now" I went on, finding it hard to keep the dejection out of my voice. "Everyone’s going out for a meal and it's fallen on the same day as my birthday this year"

"But why would you want to avoid it?" he asked with a puzzled look "It could be a double celebration. It's your 21st, remember!"

I didn't need reminding, preferring instead to continue with my explanation. "It's just that a couple of the guys I work with are idiots and I try my best to avoid them"

It was a definite understatement, as Craig and Aiden, the two guys in question, immediately sprang to mind. Craig had started at the store on the same day as me, quickly becoming best friends with Aiden, who already worked there. With their constant jibes and put downs they could be a real pain in the arse and the last thing I wanted to do was socialize with them.

"So you're not doing anything special for your birthday at all then?"

"No, I'm not" I answered, as butterflies suddenly crowded my stomach.

"In that case I could provide you with the perfect excuse if you want me to" he continued excitedly "Let’s go for a birthday meal on our own instead. We can celebrate together"

For a second or two I gazed at him with a stunned expression on my face before making a response.

"Really!" I exclaimed.

He laughed at my look of surprise and clapped me on the shoulder. "Yeah really! Why not?"

A shiver of excitement ran up and down my spine and I could hardly wait. When Connor had asked if he could cook me a meal it had clearly been a date, but this was probably just Nathan's way of thanking me for my support. Even so, I could easily let my imagination take over and pretend that a date was exactly what it was. On the other hand, I thought to myself worriedly, what would it look like? Two guys enjoying dinner together in a restaurant! What if anyone I knew saw us? What would they think? A second or two later I laughed at myself for being so completely and utterly paranoid. Why on earth did it matter anyway? I was proud to be seen with Nathan and it obviously didn't bother him. Although I was pretty sure it would never happen, I wanted him to be my boyfriend more than anything. He must have seen the fleeting look of alarm that crossed my face as the thoughts ran through my mind and he anxiously sought my acceptance.

"So you'll come then?"

It took me less than a second to answer and I readily agreed "Yeah, of course I'll come Nathan. I'd love to!"

He visibly relaxed and I smiled to myself, thrilled at the prospect of spending even more time together. This would be the first time, apart from my parents, that anyone had ever taken me out for a meal.

"That's settled then" he said, obviously pleased that I'd accepted his invitation.

He changed the subject abruptly "So, are you in a rush to get home Jase?" he asked.

I glanced at the clock, surprised that the time had gone so quickly. It was almost 6:30 and too late now to go home for tea. My usual habit of saying exactly the opposite of what I wanted kicked in and I gave a resigned sigh.

“I suppose I ought to get home really"

The reluctance in my voice was evident and he picked up on it straight away.

"Tell you what Jase. Why don't I cook us some tea here and then we'll watch a DVD or something?" he suggested.

I wished I could choose what the 'something' was, I thought to myself ruefully, but somehow I didn't think he'd agree with what I had in mind. Instead I quickly accepted his invitation, smiling to myself as I watched his face light up with pleasure.

"If you're sure it's not too much trouble?" I asked hesitantly "I thought you'd be fed up of me by now"

I gave him a worried glance, not wanting to outstay my welcome.

“Course not, I'd love you to stay!" He laughed, as if it was the most ridiculous thing in the world.

Before I could change my mind he'd disappeared into the kitchen and was reaching into a cupboard above the cooker. “Scrambled eggs ok Jase?" he called out.

After mum’s Sunday lunch earlier on, a light meal was perfect, and I readily agreed.

“Yeah that'd be great Naith. Can I give you a hand?"

"No, I'm fine, sit down. It'll be ready in no time"

Despite what he said, I couldn't help leaning over the breakfast bar again, watching with interest as he cracked eggs with one hand and whisked them with the other.

"You should have been a chef!" I remarked, laughing at the exaggerated way he was behaving.

I could see from his side that he'd donned an apron, but it wasn't until he turned around that I discovered it was emblazoned with a picture of a naked muscular torso. My eyes almost popped out and I couldn't help making an impromptu comment

“Nice body!" I quipped, pointing at the apron.

“Oh my last girlfriend liked me to wear it” he said airily. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask if it was anything like the real thing when his next comment stunned me into silence.

“With nothing underneath of course!”

I couldn't tell if he was being serious or not, but nevertheless my jaw dropped several inches. He just laughed as I quickly composed myself and he turned back to his cooking. Within a short space of time he'd taken the apron off and placed two plates of scrambled eggs on toast on the dining table. He indicated for me to sit down.

"There you go Jase, tuck in!"

We sat at opposite ends of the table facing each other and I smiled in admiration as Nathan attacked his food enthusiastically. He really was one of the most good looking guys I'd ever met and I still couldn't quite believe how lucky I was to be with him. He suddenly lifted his head and gazed at me in puzzlement.

“What?" he asked, frowning slightly as he realized I was staring at him.

"It's nothing, honest"

“Come on, tell me!"

My heart was racing as I desperately tried to think of something to say, finally settling on at least part of the truth.

"It's just erm....well I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I really admire you Nathan"

His eyebrows shot up in surprise and he almost choked on his food. "You admire me!!" he exclaimed "Why?"

“Well, you've got your own flat and a good job. You're good looking, confidant....." I broke off, struggling to say the next words "You can have any girl you want.....and probably do......"

Before I could say anymore he quickly interrupted me, shaking his head in despair. "Jason, you're unbelievable!!"

“What do you mean?"

“I mean that that you've got it completely the wrong way round. It’s me that admires you!"

"You're joking!"

"No, I'm not joking, I'm deadly serious! You're a really good person Jason, far better than me. You're kind and considerate and maybe you don't have a girlfriend at the moment, but you're good looking and intelligent and any girl would be lucky to have you!"

His words tumbled out in a rush of emotion and I was so completely taken aback by the depth of his feelings, I could hardly answer. The colour rushed to my face and my heart thudded uncontrollably. I couldn't believe that he felt this way about me.

"You're not serious Nathan! I don't know what to say"

“You don't need to say anything. I'm being deadly serious Jason. It's all true"

His face was tinged pink with embarrassment and he grasped his knife and fork to continue eating. Suddenly changing his mind, he put them down again and stared ahead with a faraway look in his eyes.

"Besides, none of it really matters if there are people around that love you. And you've got that in abundance Jason. Your family clearly adore you and once you find that someone special you're looking for, they can’t fail to fall in love with you too"

I could immediately see the pain and sadness etched across his face. It was obviously an emotive subject for him and I wondered what had happened to make him feel this way. Obviously he felt that his parents didn't love him, but I could tell by the depth of his feelings that there was much more to it than that. I felt incredibly sorry for him and it was one of those times when words of comfort were probably a waste of time. Nevertheless, they were all I had and I forged ahead undaunted.

"Look Nathan, I know you probably don't want to hear this right now..... but things are never as bad as they seem. And you've got me now" I added, chuckling slightly.

A few seconds later I frowned and screwed up my face "On second thoughts I’m not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing"

My attempt at humour clearly worked. He gave me a broad smile and I knew that my words had been appreciated.

"Oh believe me Jase, It's definitely a good thing"

There was one thing I was longing to ask him and I tentatively broached the subject.

“Why did you say I'm a much better person than you Naith? What did you mean?"

He shrugged his shoulders before replying, as if it didn't matter.

"Forget I said anything Jase, I was just being melodramatic"

He gazed at the determined look on my face and his shoulders dropped as he sighed heavily, instinctively knowing that I wouldn't just leave it at that.

"Look Jason, I've done one or two things in my life that I'm not particularly proud of. Things I'd rather forget"

His words were spoken with an air of finality about them and I knew that he wasn't going to enlighten me any further. We finished our meal in silence and shortly afterwards I pushed my plate to one side.

"Thanks Naith, that was really tasty"

"Glad you enjoyed it"

He stood up and collecting the plates together, headed for the kitchen. "Sit down and relax Jase" he called, pointing to the sofas "I'll make us another drink and then we can choose a DVD to watch"

A moment later he set the drinks down on the coffee table and opened up a cupboard under the television. It was full to the brim with DVD’s and he knelt down on his knees to look through them.

"Any preferences Jase?"

"I don't mind, you choose"

He chose a light hearted comedy that I hadn't seen before and soon we were in fits of laughter. I couldn't help occasionally glancing at him, pleased to see that he was so happy and relaxed after dredging up what were obviously unhappy memories. I was itching to move closer to him and drape my arm around his shoulder but knew that I couldn't jeopardize what was fast becoming the best friendship I'd ever had. Sitting close to him on the sofa made me realise how much I enjoyed spending time with him and I couldn't believe how everything seemed so perfect.

Before I knew it, the film was over and it was getting late. I didn't really want to go just yet but I was mindful of the fact that Nathan still had to take me home along roads that were no doubt icy and then get himself back again. I was getting to know him by now and if I mentioned anything about staying any longer he would immediately insist that I did, no matter what. With that in mind, I stood up and stretched, yawning loudly

“It’s about time I was getting back Naith” I said, looking at the clock.

He nodded and gazed at me ruefully “Yeah ok Jase. But you’ll have to come round again soon. It gets pretty lonely here on my own”

"Yeah course I will. I've really enjoyed myself today. It's been brilliant!"

He laughed at my enthusiastic response before wholeheartedly agreeing "Yeah it has"

My words were the absolute truth. It was a long time since I'd had such a great day and I didn't want it to end. Normally my days consisted of work and the usual mundane things that most people did. Whilst I enjoyed spending time with my family, I hadn’t enjoyed much of a social life since Connor had left, so to actually spend the day with someone like Nathan was a dream come true. I'd always thought the term love at first sight was a myth, but now I could confirm that it definitely wasn't. I'd fallen head over heels for Nathan. For some strange reason, he seemed to like me too and I marvelled at the way things had worked out, unable to believe how lucky I was. If only he was gay life really would be perfect, but I was still terrified to take that final step and ask him, petrified that my new found friendship would come crashing down around me.

The journey back to Dryford was spent chatting excitedly about what food we liked and where we could go for our meal. The general consensus of opinion seemed to be Chinese and after much discussion we finally settled on that.

I was right about the roads, they were icy, but Nathan was an excellent driver and we were soon entering the village. Two minutes later we drew up outside our bungalow and instead of opening the door immediately, I sat for a while, listening to the low purring sound of the engine. Knowing that Nathan was only inches away made me extremely reluctant to leave the car but I couldn't sit there forever.

"Thanks for bringing me home Naith, I really appreciate it"

He smiled and shifted the gear stick into neutral before replying "No problem Jase, anytime"

“So what time does your train arrive in Hamborough tomorrow night?” he asked

“Oh, it’s erm due in at 20:05. Hopefully it’ll be on time!”

“I’ll pick you up at the station then” he confirmed with a smile.

"Ok, thanks Nathan. I'll see you tomorrow night" I said, grasping the door handle.

An overwhelming urge to lean over and kiss him suddenly came over me and I almost succumbed to temptation. Instead I pushed the door slowly open, shivering as I felt the cold around my legs.

"Bye Naith. Take care on the journey home and make sure you text me when you get home"

"Don't worry, I will"

I shut the door and stood waiting at the gate as he drove slowly to the end of the cul de sac before turning the car around and coming back. He waved as he passed by and I raised my arm in response, watching until the rear lights of his car slowly disappeared from view.

I lay in bed that night, the events of the last few days spinning around in my mind like a whirlpool. Meeting Nathan had been a revelation to me. For a brief moment in time fate had conspired to bring us together, allowing a special bond to form between. From the emotional portrayal of his sister’s death to the willingness he showed to confide in me, I was convinced that Nathan felt it too. I recalled those first tentative words spoken at the bus stop and my mind began to relive all the time I’d spent with him. For me there had been an instant attraction that was most definitely driven by lust. I certainly never expected to see him again and yet the following evening there he was, running down the hill to catch me up. If he hadn’t forgotten his wallet and asked me to lend him the bus fare home, I doubt that we would ever have exchanged more than a few fleeting words. Instead, he’d invited me for a drink the following evening to repay my kindness. At his insistence I’d readily accepted and out of this was born a growing friendship. Although I’d intended to leave after a couple of drinks, I found myself captivated by him and unable to tear myself away. Our evening out had brought us even closer together and we quickly discovered mutual interests and the fact that we had several things in common. Nathan was great fun to be with and we seemed to click instantly. Laughing and joking were a major part of his character and just being with him made me feel happy and somehow special. Unfortunately, I’d drunk far more than I intended to and in my hopelessly inebriated state, had fallen and injured my wrist. Nevertheless Nathan had seen me safely home, even cleaning the wound and putting me to bed. The following day his kindness and concern for my welfare became even more apparent when he shouldered the blame for the mess I’d made in the doorway of a local shop the night before. Later that day I’d introduced him to my parents and we discovered that amazingly dad was a close friend of his fathers. The subsequent knowledge that we’d even met before as children stunned us both and served only to strengthen our blossoming friendship. I was eternally grateful when my parents seemed to welcome Nathan almost as part of the family, even inviting him to lunch the following day. On learning that he was to spend Christmas alone, I was thrilled and excited when they suggested he spend the day with us instead. To my great joy Nathan gratefully accepted and I looked forward to what hopefully would be the start of a long and meaningful relationship. We’d spent virtually the whole weekend together with the promise of more to come. Even ordinary activities like a visit to the cinema were greatly enhanced in his company and I was desperate to spend as much time as possible with him. Later on his emotional turmoil at the flat and our sudden unexpected moment of closeness had been a particularly poignant experience. I suspected from his reactions that this was the first time he’d been able to share some of his most personal feelings of hurt and despair. The fact that he’d chosen me was particularly pertinent. I’d found that Nathan was an incredibly tactile person and every time we touched, intense feelings of desire exploded inside me. He aroused several conflicting emotions within me, from a burning sexual tension to bitter disappointment each time he mentioned a girlfriend. Unfortunately, I hadn't seen anything tangible to suggest he was gay, whereas several things most definitely pointed to him being straight. More than anything I had an overwhelming urge to kiss him, to feel the warmth of his lips against mine, but these heightened emotions and yearnings would have to remain a part of my imagination. There was absolutely no doubt that I'd fallen utterly and completely in love with him in what seemed like an incredibly short space of time. There was no explanation for it so I decided it was pointless to try and look for one, preferring instead to wallow in the warm feelings he aroused within me. As if he knew I was thinking about him, my phone suddenly beeped and lit up as a text slowly moved across the screen.

'Got home safely Jase. Had an awesome day! Thanks, Nathan x'

My stomach flipped on seeing the small 'x' at the end of the message, but after thinking about it for several seconds, convinced myself it was just his way of showing 'bro' love. I quickly texted back 'Me too! See you tomorrow. Jase x', making sure the 'x' was reciprocated.

Finally I drifted off to sleep as images of Nathan crowded my subconscious, forbidding all other thoughts from invading my mind.