CRYSTALLINE - 40. I Didn’t Want To See It As Love

Late in the afternoon, Dante took Thomas to the Wisteria Pergola for a private chat.

“I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room” Dante used as an opening line.

“By that do you mean the third party in our bed?”

“Yes, can you explain it all to me?”

“I thought you were in agreement with the arrangement” suggested Thomas.

“I’m not disagreeable about it, but frankly surprised you initiated it, given how it came about and the possible ramifications”

Thomas paused before answering. He wanted to be as honest as possible, so he looked for just the right words.

“I had my suspicions for some time that you were playing about on the side, though I did not know it was with Yashuki. But before I go on, I need you to be honest with me about whether or not there was anyone else”

“Since we’ve been together, only once, and that was in Mallacoota, but I suspect you figured that out already”

“Yes, and thanks for your honesty about that. Now back to Yashuki. Shortly after you were arrested I worked out you and Yashuki had something going on. Patrick’s death loosened a lot of tongues around here and as the days went by little snippets of information gathered in my head and eventually formed a complete picture. But at the same time my emotions were all over the place. I was worried about you being in custody and the possible time you would spend there, even if eventually innocent of the charge. I think Yashuki knew that and was genuinely supportive towards me. When I confronted him with my suspicions he was open and honest about it. Didn’t try to hide it, but at the same time didn’t flaunt it either. Any reluctance, on his part, to talk about it seemed more about protecting my feelings, than hiding the facts.

We discussed it openly and instead of it coming between him and I, it somehow drew us closer. Maybe it had something to do with sharing you and neither of us wanting those experiences to be tarnished. His honesty was so refreshing.

Something I haven’t told you before is that I lost Jared for almost a year, after I strayed, only on one occasion though, but it was enough for him to dump me. I still remember how painful that was and decided I could not do that to you.

All of that eventually led to us sharing our bed one night. It should be noted that I invited him and initiated the action. Mind you he didn’t need much encouragement. So, while you were away his comfort got me through a very difficult time. Then when I heard you were to be released I didn’t know what to do. Should I tell Yashuki, thanks but it’s all over now I’m getting Dante back. But since you and Yashuki also had a relationship, of sorts, it seemed only natural not to hide it from you and give you a chance to approve or not”

“You must have anticipated my approval if you thought it appropriate to buy a new bed”

“Oh that... well a bed for three was my thinking when I first went shopping. But the old bed was just that, very old. I think it’s the bed that Desmond used for over twenty years, so was due for replacement. Regardless, I think we deserved a new bed.”

“Fair enough”

“I didn’t know how to approach you about the threesome idea, so Yashuki came up with the idea of the magic trick. That way, if you didn’t approve then it would not be forced upon you. You could have shown your astonishment at his trick and simply said good night and that would have been the end of it.”

“But I didn’t” replied Dante

“No, so we took that as your approval”

“A threesome for one night or even a few more nights is one thing, but an ongoing relationship between three people is another. Have you considered that?” asked Dante

“Of course, but I haven’t discussed it with Yashuki”

“Then don’t you think we should?”

“Definitely, but as our relationship is older, then we need to be on the same page first” suggested Thomas.

“Ok, then what are your feelings for Yashuki?”

“I feel close to him, after all his support”

“Is it the same closeness as you feel for me?”

“No, it’s different, but no less strong. Not something I’ve felt before. Can one be in love with two people simultaneously?”

“I suppose it’s possible” replied Dante “Are you in love with Yashuki?”

“I love Yashuki, but wouldn’t say I was in love. Can you see the difference?”

“Well, we all love other people, like family and very close friends, but we don’t sleep with them”

“Maybe I love Yashuki, like a brother. I don’t have a brother, so not sure what that feels like”

“A brother that you want to sleep with?” asked Dante.

“Fuck! I didn’t mean it that way, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any disrespect to your relationship with Patrick”

“I didn’t mean that either, so let’s forget it” suggested Dante.

“I think what I’m trying to say is, yes I love Yashuki and I’m in love with you and over time whatever kind of love we have for each other, it either grows or it fades away”

“That’s a dangerous philosophy” stated Dante.

“Mmm”

“Do you want to elaborate on mmm?”

“Not really, but I’ve told you how I feel, now it’s your turn” suggested Thomas.

Dante looked up to see some friends approaching and Thomas said “Saved for now, aren’t you?”

“What are you two doing out here alone?” asked Lachlan “Some of our guests are ready to leave and want to give their final condolences to you Dante”

“Sure, I’ll go immediately”

Dante left, then turned around and looked at Thomas, who clearly had no intention of following, so Dante continued back to the house. Lachlan picked up on some tension, so he waited behind to see if Thomas needed to talk.

“Do you need a drink?” Lachlan asked

“No, I’m good”

“Then do you need a friend?”

“Fuck yes!”

Lachlan sat down, but didn’t ask any questions, he just let Thomas start in his own time.

***

“Thank you for inviting us today” said Virginia “I know we didn’t know Patrick, but as you are Thomas’ partner, you are family to me, so Desmond and I appreciate you asking us. Don’t we Desmond?”

“Yes of course dear, all family”

“I wanted to say goodbye to Thomas, do you know where he is?”

“Ah...not sure at the moment, but I’ll pass on your goodbye”

“Thank you Dante and so sorry about your loss, especially under such dreadful circumstances. It must be so painful for you”

“Of course it is, but I have Thomas and lots of other support. I’ll get through it”

“That’s the spirit” added Desmond “Now we must say our final farewells”

Virginia gave Dante a hug and added “Call or visit anytime, you are always in our thoughts”

***

“Lachlan, have you noticed anything different about Dante and I, recently?” asked Thomas.

“Apart from all the stress caused by Patrick’s death?”

“Yes, that aside”

“One thing I have noticed is a closeness between you two and Yashuki. Quite frankly it surprised me, especially after what you told me about Dante and Yashuki, the last time we had a private chat like this”

“Understandable....but something happened between Yashuki and I. While Dante was away and I was in a mess emotionally, Yashuki was a great comfort to me with massages, a sympathetic ear and the occasional hug. But that lead to more and for a few days we shared my bed each night”

“But how could you after what he had done with Dante?”

“I don’t know, it doesn’t make any sense to me either, but it happened”

“Ok, you were in a weakened state emotionally and everyone makes a slip sometime in their life. That was yours. It could also be getting even with Dante. Did you think of that?”

“I did actually, but only after we’d been sleeping together for a few days. I thought maybe I had done it subconsciously to get back at Dante, but I don’t feel that way at all. I genuinely enjoy being with Yashuki”

“Has this something to do with Yashuki now eating at the Manor staff dining room instead of Arcobaleno? Cook seems a bit surprised about it. No, surprised is not the right word, shocked would be closer to the truth”

“And judgemental as well?” asked Thomas

“A bit of that, but it’s none of her business anyway. It’s about how you and Dante deal with it”

“That’s what I need to talk about. I’m really not too sure how Dante feels about the arrangement”

“You mean he hasn’t said anything”

“Not specifically. We all sleep together and he joins in, so to speak. Given his past relationship with Yashuki, I thought he would be thrilled to have me accept Yashuki into our bed”

“But he isn’t? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Not exactly. He raised the issue today and I told him how I feel, but he hasn’t explained his side of it. I had just asked him when you came to tell him some of the guests were leaving the wake”

“Sorry, if I interrupted”

“No fault of yours. You couldn’t have known and were just doing the right thing for the guests”

“So, what exactly is your dilemma?”

“That’s a very good question. On one hand I tried not to be too judgemental about Dante and Yashuki, because I strayed once while in a permanent relationship and suffered because of my lapse of fidelity, I didn’t want to do that to Dante. But on the other hand I started this relationship with Yashuki for my own benefit; that is the comfort he gave me while Dante was in prison. So when Dante was coming home I thought I was doing the right thing by inviting Yashuki into our relationship”

“I think that’s the word you need to think about”

Thomas looked questioningly at Lachlan, who then added “Relationship”

“Fuck, you’re right. How could I have not seen that? Dante and I have a relationship that precedes Yashuki’s involvement, so I need to think about that”

“Good”

“NO, not good. He’s been fucking around and cheating with Yashuki, while we’ve been in our relationship, so which does he value more?”

“Hey, I thought you were passed that, no judgement because you had been there yourself”

“Did I? ... Yes, of course I did. Fuck I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m usually the one giving people advice, now I’m a fucking mess”

“I don’t think it’s that bad. In your head it may be a mess, but as things seem from the outside, you three are getting on well so you really need to all discuss it together and decide what form of relationship you all want, then agree on some terms. I’m no expert on threesomes, I’ve only had the occasional casual thing. But an ongoing three way relationship is an entirely different animal. There are no rules, you have to set your own. If that’s what the three of you want”

“Lachlan, you’re bloody well right. I’m used to being in charge, that’s why I’m so good at my job, but a relationship is different, no one’s in charge. I can’t make the rules on my own and that’s what I’m not accustomed to doing. We have to agree equally. How could I not have seen that?”

“Thomas, you’re a pleasure to work with, you reason through problems and come up with rational and workable solutions in business, because you keep emotions out of that process. But personal relationships are all about emotions, that’s a fucking huge difference. So don’t expect the super efficient Thomas in business to function the same way in a relationship”

“I think I would like that drink now and I’ll drink to you Lachlan, an extraordinary work colleague and the truest of friends. My shout”

“Actually, all the drinks today are Jonathan’s shout, but thanks for the endorsement”

The two friends put their arms over each other’s shoulder and walked back to the Manor, each with a spring in their steps.

***

As they walked along the driveway, they met Dante, who had just farewelled some guests. He gave Thomas such an uncomfortable glare, Lachlan said “I’ll get the drinks, join me when you are ready”

“What the fuck was that all about?” Dante asked

“Lachlan and I were just having a chat”

“Not that, but why didn’t you join me to farewell our guests?”

“Um...ah...I thought as Patrick was your brother and not related to me, you would want to accept their condolences alone. Does that make sense?”

“Sort of, but I would prefer you to be with me. As my partner, Patrick was your brother-in-law”

“Sorry, I didn’t see it that way, but you’re right. Please forgive me and I’ll be by your side for the rest of the day”

“That’s better” concluded Dante.

<>

They joined the rest of the party while the guests slowly drifted away, till just on nightfall it was only the residents left.

Yashuki was busy cleaning up and each time he passed Thomas and Dante, he just gave them a smile but said nothing. However he could tell by their faces, how they suddenly went silent when he was nearby and the half smiles he received from them, that he must have been the topic of conversation.

<>

“So are you going to tell me how you feel about our bedroom arrangements?” Thomas asked “You’ve had plenty of time to think about it”

“Confused, is probably the first feeling that comes to mind. I know what I did was not the right thing, and would not have been surprised if you had taken me to task when you found out. In fact, while I was sitting in prison cells, with nothing else to do, I gave it lots of thought and decided to come clean when I got out. But imagine my surprise when I find Yashuki sitting naked in our bed and you expressed no surprise. Then we spent a pleasant evening chatting for a while before you stripped off got into bed with Yashuki and just looked at me as if I was the one with a problem.

At first I thought it was your perverse way of getting back at me, teaching me a lesson that I was not the only one who could attract another sex partner. So I let you have your way without making any fuss, but when you kissed Yashuki, before you kissed me, my heart sank. I could then tell from the kiss that this was not some Thomas payback, the kiss was genuine. I just sat watching you two and the kiss seemed to go on forever, as if everything was in slow motion. Finally you backed away slightly, but Yashuki then grabbed your head and kissed you. It was then that I knew there was something real between you two.

With Yashuki and me, it was just sex, a bit of fun on the side, a cheap thrill. But Yashuki had never kissed me like that. In fact we rarely kissed, only sometimes after the event, more as a thank you. That was when I knew I was in real trouble. Not the kind I was expecting, but competition. I wish you had got angry with me and balled me out, told me what a slut I was and that I had violated the sanctity of our relationship. I could have managed that, I could have felt genuine remorse, I could have apologised. I would have promised it would not happen again and meant it, but you two took all that opportunity away from me”

“But you joined in and it seemed to be genuine. Were you faking that?”

“No, not at all. I love you and want you to be happy, so I went along with what you seemed to want. Then a strange thing happened. I felt a new warmth for Yashuki. His feelings seemed to be genuine, not just sexual gratification. I didn’t want to see it as love, but that’s what it felt like” Dante concluded.

“That’s the same feeling that crept up on me while you were away. So where does that leave us?” asked Thomas

“In a dilemma?”

“Ok, then the only way we can sort this is to add Yashuki’s thoughts to the mix”

“Agreed” replied Dante

<>

The next time Yashuki came by with a tray of empty glasses, Thomas said “Yashuki, can you leave that to the others, we three need to talk”

*****