Brian: Taking Courage - 4. 4. Developments

-- Earlier this year

"Bloody hell, mate. Why don't you dump her and have done with it?"

Brian had been moaning in the mess about Deirdre messing him around, finding excuses for not meeting up with him when he was on leave, or only doing so when Toby was around. She'd just changed plans, yet again, for a planned holiday for the three of them, as a family. It was an on-going saga, and his mates were used to it. But this time, Davey had cornered him afterwards.

Brian stared at Davey and tried to answer, "Because I worry that she'll use Toby as a weapon, punish me by not letting me see him."

"That's what solicitors are for mate."

"And a fat lot of good they do, look at Torky". Torquil was one of the guys in their troop whose life seemed to be one long-running and expensive war between his and his ex-wife's solicitors.

"But she's leading you up the garden path, surely you can see that?"

"I know, but every time I think about it, we sort of get together and then she finds a new bloke."

"And you don't?"

"What do you mean?"

"You and Gordon. Each time you come back from leave, you and him get together again. How do you think he feels?"

"It's just an arrangement."

"Oh come on, mate. It's been four years. How do you think Gordon feels?"

"He does stuff when he goes on leave, other blokes."

"Course he does. Lets off a bit of steam with a guy who doesn't have a list of dos and don'ts."

"I..."

"Gordon tells me things. Fucking hell mate, you have him dangling nicely on a bit of string. Who's leading who on? And what happens when you finish and go home?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, will you just wish the bloke goodbye and thanks for all the fish?"

"I can't..."

"Strikes me that there isn't much to choose between you and your ex-, you both pick guys up, put them down and pick them up again."

"Look, next trip, we're going on holiday together, me, Toby and Deirdre. I'll see what happens, whether we're going to be a couple again, or just stay on good terms for Toby. And I'll square things with Gordon when I get back. Promise."

"I'll hold you to it."

The problem was that Brian knew Davey was right. Except, every time he went home, Brian got sucked back in. Recently, though, he'd started to wonder. What would happen when he returned home. Where would he live, where would he work? And would he see Gordon again? Would the bloke allow it? He'd talked to his Mum about it a bit, not the Gordon thing of course, and she'd been straight with him. He needed to grow up, not to hang around Deirdre as if she was suddenly going to turn into the perfect wife. That was never going to happen.

And there was another thing, over the last four years. Brian had enjoyed his sessions with Gordon, true, but he'd enjoyed what that had brought to the rest of their relationship. They were mates, but mates who had sex and a couple of times Davey had accused them of acting like a couple. Would Gordon let Brian do that?

--- Present day

When Brian got back off leave, Gordon was still away. Their leaves had overlapped by a week, the week that Brian had been with Toby. Brian was slightly annoyed that Gordon had not suggested meeting up back at home, but then as Davey might have pointed out, Brian hadn't suggested it either. He had been on tenterhooks all week. He'd emailed Deirdre once he was back, giving her a run down on the trip with Toby and trying to take a balanced view. He had emailed rather than phoned because he could go over it, remove anything that felt like begging or whining. Just being a rational adult.

And you know, it felt good. The email he got back from her had a rather nasty, whiny edge to it, but he didn't rise to the bait and instead made concrete suggestions for his next visit, along with comments about what Toby was doing at school. He also wrote Toby a longer than usual email, and even tried to send the boy some pictures of wildlife and stuff in the Emirate. By chance, on the local TV channel, he came across a TV programme about some ecological work being done to restore wildlife habitats here and managed to send a whole email about it.

All he had to do was stick to it.

Brian's room was pleasant enough, as one of the more senior staff he got a bigger room. But it was just bed, desk and wardrobe. Most guys personalised them in some way, and Brian had had a selection of pictures of him, Toby and Deirdre. He had been gradually removing the Deirdre ones, gone was the image of them at a posh dinner-dance, him in his Army uniform and Deirdre dressed to the nines. Instead, he'd dug out more of Toby and had printed out some of the boy's drawings, trees had been a big interest last year.

Now there was a further, big change. He'd put up a couple of him and Gordon, nothing near the knuckle, there weren't any. But just ones of them larking about, with a couple of them with Davey and others, for camouflage. Brian was starting think about what was really important in his life.

When Gordon got back, it was a few days before they were both off shift together and had leisure time to go for a walk. It was Brian's idea, and Gordon seemed most amused at his insistence. They walked along one of the dry wadis and after a certain amount of quiet, Gordon got restless.

"So, what was so urgent you wanted to come out here. What happened at home?"

"Deirdre has a new bloke who's a bully and a homophobe. The trip away turned out to be just Toby and me, she was nowhere to be seen. And Toby asked me if I had a girlfriend. I said not, then felt a bit guilty."

"Lying by omission."

"Yeah, that sort of thing. So, I told him a bit about us. And..."

Brian came to a halt and Gordon stopped and turned to face him. "What's this about? What now?"

"I realise I've been a complete arse. Davey pointed out just before I left, that Deirdre and I were just the same, picking a guy up and putting him down again. And when I was chatting to Toby about us, about our arrangement, it hit me. Stupid really. Can we start again, and start again properly? No rules, no lists. We can do whatever. I'd like to be able to tell Toby next time I see him that yes, his Dad does have a boyfriend. I'm crap at relationships but I'd like to give it a try. Not just whilst we’re here, but at home. I was pissed off that you never suggested meeting up the week we were both home on leave but then it hit me. Why did you have to suggest it why couldn't I have done that?"

Gordon made to speak, but Brian held his hand up. "There's a bit more, then I'm done. I told me Mum too. Wrote her a long letter, longest she's ever had from me. She emailed me back, and she's cool with me being gay or bi or whatever it is. As long as I'm happy. And I am happy. I told her because, after I told Toby about us, he came out with something. He'd been on about Deirdre's new man having a bit of a mouth on him, making sarcastic remarks about Toby's climate change and ecology stuff. But turns out the guy's a nasty homophobe too, and Toby's a bit worried at being found out."

"Toby's gay?"

Brian shrugged, "Or bi or something. I didn't try and pin it down, but he's worried. I'm hoping next time we can have a bit more of a chat about it, but he's only 14 and well, I wasn't sure where to start."

"Bloody hell, me neither. You reckon the new bloke will bully him about being gay?"

"Distinct possibility. Any road, I told Mum so she could keep her eye on things. And she's told Toby she knows about me, and it's all cool. Let him know that she's not freaked out by gay people in the family. I hope he feels he can talk to her." Brian blushed, "I'd like to email him, send him a picture of us two and say that this is my mate Gordon who I told you about. So... Is it too late?"

Gordon stared at the bloke. He'd never really believed that they'd come to this point, that Brian would grow up and realise that he could have an adult relationship with Deirdre without being desperate for her to return to him. That, that was never going to happen. Somehow, Brian had finally realised that he didn't want it to happen either.

"No need to look so worried, mate. It's all good. That's the most adult and together I've ever heard you be. I'm proud of you. No, it's not too late. I'd rather have all of you now, than have constantly had the worry of her in the background. So, is this a good answer?", and Gordon leaned up and kissed him.

It lasted far longer than Gordon had planned, and he became aware of Brian's hands on his shorts, pushing them down and revealing Gordon's bare arse. When they finally pulled away from each other both were bare arsed; Brian had long picked up Gordon's habit of going commando unless in his work uniform. Gordon grinned.

"You want to go the whole way?"

Brian nodded, "All the way. Can I fuck you?"

"Out here?"

"I'm feeling crazy. Out here."

So that's what they did. Stupidly risky, but there Brian had his way with Gordon's arse for the first time. And they kissed each other before, during and after.

"Bloody hell, I can't believe we'd just done this."

Gordon grinned, "Neither can I, but it felt great. And thanks."

"Don't thank me. It's you. Look. Is it official, can I tell Toby you're my boyfriend?"

Gordon smiled, "And send him a picture of my dick, you mean?"

Brian playfully pushed Gordon, "Stupid bugger, he's only 14."

"Bet he'd still be interested."

"Well, he's seen mine. We went skinny-dipping in the pond a few times."

"Bloody hell, it's all coming out now. Yes, and yes, and yes."

"Pardon?"

"Yes, we can start again, yes, you're definitely my boyfriend, yes, you can tell Toby and yes, we can have a go when we both finish this tour of duty."

"That's four not three."

"Who's counting." Gordon grinned and stood up to pull his shorts on.

As they were walking back to the camp, they were quiet for a bit.

"We'll have to be a bit quiet about this. Davey's OK, but I'm not sure I want some of the other guys knowing."

Brian nodded, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

---

"They ever come back to you about that job", Gordon looked up at Brian and Davey pricked up his ears. They were supposedly on duty, but it was a slow day and Davey had joined them in the guard room for a coffee and a chat.

"What job's that?"

Brian looked a bit shamefaced, "I was trying to fix something up for when I get back home, trying to avoid just going back to grunt-work security."

"Mind-numbing security, unlike our present rivetingly exciting employment", Davey gave a grin,

"Yeah, but no-one seems to be biting."

Gordon pulled a face, "They say no?"

"Worse, didn't even bother to reply."

Davey looked from one to the other, "What sort of job was it?"

"Don't laugh. It was an events firm, wanted someone to look after the security guys and do other stuff as well. I thought I'd fit."

"Bloody hell, least they could do was give you a call."

Brian shrugged, "Working in this place seems to put some folk off. Think I'll have to go back to the old firm, they say they'll have me back."

"Don't you want to?"

"Nah, bit sick of this. Would like to get involved more in the way the business is put together."

Gordon grinned, "More lists?"

"Don't knock it, lists are good."

Gordon was about to say more, when action started, and a couple trucks appeared at the gates. Work to do, finally.

There wasn't time to continue the conversation until they were having a drink at the mess, sitting outside. It was the brief moment when the sun was going down, temperatures started to cool, and the place became almost pleasant. For once, a pint of alcohol-free lager seemed an attractive prospect.

Once Davey had wandered away to chat to another mate, Gordon leaned forward. "When I was back home, I went to see an old mate of mine. Think I've mentioned him, Damian. We served together in the Army, back in the day. He got out quickly and started putting together his own projects. Damian was never short of chutzpah, nor the ability to raise money. Well, he now has his own firm, based in Whitton which isn't a million miles away from your Mum's place."

"Whitton, eh. Fancy. Security?"

Gordon waggled his head, "That and more. It's described as a boutique facilities and security management company, hence the nice gaff in Whitton rather than an industrial estate in Parborough."

"Fucking hell, what's with the boutique facilities stuff?"

Gordon smiled, "Damian's always good at finding niches, areas that people haven't thought of. Basically it's aimed at small companies who want personal service, not just bussing bodies in. Look after them properly, and all joined up. The firm can supply and maintain vehicles, has its own in-house security tech guy to sort out all the gadgetry, make sure everything there that's needed."

Brian whistled, "Doesn't sound cheap."

"That's the point, it's not. But the service is what counts."

"And they managed to flog their services."

"Doing bumper. I contacted Damian and he said yes, just come along when I'm back in the UK, they'll fix me up. I was going to ask you, if you didn't find anything else."

"The two of us working together?"

"Well, for the same firm. Can't guarantee we'd be together. That a problem?"

"Quite the opposite", Brian looked almost bashful which made Gordon think he was cute, all over again, "I think it'd be great."

"I'd want it to be open, no hiding."

"You mean, you and me?"

"Yep. If we work together then folk know we're seeing each other. That OK?"

"What happens if you know..." Brian went red.

"I'm not planning on dumping you anytime soon, I'm in for the long haul."

"OK, good", then Brian gave a wry grin, "Though my track record isn't good. But yeah. All in the open."

"Well. Things have changed. Damian contacted me the other day. His business partner, an older guy who'd basically started the firm and Damian bought his way in as a partner. Well, the guy's had a heart attack. He's OK but won't be coming back. He's taking a complete back seat. Damian's been trying to do it all himself and failing. He needs someone to come on board and help manage things."

"Like what?"

"Getting new contracts, checking clients are happy, checking the teams are doing the right thing. That sort of thing. Well, he asked me."

"You?"

Gordon laughed, "Don't sound so surprised."

"Sorry, came out wrong. You'd be great, you know how the grunts work on the ground, and you've always been good at organising us. Thought you'd make a far better job being in charge than some blokes we've known."

Gordon shrugged, "Not for want of trying, but like you, no-one answered my letters. So, here's the thing. I'm crap at paperwork, at lists and stuff. And I wondered. Would work with me?"

"Me, to do what?"

"We work as a team. The two of us. It's something we can do, you know that. We both know we function well as a unit, one of the reasons we've stayed mates and fuck buddies all this time."

"Fuck buddies?"

"Well, that's what we were."

"And now?"

Gordon grinned, "My boyfriend. And I want to work with you. I think we'd make a cracking team and I think I could sell it to Damian."

"A boutique security firm?"

"Ares Solutions."

"Ares, as in the fucking ram?"

"No, not astrology, mythology, Greek god of war."

Brian shrugged, "OK. Get that. So, yes. I'm in if Damian'll have me."

---

Ping! Ping!

"Bloody hell, sport. This is a bit of a shock."

"Is it OK Dad, did I get the time difference right?"

Brian grinned, he'd been sitting on his bed messing with his laptop, catching up on news and trying to get his head round buying or renting a place for when he returned back home. But prices had spiralled since he'd left, and he was having difficulty getting his head around the idea of being home and having his own place. It was much too soon to think about him and Gordon, wasn't it? Staying with his Mum was looking increasingly likely, not that she'd mind.

"Yeah, perfect. We were just off to the mess for an evening drink, but I'd much rather talk to you. How come you're able to Facetime, thought that was banned. Your Mum changed her mind?"

Toby looked a bit shamefaced on the computer screen, and when Brian paid attention, the background wasn't somewhere he recognised, "Justin's Dad got a new Mac so he let Justin have his old one. And he says it's OK for me to use it."

"Does his Dad know?"

"Yeah, it was his idea. He and Justin are downstairs, playing a game on Justin's Dad's new Mac."

"That's great. Is this going to be a regular thing?"

Toby went a bit pink, "It's a bit tricky, Mum can't find out?"

"How is she, and Jasper?"

Toby shrugged, "School's going OK, and so Mum's happy."

"And you enjoying it?"

So they had a chat about school. Inevitably, Toby moved things away from schoolwork towards some more 'cool' nature projects he was involved in. Bugs seemed to feature a lot, but not just a small boy's interest in creepy-crawlies, which was still there, but the idea of using them to do things instead of farming with chemicals, or something. Brian had to smile; his son was so interested in things that weren't anywhere in Brian's world.

"Dad, can I ask you something?"

"Mmm?"

"Well, it's a bit sort of personal."

"OK, ask away and we can take it from there."

Toby pulled a face, and thought a bit, "How come some guys know they're gay when they're young and some people take ages to realise?"

"Like me."

Toby looked awkward but nodded.

"Well, that's a big one. I'm no expert. Gordon, my mate here that I told you about", Toby nodded, "well he knew when he was your age". In fact, Gordon was already experimenting sexually by the time he was Toby's age, but Brian was keeping that to himself. "Whereas me", Brian shook his head. "Look it's about knowing and accepting. It took me a long time to accept that I liked guys. That it was OK to like guys. I was brought up expecting to have a girlfriend and get married, and I wanted that, I wanted kids. I want kids. And you couldn't do both."

"Well, gay men have children, don't they?"

"Oh yeah, they do in rich people's houses. But I hardly knew anyone who was gay, never mind had kids. So, no. That wasn't an option. And well, I thought it could work. I fooled myself. And it took a long time for me to work things out. That sort of answer your question?"

"Thanks Dad."

"Am I allowed to ask why you asked it?"

Toby went bright pink, "I sort of think I only like guys." He paused, but Brian didn't say anything, then Toby went on in a rush, "I haven't really done anything, but I sort of know. And wondered?"

"You realise that you can be gay and never have sex?"

Toby stared at him, "But..."

"It's in the head what counts, what you find attractive, what turns you on. So, don't get too hung up on doing it. That's bloody complicated.", Brian grinned.

"When did you...", Toby came to an abrupt halt. "Sorry Dad, I shouldn't have asked."

"It's always OK to ask. I can always not answer. But the answer to that one is simple. I lost my virginity to a girl at a mate's 16th birthday party and got my first blowjob from a boy shortly after. It was a bit longer before I actually kissed a boy, on holiday. I sort of ran things together, for a bit, but it got hell of confusing. Does that answer all your questions."

Toby smiled, "Yes. Thanks Dad."

"Well, I'd better sign off, let me know when you can do this again."

"Thanks Dad. Yes. It's just..."

Brian smiled, there was always one last thing, "What?"

"David came round."

"Your Mum's cousin who owns the cabin?"

"Yeah. He asked me how I'd enjoyed it, and I told him about the walks we did and the swimming."

"Missing out the salient, I hope?"

"Dad! Of course. Well, he said any time. He'd be happy for you and me to use it again."

"Problem is, I'd have to go through your Mum to contact him."

"Well, he gave me his email address."

"Gave you?"

"Well, gave it to Mum but I was there and not eavesdropping or anything. He simply told her it."

Brian nodded. "Ok. I'll go with it. Email it to me and I'll drop him a line. But don't get your hopes up. You want to go skinny dipping again?"

Toby went a bit pink and nodded.

Brian ended up being a bit late at the mess, Gordon, Davey and a few others were already there.

"Everything OK?", Gordon handed Brian a coke (though what he really wanted was a real beer).

"Yeah. Toby's mate Justin has inherited his Dad's old Mac, so we were Facetiming".

"Just a chat, then. No problems?"

"Not really. Jasper barely featured."

"Well, that's something."

"But there is one thing. He was talking about realising you were gay and why it took some people a long time."

"Like you?", Gordhe on grinned.

"Yeah. And I said you started early."

"You didn't tell him the gory details?"

"Bloody hell no, didn't want to be giving him ideas."

"But he's cool?"

"Think so. I suspect there's more but chatting over a computer is hardly conducive, is it?"

---

"Bloody hell, I don't think I've ever been so nervous. Was worse because he wasn't really there, just on the damn computer."

"But, it went OK?", Gordon leaned up and kissed Brian.

Brian looked almost bashful, "Yeah, all went OK. We're both on board. Ares Solutions here we come."

"Fucking ace."

Brian had had a video session with Damian from Ares Solutions, not an interview, Damian had preferred to call it a chat. For privacy, it had to be in Brian's room which meant he felt like a right tit wearing his decent clothes, sitting at his desk talking to Damian. The session had been preceded by Brian obsessively tidying his room, so that nothing showed him up in the background. Afterwards, he went straight to Gordon's room where the man was waiting.

As Brian told Gordon more about the interview, Gordon set about stripping the bigger man. He started at the top, unfastening the shirt and slipping it off, then tweaking Brian's nipples and giving them a quick bite. Brian's nipples were large and meaty, and Gordon had been paying them more attention since the reset of their relationship and Brian was finding he liked the pleasure that the pain brought. Then his chinos. There was nothing underneath, and there, emerging from his thicket of hair was Brian's thick, thick cock. Gordon longed to trim and shave Brian but thought that could wait. There were other good things to do.

Brian had been profoundly shocked when Gordon started playing with his dick in ways that would never have occurred to him. Gordon could slip his little finger into the end, and the feelings this elicited were immense. Brian laid back on the bed, and gave up trying to talk, giving him over to the combined sensations of Gordon's finger causing shivers as it slipped in and out, and Gordon's tongue teasing his balls. Then Gordon's tongue took over, doing the most amazing things round his dick. Then it was time to move on, and Brian almost came as Gordon rimmed Brian, then finally they reached the climax.

Brian had been surprised quite how varied sex with Gordon could be when he let it. But also, that Brian enjoyed not being the active one. That first time, four years ago, when Gordon had penetrated him, it had felt like surrendering control, but now he wouldn't have it any other way. When Gordon was balls deep, leaned forward and by dint of some contortions, they kissed… Brian had stopped worrying about where Gordon's tongue had been, and simply relished the sensations. He came, almost without warning. Gordon wasn't far behind.

They cleaned up as much as they could and went for a shower. It was tempting to think about showering together, but that was risky, someone might come in. So it was discretion. For the moment.